Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Blue Rescue Team – What Really Went On
Chapter 1 – Pointless Intros and Worthless Cutscenes!
The story begins with a PIKACHU (or at least that's the one that came up in THE AUTHOR'S first playthrough) approaching two PELIPPER behind a desk. The PELIPPER in front on PIKACHU flies away, probably because he doesn't want to faint to a THUNDERBOLT ATTACK.
The bottom screen then shows the title, with an envelope descending in front, for some reason. PELIPPER flies to catch it.
Then the game begins.
VOICE: Welcome! This is the portal that leads to the world of Pokemon! Before you can go, I'll ask you a bunch of stupid questions, which determine which Pokemon you might turn out to be. Let's get this out of the way, shall we?
The PLAYER randomly answers stupid questions, such as "There is a bucket. If you put water in it, how high would you fill it?" and "What gender are you (Which is so painfully obvious to the person who sees you in the first place)?"
Anyway, he turns out to be a SQUIRTLE..
VOICE: Which Pokemon do you want as a partner?
SQUIRTLE: Charmander named Hellfire!
VOICE: How original. Without further ado, let's begin with…another cutscene!
HELLFIRE is in some kind of forest, trying to wake up SQUIRTLE. SQUIRTLE wakes up.
HELLFIRE: Who are you? I've never seen you around here.
SQUIRTLE: OMG TALKING POKEMON I WISH I HAD A POKEBALL I MUST BE THE LUCKIEST HUMAN IN THE WORLD!
HELLFIRE: Really? You look like a perfectly normal Squirtle to me!
SQUIRTLE: …If you knew I was a Squirtle, why did you ask me who I was? Of course, it should have been obvious, seeing as we're roughly the same height. And another thing, didn't some random voice introduce us to each other?
HELLFIRE: I really don't know what you're talking about.
SQUIRTLE: Never mind. Just call me Bubble. Let's advance the plot, shall we?
A (talking) BUTTERFREE comes to them.
BUTTERFREE: My son Caterpie fell into a cavern and he can't get out on his own! I tried to rescue him, but I couldn't fight off the wild Pokemon!
BUBBLE: Did you just evolve?
BUTTERFREE: No, why?
BUBBLE: Dude, just use Sleep Powder and send them to Dreamland or something. We're just beginners. In fact, I don't even think I know the Bubble attack, which is pretty ironic, considering my nickname.
BUTTERFREE: I think they're enraged by the fissure!
BUBBLE: And?
HELLFIRE: Come on, let's go!
They go to the TINY WOODS. Mercifully, there are no random encounters, but there are Pokemon in certain areas of each floor, and also items. They fight off against some weak (unevolved) Pokemon, and head to the last floor, where CATERPIE is cowering and crying.
BUBBLE: Funny. Your mom said you couldn't get out, but it looks like all you had to do was climb a couple of stairs. Your mom also did a poor job of even trying.
HELLFIRE: That aside, we're here to rescue you!
They get out.
BUTTERFREE: Thanks for rescuing my son. Give me your names.
BUBBLE: We're not giving our names to this pedo mom, are we?
HELLFIRE: Hellfire the Charmander is my name! And that's Bubble the Squirtle!
CATERPIE: Cool.
BUBBLE: He's staring at me adoringly with sparkly eyes. It's creepy…
BUTTERFREE gives them a couple of berries because she's an underpaid housewife. HELLFIRE then leads BUBBLE to their rescue base, which has candles around it for some reason. The actual building is weirdly shaped. (A/N: If anyone knows what Pokemon it's supposed to be shaped like, please tell me.)
HELLFIRE: Let's start a rescue team! This is our base!
BUBBLE: All we did was save a Caterpie from a bunch of crappy Pokemon. We can't be a rescue team, unless every other Pokemon out there is just as crappy, which I doubt. In that case, let's do it! But I would like a bigger base.
HELLFIRE: All right! What should our team name be?
BUBBLE: Team Rocket! That'll get the other Pokemon to stay the hell away from us!
HELLFIRE: I don't think so. I'm pretty sure there isn't a Team Rocket in this world. Besides, my name by itself should be threatening. How bout Team Cool?
BUBBLE: Whatever.
It is now named Team Cool.
HELLFIRE: Great! We're Rescue Team Team Cool! (Note: This is not a typo. Your team name goes after the words "Rescue Team".)
BUBBLE: This is kind of….redundant. Can we change the name?
HELLFIRE: Too late!
NARRATOR: And that is how BUBBLE and HELLFIRE began their careers together as a rescue team. It only goes downhill from there.
The title screen shows up again, for some reason.