Yo this is a slash fic, but not too graphic so if you got a problem with that don't read. I'm aware some people think this is kind of a weird pairing but I just watched ROTS and cried so this was the piece it inspired.
Diclaimer: If these characters were mine, the movies would have a lot more gay sex and a lot less evil Anakin (my precious emo son).
Enjoy!
Anakin was a tiny thing, dressed in sandy robes the color of his hair. Obi-Wan looked at this miniature person and marveled at the determination in his eyes, the clear tone he used, his overall thoughtful appearance. He would make a good Jedi, Obi-Wan thought. He could see how this boy might become a valiant ally, with his steady, stoic nature.
Nine years old, and he'd suffered so much.
Obi-Wan found himself wanting to protect this tiny person. He had a way of growing on you.
...
Anakin was thirteen now and dressed as a proper Padawan, his long braid swinging as he practiced the motions Obi-Wan had showed him with his lightsaber. The blue blade hummed as it swished through the air, swinging dangerously close to the wall of the training room.
"Be careful, Anakin," he warned. "Don't hurt yourself."
Anakin shot him a shy grin, mouth twisting up on one side. "I'm always careful," he said.
"Of course," Obi-Wan said sarcastically. "I'm sure that's what you said to Ki-Adi Mundi before you dismantled his speeder.
"I was fixing it," Anakin protested. "The stabilizers were whacked out, and I thought I'd do him a favor."
Obi-Wan shook his head. "In the future, perform these favors after you double check with me."
"Yes, Obi-Wan."
Somehow, Obi-Wan still didn't believe him.
...
Anakin was seventeen, and he was so goddamn beautiful that Obi-Wan had trouble keeping his eyes on his work.
Anakin glanced over and noticed his master watching him. "Need anything?" he asked.
Obi-Wan shook his head. "Nothing you can do for me."
Anakin scooted closer down the long library table, sliding into place beside his master. "What is it?"
"More droid attacks in Coruscant," he said bitterly.
Anakin made a face. "Damn it."
"Watch your language," Obi-Wan said automatically.
"Damn it. Shit. Bastards. F-"
"You've proven your point, Anakin," Obi-Wan said, exasperated. "Now if you don't mind, we're in a library."
Anakin grinned at him wickedly. "Libraries are great places for doing things you're not supposed to do," he said. "For example, if you had a lady friend who you wanted to steal a kiss or two out of, you might as well do it in the library, seeing as you're already breaking one rule."
"Jedi aren't supposed to be involved in romantic relationships, or steal anything from anyone." Obi-Wan said. This was partly a note to himself, he admitted, training his eyes on his work once more. Keep your hands off your Padawan.
"So we aren't supposed to do this, I suppose," Anakin asked, his lips quirking in a mischievous grin. He threw his arms around his master's neck and kissed him square on the mouth. His lips were warm and light, and through the startled haze of the moment, Obi-Wan noted that he tasted like cinnamon and summer.
"Anakin, for crying out loud," Obi-Wan hissed, jerking back. "Someone could see us."
"Interesting," Anakin said saucily. "You weren't worried about the kissing part, just the someone-catching-us part." He raised an eyebrow and ran a hand through his hair. "Which makes me think you liked the kissing, and you would do it again, if we were alone."
"I didn't say that," Obi-Wan retorted, trying to control his rising blush.
"But you meant it." Anakin leaned in again and kissed him, eyes closed, one hand on the Jedi's waist and the other holding tight to his wrist.
And Obi-Wan kissed him back, because Anakin was right, and he was weak.
...
Anakin gasped as Obi-Wan nipped the smooth, golden skin of his neck, and let him tangle his fingers through the long, dark curls on his head. "Yes, please," he whispered breathlessly, head tilted back and eyes wide open.
Obi-Wan tore himself away, realizing that they would be interrupted if they continued like this. "Let's go back to the motel," he whispered in Anakin's ear.
The blue-eyed Jedi nodded, disentangling himself from the other man. "Let's hurry," he whispered pleadingly.
Obi-Wan nodded, and together they made their way out of the cantina into the alley.
A few moments later, the two Jedi were dismounting the cruiser and stumbling up the stairs to their motel room. Anakin's breathy whispers in his ear to hurry, hurry, were driving him wild.
He shoved the door open with a push of the Force. They tumbled onto the bed, and this time it was Anakin's turn to brush kisses along Obi-Wan's jaw, neck and ear.
"Anakin," Obi-Wan gasped, and for a moment that was all he could say. "Anakin."
The younger man pushed him gently back onto the pillows, straddling his hips. "You have no idea how long I've wanted this for," he murmured.
That night was full of bared skin and muffled moans, kisses and hands that needed to touch and grip and stroke and clench. Obi-Wan fell asleep with his arm slung over his lover protectively, soft brown curls tickling his nose.
...
Anakin had made it to his room without anyone suspecting anything was wrong. It hurt to smile and pretend he felt alright when everything in his world was crumbling down around him.
He got to the shower and yanked the chain, letting the cold water splash over his head as he steadied his breathing. In, out. In, out. Keep calm, he told himself, as his hands clenched and unclenched. Don't break down, be strong. For her. Nevertheless, he felt tears prickling the back of his eyes.
"Anakin?" the door to his room swung open and Obi-Wan stepped in. "Anakin, are you alright?"
"Shit," he muttered hastily, wiping his eyes as he switched off the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist. "I'm right here!" he called.
Obi-Wan pushed the door open, and in a panic Anakin jumped out of the way. His head banges the wall behind him, and he let out a yelp. "Damn it, Obi-Wan, you startled me," he said breathlessly.
Wordlessly, Obi-Wan reached out and hugged him, gripping the boy's shoulders tightly. "I'm sorry, Anakin."
Anakin buried his face in his master's chest and let out a strangled sob despite his promise to stay stoic, clutching him like a lifeline in a bottomless ocean.
"My fault
and she'sdead and I- I watchedherdieandithurts," he choked, "it hurts so bad and it won't stop help me please, please, Obi-Wan."
Obi-Wan held him as he shook violently, rocking him side to side. "I know, I know," he said. "She was a wonderful woman, and I'm so, so, sorry."
Anakin pressed his face into the other man's robes, trying to steady his breathing. "She was. She was wonderful. She loved me until the end-that was the last thing she said to me. No matter what, I- I was her son." He dissolved into a fresh wave of tears.
"Shh. Shh. I'm here." There was nothing he could say or do to heal the pain Anakin was in right now, and that scared him deeply. "I'll always be here."
...
Anakin's expression was that of a deer caught in headlights.
"Padme?" Obi-Wan asked. "Of all the people to be caught kissing in the back of Mos Eisley Cantina, you went and picked her?"
"Don't be mad," Anakin muttered. "It's not what it looked like."
Obi-Wan paused his pacing to give Anakin a hard stare. Even his excuses were half-hearted. "Then tell me, Anakin, what exactly was it?"
Anakin looked away and shrugged. "I guess I had too much to drink. So did she. Oops."
Obi-Wan shook his head. "You'll have to do better than that."
Anakin fired up. "You're just jealous I was kissing her and not you!" He said furiously. "Why won't you admit that's what it is!"
"I'm not jealous, Anakin, I'm disappointed." Obi-Wan looked at him sadly. "I want to stay with you. I'd give you a thousand chances, I'd take you back after anything. Not just because of our relationship, but because we share a bond, of master and apprentice, of brothers-in-arms. We're closer than family. I love you."
Anakin's face grew darker and darker as he spoke. "Fine. I won't do it again."
Obi-Wan had a sudden flashback to that time in the training room, when Anakin had uttered those same words, in such different circumstances- he felt a pang of nostalgia for those days, when nothing had been complicated and they could just be happy together.
He hadn't believed him then, and he didn't believe him now.
...
"We can't do this anymore."
Obi-Wan had known this day was coming, but that didn't mean he was prepared for it.
"I know."
Anakin's steely blue eyes glanced him up and down. "You don't seem surprised."
"I'm not," Obi-Wan said, his heart heavy. "Just disappointed."
"You're not angry?" For a moment Anakin looked vulnerable, scared, repentant. Obi-Wan's heart ached.
"No. Not angry, never angry."
Anakin's cool, uncompromised demeanor slipped back into place. He shrugged and turned away. "I'm sorry," he added as an afterthought. "I really thought it would last longer."
Obi-Wan waited until Anakin was long gone to whisper, "So did I."
...
Anakin's scream of pain sliced Obi-Wan to the bone with guilt. Two awful thumps, and Anakin landed on the ground next to the molten lava, the fires of Mustafar scorching his ruined legs. His yellow eyes, once so bright blue and full of joy, streamed with tears of rage.
"I HATE YOU!" He screamed, and Obi-Wan's heart broke.
"I have failed you, Anakin," he said, his voice cracking. "You were like a brother to me." He struggled with the words, unsure if he could say more without breaking down. "I loved you," he said, and it came out almost like a plea. Say you love me back. Say you remember it.
Anakin could not respond except to give a horrible, animalistic scream as the flames engulfed him, cracking his skin and charring his bones. Obi-Wan winced, hating the pain he saw but unable to help it. He knew he should deliver the killing blow. He didn't want Anakin to suffer any more, and heaven forbid he might live through the experience. But even as his hand twitched to his lightsaber, he knew he wouldn't be able to do it. Looking at this blackened, writhing creature on the ground, all he could see was the little boy he'd found on Tatooine, full of determination and quiet strength, the one he'd sworn to himself he would protect.
He turned away, letting his hand drop. Of course he couldn't do it. He still loved his Anakin, the boy he'd taken under his wing, trained, scolded, nurtured, and eventually fallen in love with. The boy with sandy brown hair and laughing blue eyes and the quirky smile. The boy he'd watched laugh and cry and dream and fall and bleed and kiss and love was still the real Anakin to him, not the this hateful and bitter Sith Lord. He walked away from the boy he loved more than anything in the galaxy, walked away with the sounds of his screams echoing in his ears.
He was on the ship home when he began to cry in earnest, tears streaming down his face, shoulders shaking violently with sobs. "Anakin," he whispered, but the name brought no comfort, only more and more pain.
Maybe one day he would be able to say that name without tearing himself apart on the inside, breaking apart, heart shattering into a million tiny pieces, unable to be put back together.
Maybe one day he'd come to terms with it: wake up without wishing death had taken him into her sweet embrace as he slept, without staring at the ceiling for hours on end contemplating his mortality and the inevitability of his death.
One day, but not today, because when you love someone the way Obi-Wan loved Anakin, you couldn't let go as easily as that.
...
Many years later...
Obi-Wan watched from the spirit world as Anakin took a final, rattling breath before he died in Luke's arms. The young boy lifted his head, grief written on every feature as the spirit left his body.
The old master smiled as a shimmering blue form appeared next to him, the blue eyes shining with tears, smiling his old, lopsided grin. He looked like the old Anakin, whole and beaming with joy at seeing his love again.
"Master," he said, and after the decades of waiting alone in the darkness, Obi-Wan finally felt the last piece of his heart click into place.
"Welcome back, Anakin," he said as he slung an arm around his shoulders. "I missed you."
~fin~