Disclaimer: OMG, guess what, I'm JK Rowling. Hahahaha, kidding. I could never be as amazing as her. :D
We have been friends since first year, Sirius, James, Peter, and I. They spent all of first year worrying, sleuthing, and puzzling over my monthly disappearances and the occasional gruesome injury. It took them most of the year to figure out I'm a werewolf, but, to this day, surprisingly enough, they're still the best, and only, friends I've ever had. The three of them even took it upon themselves to become illegal animagi, just so I wouldn't tear myself to pieces every full. Peter's a rat (Wormtail); James is a deer, excuse me- a stag (Prongs); Sirius is a dog (Padfoot). They relinquish precious sleep time each month to watch over me, making sure to keep me busy, endangering themselves, so I don't shred myself. I don't know how I've blessed with such amazing friends. Sounds like I've got the good life (besides the obvious draw back), right? Well, it was. That was before. Before all the madness.
∞ sempre ∞
Awhile ago-a month, two? I couldn't tell you- I started acting weird. I'd blush really easily. I'd stumble over my words. Actually, I'd stumble over just about everything, including, but not limited to, chairs, tables, feet, and air. I mean, I am a klutz, but not that bad. The extra weird thing was it wasn't all the time; it seemed to only happen when Sirius was around. Crazy right? It got worse, astronomically worse. My mind started to wander, completely with out my permission, usually to something along the lines of 'dam, Sirius looks hot today! WAIT, why am I thinking that? ' and so on. Not only that, but, during each 'day dream', I guess you could call it, I'd find myself staring at him. I couldn't focus. I was becoming delirious. Eventually, every time Sirius came around, I would bolt, inconspicuously of course. The library became my sanctuary; Sirius, or James for that matter, would never be caught there, ever. Lily and I ended up spending a lot of time together. We avoided practically the same person, because Sirius and James were almost a single being, eating, sleeping, pranking, and (it wouldn't surprise me) dreaming together. We'd study together in the library, enjoying the silence (we had sort of a silent agreement not to talk much), sit together during class, when she wasn't sitting with Severus (and then she'd shot me looks of sympathy when she did), and generally avoiding the boys, when we could get away with it (which wasn't often). Eventually, whenever Sirius entered the room, I would just get up and walk out, except during class, where I stood as far away as I could from him.
∞ sempre ∞
James was starting to get suspicious. A couple of days ago, he pulled me aside after Transfiguration, more like yanked me against my will, telling Sirius he'd meet him up in the common room in a few minutes. Sirius nodded and ran off, Peter trotting behind.
"Moony, what's up mate? Did I do something stupid to piss you off? Padfoot has been practically frantic the past week. He blames himself, of course, and he's getting almost too much to bear, even for me. What did I do?" James looks worried, like legitimately worried, which is actually somewhat worrying.
"Why would you think I'm mad at you?" I say warily.
"You've been avoiding me for almost three months now," he says, matter-of-factly. Oh, I was wrong, three months.
"No, I haven't," I look him straight in the eyes. He must have seen the honesty in my eyes.
"Oh. O.K. So, I'll see you 'round Moony?"
"Um, yeah..." I smile weakly.
∞ sempre ∞
I was sitting in the common room, quietly reading my book, when Sirius, James, and Peter walk in. They're laughing and falling all over each other; if you didn't know them, you'd think they were drunk. James says something that makes Sirius and Peter laugh.
It's so cute when Sirius and tilts his head back and the corners of his eyes crinkle up because he's laughing so hard. Oh crud, there I go again; I've got to get out of here.
I get up, skirting around the room so as to avoid the attention of the three rambunctious teens. I slip out of the common room, pausing just long enough to keep the Fat Lady from slamming shut, drawing unwanted attention to myself. Hopefully, no one, especially Sirius, James, or Peter, saw me leave. I walk, at a clip, down the corridor, turning left at a deserted corner. Keeping to the shadows, I travel close to the wall.
"Alright Moons, what did I do to piss you off?" The nickname makes me freeze in my tracks but makes my stomach to all sorts of crazy flips at the same time. Only one person ever calls me 'Moons': Sirius. Wow, I guess the world has it in for me today. I tense up to run. Then, I'm pinned up against the wall by my shoulders, not hard, quite gently, actually.
"Oh no you don't; you're not going anywhere until you let me fix this. Moony, what did I do to piss you off? I know it wasn't Prongs or Wormtail because you actually talk to them," his voice wavers with... sorrow? That-that can't be right? Sirius Black doesn't feel sorrow. His face is right in front of mine now. Oh. My. Merlin. His eyes look sorrowful; how is that even possible? The usually shimmering, silver pools have darkened into an almost charcoal grey; his face is completely void of any emotion detectable by human eyes. I feel myself start to break, but I stare at my shoes, keeping my resolve, for now. Abruptly, Sirius crouches down, right in my line of sight.
"What. Did. I. Do?" he stares directly into my eyes, pinning me their, unable to move. I close my eyes and shake my head imperceptibly. I can't tell him, he'll laugh in my face, or worse, be disgusted with me. I couldn't take that every day, him ignoring me, flinching if we accidentally touch; it would be torture. I can hear him stand up, sighing in this immensely dejected fashion. Maybe, if I ignore him long enough, no matter how much it hurts, he'll leave me alone until I can collect myself enough to fix this.
"Remus, what did I do?" he whispers; his voice breaks. My eyes fly open and my head spins in the direction of his voice. Our faces aren't even three inches apart. I can feel our breaths mingling in the minuscule space between us. We stood there, transfixed; amber and silver eyes locked.
"Do you want to kiss me as much as I want to kiss you?" Sirius whispers, breathless, his eyes questioning and his voice nervous, insecure. Something clicked, and I spun us around, pinning him to the wall, and slammed my lips into his. He froze, nonreactive.
Oh Shit! He was kidding, wasn't he? Oh my Merlin, of course he was! I'm SUCH and idiot!
I pull away, my face completely flushed in shame, turn, and bolt. I'm running, blinded by a cascade of tears, left, right, left, left, straight, right. I burst out into a corridor and stop, spinning around to take stock of my surroundings. Various paintings hang on the walls, like all of Hogwarts. Periodically, there's a suit of armor, also typical. I take a closer look at the paintings…
Oh, I know where I am! The front doors are just around the corner. Hmm... Maybe that's just what I need, some fresh air.
I start off again, much slower now, with tears still falling, but they're slower, too.I catch sight of the magnificent doors and hit a little burst of speed. I ease the huge doors open and shut, hopefully avoiding the attention of Filch, because he's out to get all of us. My breath hitches as I take deep breath of crisp, fresh air. I catch a glimpse of the Whomping Willow in the distance; a flood of memories brings on another torrent of tears. I spin around in the opposite direction, taking off again. I reach up as my tears blind me, harshly wiping them clear of my eyes. I spot it, our tree, the Marauders' tree. Funny, how it doesn't bother me like the Whomping Willow. As if of its own accord, my body changes its trajectory, now headed straight for our tree. I reach it in seconds, falling down beside it. I sob, hard, curling up into a ball, a whirlwind of self-pity, regret, and confusion.
I'm such a fucking idiot! Why did I do that?
He did say what he did.
He was joking!
How do you know that? Maybe he was shocked.
He just stood there.
Shocked.
I doubt it. He'll hate me forever!
He'll never hate you.
Well, disgusted with me, then.
No he won't. He loves you.
As a brother.
That you know.
My inner turmoil is interrupted by a drop, then another drop.
Oh crud, it's raining.
Both voices agree now. The drops increase, in speed and number. Soon, it'd pouring, the sky perfectly reflecting my mood. My salty tears and the cool raindrops mix on my cheeks, trailing down my face.
"Remus!" Sirius's relieved cry causes me jerk my head up, eyes wide. "Oh my Merlin, I've been searching for you everywhere!"
See! Look what I told you; he was looking for you.
Sirius unceremoniously drops to the, now muddy, ground next to me. "Remus, why are you crying? Please- don't cry," he draws me into a hug. I look at him, dazed, and sniffle, his hug already drying my tears. "You ran, Remus. Why?"
"I-you-I thought- but-you didn't-I..." I stumble over my words, confusion clouding my brain, making forming complete thoughts difficult.
"I ran after you, chasing you down the corridors, but I lost you. It took me a good 5 minutes to remember I had the map," he smiled sheepishly, "What can I say? I'm a ditz."
"You froze...?" I try to grab one of the thoughts flying around in my head and pin it down. He releases me from the hug and looks at me oddly for a second, then, his eyes widen as something dawns on him. A million expressions fly through his eyes before they soften.
"I was shocked." My shoulders sag. He looks like he's going to say something, but then I sneeze, once, twice, three times. "Let's get you out of the rain, Remus. How long have you been out in the rain, anyway?"
"Since it began." We walk towards the castle, his arm around my shoulders.
"Merlin, you must be freezing!"
"Not really." We walk in companionable but slightly awkward silence all the way inside till just around the corner from the Fat Lady, when Sirius suddenly stops and stares at me, like he's contemplating something. "What is it Sirius?" His eyes almost... glaze over. His pupils dilate, and, abruptly, he kisses me. Now it's my turn to freeze in shock. My eyes widen before fluttering closed automatically. I relax into him as his arms tentatively wrap around my waist. Finally, we break apart, the need for oxygen winning out.
"So... uh...does this...I mean...uh?" Sirius tries to dance around the subject while still asking the question. It's so adorable watching him stumble all over his words. (a/n: wouldn't it just :3) But torture is inhumane.
"Yes," I peck him on the cheek. I can't wipe the stupid grin off my face, "Yes, of course. Did you even have to ask?"
"Well of course I had to ask!" he says, scandalized, "It would be terribly improper to just assume." He cocks his signature smirk.
"Oh, of course. And we wouldn't want to be improper, now would we," I laugh. Spontaneously, he kisses me again.
"You don't smile near enough," he whispers, breathless as we pull away. I can feel the blush spread across my cheeks, "You need to show off that beautiful smile more often."
"NOW, I hate to break up the lovey-doveyness, but I would like an explanation, if you could take the precious time to do so," James's overly loud voice makes Sirius and I jump apart. The look on James's face causes to burst out laughing: despite him trying to keep a calm, nonchalant tone, his face betrays his shock. I look over at Sirius, and his whole face is flushed bright red. I smile, grab his hand, and we walk towards James.
Tonight is going to be a long night.