Catherine Tate-The Grumpy Couple
Janice: So, we're on our way to Chatsworth.
Ray: Buy one get one free on the tickets.
Janice: But we get caught up in roadworks in Chesterfield.
Ray: Their only claim to fame is a bent church.
Janice: The police tell us that there's an overturned caravan.
Ray: Caravans are a waste of space in my opinion.
Janice: So anyway, there is no chance of us getting to Chatsworth now.
Ray: Typical
Janice: Then I remember our Catherine lives nearby.
Ray: God help us.
Janice: Her husband's Chinese, (widening her eyes) and dyslexic.
Ray: They don't need to know that.
Janice: So they tell us they've opened their own restaurant.
Ray: I've seen better.
Janice: So we sit down in "Canton Dreams" and the waiters aren't even Chinese.
Ray: Not what I'd call authentic.
Janice: We've had a look at the menu, and…. wor r they call it.
Ray: Aubergine stir-fry……. with dog.
Janice: And you'll never guess what.
Ray: Listen t' this.
Janice: Every thing they sell contained….dog.
Ray: Did they never hear about our Pookie!!!
Janice: I wouldn't have minded if it was cat.
Ray: This is in Chesterfield!
Janice: The dirty…evil…canine killing b*******
Ray: I'd had enough.
Janice: Chicken
Ray: none
Janice: Beef
Ray: None
Janice: Pork
Ray: None
Janice: They couldn't even be bothered to go out and buy meat.
Ray: They killed their own dog basically.
(The look at each other and then shake their heads in disgust)