CH. 1
"Don't want, to have you hanging, around me like a leech"
"I think you're just a problem"
"so stay the hell away from me, because I don't believe in you"
"And I wanna sit here all my life alone"
"this may sound a little rough"
"Don't wanna fall in love"
The drums and bass smashed through me, the guitar shredded my arteries and filled my chest, I felt my throat going hoarse as I belted out the lyrics. I felt
absolute, I felt glorious. Every eye in the building was on us. Each breath exhaled as a cheer or a scream, was offered to us like a sacrifice to an ancient god. I
knew that after the show, all this would stop, I would go back to being alone and scared. I would yell and scream and act as stupid as possible so people would
know I existed. I would try to keep this moment alive, although I knew at some point it would end. The world is watching me right now, this is my drug. And
by god am I addicted.
"Don't need security, I ain't no dog without a bone"
"don't ask, no time for love"
"So stay the fuck away from me, because I don't believe in you"
"and I wanna sit here all my life alone"
"this may sound a little rough"
"don't wanna fall in love"
I felt all of time stop, I knew that i was a god for a minute on that stage. In the middle of hick heaven, thats a pretty big deal. I felt the end coming, I knew it
was unavoidable yet I tried to keep it alive. The song felt real and I didn't want it to leave. I shared a quick glance with the crowd, I almost always avoided eye
contact when I performed, but this time I felt the need to make some sort of connection. From what I saw they were eating it right out of my hands.
Everybody in the crowd was absolutely in love with me. It felt like I was stealing a part of them and slowly making it my own.
" This may sound a little rough, don't wanna fall in love"
"This may sound a little rough, don't wanna fall in love"
"This may sound a little fucked, don't wanna fall in love"
It was finally over, I felt the adrenaline slowly ebb away. The crowd gave us a round of thunderous applause and slowly eked out of the building, like blood from
a wound already healed. "Thank you, we're Social Suicide and we'll see you next time!" I gave a final exclamation, the response was half-hearted woos and
simple yelling of confirmation. It was always this way. As I packed up, I received small slaps on the back from different members of the band or little
compliments, congratulating me on the performance. I gave small grunts back, I was already feeling sick after coming down from my high. After I finished
packing up I threw everything in the bed of my truck and zipped home. It was a quiet ride, the radio on at a dull roar. I never felt good after a show, only
during. Like everything was less beautiful after the show. I pulled up outside of my simple apartment and threw everything into the hall that separated my
room from the living room. I should have been partying with the rest of the members, but I never did. I think most of them were starting to get sick of me
anyways. I sat down and just simply thought about the show that night. That usually helped cheer me up, especially when we had the kind of show we had
tonight. I knew I would feel better tomorrow, I always did. Now this is the problem with my life. Everything is on schedule, I never feel good till the morning, I
never go to bed till midnight, I never socialize with the only people that would accept me. It's quite the bitch. Fortunately I stopped caring long ago. As I
dragged myself from the couch that I had thrown my limp form over, I thought of tomorrow and everything that would have to be done. Namely nothing.
Laying down and throwing the covers over me I attempted to fall asleep. By the graces of whoever, I was able to sleep soundly through the night.