February 2, 2006

Responsibility: When Reason is
Overruled by Guilt

Green eyes, bright normally, were dark as they looked scanned the lights of the city from atop the hospital roof. Kurama lifted his eyes and turned to the right to watch as the moon rose into the sky, full and glowing as if to mock his current situation.

Somewhere, several floors below his feet lay a middle-aged woman on her deathbed. Shiori Minamino, his mother for all of his human life, the woman who had taught him kindness, was dying. And he couldn't stop it.

This day had been inevitable, he knew, but this time there was nothing he could do to prevent it. He had no right to intervene.

The last time he had stood here, his expression had been of a saddened resolve to do what he saw as right. His mind had been set to go through with his decision, and he probably hadn't been thinking very clearly. With all his determination to pay back his debt to his mother, he had neglected to think ahead.

Luckily, being involved with the Spirit Detective, Yusuke Urameshi, he had been very fortunate.

"Hey, mirror guy. You hear me? Take my life instead!"

"Are you crazy! What are you doing?"

"I don't want to see another mother crying over their dead son! I've seen it once and I don't want to see it again."

The moon had been full that night as well. It hung in the sky watching over these turn of events as the Forlorn Hope forewent the cost of life for Kurama's wish for his mother to survive, thanks to both his and Yusuke's selflessness. The act of sacrifice had been meant as his repentance for deceiving his mother for fifteen years, and Kurama would give anything now to be able to try it again.

But this time there was no Forlorn Hope to grant his wish.

Then again, why did he stop it?

After all his hard work to stay alive, to escape death and search out refuge in the Human World; after having spent fifteen years keeping a low profile until his strength returned, why? Why had he thrown it all away just to save this human woman who wasn't even his true mother?

Because he felt he owed her that much. This woman who had raised him on her own for the better part of his human life deserved more than he had ever given her. She deserved more than to carry the scars of his recklessness, his blind arrogance.

"Are there any large containers around?"

"Up there in the cupboards. I'll get it for you."

"There's no need. I'll do it myself."

The stool his nine-year-old self had used to reach the cupboard had been unstable. He hadn't been as cautious as he had once been back in the Demon World. He had grown soft in his human life.

The stool had tipped over and sent him crashing backwards, bringing a stack of plates down with him. With total disregard for herself, Shiori had reached out and put her hand behind his head to keep it from hitting the floor.

Those numerous cuts on her arms that still left scars were his to bear. He had created them. They were the result of his foolishness, and yet she had taken them from him and carried them herself. Back then he had intended to leave the woman and never see her again. But ever since that incident, he just couldn't bring himself to do it. Her smile and the scars on her arms had always stopped him. And so here he was wishing he could stop her from dying.

A flickering light from across the street caught his attention. The next building over had one of those new lighted address numbers.

777.

Kurama's vision clouded again. He supposed it was just his dark mood dredging up the past, but he couldn't bring himself to turn his thoughts away. He remembered what those numbers had once meant for the life of one very young Game Master. Amanuma had died for the same reason Kurama had been willing to give up his life, but in a different way.

It was Kurama who had decided that for the greater good, the Game Master had to die, for the sake of the world, for the sake of his human mother's life. And that's what it came down to.

Everything Kurama had ever done in his human life had centered around his mother. The only reason he even regretted having caused Amanuma's death was because of the principles his Shiori had made a part of his very soul every day of his human life.

Guilt is a powerful emotion.

Regret is a different beast when you live for centuries. Kurama had made a decision he knew he would regret for centuries more when he decided to play that Triple Sevens game with the boy, and yet he had had to for the sake of Shiori. Ironically, he would not have regretted the choice so much if it hadn't been for those sixteen years he had spent in Shiori's presence.

To Youko, to the self that was him during his demon life, the life of a foolish child would not have mattered so much; just another casualty as a means to an end. The Demon World is a kill or be killed world, the theory of evolution holding very true in their society.

Kurama turned away from the view of the street and faced the door that opened to the staircase that would lead him back into the hospital, where his human mother lay dying.

Luckily for Kurama, the Prince of Spirit World had taken pity on Amanuma and had brought him back to life; one less weight on his shoulders.

The door opened to reveal a very solemn Kakota, Kurama's step-brother from Shiori's second marriage.

For a year after that small wedding, Kurama had spent most of his time in Demon World. A forced month-long honeymoon had been the beginning to his selfishness. He regretted that action as well. Although the balance of the three worlds had depended on his presence, Kurama still regretted deceiving his mother. What's more, he had two other humans to weigh on his conscience now.

Nearing the end of that year, Shiori had called him up to check on him. The call to Demon World made possible by a clever patch he had set up on his portable phone. She reminded him of the cherry tree he used to sit in out front of their house. The blossoms had been in bloom again.

That simple comment had stirred up nostalgia in Kurama, and all his plans of remaining in Demon World had melted away. Suddenly all his ambitions of Demon World were worth nothing compared to his human life; his human mother. He found him former self overruled by guilt. And a sense of something else stirred within him. It was a feeling that had been looming in the background from the moment Shiori had saved him back when he was nine. This feeling that had stopped him from leaving. It made him risk everything to save her life, for the sake of her happiness. And now it forced him to accept her death and let her die in peace. He understood what it was now.

Responsibility.

Disclaimer: Characters originate from the story of Yu Yu Hakusho by Yoshihiro Togashi. Portrayal of Shuichi Youko Kurama Minamino intended as a part of the Unmaskings. Dialogue pulled from both the manga and my memory of the dub.