To Never Change
A short, all dialogue one-shot written in response to StarvingAuthor's "Dialogue Challenge" on HPFF. This was written pre-Deathly Hallows (not that it particularly matters in the context of the one-shot, but if you were wondering)
"Ron?"
"Yeah, Hermione?"
"You're on my foot."
"Well, then, move your foot."
"I can't move my foot, Ronald. You're on it."
"Well, maybe you should be a little more careful where you put your foot. OW!"
"Maybe you should have moved a little earlier."
"Hermione?"
"Yes, Ron?"
"You're in my space."
"Did you ever stop to think that you are in my space?"
"Of course, I'm not in your space. You are clearly in my space. For the know-it-all, you're not that smart."
"How many times do I have to tell you not to call me a know-it-all?!"
"Well, maybe if you stopped quoting Hogwarts, A History every five minutes, I wouldn't be calling you a know-it-all."
"Well, maybe if you read Hogwarts, A History or any book for that matter, I wouldn't have to quote it at all. It wouldn't kill you, Ron."
"You never know. I'm sure hard work killed someone, somewhere."
"Very convincing argument, Ron."
"Thank you."
"I was being sarcastic."
"I knew that."
"Of course."
"Hermione?"
"Yes, Ron?"
"Do you think Harry will be back soon?"
"One can only hope."
"You hate me, don't you?"
"I don't hate you, Ronald. I simply wish that you could act your age for one moment of your life."
"Hey! I resent that."
"Exactly my point."
"Hermione?"
"Yes, Ronald?"
"Do you think Harry's almost done?"
"I don't know, Ron. I'm here with you."
"Well, I know that. I want to know where Harry is and if he's coming back any time soon."
"So do I, Ron, but asking me won't make him come back any sooner."
"It might."
"No, it won't, Ron. Now, just be quiet, and he'll be back before you know it."
"Hermione?"
"…What, Ron?"
"Is it really that bad being stuck here with me?"
"Yes, Ron. It is. Especially when you constantly ask questions. Will you just be quiet for one minute so I can hear myself think?"
"Sorry."
"For what?"
"Being a pain."
"You're not a pain, Ron. You're just getting on my nerves."
"Really?"
"Really."
"Maybe Harry will come back soon."
"Maybe."
"Hermione?"
"Yes, Ron?"
"Do you like me?"
"As a friend?"
"…Yeah."
"Of course. Why wouldn't I?"
"Because I annoy you."
"Well, Harry can sometimes be immature. That doesn't mean that I don't like him."
"Well, of course. Everyone likes Harry."
"Malfoy doesn't."
"Malfoy's a prat. Everyone who matters likes Harry."
"Well, he is Harry."
"Yeah, the Boy Who Lived."
"You do know that just because he's the Boy Who Lived, it doesn't mean that people don't notice you, don't you?"
"Come on, Hermione. Don't be dense. He's the Boy Who Lived. Everyone only notices him. It's the same with my family. Bill's the cool one. Charlie was the Quidditch star. Everyone loves Fred and George. Even Ginny's more popular than me. And everyone knows that you're the smartest witch of our age. Compared to all of you, I'm just an embarrassing footnote."
"That's not true, Ron. You're a great Quidditch player. You beat McLaggen, didn't you? You won that spot on the Quidditch team fair and square. And you helped win all of those games."
"I guess."
"You know it's true, Ron. Harry's great. We all know that he'll end this war. It's always been him but he'd never have gotten this far without you. You got your way past Professor McGonagall's chess set. I couldn't have done that, and Harry's not exactly a chess master."
"And what did I do all of the other years? I was the idiot who was too dense to see that his own sister was opening the chamber and too jealous to see that his best friend was telling the truth."
"Exactly."
"I thought you were trying to make me feel better."
"You were his best friend. You kept him sane even when Voldemort – oh, it's just a name – was trying to break into his head, and you stuck by him when everyone believed that he was lying. And you're still here helping him through everything. Sometimes even great heroes need a friend, and in the end, that friend can be even more important than the hero."
"Yeah, right."
"Really, Ron. Do you really think he could have gotten anywhere without you? He probably would have just given up."
"Well… you helped."
"Yes, I suppose I did. Feel better?"
"A little."
"Good."
"Hermione?"
"I don't know where Harry is."
"Thanks."
"For what?"
"I don't know. Just… thanks. For being you."
"Well… You're welcome, I suppose."
"Ron? Hermione? Are you still here?"
"Of course, we're here, Harry."
"Thanks for waiting."
"Don't worry about it. But next time we expect you to hurry a little more. We were here for ages."
"Yes, Ron made me want to rip his head off about a million times while you were gone."
"And it's bloody dark in here. Why couldn't we light our wands, again?"
"Because it would attract unnecessary attention. Harry, you've got a really weird look on your face."
"You two never change."
"Do you want us to?"
"Never."