It scares me how complicated life can get. But it surprises me how much I'm able to handle the complications. Through my abortion, cancer, getting shot, and even losing my family, I'm still standing. I've dealt with a lot being a woman, a mother, a wife, and especially a cop. Sometimes they even all blend into one. Like four months ago when my husband left me for another woman. He did it because I wouldn't quit my job. I wasn't paying enough 'attention' to him because I was too busy trying to keep food on the table for my kids. He's never understood that being a cop is a part of who I am. But now that I think about it, being a cop cost me my family.
They gave him full custody. How can I trust a legal system that takes away kids from the only person who has supported them all these years? Fred was never reliable when it came to paying the bills. All these years, it's been me. But now he's got a new woman to take care of him, a rich lawyer from downtown. I haven't seen my kids in two and a half months. Right after Fred won custody he and that tramp moved my family to Oregon. Em and Charlie call when they can, but mostly they write letters. I miss them so much that sometimes it hurts to even breathe. I still can't believe Fred would do this to me. I hate him for it.
Then there's Bosco. The only person in my life that's stuck by me from the first day I met him. Since we passed the Academy together, he's always been a constant in my life, always looked out for me even if he doesn't realize how much he really cares. We've been through so much in the past year or so with Cruz and then with Donald Mann. It was rocky after I came back from getting shot, but then after Mikey's death, Rose, Fred's leaving and that shoot out in the hospital, our bond grew even stronger.
I remember that day in the hospital. Cruz and Davis were in the room with us when the gunman started shooting up the place. Bosco grabbed me and shoved me to the side, behind the wall Davis was hiding behind. Cruz was flat against the opposite wall, but still an open target. The gunman ceased fire on us then turned on her, Bosco was there though, he grabbed her and pulled her down, shooting the gunman with his second gun strapped to his leg.
A second gunman appeared, shooting Davis from behind, as he went down I turned and found myself staring down the barrel of a gun. I remember closing my eyes and hearing Bosco shouting my name. Two shots rang out and when I opened my eyes, the gunman was dead, Bosco was standing over his body, and Cruz was lying in front of me, a bullet wound to her chest. She stepped in front of that gun, God only knows why, but she did. She saved my life. I remember the way she looked at me when I was trying to stop the bleeding, all the dreadful things she had done since she came into our lives, her eyes told me she was sorry when her words never would.
Donald Mann had succeeded in taking Wynn, but I wouldn't let him take Cruz too. As much as I've hated her for so long, I couldn't turn my back on someone who stepped in front of a gun for me. Sully came into the room a few minutes later with Monroe. They told us they took out the other three gunmen. Doctors came in for Davis and Cruz. They both made it, even Rose did. And a month and a half later, my family moved to Oregon.
Bosco was there with me at every Court appearance. He was there every time I fell apart at work. But the night my family moved cross-country, he was there for me in a way he had never been before. I've never seen him more tender as he held me in his arms, gently stroking my hair as we made love. That night he comforted me, even if I was numb of any emotion, he was still there. After that night, things didn't get complicated; they actually got a lot better. We never got into any serious relationship, but we remained partners and once again, best friends. The complicated part was not until two and a half months later. Now, things have gotten a lot more complicated as I look down at the EPT in my hand and clearly see a blue line telling me once again that 'yes' I am pregnant. Now, is one of those times I want to grab a pillow and scream into it. Better yet, how bout I just go out and shoot something. I can't believe this is happening.
"Good of you to join us, Yokas." Lieu greets me as I make my way into roll call five minutes late. He doesn't seem too angry, probably because I'm hardly ever tardy. But the pregnancy test took longer than I thought it would, plus the fact that I had to wait till everyone left the locker room before I took it. I turn my attention back to the rows of desks in front of me, searching for that pair of familiar eyes.
"You okay?" Bosco leans over and asks me after I take the vacant seat next to him. I nod, and give him a reassuring smile. I quickly look away, not wanting my eyes to betray me. It's hard to get things pass him, he knows me too well. After staring back at me for a moment, he turns his attention back up front. I quietly breathe a sigh of relief. I don't know how I'm gonna tell him about this baby. I can't imagine how he'll react. I'm scared he won't want this baby, but then again, I know he'll support whatever I decide.
One thing's for sure though, I have to tell him sooner or later. I remember when I was pregnant a few years back and how I waited a while to tell Fred about it. Bosco was the one nagging me constantly to tell Fred because he believed the father of my baby had a right to know. The same applies in my current situation. Bosco has a right to know. And when Bosco finds out about it, I know that abortion won't be an option anymore. I don't think he'd want me going through that again, I don't think I want to go through that again.
"Eyes and ears out there." Lieu finally wraps up roll call, and I'm the first one out of there. It's a good thing Bosco still has to get his radio because some alone time outside with the fresh air sounds nice.
"Yokas!" There goes my fresh air idea. I turn at the sound of Cruz's voice. I smile politely as she approaches me and she returns with a little smirk of her own. Ever since that day in the hospital, Cruz and I haven't been butting heads as often as we used to. I'd say our working environment has surely improved. Forgive and forget, right? I'm still working on the forgetting part?
"Sarge?" I reply, keeping my tone causal as she comes to stand right in front of me.
Cruz starts explaining bout some narcotics case she's been working on. After we took down Donald Mann, she's been working to bring down all of his associates as well. Cruz isn't going to let any of them off the hook; she's been crazy hunting down every last one of them.
I'm not really paying attention to what she's saying to me because I can't stop thinking about how Bosco's gonna react. I don't know if he's even ready to be a father. Especially the father of 'my' baby. It's not like we've been seeing each other all these months, dating-wise. It was just one night.
"Sounds good." I'm agreeing with her after she's done talking and I don't know what the hell I'm agreeing to.
"So you'll take the collar?" She asks and I look at her bewildered. I open my mouth to apologize for not knowing what she wants from me, but Bosco interrupts us.
"What collar?" He asks as he comes up behind me. I notice that he sort of sets himself between Cruz and me. I guess he still doesn't trust her, even after she took a bullet for me. He hasn't forgotten what happened in that hotel room a year or so ago, but unlike me, he hasn't forgiven her either. That plus the fact that he still blames Mikey's death mostly on Cruz, doesn't help the situation.
Cruz swallow hard as her eyes meet Bosco's icy glare, "Anti-Crime's workin' another Ecstasy collar. We could use some Uniforms in on it. I thought maybe the two of you could help out tomorrow. Bust some dealers roaming the streets or somethin'."
"Why didn't you come to me first?"
"Yokas, was the first one I saw."
"You want us working 'together' on Anti-Crime?" I question, with emphasis on the word, together. I can't help the stunned expression that spreads across my face. Cruz has never pulled something like this before, last I thought, she couldn't stand being in the same room with Bosco and me. I can't deny not liking sharing the same room space with her either, but I guess things change.
"Look," she starts and I know this is difficult for her. Cruz has never been the type to openly express when she needs help, "I asked Lieu if he could loan me a few extra bodies like Sullivan or Davis to help out, but then he said you two were probably the better choice."
Bosco lets out a muffled chuckle and looks back at me, "Sullivan and Davis? Can you believe she actually thinks they can do a better job than us? Sully. Running."
I smile at Bosco's attempt at humor. I think Lieu would've preferred Sully and Davis working Anti-Crime because there's still a lot of hatred between Bosco and Cruz. Lately though, there's been more anger coming from Bosco's end than Cruz's. But then again, I can see why Lieu'd want to keep Davis on desk duty at least for a few more days. Davis just got back to work last week after being out for four months from the shot he took from one of Mann's guys.
"Yokas already agreed to it." Cruz tells Bosco when he looks at her again.
Bosco looks at me, needing my reassurance that I'm willing to work with Cruz. I've never really worked Anti-Crime before, but if Lieu agreed to it, I think I don't really have a choice in the matter.
"I did, Boz." I add in a little nod. I know all he really wants is my approval then he'll happily oblige. I haven't forgotten how much he loved the freedom of working Anti-Crime. He loved it so much, our partnership was almost lost forever. Almost. Not even Cruz can break up what we have now. Our bond is now stronger than ever. Hopefully, it'll be unbreakable after I tell him about this baby.
"You did?" He nods to me but it seems like he's nodding more to himself. HE doesn't meet Cruz's eyes again, instead he crosses his arms in front of his chest and stares down at the floor, "well, I guess that settles it."
"Good. Come up to the offices tomorrow out of Uniform." Cruz instructs us then walks away. Bosco glances at me before we silently make an exit out of the House. We're finally alone, a perfect time to tell him. He opens my door first, it's a rare gesture, but I don't complain. I don't get in the squad, I just watch him walk around to the driver's side.
"What's wrong?" He asks after noticing I wasn't getting into the car.
"Bosco, I've gotta tell you something."
"Okay." He closes his door and walks back around the car to me. I swallow, as I look down at my hands. It's then that I notice my hands are shaking, that's how nervous I am. "Faith, what's wrong? Are you okay? You get another letter from Em and Charlie?"
I shake my head, "no. Nothing like that."
"Then what is it?"
I force myself to meet his eyes, "Bosco, I'm—."
"Maurcie!" I'm interrupted by someone, and I look pass Bosco to see Grace, the fairly new paramedic, running down the street toward us. Bosco turns toward her as well.
"Hey. What you doing here?" He asks as she nears us. She's got a silly smile on her face as she looks at Bosco, like she's never seen anything more beautiful in her life.
"I just wanted to see ya before you shipped off to work." She said, finally reaching him and to my completely and utter surprise, she wraps her arms around his neck and give him a kiss on his lips. Bosco pulls away first, glancing nervously at me before he backs away from her completely. She doesn't seem to notice because she still tries to get near him.
"Hi, Faith." She greets me. She starts talking to Bosco, but I'm completely numb right now. I barely notice the glances Bosco's giving me as he half-heartedly listens to Grace. "Well, I just wanted to say hi. See ya after work." She gives him another kiss and runs off.
Bosco runs his fingers through his hair and smiles innocently at me.
"So, you two seeing each other?" I ask, even though right now I'm having difficulty breathing.
"You could say that." He replies.
"Good for you. She's a nice girl." I lie.
"So what was it you wanted to tell me?"
I can't. I can't say it. "I'm just glad you're gonna be with me working Anti-Crime tomorrow." I force a smile through clenched teeth. He smiles back.
"Of course. I wouldn't leave you alone with Cruz." He teases and then moves to the driver's side once again. I feel like crying, my heart is breaking, and I don't even know why. I think maybe this is one complication I'll have to deal with on my own.