Eyes
Eyes. Do we ever even think about them? Their always just...there. You never think about them, and what they do. You never think about seeing. It's just something you can do. Something you've always had. Until its just not there anymore.
It's different, you know, for people who were born blind. They don't really know what their missing. They never saw all the things there was to be seen. Being blind just seems natural to them. But for those who became blind later on, they know. They know what's out there. They know what they can see, if they weren't blind. They can miss it.
I know what its like. To wake up every morning and open my eyes, and not see the difference. To hear people or things, and knowing that I might never get to see them, only to listen. I've been doing that a lot lately. Listening. After I lost my eyesight, my other senses kind of kicked up a level.
When I was in girl scouts, I learned about the five senses. Seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, and feeling. I now know someone who has/had to live without one of those senses. There's me, who is now, hopefully, temporarily blind. My cousin Haylee is deaf. My grandmother last her taste buds, so she can't taste anything. My good friend, Rogue, she had to live most of her life without touch, but thank god she can now. And my friend Bailey, a tumor is in her sinuses, so she can't smell anything anymore.
I know now that the saying is true, you never know what you have until you lose it. I feel useless. I can't fight. Logan's afraid I'll get hurt. I can't use my powers, since I won't be able to know when to stop them. I might it become too bright or too dark. But that doesn't bother me. It's because of my powers that I'm like this. But still, if feels like I can't do anything. That's how everyone treats me anyway. I know they just want to help, but I don't need it! I don't want it!
I've been through so much. My first step, first day of school, first kiss, first car, first time my powers went haywire, first love, even...even my first kill.
It's his fault. He did this to me. He made it happen! If he hadn't had attacked me, I wouldn't have killed him! I wouldn't be blind! I wouldn't be scared! I wouldn't be hurting so much! He wasn't always like this! He use to love me! He wasn't suppose to try and kill me! He was suppose to be my uncle!
Now look at me. I'm acting like the spoiled brat that I use to be. The one that got everything she wanted. Never had a care in the world. Why can't I have that life again? Everything was so much easier. I was never worried, or frustrated. But...then again...not everything is so bad. I mean, I do have my friends...and a better family...heck I think I'm even in love!
I just wonder...how am I going to get through this...and...If I ever will see again...
Megan Rodgers slowly opened her eyes, and saw what she usually did...darkness. She sighed and made to sit up, but found that arms were encircled around her. She nearly panicked, but soon picked up with familiar scent of Peter's shampoo.
She felt herself go numb when she remembered last night. She had walked to Peter's room, hoping she had remembered the twist and turns right. For the last few weeks, she had been practicing memorizing the mansion, trying to know where everything was. But considering that is was a rather big mansion, it was quite hard. But she had found it, thank god, and was finally able to get out all her feelings...well, not all of them.
Peter seemed to be the only one she could talk to right now. She didn't want to burden Rogue with her problems, Rogue should be happy and celebrating about being able to touch. Though Meg loved Kitty with all her heart, Kitty just wasn't the type of person to talk to about things like this. She was more of the 'Kit? Can you help find something to wear? Considering I can't see a damn thing I have?' type of problem solver.
She was so scared when Jean had told her about Peter's thoughts. That he was thinking of leaving. She knew that something was wrong, but she wasn't sure. Jean had proven her right, though, and Megan had a good guess at why Peter wanted to leave...
A stir from the boy next to her broke her from the trance. She looked up, towards where she thought Peter's head was. She heard him let out a low yawn, and stretch out a bit.
"Hmm...Morning..." he said in a tired voice.
She smiled, "Morning...what time is it?"
She felt him move slightly, and knew he was looking towards the clock, "8:15"
"Great, I bet you anything Kurt already got to the good stuff."
"Knowing him, there isn't any food left."
She crawled out of the bed, and started to take small steps towards the door, at least she hoped towards the door. Peter was at her side in a minute, making sure that she didn't fall or something. Megan tried to keep from sighing in annoyance when he did so. Again, she knew he was just trying to help, but she couldn't help by feel like she was a burden.
Peter opened the door for her, and they walked down the hall, in a comfortable silence. They got to the stairs and started to walk down, Megan stepped a little too far, and tripped, but Peter got to her before she could fall, and held her up.
This time Megan couldn't keep the sigh to herself.
"Don't worry, Meg." Peter said, "You'll get it..."
"Well if its temporary, I won't have to." Megan snapped. She stepped out of his embrace and slowly walked down the rest of the stairs. Okay here came the guilt. He was only trying to help... just like everyone else. Is it wrong to hate having them help? Was it wrong to be mad at them for trying?
Megan walked into the kitchen. She could hear the usual noises from it. Kitty yelling at Kurt for eating so much. Logan telling everyone to shut up, Scott trying to calm them down, it was all the same.
"Mornin' Sugah." Rogue said to her. By the sound of her voice, Megan could tell that she was happy. Why shouldn't she be?
Megan turned her head toward her and smiled. Though unbeknownst to her, she had missed Rogue by a long shot, "Good morning Rouge." she said.
She didn't see Rogue cringe at seeing her friend look like that. Her head facing nothing but the wall, but she didn't say anything.
Megan walked over to the counter, and felt around the cabinets.
"Here, let meh help ya." Rogue said, walking over to her.
"Its okay, I got it."
"No, its fahne-"
"I got it."
"But-"
"God dammit Rogue, I got it!" she shouted.
She heard the room go quite. Megan had never said something like that, in all the time she's been her. She had always scolded them about language like that. She Thought it made people sound like idiots, and that they were just trying to sound cool, but really made themselves look bad. She had never snapped at Rogue either; will besides when they absolutely hated each other so long ago.
Megan let out a frustrated sigh, why did I say that? "I'm...I'm sorry Rogue, I shouldn't have...shouldn't have said that..."
"Nah, it was mah fault..." Rogue replied, "Ah didn't..."
"No, it was my fault. You were just trying to help." There are those words again. Why are they always coming up?
"But Ah-"
"Please Rogue! Just...except my apology, it was my fault!" She didn't mean to sound so harsh, but Rogue had forced her too.
"Fahn...Ah forgive ya..."
Megan sighed again, and closed the cabinet she had just opened. The room was still silent. She knew they were staring at her, waiting for her to say something. But they were to be disappointed when she walked out of the room. She walked out the door, passing Peter who had seen the whole thing and froze in shock.
He watched her leave, her back stiff and cold eyes staring ahead.
"What just happened?" asked Bobby, staring after the girl.
"Weren't you, like, watching?" Kitty asked, "She snapped at Rogue for no absolute reason."
"Maybe it's her time of the month?" Jubilee suggested.
Why did I snap at her? She's my friend. One of my best friends... She didn't mean to make me feel bad... It's not like they know...
Your right, they don't know. They don't know what its like to be you. They all had it so easy. Jean and her perfectness, Amara and her royalty, Kitty and her family, Rogue and her sarcasm... What you have? A family who abandoned you, haunting dreams, the lost of your eyes. They know nothing about it...
It doesn't mean I have the right to be mad at them.
Or to hate them?
I don't...I don't hate them...do I?
Sure seems that way. Why else would you think such horrible things about them?
I don't! They're my friends, I would never...
Some friends. They act all nice, but do you really know what they think about you? You heard Kitty. By the sound of her voice, she thought you were an immature brat or something...
She was just surprised...
Surprised that you stuck around at the Institute?
What?
Maybe when you became blind they thought you would leave. They hoped you would leave. Leave to be with other blind fre-
Stop! They would never think that! They...they care about me...
If they cared about you so much, why hadn't they found away to get you your eyesight back? Mr. McCoy's smart enough to find a way...
No! It's my powers! That's what he said!
Sure. Your powers. More like curse. What good have they ever done you?
I...I...
They made everyone hate you. And supposedly made you lose your eyesight. Now they made you useless! Made you absolutely pathetic!
No!
You can't use your powers. Can't even fight. How are you going to help them?
I...I don't know...
"Meg?" she heard a voice say. She turned her head to where she heard the sound.
"Pete?" she questioned. She heard soft 'clicks' on the floor, indicating that someone was walking closer to her. She felt someone sit down on her bed next to her.
"Yeah, it's me." was the reply. "So...about what happened down there-"
"It was nothing. I just...was in a bad mood was all..." she said.
"Meg are you sure everything's...okay? I mean last night..."
"Oh that. I had a bad dream, Pete. I needed to talk to someone, and...Yeah..."
"Meg..."
"Peter I'm fine...really..." she got up from the bed, and walked to the door. She heard the springs of the mattress, and she knew he had gotten up to follow her. "Please...I just need to be alone..." with that said, she felt the door knob, and turned it. She soon disappeared down the hall.
"Good evening Charles." said Hank, as Xavier wheeled into the lab.
"Hello Hank. You wished to see me?" Xavier said.
"Yes, it is about Megan and her condition. "
"Yes?"
"I've been studying it. We already know it is about her powers, but the idea of her ever getting better was always unclear. I was optimistic, and still am, but I find it difficult. She is emotionally unbalanced right now. After the events that occurred not so long ago, I do not blame her. We have also always known that her powers are hard to control, much like Jean's, and they can easily over take her. Now it seems her powers have reached a new level of taking over. The light molecules, in which she is able to control, have darkened in her eyes, so it would appear for her to be blind.
"Light molecules help us all to see clearly. For her the molecules have extinguished in her eyes. It appears to be the new rate of her powers. But...I fear that if she keeps this up much longer, it will become permanent."
"So in a way it is much like what happened to Rogue when she thought she had killed Mystique."
"Yes, and when Jean's powers manifested."
"How long do you think it will last?"
"From what I have calculated...I really have no idea. As I said, if her mind stays as unstable as it is now, she will be blind for the rest of her life."
See? They don't care.
Just shut up...please...
Why? Why should they care, anyway? You're a murderer...
No! He...he made me kill him! He attacked me!
Think. You could have thought of a better way to stop him...if you really wanted to...
No...
Face it. You wanted to kill him. You wanted to see him suffer, to see him die.
No! I didn't! He was my uncle! I loved him...
Sure you did...if you really loved him, wouldn't you have taken him up on his offer? Joined his side?
No...I don't know...
Having doubts are we? Well face it, there's no turning back now. You can't just hit a reset button, and start all over.
I know! I...I don't need to...I'm happy...
Sure you are. That's why you keep beating yourself up for everything. That's why you're hearing my voice? Listening to it?
You just won't shut up! That's why I have to listen to you.
You could make me stop, if you really wanted too. But you want to hear what I have to say don't you? You know I'm right. You're just pretending, like you always do. Pretending everything's all right...
Please stop...
You know. There's a way to end this. A way to end the pain...
How?
End it. End it all. Your feelings, your emotions...you life...
Kill myself!?
It's so easy. And you would be free. You would be happy. You wouldn't be burdening all these people...
No...I...
End it...
Who are you anyway? Who are you to tell me what to do?
I'm you dear. I'm everything you are, everything you want to be...
Well, leave me alone! Your not me! I would never...
Never what?
Do all the things you're telling me...
Maybe not. But you want too.
No! I...
Megan shot up from her bed, breathing heavily. She could feel the cold sweat on her face.
'Megan.' came a voice.
She screamed.
'Megan. Calm down, its Professor Xavier.'
'Oh...professor...'
'I would like for you to come down to my office...'
'Oh...okay...'
She slowly got out of her bed, and reached for the walking stick that Hank had just given to her recently. She slowly made her way to the door, and towards the Professor's office...
"Professor?" she asked, as she opened the door to what she hoped was his office.
"Meg?" she heard someone ask. She knew that voice, it was Peter.
"Pete? What...what's going on?"
"Hello Megan." Came another voice. This time she could tell it was the Professor.
"Professor? What's going on?" She asked.
"We just want to talk."
"About what?"
"Everything. Anything you want."
"I...I have nothing to talk about..."
"I can leave, if you want? If it would make it easier."
"I..." But he must have read her thoughts, because she soon heard the wheeling of his chair and the door closing.
The two stood there in silence for a moment, until Peter decided to brake it; "Meg, tell me what's going on. I want to help..."
Megan sighed, here goes, "That's just it! Everyone want's to help! But I don't want...don't need it! All everyone is doing is making me feel useless! Worthless! I hate feeling like that; it makes me feel like I'm..."
"What?"
"Like I'm back in New York! Back in my house with my so called family! Do you know what they did to me? They kept me prisoner in my own house! Locked up in my room for months! Only have soup and water to eat and drink! They hated me! They despised me, and I couldn't do anything about it! Now it's the same thing! I'm useless all over again!
"And it's not just that! I'm sorry of these seems spoiled, but I hate being blind! I want to see, I need to! Without out it, I can't fight, can't use my powers! What's the point in keeping me here? Not only that, I'm a murderer! How can you even look me in the face after what I've done? You're Spider-Man; you're against people who hurt others! Why don't you hate me?!"
"Stop right there, Meg." Peter said, "I could never hate you! I'm against people who hurt the innocent. Your uncle wasn't innocent, Meg. He tried to kill you. He probably would have, and I swear to god that if he did I would have..." he sighed.
Megan bit on her lower lip, then; "I hate pretending." She said.
"What?"
"I hate pretending that everything is okay. Pretending that I'm fine when I'm not! Pretending I don't feel-"
"Feel?"
"Nothing! I just...wish everything weren't so hard! I want everything to go back to the way it use to be! I want my life, my friends, and my family! I want it all back! I miss it so much it's starting to hurt! When we were at your Aunt May's house, my heart felt like it was being stomped on by a bunch of clowns! I wanted what you had! But I knew I couldn't have it back! I just want my life!"
Then she felt herself fall.
Megan woke up with a groan, her head leisurely lay on top a pillow. She slowly opened her eyes, and gasped. She could see blurry objects! Sure, they were out of focus, but at least she could see something. She watched as a blurred blue thing walked over to her.
"Good, you're awake." It was Mr. McCoy.
"Mr. ...Mr. McCoy?" she asked, "What happened?"
"You fainted awhile back." He replied.
"I can...I can see!" She heard him let out a sigh of relief. Things soon started to get a little clearer. She could now make out the white lab coat Mr. McCoy was wearing. The blurry objects were starting to turn into the lab objects she's seen so many times before. "How..."
"Your powers," he explained, "They made the light molecules in your eyes become more dim, making you to become blind. You were so stressed that it would have been permanent. That is why we had to have you talk to someone. Mr. Parker seemed like the perfect candidate for that." She felt her cheeks flush.
Now things were defiantly in focus. She could make out the details in Mr. McCoy's face, the lines on the lab instruments. She could see! God, she had her eyesight back!
Suddenly the lab door burst open and Rogue, and Kitty walked in.
"Meg, are you alright?" Kitty asked, as they both walked over to her,
"I'm great!" Megan replied.
"Thank Gawd! We were so worried 'bout ya!" Rogue said, smiling.
Megan smiled, then pouted, "Ewe Rogue, where did you get that blouse?"
"Hey! Ah love this-" She stopped in mid sentence, her mouth agape. "How did ya...can ya...oh my Gawd!"
"You can see!" Kitty exclaimed. Megan nodded, and she let out a girly squeal. She jumped onto the bed, and hugged Meg. "Oh my God! This is so, like, great!" Rogue smiled, and joined in the hugging, and laughing .
Hank smiled at the girls, and walked out of the room.
Peter walked out the kitchen door, and into the garden. He smiled when he saw Megan sitting on the bench, staring at the roses. He sat down next her, "Hey."
She smiled, and turned her head towards him, "Hey."
"How you feeling?"
"...great...happy, ecstatic...sad..."
"Sad?"
"...Yeah. I mean, I'm happy I have my eyesight back...God I'm beyond happy! But...I still feel as if...I'm pretending..."
"Pretending what?'
"That I don't feel...something..."
Peter looked at her then sighed, "Yeah...I know..."
"You do?"
He sighed again, and ran his fingers through his hair, "Let's face it, Meg, we're closer then most...closer then we let ourselves believe..."
"Yeah...I kind of figured..."
"And I'm sick of trying to pretend that I don't feel more than friendship for you...I like you way more then a friend."
"Me too, I've just been afraid..."
"That you didn't feel the same way..."
"Or you weren't ready for it..."
"Since so much was going on..."
"So much was happening..."
"Your eyesight..."
"The thing with Sinister..."
"Your Uncle..."
They both stopped, and stared at each other. Then they burst out laughing "Wow, everything we were afraid to say for, like, four months, we said in four minutes." Megan said, smiling.
"Easier then I thought." Peter added.
Their laughter died down, and they smiled at one another. Slowly Peter started to lean in, and lightly kissed her mouth. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and he wrapped his around her waist. The kiss grew more passionate, until the suddenly heard a low, dangerous growl behind them. The broke apart and turned around to see Logan glaring dangerously at Peter.
"Uh oh." Peter said.
"I'm gonna give you till the count of ten," Logan said. Peter leapt out of the bench, gave Meg a peck on the cheek and ran, "One, two, three, ten!" and Logan ran after him.
No, this is not the sequel. That will be coming soon though, I promise.