This is the personal Journal (not Diary) of James T. Kirk
Captain's Journal
Stardate 1680.25
I had better begin with an explanation. After the incident with my… darker half was resolved and we had beamed Sulu and the others back to the ship, Bones turned to me and asked me, "How do you feel?" I tried, in my reply, to encapsulate everything that had been running through my head at the moment, but I guess that wasn't good enough for him. A CMO has to have some training in psychology, and Bones put it to good use, insisting I come in for a little counseling after Alpha shift. I was surprised when he handed me this little book, though when I think about it, it seems like an idea he would hatch. He wants me to keep a journal (although he referred to it as a "diary," which it certainly is not) in which to talk about personal things. Things which might not belong in a Captain's Log but needed to be expressed in some way lest I bottle it up and suffer some kind of meltdown. Not that I'm likely to melt down, but this is a proven form of stress relief, and I can't see any harm in taking the advice of a good friend and extremely knowledgeable doctor. In any case, there's the explanation, I suppose I ought to talk about my feelings now or something.
It isn't easy, confronting the idea that you aren't quite the person you thought you were. Imagine literally confronting it! I felt so… helpless without my darker nature, and the thought of that makes me, thought I regret having to admit it, scared and a bit ashamed. I keep reminding myself of what Bones said. Something about all humans having their dark sides, and I'm glad to be whole again. I feel… when I consider that point, a little more comfortable with myself and my limits. Perhaps this incident was a blessing in the guise of a curse? And regardless of how I feel now, I wouldn't have been able to get through it without my friends. Without Bones' emotional encouragement and Spock's… support in general. When I was plagued by uncertainty and doubt, Spock was my anchor. His advice, loyalty, strength, and of course logic were of immeasurable value to me recently, and indeed, since I became Captain of the Enterprise.
But before I get too sentimental I ought to finish up this first entry. There is paperwork to be done and sleep to be had.
Farewell for now, Journal,
Jim Kirk