I could put this note in front of every chapter, but I'm lazy. This is my fic for big time bang :) I wanna thank my beta Cassandra and my artist Alex, you can see the art in the cover pic above :P there's way too much Taylor Swift in this fic but what the heck? Imma post a link to my LJ on my profile so people can look at the Big Bang post, it has a longer summary if anyone's interested in things like that, and the full size art image, and a playlist of the Part I-VI songs if I can get one up :) hope you guys like this!

PART I – FALLOUT.

I know you're fine, but what do I do?

"James," Logan called over the sound of grieved moaning coming from the living room couch. "Seriously, cut it out!"

James moaned louder, face pressed against the cushions. All he wanted right now was for the ceiling above him to crumble into pieces (much like his dignity and self-esteem) in the hopes that some chunks might knock him over on the head, earning him a concussion or some brain damage, a coma or even death. Right now, anything could beat this pain he was feeling. Not to be misunderstood, he'd felt this anguish many times before. In different forms, for different people. But somehow, this seemed more agonising, because he really hadn't seen it coming. Last time he'd make that mistake, or so he told himself. He said that every time this happened. "How could he do this to me!" he whined pitifully. "I thought it was different this time!"

Carlos sighed, sitting next to James and patting his shoulder. "James," he said sympathetically, gently rubbing his friend's shoulder. "You always do."

"I know!" James wailed. "But this time I really thought it!" He sat up slowly, lifting one hand in an attempt to flatten his bed hair. "Do you think I should call him?"

"NO!" Logan and Carlos shrieked. James covered his ears and sighed. "Okay, no!"

"James, you can do a lot better than Dak," Logan told him sternly, sitting on his other side. "He obviously didn't care about you, and you deserve someone who does!"

"Why can't someone just fucking adore me?!" James demanded. "I'm nice, right?"

"Of course."

"And handsome?"

"Definitely!"

"Smart?"

"Somewhat. Now, listen." Carlos gripped his shoulder firmly. "James, you're twenty three years old—"

"I'm twenty two!" James corrected, scandalised. "TWO!"

"Fine, twenty three next week!" Carlos snapped. "Just listen, alright? You need to cheer yourself up. Stop acting like these guys being assholes is the end of the world, because it's not! You've got plenty of time to find someone!"

"But I want someone now," James pouted.

Logan gave another impatient sigh, shaking his head at Carlos in despair. James suddenly felt a little bad for dumping all of this on them. They could've been off doing their couple things by now. Naturally, having two best friends who were madly in love didn't help with his self-confidence when it came to all these failed relationships; they'd even been together when he met them two years ago, in a bar. From there the three had hung out all the time. At first, James had felt like a bit of a third wheel, but Carlos and Logan had been best friends before they got together and were fantastic at acting as though that was all they were whenever they deemed it necessary. And they were the ultimate match, even though they didn't have much in common; Logan was currently studying at med school, and Carlos had just found employment in an elementary school in the city. James had a feeling he just helped the kids make playdoh animals and bake cookies all day long. They probably didn't complain.

Carlos suddenly snapped his fingers, jumping to his feet with a delighted smile. "I've got it!"

"What?" James and Logan asked him, looking up.

"Well, I can't tell you," Carlos said to James. "It's a surprise for you, for your birthday! Logan, come with me. We'll see you soon, James!" Carlos grabbed Logan's hand, dragging the man off his butt and towards the living door. "We'll be back on your birthday! Until then, try not to wallow too much!" And the two ran out.

"EVEN MY BEST FRIENDS NEGLECT ME!" James wailed after them, lying back down on the couch again and burrowing his face in the cushions. Though, to be fair, they were good to him. They put up with this kind of shit every time he got dumped, or cheated on, or rejected at first sight. Which he could never understand; he was gorgeous! At least, that's what he'd been told by too many people for it to not be true. And he did his best to be kind, and loving or whatever, only they never seemed to give back. Well, maybe he wanted to be fawned over once in a while. Stupid selfish people.

He was almost twenty three, but felt like a fifteen year old girl after their first breakup. Life just sucked.

"Happy birthday!" Logan cheered, carrying in the strawberry cake with a single candle in the centre. James decided right then, that maybe he really didn't need a boyfriend; he had his best friends. He didn't need a lot of them either. These two knew how much he fucking adored strawberries, so the saying must've been true; quality, not quantity. He told himself this firmly over and over as he hugged them both, thanking them.

"And now, for your present!" Carlos announced, taking on a dramatic tone. With a flourish of his hand, he reached into the bright red and shiny gift bag, and took out a silver envelope. He held it out, both himself and Logan grinning from ear to ear. "Go on, open it!"

James slowly took the envelope, confused frown on his face as he noticed the logo on the envelope; a tiny, black heart in a little sketchy pattern, barely visible on the shiny paper. "Is this what I think it is?" His eyes finally found the initials in the top right hand corner, very faint, just like the logo; A.C.C. "That's 'Absolute Companionship Company' . . . The Lover Shop?!"

"Surprise?" Logan said, waving his hands in the air with a toothy and nervous smile.

"You guys seriously think I'm this desperate, that you want to buy me a boyfriend?!" James demanded. He felt oddly comforted, but also extremely hurt. This pretty much made it official; they really didn't think he could find anyone on his own. They felt the need to help him along, with a fucking robot doll thing. "This is unbelievable!"

"James, just hear us out!" Carlos protested, taking the envelope from him and ripping it open, taking out the gift card. "We bought you a voucher that gets you 50% off a Lover, and those things are expensive, plus we topped it up with six free traits. It's a good deal!"

"It's an insult—"

"No, James. Listen." Logan leaned on the counter, folding his arms and looking James directly in the eye. "You need to get out of this slump you're in. We just think it'd be good for you to have a good relationship, at least for a little while. You won't hire any staff, the loneliness does you no good, if nothing else he'll be company for you! You're always saying how you want your boyfriend to adore you, and be sincere about it, and that you want security. He'll give you all of this."

"But, I . . ."

"Look, just try it? And if you don't like it, you can send him back. They sell returned ones at a reduced price for a few weeks and if nobody buys, they'd scrap them. Simple!"

"What if I get attached?"

"Then date him," Carlos said, rolling his eyes. "Oh my god, you're not getting this. Don't think of it as buying a boyfriend doll. Think of it as . . . as finding the perfect boyfriend, who's everything you want. Think of it as getting really lucky, alright?"

"Well. . ." James thought about it. "When you put it like that . . ."

"You won't regret it, I promise," Logan told him firmly. "Now, let's put your gift away and eat some cake."

"Okay," James replied, nodding and smiling weakly. "Thanks guys, really. I appreciate it."

He celebrated his birthday with them, thinking about how if his parents were still with him, this house would've been full of snooty rich people, pretending to adore him and care about his age, simply because of his family name. While the idea of it repulsed him, a house full of people at least pretending to care was something he often longed for.

That night, James sat in his living room and tried to watch The Big Bang Theory. But he couldn't stop thinking about the ACC gift card. The idea of buying a boyfriend just seemed so desperate and a little pathetic. He hated being viewed as pathetic. But in reality, wasn't it very unlikely anyone would realise? He remembered when a friend of Logan's he'd met once, Tad de-Something, had showed off his pretty and well-mannered girlfriend named Jo. Then he'd breezily admitted that she was from ACC. Nobody had seemed to judge him, but even then, she looked so human. Nobody could tell the difference, surely. Nobody he knew, at least. Except Carlos and Logan. But they already knew what a sad case he was.

James sighed, glancing down at where his gift card sat on the coffee table, sticking out like a beacon. He reached out a tentative hand towards it, then quickly pulled back. Then he leaned forward again, and back once more. Oh, fuck this. He darted forward and picked it up before he could change his mind again, opening it up with shaky hands. Inside was the voucher, printed in bright colourful font with a tiny illustration of a pretty girl beside it, blowing a kiss.

Need love? Look no further!

How cheesy was that, wow . . .

This voucher offers a Lover 50% off, plus 6 free traits! What are you waiting for? Order NOW!

Underneath was the little printed number of the voucher, along with some fine print about refunds and other little fickle things. James stared at the voucher for another few minutes, burning holes into it and thinking, Am I really that desperate?

He then decided, whether he was or not, what was the harm in this? Carlos and Logan were right; he could do with some unconditional love right about now. Someone who would finally fawn over him and tell him how much they loved him, and show him in various ways. Like gifts and amazing sex and kisses and cuddles and okay, time to turn on the laptop.

James logged straight onto the website, clicking on the box for using a voucher. He typed in the voucher number before being shown on the screen, a simple question: What are you looking for? Surely that was obvious. He wanted love. Then he saw the two icons, a pink one that read Girlfriend, and a blue boyfriend icon. He clicked the blue, and up came a variety of faces, to his surprise. This is like a Sims game . . . One of his old school friends had had a Sims game, and they used to play it together all the time, killing off the adults in the swimming pool so their teenage characters could live in the house without supervision. Until Jeff decided he wasn't cool enough to hang out with him anymore, and proceeded to murder pixel parents with someone else.

He scrolled down the page, looking at the various appearances his boyfriend could have. There was a cute looking one with brown hair like his, there was a pale one with red hair, one with a cute smile, one with the most amazing blue eyes . . . then he spotted one with pale skin, a little button nose, plump pink lips and bright bottle green eyes. The hair was a pretty blond shade, like his cousin Jennifer's but a little darker. The eyebrows were dark, and shaped in a way that gave him a dainty and sweet look. James decided that this was the one for him, and clicked on it.

Then came some little alterations he could make. He could change his boyfriend's nose, or change the shape and colour of his eyes. But why would he want to? He looked perfect as he was . . .

He clicked to continue, and up came some options for the body type he wanted — he wanted someone short and cute, but he didn't want them to be scrawny either — along with some little things he could add to their physical being — he'd always thought giggling and a cute sneeze were some of his favourite things, so he added those in too — and the boyfriend's sexual and romantic role in the relationship. Submissive, obviously. As if he'd take anything else. And the age; 22. He was only just past that age, after all.

Then came up the option of traits. Six boxes were already up, with a little icon beside them indicating they were free. There was an option to add more, but he decided this would be enough. But what traits? He saw some examples, relating to personality, skills and just little quirks, and thought hard to himself.
What did he want his boyfriend to be like?

Well, the first one was obvious. He knew the workers of the company would be reading this themselves and not some computer, so he could phrase it as he liked. Someone who is devoted to me.

Some who needs to rely on me to care of them, but wants to care for me too.

A good listener.

Because really, who wouldn't want that?

Someone who is sincere. Again, something he definitely craved.

He paused and thought some more. He could add another two. Hmm . . .

A good cook. His skills were seriously lacking in that department. Plus that could just be added to the whole loving him through gifts thing.

Then he thought of his last one and grinned to himself, typing it in and clicking to confirm the traits before he had the chance to change his mind. Someone sexy.

Then, the last thing to come up was his boyfriend's name. This one should've been the most difficult, but he barely thought about it before typing in Shay. It was a cute name, he felt it suited what he'd picked out. Shay Diamond had a nice ring to it anyway. He was then told to fill in his payment details for the remaining price, and that his order had been placed; the creation of his product along with shipping could take from 3 to 14 days. Oh well, he could live with that.

It was a week later that James' package finally arrived. It was also evening, so he had expected all packages to be delivered by then. However, at about six o'clock, he heard the doorbell ring and went to answer it. He was met with a delivery man, the ACC initials and logo both on his overalls and on his cap. He held a clipboard in his hand and beside him stood a tall package on a wheeled trolley. "James Diamond?" he inquired, looking up, formal and businesslike tone catching James a little off guard.

"Um, y-yeah. That's me," he answered, trying to imagine what a desperate and pathetic person would look like and trying to look the opposite.

"Sign here please." The man handed over the clipboard and a pen, leaving James to sign his name as he wheeled in the package, lifting it off the trolley with a huff and setting it down on the floor. "Here you go! The maintenance manual is inside, if you have any problems." He gave James a little smirk as he took the clipboard and pen back, heading back out the door. "Enjoy."

"Thanks," James called breezily; meanwhile his cheeks were flushed rosy pink. Fuck. As soon as he shut the front door, he ran off down the hallway. Ohmygoditsherewhatdoido?!

James dug around in his kitchen drawer and found his scissors. He hurried back into the hall and gripped the large box in his hand. He ripped and cut through the tape, yanking the lid up and cutting the rest of the box away. He shrieked and jumped backwards when suddenly there was an avalanche of Styrofoam pieces and bubble wrap, and out tumbled a naked, unconscious man. There he was. It really was scary, how human he looked.

James stared down at him, cheeks flushing as he swallowed slowly. He really did have a nice body, now that he was seeing it for himself . . . and a very pretty face. His long eyelashes curved over his pale cheeks, lips parted just a little. But when James leaned down to touch him, his skin was cold, and he wasn't breathing. Then James spotted the little booklet that had fallen out too, and picked it up. He opened it, and read the quick little instructions on how to start his boyfriend up. It was very simple, actually. Very easy to follow.

Each Lover has a sensor on their lips, which registers the temperature of the buyer's body and registers him/her as their lover. Well, it didn't take a genius to figure out what that meant; there was no need to call Logan for help just yet.

I just have to kiss him. Okay, I can do that . . .

James slowly knelt down, lifting Shay (might as well start calling him by name now) into his arms. Shay's head lolled against his shoulder, hair falling in his face. He had to say, that soft mouth looked very inviting. Slowly James tilted his chin up, and leaned in. His heart was racing and he could feel his palms starting to sweat. He swallowed again, taking a deep breath. Then he leaned in, and pressed his lips to Shay's.

Instantly he heard a gasp, and he pulled back to see a pair of gorgeous green eyes blinking slightly dazedly up at him. Shay sat up, looking up at James with what could only be described as sheer wonder and adoration in his eyes. And they didn't even know each other yet. James blushed. "Um, h-hi," he greeted at last. "I'm James."

"James. My boyfriend." The name dripped off Shay's tongue like it was both the filthiest and most wonderful thing he'd ever heard. Shay smiled wide, a hand on James' chest. "Wow, your heart's beating so fast . . ."

James blushed darker. "I-I guess I'm just nervous . . ."

"Oh, don't be." Shay snuggled in close to him, leaning close to him so James felt his breath against his lips when he spoke. "You've got nothing to worry about when you've got me. I'm here for you." Then he leaned in and kissed him.

James kissed back, arms wrapping around Shay's slim waist as he slumped back with the blond on his lap. Shay's tongue wrapped around his, making him moan weakly and kiss back with just as much passion and eagerness. Until Shay stuck a hand down towards James' waist and started to unbutton his jeans.

"Woah, hey," James chuckled nervously, pushing him back and taking his hands. "We don't need to do that right away, okay?"

Shay pouted. "Don't you want to?"

"Oh, of course I do!" James stammered, cheeks red. "It's just, I only switched you on about five seconds ago . . ."

"Oh." Shay nodded. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, Jamie."

Wow, I already have a cute pet name. He felt giddy inside. "Don't worry about it." James stood up, taking Shay's hand and pulling him to his feet. Shay's head was level with his chest, all slim legs and hips and a toned physique. "So, want me to show you around? I don't want you getting lost."

"I'd love you to," Shay beamed, holding his hand and standing up on tiptoes to kiss his cheek. "You're so cute."

Ohmygod my head is going to turn magenta and explode if he keeps going on like this. He'd had more sweet things said to him in less than five minutes than he had in over five months. I love Carlos and Logan, I love them so much.

"I'll find you something to wear too. We're gonna have to go shopping later on," James told him, holding his hand and making his way out of the hallway. He showed Shay the living room, the large and luxurious kitchen, the garden, the bathrooms and all the bedrooms. They wandered into James' bedroom last, James going straight to the closet. "You're obviously smaller than me so my pants might be too big, but I guess you can wear some underwear—"

"I'm up for anything," Shay chirped, smiling warmly and giving James a grateful peck on the lips when he handed him a pair of black boxers and a Superman t-shirt. Shay slipped them on and gave a little twirl, giggling in delight. "How do I look?"

James couldn't help grinning at him, closing the closet and eyeing him the whole time. "You look sexy."

Shay winked at him, biting his lip and giving another little giggle. He wrapped his arms around James' middle and nipped his chin, before leaning up and kissing him. Once again, James found himself wrapping up this soft warm body in his arms, getting some of the best kisses he'd had in a while. Shay's lips were so soft. He imagined this was what a girl's lips would be like. Then he quickly diminished that thought before it totally turned him off. "Should we stay up here?" Shay whispered against James' lips, catching the brunet's bottom lip between his teeth for a moment before letting it slide back into place.

"Um, n-no," James replied quickly, nervousness taking over once again as he stepped away from Shay's embrace and held his hand instead. "We'll go downstairs again, okay?"

"Okay," Shay shrugged, leaving the room and tugging James along by the hand. James squeezed his hand, relishing in the comforting feeling it gave him. As they entered the kitchen, Shay turned to face him again, taking both of his hands and tugging him forward, kissing him for the millionth time and winding his arms around James' neck, hands tangling in his hair. James stumbled backwards against the counter, struck breathless by this guy, as cliché as it sounded. He hated cliché, romantic movies. They were never real. "I'm sure there are other things we can do besides make out," he spluttered before Shay's tongue dived back into his mouth and silenced him again.

"Well, what do you suggest we do?" Shay murmured, open mouth pressed against James'. And to the nervous brunet's dismay, he couldn't think of a single thing. Until his stomach grumbled.

James quickly squirmed back, leaning against the counter and holding Shay's hips. "Well, we could make some dinner," he suggested. "I'm kind of hungry." He paused, wondering is he was just some oddball who asked these kinds of questions, or if every buyer wondered. "Do you get hungry?"

Shay shook his head. "But I can eat." His face lit up. "Let me cook something for you! I'm a good cook!"

Oh, I know. James nodded. "That sounds great." He pointed to a shelf by the fried. "Those are some cookbooks my family and friends have bought me all those times they still had faith in my culinary skills. You can use one of those."

"I'd be happy to!" Shay skipped over to the shelf, reaching up to try and grab a book. His hand just scraped off the shelf, the books out of reach. He whined, turning to James and pouting. "Jamie, can you help me get one down?"

"Oh, sure!" James hurried over. "Which one do you want?"

"Um . . ." Shay looked up thoughtfully, biting his lip. God, he was adorable. "That one!" he announced at last, pointing. "It has a blue cover."

"Oh, this one!" James slid it from the shelf and handed it to Shay, who took it, gave a happy squeal and kissed James sweetly. "You're amazing," he cooed, kissing James' nose. "And now, I'm gonna make you the best dinner ever."

James watched Shay skip off towards the counter and perch on one of the stools, finding a recipe he liked before going to the kitchen and beginning to work. James smiled to himself as Shay hummed a pop hit he must've been programmed to know, washing some potatoes and peeling them, glancing over his shoulder at James and giving him a wink and a smirk. James gave a quick wave, Shay giggling and turning back to his work in response, cheeks flushed. Here he was, watching his gorgeous boyfriend cook for him while wearing his clothes, before probably making some more moves on him afterwards to get him into bed. Really, this was the kind of life he wanted to be living. Not with dumbass douchebag Dak who always wanted to go out to fancy places for dinner, or to movies. Sometimes James just liked a quiet night at home, dammit!

James sat in the kitchen with Shay and read while he cooked. When Shay finished, he served it and added a cute kiss on the cheek, before perching on the stool beside him, watching him intently as he ate. Eventually James turned towards him with a mouthful of food and mumbled, "What?"

"Sorry!" Shay said quickly, cheeks flushing. "I was just wondering if you liked it . . . "

"Oh! I do, it's delicious," James grinned, eating more, but this time being polite and finishing before he spoke again. "It's great to have someone in the house who can cook. I'm shit at it."

"Oh, I'm sure that's not true!"

"Trust me, it is. But I'm okay with it." James smirked. I have you, so I'm perfectly fine."

"And happy?" Shay asked eagerly.

"Yes, and happy, really happy," James replied with total honesty. Shay's face lit up in an adorable grin, and James felt satisfied that he was the one making a pretty face like that light up.

"So, what do you wanna do now?" Shay asked. "I can wash up for you—"

"Oh, no. I don't want you to turn into the slave—"

"No, I want to do it! Please?" Shay's lip jutted out, eyes watering and holy fuck, how on earth did people make things like these?

"Well, if you really want to do it . . ." James stood up, kissing Shay before making his way towards the living room. "I guess you can meet me in here when you're done."

James threw himself down on the couch, loving life at the moment. After Shay finished washing up, he sat on the couch with James, and he thought of some activities for them to do together. They watched a movie, in which James explained to Shay any part he didn't understand. Then they played a few games of go fish, Shay's whole poker face talent making it very difficult for him. He lost every time, and oddly he didn't mind.

But at last, James couldn't stop yawning and felt it was time to call it a day. He had to remember to call Carlos and Logan in the morning and invite them over to meet Shay. "I think we should go to sleep now," James told Shay, who immediately beamed and nodded eagerly jumping up and leaving the room. James followed him up the stairs and into his room. He headed towards the bathroom to brush his teeth. As he stared into the mirror, he wondered what he looked like to Shay. Adonis, probably. Sometimes he felt that way. Other times, like now; when his strong body was hidden from view and his hair was a mess and he looked like a dork with his glasses on, he didn't feel that way. He felt like the opposite. But at the same time, he didn't want to grow his bangs from the teenage years or get contact lenses. This was who he was.

He walked back into his bedroom to find Shay standing by the bed. Nude. He shrieked, jumping backwards with wide eyes. "Shay—?!"

"You said you wanted to sleep!" Shay said, looking confused, as though this was a perfectly normal thing to do. He hurried forward and grabbed James by the front of his t-shirt, tugging him forward and shoving him down onto the bed. James bounced on the mattress, stunned. Wow, he's strong. That's a bit scary—

Shay climbed on top of him, rocking his hips and giggling. "I know you'll like it," he purred, leaning down to lick James' neck, before promptly yanking the brunet upwards and tugging his shirt off, before pushing him back down and kissing little trails and patterns over James' hard chest. "Mmm, you're so hot . . ."

"Shay," James squeaked, mentally screaming at the idiot in his pants to quiet down, as he pushed the blond up by his shoulders. "Really, I don't want to do this now."

Shay pouted. "Then when do you want to?"

"I . . ." James wracked his brains. "Tomorrow . . .?" he suggested weakly. At least he wasn't specifying a time of day; he needed a chance to mentally prepare himself for this.

"Okay," Shay shrugged, sighing sadly. "I guess I can live with that."

"Good," James replied, smiling in relief. "Now, please some clothes on. You're gorgeous, but . . ."

"I get it," Shay said sweetly, putting his boxers back on and pushing the covers back on the bed, hopping onto the mattress and leaning back against the pillows. James took off his jeans and put them away, but threw his shirt into the laundry hamper. He'd sweated way too much in that thing today. Ew. He switched on the lamp by the bed, before going to pull the curtains shut and turn off the main light. He got into bed beside Shay, taking off his glasses and leaving them on the bedside table. "Goodnight, Jamie," Shay whispered, snuggling close to him and shutting his eyes, head on his chest.

"Goodnight, Shay," James replied softly, switching off the lamp and settling down in the dark, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend.

It was amazing, how much faster he fell asleep when his bed wasn't empty.