Authors' Note:
Our quote of the day 'Social life and butterflies spell disaster'
Um, should we be explaining the premise of this fic or whatever randomness is behind what you just said now?
Oh, the randomness, by all means.
Actually, first, I'm gonna let anyone brave enough to read this know that, yes, there are two people writing this now. We are AppleDoodle (she writes in bold) and NijiNoNeko (I write in italics) and this is our first joint fic. Now you explain the randomness.
Yay! I'm in charge of randomness... well, I do that anyway, but still... OK, basically, Neko-chan has this pile of magazines on her desk and the bottom one only had the very bottom of it showing, so I thought it had the words 'Social life and butterflies spell disaster' written across the bottom, when actually it's split into three mini-paragraphs with the last lines being 'social life', 'and butterflies' and 'spell disaster'. There we go!
So yeah. Anyways, this fic is . . . I dunno how to describe this . . .
Pure crack?
Perfect. :)
Oh, and by the way, our story's set in Soul Society, while Rukia was in Karukara before she got arrested.
And there's probably going to be more than a hint of OOC-ness in this.
Anyway, if anybody's still reading this, you might like our fic even if you don't like Twilight.
Or they might think it's the weirdest, most random thing on the planet.
Yes, or that. ...Hey, isn't this supposed to be just a quick AN?
Yup, so let's get on with the story.
Enjoy!
Hopefully.
Chapter One: The Beginning of All Evil
'And then we continued blissfully into this small but perfect piece of our forever.'
Momo stared down at the page and reached up to wipe away a tear that threatened to spill down her cheek with a sniff. The last line of the book she'd been reading rang throughout her mind, the words crystal clear and tugging at her heart. Slowly, she closed the book, taking in the dark cover featuring the famed chessboard hosting a tall, elegant white Queen and the scarlet Pawn in its shadow. Unable to believe that the series which had taken over her life over the past three days was finally over, she stifled a strange little hybrid of a sniff and a sob.
"Hinamori-kun, are you okay?" asked Aizen from the other side of the room, peering at her from behind his rectangular glasses, feigning concern.
Momo jumped in shock.
"Oh . . . er, y-yes, Aizen Taichou," she stuttered. "I'm fine, it's just . . . THIS IS THE BEST BOOK I'VE EVER READ!" She leaped to her feet, hugging the Holy Grail of books to her chest and hurrying across to her captain, eagerly, before thrusting it towards him. "This is so amazing, so wonderful, it . . . it . . ." She trailed off, searching for words beautiful enough to describe the masterpiece. "It should become the new Shakespeare!"
Aizen adjusted his glasses, subtly leaning back a little to give himself some personal space and glanced down at what had just been proclaimed as rival to the likes of Macbeth. Across the top of the cover were emblazoned in curling letters the words 'Breaking Dawn'. No, 'breaking dawn', he corrected himself, noting the title's lack of capitals. How ungrammatical. Then again, who was he to judge a book by its cover?
Then he realised that his Fuku-Taichou was waiting expectantly for something.
He looked down at the book again which appeared to be inching closer to his nose by the second. "Hmm. So, what's it about then?"
Three minutes and twelve seconds later and Aizen was wishing he'd never asked in the first place.
Fourteen minutes and thirty-six seconds later and he was seriously considering adding Stephenie Meyer to the top of his hit list. No, his torture list first.
Twenty-seven minutes and forty-two seconds later and Momo was finally finished describing in excruciating detail every single one of what she called 'merits' of this 'Twilight Saga', but which Aizen would have much more preferred putting into the category of 'things never to hear of again'. And top of that category would have to be this 'Edward' person.
"Ah . . . that sounds . . . most interesting," he faked a smile to the best of his abilities. "Perhaps I will have to take a . . . er, closer look into this series at some point, but I am afraid that I'm rather busy at the moment. The Sou-Taichou has placed me in charge of planning an event to bring all the squads together, strengthening teamwork within the Gotei 13."
Momo's eyes lit up. "Oh, Taichou!" She clasped her hands excitedly. "I have the perfect idea!"
"Really?" asked Aizen, raising an eyebrow.
"We could make a play!"
"A play?"
"Yes, and have everyone from the squads taking part! Of course, we can have people acting, but we also need set designers, costume makers, musicians . . . oh, and we could ask the twelfth squad for microphones and special effects!"
Aizen nodded thoughtfully. All in all, this was actually a good idea . . .
Then Momo dropped the bombshell.
"And we should do Twilight!"
Aizen's lungs suddenly decided to commence a coughing fit.
He eyed his Lieutenant warily.
"Did you not just spend the last half an hour telling me that Twilight was a book?"
Momo beamed. "That's the genius of it! We can make our own dramatized version! I'm sure Ise Fuku-Taichou would be capable of writing a script . . ." She gasped. "We could even make it a musical!"
The words 'Hell no' were tantalisingly close to slipping out of his lips.
Unfortunately, as he had no better ideas, and to be completely honest, didn't have the time either (plans of world domination were far higher on his list of priorities) he supposed he should probably let his enthusiastic Fuku-Taichou have her way. However, even so, at the word 'musical' he would have to put his foot down.
"That's an excellent idea, Hinamori-kun," he smiled as warmly as he could. "But I'm not sure that the Gotei 13 has enough talented musicians to make a musical – I hear Hisagi Fuku-Taichou especially is . . . well, unique, in his playing. But, transcribing a book into a play is a really creative idea and I'm sure the Sou-Taichou will agree. And if this book is as popular as you claim it to be, we'll probably have a lot of eager volunteers to participate."
"Really? You think it's a good idea?" Momo clapped her hands excitedly.
Aizen looked back down at the paperwork he'd been trying to get on with before this whole Twilight business had started. "Yes, I'll take it up to the Sou-Taichou."
"Thank you, Aizen Taichou!" Momo bowed down in gratitude.
"However," Aizen continued, picking up his pen. "You are going to have to become the Chief Organiser, seeing as I have never read these books."
"It will be a pleasure!" Momo cried earnestly.
"Good," Aizen nodded his dismissal of the subject and pulled a form out from the stacked piles on his desk. Momo bowed blissfully, again, picked up her copy of 'breaking dawn' from the table, and hurried out from the room, sliding the door shut behind her.
Aizen breathed an enormous sigh of relief, sinking back in his chair.
"At last," he moaned, reaching for a cup of tea. He brought the rim of said crockery up to his lips, sipping at the warm liquid that he was so partial to.
"Peace and quiet at last," he murmured to himself, letting his eyelids droop shut.
Unfortunately 'peace and quiet' could only last so long.
"Aizen Taichou!" came a familiar voice as the door burst open. Aizen cringed inwardly. He cracked open one eye, and found himself with Ichimaru Gin's face merely inches from his own.
"What?" Aizen growled, serving Gin the deadliest of death-glares, which the silver-haired captain of squad three promptly ignored.
"Taichou!" he grinned excitedly. "I just read this brilliant book!" Aizen groaned. How many more book lectures was he going to be subjected to today?
"Gin, please," he started, but that was also ignored.
"Look!" Gin brought out a book from behind his back, a book that – oh no, looked suspiciously like . . . "It's called 'Twilight'!"
Aizen had never wanted to murder a book so much in his entire life.