A.N: I got this idea from one of my favorite songs. But I'm not going to tell you it, because then that might persuade you not to read this one shot. So if you really want to know the song, please ask in your review. This one shot is in Jacob's POV. Taylor Lautner was my inspiration :P He was just really good in the movie.
When He Looked At Her
When he looked at her, he saw everything.
Everything. Like he understood the problems in life and the way things happened the way they did. Never said he liked it, but he took it in.
How he had a reason to get up in the morning. The feeling that came was one that he could finally live fore. Knowing that someone out there needed him like he needed her. And that need was real now, knowing that he had affected her life just as much as she had affected his.
That someone understood him. Not only his fellow brothers in the pack, but someone who he could choose to tell when he wanted. When things needed to be said, they would be on his part. Nothing about his personal aspects were set out there for the world to see, just like his thoughts and secrets were.
Everything. As in it wasn't anyone's fault that he was this way. They all blamed it on the vampires. Of course they were the ones who had started it all. But wasn't that what they were born to do? Everything affected another and everything had reason.
Everything had a place in life, and that was theirs.
When he looked at her, he felt a feeling that took courage to explain.
A wanting…No, need. Of that he needed to be with her. To always be there for her, even though he broke that promise. To take and mend the hole the blood sucker had given her.
It was like his eyes were only centered on her. Not that the world revolved around her, but out of everyone, the feelings that surfaced were nothing like anything else he had experienced before. One that was strong and growing.
Like how she came to his thoughts more then needed and how it broke his heart to see her with the vampire. It was like a tiny ball inside of him that erupted with heat that just fueled the fire every time she came near…
That it all confused him. That's why he had to control himself and keep from shifting to a wolf on the spot.
But when he looked at her, some things actually made sense. Like the fact that Edward left her…
The vampire made a choice. One that was important to both of them with out Bella even realizing it. Of course he left her…But even Jacob could see that the bloodsucker was still fond of her. He just lied to stay away from her to keep her safe.
And she had believed that Edward truly didn't want her. Even he could see the truth…But he played it out again and again as if he didn't know the real reason. He had promised her that he would always be there.
It made sense for Edward to leave. So that Bella was no longer put in harmful situations. So it only made sense for him to walk away from it all when he became a monster too.
When he looked at her, he was scared.
Bella had been exposed to Emily. They all saw what fury and rage could do to you at the worst times. It saddened him to see the scars amongst Emily's face.
He could feel the regret and self pity every time they phased. It must have been so hard for Sam to go through everything by himself. With out anyone there to guide him through it and tell him it was sort of okay.
He was afraid that the same thing would happen to her. No matter how many times they had taught him to control his feelings and channel them, he was always angered by the slightest things now. It was like anything made him sensitive to his feelings.
That's why he had tried to stay away from her when it had first happened. But on the inside, he was joyed with the fact she came looking for him.
He would do anything not to hurt her. And if that meant breaking his own heart, he would do it. Just like the vampire had.
When he looked at her, he saw the truth.
The real truth. As in she would forever be broken. Even though her eyes lit up when he entered, the way she functioned was always different from when they had first met. Or when Edward was still here.
He saw the way Charlie looked at her. All worried, like at any moment she could have a melt down.
It wasn't like he didn't notice what subjects were touchy and ones that were on the borderline of depression for her. The little things - like music - had caused her to look away with a sorrow that was painful for him to watch.
It was always Edward. In her eyes, Edward would always be the one.
To her, it didn't matter that the blood sucker had almost killed her. And in more ways than one. He had tore up her heart and left it here to heal itself. It didn't matter that he had always been there, even when she didn't notice it.
Because now, he would always be second. Behind love. Life. Choice. He didn't doubt the fact that if the parasite ever returned, he would probably be long forgotten as she lived blissfully away in constant danger.
Now it was hard for him to keep the hole in his heart from consuming him. Why was it that her hole got smaller when his got larger? That wasn't fair; he wasn't the one to blame.
Honesty, he didn't know what was worse. Knowing that the person you loved was in love with someone else; having the person you love tell you they didn't love you anymore, or having to lie about love. Life. Everything.
Well, technically they were all doing the last one.
But it seemed that Bella and he were almost in the same situation...if Edward's lie was really true. But she believed, even if the words were false. Right now, they both looked at it the same- loving someone that would never return that feeling.
But Bella had the upper hand here. At least she had experienced some time living in the joy that there was someone for her out there. That you both wanted teach other with out question. With out care. No matter what got in the way.
He wasn't into the romance stories, but he envied Edward. Envied him for the chance of actually being able to experience the feeling with returned happiness.
It was always the truth. And forever would be if Bella held onto the last image of her soul that had left along with the vampire..
Because when he looked at her, he saw a heaven that would never be his.
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