Warning: cutting, hints of BL, etc. the usual. (:
Disclaimer: if you think I own KH I'll beat the crap outta ya with Oathkeeper. (:
Dedication: for sherry. (: happy birthday!
She comes up to you and says something quietly, holding your hand.
You smile, but gently shaking your head, saying something that can't be heard from this distance.
She mouths something (it looks like why).
Your next sentence is audible.
'Searching for true love, kairi.'
She tilts her head to the side innocently, and the question she's asking is literally tangible.
But what about me?
You smile again, and the look in your eyes is enough to answer her.
You're not them.
He's waiting too, lounging against a building wall.
Riku's still trying to hear your every word (but he can't).
The look on his face is scary, it's like his heart's getting ripped out slowly from the inside.
You say one last thing to her and walk away.
He does as well, but it's in the opposite direction.
That look's still on his face.
-----it's breaking him in two-----
You pick the knife up and flick the blade up, locking it in place. ('cause it wouldn't do to have it slide back down mid-cut now, would it?)
You look at it for a second and then run it over your wrist gently ('because otherwise it'll hurt too much).
The red spills and you watch it gently through green eyes ( 'cause you're not really here now, are you?).
After a while you finally snap out of it ('cause you're zoning out, right?) and clean up the mess that you made (by accident, of course).
There's red drops and splats and stains all over the bottom of that white shirt you were wearing today ('cause you weren't careful before).
You shrug and decide that it's alright ('cause it looks okay), and bloodstains take too long to get out anyways.
The morbid thing's that you don't mind wearing a shirt to school with your own life all over it ('cause that's what blood is, right?).
You're hoping Sora won't notice that bandage on your wrist ('cause that's why you wear that white cloth over it now).
-----is this all there is now?-----
The next day, you and Sora are both pretending everything's normal.
Riku's doing that too, but inside you know it's not alright.
You still have a broken heart, Sora still feels guilty and Riku still feels like he's getting torn in half.
But you hide everything behind that smile of yours and Sora covers everything up behind that laugh and Riku sets his heart on cruise control and you can all say that the day's fine and no, you must be imagining that look in our eyes 'cause we're all okay.
You're really thinking that something's not quite right here, though.
-----this is a lie, but we're gonna keep living it anyways-----
You're at the island and sitting on the Paopu tree (that oh-so-famous tree of legend), and you're thinking that maybe lying to Kairi would have been a good idea 'cause you have no idea how long this search is going to take you.
Then you realize that wouldn't have made either of you happy 'cause then she'd found out sooner or later and you'd be miserable from the start.
Riku's coming up closer but he doesn't notice you're there until he's right beside the tree.
He blinks, surprised and then smiles and says 'Hey' softly.
You respond automatically, eyes drawn to his shirt.
You're wondering why his shirt's got dark red stains along it, aren't you?
But you realize, that no, he's not gonna tell you 'cause this is Riku we're talking about and he never tells anyone something he doesn't want to.
His voice startles you out of your zoning-out mode.
'You and Kairi seem different today, Sora.'
You stare at him oddly (did he notice?).
'Did something happen between you two?' He's hiding something, but you just don't know it yet.
'Kairi asked me out.'
His breath hitches, and you realize that your answer will make or break him.
'...and?'
'I said no.'
Riku's eyes widen and he unconsciously lets out the breath he's holding.
You can't place his expression.
'Really? Why?'
You shrug, before telling him, 'I didn't think we'd be happy together.'
He looks away, smiling quietly—wistfully, maybe?
'Is that so...?'
You still don't get what he means.
-----meaningless answers and meaningless feelings; -----
You see him and him sitting by the Paopu tree. You can't hear what they say, but you're already imagining the worst—what that is, you don't really know.
But inside you feel kinda betrayed, betrayed because you can't really understand why he would leave you for him, but inside you kind of know why.
It never strikes you that maybe they're not talking about anything related to that anyways.
You walk away slowly, never seeing how Riku storms off with something that could either be sea-water or tears on his cheek.
-----and once upon a time; -----
You walk away from Sora, because you can't stand to be around him anymore—he doesn't understand you anyways. He used to, maybe, but maybe he doesn't anymore.
So you barricade yourself in your room, and the sad thing is that you're half-wishing that Sora would come after you, but the other half is wishing that Sora would go out with Kairi so that you can finally get over him and get yourself a proper boyfriend.
But then you realize that's not possible because you're still hung up on him, and it's still tearing you in two.
Part of you asks yourself, is he really worth it?
But then the other part answers, he's worth everything.
And then you collapse on the floor sobbing; because it's too much for you to handle, it's too much for anyone to handle, you or Sora or Kairi.
-----make a wish?-----
Make a wish and let your dreams come true, but be sure that they won't fall down on your head - - -
owari
the always needed emo!riku fic. (:
it just wouldn't end itself so I cut it off and gave it a crap ending. xD
I know 'misunderstood' was supposed to be posted today but I had a change of heart(I love that yugioh card) because that was written in all of ten minutes and is around 100 words long.
BUT HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHERRY. (: This is for you desu!
Part three of seven of the ANIME NORTH COUNTDOWN, which is as posted;
May 19, Saturday: storytime (posted)
May 20, Sunday: on repeat (posted)
May 21, Monday: true love (posted, this fic-)
May 22, Tuesday: existence
May 23, Wednesday: relapse
May 24, Thursday: space
May 25, Friday (final day): Sakuline vol. II
Stick around for the rest of the countdown, please! I'd be very happy if you did. (:
I'm not sure what the pairing's supposed to be...I'll probably just slap a 'Sokari' on it. xD
-namikun