Title: Honesty
Rating: PG
Status: Complete
Summary: He knew saying what you felt wasn't as easy as Charlie believed. Maybe it was for a songwriter, someone who lived off of the poetry and stories he told, but for someone who was used to concealing every ounce of emotion they felt, it was a task that seemed impossible to complete.
Disclaimer: Lost belongs to J.J. Abrams and co. at Bad Robot and ABC
Jack turned his head at the worst moment possible, just in time to meet the eyes of Charlie, who was arguing with Hurley. He sighed. They were heading towards where he lingered by the water on the beach. He wondered if it would be rude to turn and walk away.
"Jack!" Charlie called, already sounding as though he was asking Jack a question that he had no choice but to answer.
It wasn't as though he didn't like talking to Charlie and Hurley, it was just that they had the tendency to get in arguments and then feel the need to put the first person they saw in the middle. Nevertheless, Jack greeted them, probably making his lack of enthusiasm for conversation too obvious.
"What's up?" He said.
"Say you were going to ask a girl on a date," Charlie began.
"I might not be the best-"
"And, of course, you want to show her that you care about her," Charlie continued before Jack could explain that he wasn't the best person to ask this kind of question to. Every relationship he had ever been in failed, and mostly it was always his fault. "Hurley here thinks it's a good idea to buy her something, like flowers or candy. I, on the other hand, think that's being cowardly and basically saying, I really don't know you, what I think about you, or have any original thought about you whatsoever, so I'll buy you these flowers and hope you'll never notice I'm incapable of speaking for myself."
"Dude, women love flowers and candies and all that stuff," Hurley said.
"Yeah, and that's when they start to use you," Charlie said, "you know, they realize how much money you have and that's all they care about. Take it from the rockstar. Do you think any girl I've ever been with has actually cared about me?"
As he watched the two argue, Jack thought about his past relationships and how, at one point, he had actually believed that he was ready for marriage, a relationship that would last a lifetime. He knew saying what you felt wasn't as easy as Charlie believed. Maybe it was for a songwriter, someone who lived off of the poetry and stories he told, but for someone who was used to concealing every ounce of emotion they felt, it was a task that seemed impossible to complete.
"Yeah, but you can't blame someone who doesn't want to be with someone who has no money," Hurley said, "people want to know that if the relationship's going to be serious, they'll be safe, financially and all."
"Haven't you heard Desmond talking about Penny?"
"Yeah, but that's like a one in a billion chance-"
"Anyway, so what do you think, Jack?" Charlie said, grinning. "If you pick my side I'll help you get a date with Kate."
Jack smiled sheepishly, trying not to let it show that he actually wouldn't mind that. When it came to Kate he felt as helpless as Charlie and Hurley coming to an agreement on their debate: he questioned how he would approach her about a relationship, after all they had been through, how he would apologize, and everything he had to tell her.
"Come on, Jack," Charlie urged, "it's not like you've never been on a date before."
"Do you see a ring on my finger?" Jack pointed out.
He attempted to turn away, finding this a good point to end their conversation. Anyone who wanted a lasting relationship shouldn't come to him for advice. He was the one who needed advice; and suddenly, advice didn't sound like a bad idea. If he only knew how to talk to her, without messing everything up.
"Come on, Hurley," he heard Charlie say, "Bernard could help..."
"Wait," Jack called after them, guilt suddenly putting energy in his voice; thoughts began to form into an answer in his head. Charlie and Hurley looked at him, waiting for him to speak. Jack took a deep breath, preparing himself to give advice that brought back memories of failed relationships, of pain and loneliness. "Tell her how you feel...hiding never works. She will think you don't trust her enough to talk to her. Gifts are nice, but if you can say how you feel, that's what really helps."
He didn't mention how hard that was, especially if you were thinking something she might not want to hear, or maybe if you were afraid of telling her, because that would mean you're ready to completely trust her. But the idea of talking to someone and not feeling like you have to hide, it made relationships seem like a plausible idea. There would be no reason to be afraid.
Charlie grinned, and while Hurley looked disappointed Jack hadn't agreed with him, he looked like he was realizing the truth in what he said.
"Beautifully spoken," Charlie said, "how about that date with Kate?"
"I'm okay," Jack said, grinning, "thanks, though."
"Right," Charlie said, with a tone that made it clear he knew Jack was lying, "well, if you ever change your mind, come find me."
They walked away, and Jack shook his head, amused at Charlie's offer. He turned towards the ocean, thinking about the conversation and how thoughts of relationship had come to mind, and was horrified to see that Kate had been so close to them. She was a little ways down the beach, not close enough to have overheard them, but Jack still couldn't help but to fear she somehow knew what they were talking about- what he had been thinking.
Inspiration suddenly pushed away fear, and for a moment Jack felt brave. He felt like he could go up to Kate and talk to her about their relationship. With confidence and graceful conversation he would prove that relationship wasn't hopeless for him. But then he thought about the conversation with Charlie and Hurley, his advice to talk about feelings, and how easy the idea seemed. Charlie seemed completely confident that he could walk up to a girl and express how he felt about her as effortlessly as songwriting seemed: think of an idea, write it down, turn it into poetry. He gazed at Kate, watching as she stared at the sea, sitting with her legs crossed. The wind blew around her, reacting to her distant appearance with respect and leaving her unharmed, unaffected by the world around her. She seemed so at peace, though he didn't know what she could be thinking about. Himself, possibly? But what were the chances? He didn't share Charlie's confidence in talking to women, and nerves soon attacked every shred of bravery within him. He turned away, promising himself, as he did every day, that he could try to talk to her again tomorrow.