AN: I'm just so torn up about Regina, she DOES NOT deserve this! Cut her some slack already and yes this will end with OutlawQueen. Enjoy! (It will be somewhat of a slow burn though.)
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Once Upon A Time or any of its brilliant characters. No way Regina would've had her heart basically shredded again on my watch!
The moments following the reveal that Marian is back are the hardest for Regina. It's the time when the darkness within her threatens to overpower the light that flickers deep within her. She quietly slips out of the diner and walks home.
She wonders whether it's all been worth it, holding back her magic, using it for good… changing, only to be brought full circle to the pain and heartbreak she tried to escape.
There's a moment where her life flashes before her eyes like she's dying and suddenly she's exhausted. She realises that no matter how much the pain wracks her, she simply can't go through all that again no matter how resilient her heart might be. She decides to go down another road, not only for herself but also for the only love she has left in her life, Henry.
Two weeks after and Regina is sure that doing the right thing is truly not always the easiest. Despite their short time together, almost everything seems to remind her of Robin. The swings at the playground where they took Roland the very evening before Marian's return; the corner booth in Granny's where they played footsie under the table; the sidewalk outside the library where he first took her hand in public; and last but certainly not least the fireplace.
She knows she can't go on like this, the constant pain can't be good for her and she makes a decision.
"Hey Mom," Henry greets her as she rises from the stool she was sitting in at Granny's Diner. She pulls him into a fierce hug and tugs him toward the door,
"Let's go for a ride." She says and he follows looking like he really wants to ask her something so she helps him, "yes?" An eyebrow lifts accompanying her question.
"Where are we going? I thought we were going to have lunch here?" He looks at her with something more than curiosity, she briefly thinks that he senses what she's about to tell him; he's always been quite perceptive.
"You'll see," she says smiling at him as they reach her car.
"I wanted us to have sometime really by ourselves," Regina says while she grabs the basket Henry had not seen when he was entering the car. "Henry, please bring the blanket," she asks.
"Besides," she continues while tucking a strand of hair behind her eye, "there's something important I need to tell you." She worries her lip and Henry's curiosity is piqued.
"We haven't had a picnic since…" he trails off as he looks up searching his mind for the last time, "well it was before Emma I think." She smiles at him and draws him into her side, her arm around his shoulder.
They have turkey sandwiches, juice and apple pie for dessert.
"I missed your baking Mom," Henry says a bit sheepishly. With things finally settling down he was slowly realising how much of her he missed after their year apart; especially the simple things like this, how she knew his favourite spot in the woods to picnic. "So what is the important thing you want to tell me?"
Regina feels her heart clench as she looks at his expectant face and begins to question whether she should go through with her plan.
"Well, I know I never told you this but I once left Storybrooke… it's the same day I got you," she says as she reaches up to brush his hair across his forehead a smile on her face.
"Right now though I'm going to have to leave again," she says an impossibly sad look in her eyes. "This time I'll be gone for a while," she finishes.
"But Mom you can't go, I just got back, well my memories did and we're safe and…" he's all but pleading.
"Henry I just need some time away from everything here, it won't be forever, I just can't stay right now." She can't tell him that her heart is broken and she needs time to heal away from the constant reminders of what she lost.
"All I've ever done has either been driven by orders from my mother or revenge and I just need… I need to figure out what to do now and being here isn't helping."
"Mom is this because of Robin?" he asks knowing it can't have possibly been easy on her; having her heartbroken the very next time she put it out there. The pain that flashes in her eyes is all the answer he needs.
"Yes and no," she replies. "The important thing is that I'm doing this for me." She pats the blanket next to her and motions for him to come closer, her arms open to envelope him in an embrace.
"Now as much as I'd love to have you with me, you've been through too much to move anywhere so soon. You need to stay here with Emma, go to school; you know do normal things. You need to be with family now."
"But you're my family too," he says squeezing her tighter as if he's scared she'll float away right then and there if he doesn't. She presses a kiss to the top of his head and says," you can always visit me when I get settled wherever I am."
"I'm so sorry Henry, I don't want to leave you either but it's for the best right now." Her heart clenches as she hears him draw in a shaky breath against her but she knows that this is only way she can patch up her battered heart.
She vows that she won't put her heart at risk again, if not for her own sake then for Henry; he needs her and she won't let him down.
She was weak and she had suffered for it but not again; she should have heeded her mother's words, love is weakness. Both times her heart had been broken she was good, or at the least trying to be; maybe love like that simply wasn't in her destiny.
It was high time she found what really was…
AN: Let me know what you think J