I apologize in advance if you find the characters in this fanfic of mine OOC.
KNB is not mine.
Please review and tell me what you think, it helps a lot!
A small smile tugged on Akashi Seijuuro's lips. They had won once again, he was still absolute. It was a very close fight, 126-123. The gold medal around his neck was heavy.
The last three seconds of the game was so intense even for him, using his "emperor eye" is not easy as others may think. It's very taxing to the body, even though the "emperor eye" ensures victory he tries to avoid it due its unfortunate side-effects.
The side-effects wasn't all that bad, dizziness along with the strong urge to sleep and rest his eyes was a must, but he didn't like the feeling of being weak. He is not weak. Not now, not ever. Every time he feels those side-effects he loathes himself for it, scolding himself mentally for depending on something that wasn't meant to be depended on. In short, every instance that he uses "emperor eye" made him feel degraded and weak. An Akashi never depends on anything that could make any transactions in life easier, he believed in hard-work and dedication. His father made sure to let him know that.
In everyone's knowledge, Seijuuro is destined to be the next heir of his company for reasons that they do not know, except for him being forced by his father. They couldn't pry him information in fear that they would be stabbed by a twin bladed item called "scissors".
It's true. He's being forced by his father, but what their assumptions lack was something they wouldn't expect.
Seijuuro and his father had a deal, he works hard and take over their company after he graduates college, and if his father deemed the results satisfactory he would be given freedom. Freedom to control his life according to him and him only, no one would be able to stop him from living his life, not his company, his friends, and especially... not his father.
Nobody knew that he strived for freedom, all they know is that he strives for perfection to win. They didn't know that there was so much more than that. Freedom, he was a few years close to it. He also yearned to love freely and he could not do that without freedom.
Contrary to popular belief, he is not a heartless demon. He could feel very fine as anyone do, but he was good at keeping himself composed.
Love, he has experienced it before, four times if his memory serves him right as always.
The first time he felt it was after he learned how to play Shogi. Second was for basketball after he experienced his first victory.
The third and fourth one was rather special and not as simple as the first and second. He fell in love with a person he highly respects up until now, the only person that made him feel human, the one that could pull him back down to earth if his "absolute" personality have gone too far, the one that he learned to respect despite his far more superior status in life and knowledge. The answer as to why he respect that person was still unknown, every now and then, there were days that he would question himself about that.
It was peculiar that he didn't hate himself nor hate the person for making him realize that he has flaws that needs to be either fixed or acknowledged. It was also his first time to feel that he was not deserving. He didn't deserve that person's unconditional kindness for others especially himself.
Yes, Akashi Seijuuro still loves that person. And for the very first time he felt despair, all because of his beloved's departure years before. There were a lot of firsts in his third experience of love, very few ups and so many downs. But for some reason, he finds himself happy and thankful for letting him experience that.
"How are you?"
"Are you still playing?"
"Did you stop going to school? I can't find you anywhere."
"Why can't I find you?"
"Where are you right now?"
"I want to see you..."
"I don't know what's happening to me, like there's another person inside me after you left."
"Maybe you know what's wrong with me."
"He's taking over..."
"Murasakibara-kun lost in a one-on-one game today, the person that defeated him was me, the other side of me."
"Everyone's scared of the other me, but I can't fight him back."
"I've made a terrible mistake of putting my guard down."
"I made Kuroko-kun cry..."
"I'm an emperor that has a monster inside... help me."
He realized that he needs him more than he expected.
The fourth one was a bit different, it was his turn to give kindness and love. He wasn't expecting himself to be able to do that, to give love was hard for him because ever since he was a child he has been very indifferent and uncaring towards every one or everything that was around him that he deemed not worth of his time.
This person was special since he was able to capture his attention, though he didn't expect that he would take time to acknowledge that person.
Why did he decided to give love? All he knew was that he could see himself in that person. He knew how hard it is to strive for something that cannot be given easily, and to feel weak and overwhelmed since every one around him was competition in their world of perfection and absolute victory.
Yes, a special kind of shadow captivated him.
He fell in love again, and it was returned... in a way.
It was subtle, but it was a lot for him. To feel a bit of love was very rewarding.
But that subtle and vague love didn't last too long.
That person left him and everyone he cherished behind, disappearing from their grasps, his grasps.
And the one who is at fault was his other self, the monster.
All he could do was stare and plead as he watched his special shadow cry in despair after a game that was important to him and his friend, he watched as he stared into his other self's eyes in horror, and he watched as he disappeared at their last game.
He helplessly watched everything that his other self could see and do. He so badly wanted to help, to reprimand the others for their selfish actions, pull the special shadow to him and apologize for what his other self has done (even though he knew that he wouldn't understand). But he couldn't. He was trapped inside by his other self. He screamed and kicked to be released but it was futile.
He was only released after winning in their middle-school championship game.
After he finally gained control of his own body, he realized that he couldn't change anything for he's at lost on how to start nor think of ways he could atone.
His gold eye remained, though he couldn't really complain. The eye was like a scar to him, a remnant of the devil inside him, reminding him that he would eventually take over if he ever mess up and put his guard down.
After sometime before he started his first year of high school started, he finally accepted the monster's sin as his own. He replicated the monster inside him. He believed that the monster inside of him developed as his defense mechanism for anything that's a threat to him.
He didn't want to feel pain and despair, so he chose to let everyone respect him out of fear.
It felt good, for a while that is.
Eventually he felt lonely.
Just because he's feared and respected, yet admired, doesn't mean that he would always be surrounded by people who are fond of him despite his hostile personality. People still treated him as an odd person. A demonic being for his harshness.
But there was no going back, in this cruel reality, there were no take backs, no rewind, no back steps.
The only thing he could do at that time was focus on victory, for freedom, to ensure that his other self won't come back to take over. And it worked.
He knew from then on that his other self existed to make sure that his wish for freedom would be attained, no matter how cruel and selfish his actions are. And to annihilate any distractions and hindrances be it his friends or parents.
The smile tugging on his lips turned into a bitter one. Staring at his old sixth man sadly (but he doubts that anyone would be able to see). He already knew that the minute that he realized that he had fallen in love with him he would let him go someday. It was inevitable. He already noticed the pattern. Once he loved he would have to let go or he would receive pain. He wasn't free yet, he can't express himself yet.
It was either he leave them or they would eventually. Yes, a never-ending pattern ever since he was a child.
He believed that he was the one that drove his mother away from them, from a real family he had yearned. It was his first mistake.
He loved his mother too much. She shouldn't have been too kind, caring, and loving to him.
As an Akashi he was expected to be dedicated in his studies ever since he could process things with his brain.
Since he could remember he was already in front of never-ending teachers and books.
One day, he made a mistake.
He was inside his own study room and it was raining. His favorite weather since it reminded him of his mother.
He wanted nothing more than to stay beside her and listen as she reads to him while he drank homemade hot chocolate made by her.
And that's what he did. He escaped his study room and ran to his mother's awaiting arms.
Little did he know that what he did would cause his mother's departure.
Later that midnight, he heard screaming and a door slamming, and that made him realize and believe that his mistake of escaping his studies was the reason why his sweet mother left.
But it was not, he didn't really pry any further as to why she left in fear that his father would get angry. He just believed that he was the one at fault. A burden that he has brought to up till now.
He didn't know that the real reason why his mother left was because she wanted to leave his father but she also wanted to take him with her. She didn't agree on Seijuuro being cut out from having a normal childhood, but his father insisted that it was mandatory as the only heir to the company. Not taking the uptight personality her husband was being and left.
Seijuuro accepted her departure, he wasn't mad like other children would, it was his "fault" that she left after all. Plus he received so much love from her that there
wasn't any room for any anger.
Yes. He love his mother very much up until now. He promised himself that once he gains his freedom he would find his mother.
An inaudible sigh escaped his lips after seeing Kuroko Tetsuya smiled at Kagami Taiga. A smile he wished to see directed at him for years.
A heavy feeling took over Seijuuro. He had never received that kind of smile from his Tetsuya, maybe he really wasn't deserving for him, maybe it was karma for letting his other self for breaking his heart.
Maybe... Maybe he was better off alone from now on.
Nobody has the guts to love him, he was cruel and proud, just like his other self. A monster. Maybe he really wasn't allowed to love and be loved, misfortune would come to the both of them if he did. Maybe he was cursed to be doomed like this forever. It sounds promising yet painful at the same time.
'Another person I have to let go, huh?' He thought, his bitter smile becoming more prominent. Yes, maybe he's better off all alone.
He was too busy brooding over the misfortune of his life that he didn't notice a tall figure walking towards him from behind.
"Why the long face? Shouldn't you be happy that you won?"
Seijuuro chuckled, "The point difference made me a bit disappointed to celebrate this victory."
"Well, I think you did well like you did back in Teiko."
'That voice!' Seijuuro snapped his body around to see the person he didn't expect to see since his middle school days.
Hope filled him.
There, Nijimura Shuuzo stood tall and proud a big smile on his handsome face.
"Yo, Kouhai."
'Kouhai...?' Maybe not.
Seijuuro composed himself and tried to control his rapidly beating heart. He couldn't help it, he thought he would never see him again. Despite the love he had for Tetsuya, no one would replace him.
"Nice to see you again, Nijimura-san." He made sure to use his last name and honorifics, he still respected him after all. He would be the only person he would highly respect.
"Yeah, nice to see you too, though I kinda missed the way you called me 'senpai', but I guess it's not needed anymore. You look different." He said, his big smile turned into a sheepish one.
'He had grown taller.' Seijuuro thought, observing his former senpai. His all-seeing eye found its way to Nijimura's left arm, a small smile appeared on his face after seeing that the rainbow arm band was still there. He had always found it amusing how fitting the arm band for his former captain.
"I guess it can't be helped to humor you for this time, 'senpai'. How's life?"
'Where were you?'
'What school did you go to?'
'How's your father?'
'Why are you here?'
"Oh, it's great, you know. My dad got discharged from the hospital a month ago, so I thought why not relax and visit a few friends?"
'He considers me as a friend?'
"That's good news, if I may ask, where do you go to school now?"
"I went to a High school in Osaka since my father was transferred to a hospital there, but now I might transfer again for my last year."
"Why?"
"I had to go back for someone."
"Someone...?" Seijuuro trailed off, waiting for the worst.
'He found someone else...'
"He needed my help, but I wasn't able to help him, I was too late. I want to come back to at least bring him back, I've been getting a lot of news that he's messing around too much."
'It's Shogo, isn't it? He's the one? He was always the trouble maker, and you're his mediator.'
But he shouldn't conclude things yet, he had to be sure... He can't hope too much, and if he did, he'd hurt himself for letting his hope go up than necessary, he doesn't want his other self to come back.
'Who?'
'Please tell me, before I break myself and my other self takes over again.'
"I thought it would be hard finding him again, but I guess it's not..."
'This is it...'
"I decided that I'll transfer to Rakuzan for my last year."
'What...? I don't understand... Shogo doesn't go to my school, if he did, I would know...'
Not being able to understand, he felt frustrated.
"Why Rakuzan, Senpai?"
"Because I have to help their basketball team's captain."
Seijuuro felt his heart stop and his eyes widened in shock. Him. He was the one he was going to help. But he still didn't understand.
"Me? That's funny, I don't need any help. Last time I checked, I have a perfect conduct. I have never 'messed around'."
"That's not what I see." The red head's breath hitched for a split second.
The former captain of Teiko's face turned serious.
"Then what do you see?"
"I don't see the person I entrusted my old team with."
The red-head felt his heart drop at the words of his beloved.
'He knows. And he's disappointed in me.'
"I don't understand."
"That's a bit of an understatement coming from you."
The tall raven took a step near the heterochromatic male. A look of pity and disappointment appeared on his face. Seijuuro's fear.
"I think it's time that you rest, you've been fighting by yourself for so long now..." He murmured, taking his jacket off and draping it around his sweaty kouhai, his captain instincts taking over.
"You know..."
All Seijuuro could do was stare and wait. "What are you so afraid of losing if you experience defeat?"
"My freedom."
"I didn't expect that." Nijimura sheepishly replied, entirely honest.
"If I lose, everything I've been working hard for would eventually go to wast-"
"I don't believe that."
"Without my other self's help, I can never be free."
"Says the one who's scared of letting the other guy take control."
The red-head's eyes flashed furiously, "I am not capable of feeling fear."
"Stop acting like you can do shit about emotions, nobody can control them not even you." Nijimura snapped. Bringing Seijuuro might be harder than he thought.
What was he doing? He wanted help. He wanted to talk him like old times, to be comforted by his presence... Then why was he being hostile? Seijuuro mentally scolded himself for being stubborn, he has been putting up the act of his other self that it made him hard to be his old self if he wanted to. Old habits die-hard.
But at the same time, he felt his mind become heavy like someone was pulling him in, waiting for him to lose consciousness.
Fear plagued Seijuuro, the monster inside him was starting to take over again.
"I think this conversation is over."
"No, it's not." The red-head fixed the raven a light glare. He needed to get away. "I must go and rest, thank you for lending me your jacket, but now I must-"
"I don't care. We need to talk."
"Then you may save it for another time."
"I'm not asking for your permission, asshole, in case you haven't noticed," Nijimura grabbed Seijuuro's wrist before he could react. He turned the smaller male around so his back was pressed against his chest and placed his other hand to cover Seijuuro's eyes.
"Can't you just shut up for a minute and listen to me? I knew from the second I saw you play against Kuroko-kun, you were different. And it's not a good different. I noticed that you're forcing yourself to win too much."
"I have to, ensuring victory is my top priority."
"Bullshit. That's the biggest lie I've ever heard and you know it. You never have to force yourself to win, that's the way I know you, you win with minimal effort. Something's wrong and I want to know." Nijimura chuckled, letting his kouhai relax in his hold.
People around them seemed to not notice except for 5 special people in the stadium.
"Why? Why do you care so much?" Seijuuro asked, trying to sound firm and strong but his trembling voice betrayed him. The more the raven talks the more he reverts back into his comforting embrace where he could let his guard down. As much as he wants that to happen, he can't. Not right now. He can't risk things.
"Because I want my old kouhai back." He said, the red-head tensed inside his arms.
"You've been fighting too much haven't you? You told me that you're fighting for freedom, well I believe that you can, but not in the way you're doing now. It feels wrong."
"You have nerve talking like you know what's happening to me."
"I do-"
"I have another person inside me, someone more cruel and dangerous. I don't want him to surface but at the same time I need him, he gave me the emperor eye." The younger one confessed, his body trembling at the thought of the monster inside of him. "You don't understand."
Silence bathed them both, people kept on cheering for their victory that the red-head wondered how long were they standing there talking to each other. A few seconds? Minutes? He wasn't sure. How long was this conversation going to take?
If his other self manage to resurface he might lose Nijimura too other than Tetsuya.
"I do. I know I don't have another guy inside like you said you have, but I kinda feel for you, you know? If you think I still don't understand then make me. I want to help you."
"I don't want to drag you into this. If I lose my other self, I'd be a disappointment to everyone. Ever since he appeared, I can do things that I can't before... I've made my father proud for the first time and people respect me-"
Nijimura cut him off, "But they respect you out of fear. Akashi, that guy is a part of you, but a bit... alive I guess, you don't need him, you can do those things yourself, it just takes time. And after countless of things that you did, your old man should be proud of you that doesn't need to be disappointed."
"You don't know him, senpai." Seijuuro countered.
"But he's a parent. Every parent is the same, you just can't see that. Despite your mistakes (which I'm sure not many), I'm sure he's proud. If I'd be a parent and you're my son, I'd be proud my whole life. You're a hardworking and talented person, Akashi. Anyone would be lucky to have someone like you in their life." The raven said.
"You don't know that,"Seijuuro denied stubbornly.
"I know it, I've heard and seen it. It's kinda ironic how you can't see it for yourself when you have those eyes of yours." Nijimura retorted, chuckling while at it.
At that, the red-head felt insulted. Wasn't he supposed to help not aggravate him?! It doesn't make any sense!
"You don't know what kind of life I'm living in. You think being rich tends to have a simple life? No. It's much more complicated than that." He snapped.
"I don't. I know that. But what I do know is someone still needs saving."
A chuckle tumbled out of the red-head's lips, a dark and bitter chuckle. A sound of defeat. Defeat that somehow made Nijimura more worried and solemn.
Nijimura felt guilty. He gave a big responsibility to Akashi when he was just a young teen, he knew that the red-head would excel without him, but he thought wrong and he learned it the hard way. He left Teiko after his graduation during the time when the 'Generation of miracles' were getting too ahead of themselves. He left Akashi to deal with them and his inner turmoil and he had never felt so helpless. He felt extreme pity and guilt after hearing news about his kouhai from Haizaki Shogo.
Akashi Seijuuro was Nijimura Shuzo's favorite. There was no doubt about that. The red-head never gave him problems, he was the best kouhai he could ever have. Instead of giving him problems he listens to it. He admires how the younger male hold himself up, how powerful he seemed to be despite his small stature and tender age. And then there was the time when he willingly accepted his explanation for leaving his captaincy to him. The red head understood him... in a way no one had.
He no longer denied that he wanted him for himself after that.
The red-head was his light when his father's condition worsened by a fraction. He promised his father not to grieve and he found out that he could only do that by thinking of his light. His young but powerful light.
After his father was discharged from the hospital after deeming his sickness was gone and his condition was strong and healthy, Nijimura promised himself that he would be the one who will catch Akashi Seijuuro. The red head was falling, falling into his own mind's abyss of so-called victory, and the raven was determined to be the one to catch and pull him up, like he always does back in their middle school days.
"You can't save me nor my counterpart. We are too deep in this contract we formed each other."
No. He doesn't want to hear that tone of defeat of a victor. But then again, Seijuuro wasn't just a victor anymore... He was an obsessed victor.
Someone who needs help into knocking some sense into that brilliant mind drowning with arrogance and conceited-ness the younger male needed to know that he may win this game and the next, but in the future someone would definitely give him defeat just like how his father made him submit by black mailing him of his freedom. And that he should be ready to experience defeat lest his own belief would crumble down like the high walls of his "kingdom".
Seijuuro felt those warm arms around him tighten around his lithe form. "That's not true. And I know deep down that you know it too, you just need a little boost."
And then the raven said something completely out of his control. "You just need to open yourself up for me to be able to help you... I just want my kouhai back. He was my favorite, you know? I promised myself that if everything in my life go smoothly, I'd come back to his life to claim it as mine. I love him, you know? I just didn't have the time to tell it to him... So I want him to come back so I could say it to him face to face."He said, his tone sounded sad and helpless to Seijuuro.
It was Nijimura's turn to chuckle bitterly, "The things that I do for that brat..."
After hearing those words from his former captain, the weight on his mind disappeared as he focused on his voice and his voice only. He felt elated to hear those words tumble out from those lips. Those lips he wished to feel for a long time now, but was forgotten at the presence of Tetsuya. He felt guilty and ashamed for casting his feelings aside because of a simple negative thought circling in his mind.
He felt his body go slack but the taller male kept him up, just like how he always did, always helping and supportive. A true captain. In his mind, a true captain is always determined by his skills, but he made an exception to that belief.
His beloved captain was different, he was a true captain at heart. He might not have superior skills as he did, but he beats him by a mile as a captain when it comes into the well being of the team. The raven had always been the caring one despite his rough attitude, he always makes sure that anyone was fired up for their game, and for some, lift up their spirits.
That's the only thing that Seijuuro can't do well. Giving care and support by means of a mentality of a team player, like Tetsuya's current team. He always played for the sake of his own victory and benefit.
He felt dizzy all of a sudden, he felt thankful that his former captain was there keeping him up. The sudden heaviness of his lithe form shocked Nijimura by a minuscule bit, but he held the red head to his chest tightly.
"Hey, you okay? Answer me!"
"I'm... Dizzy..."
The feeling of panic claimed Nijimura as he felt Akashi go slack, but it was replaced by utter relief and happiness as he saw what his hand uncovered from under it.
Red eyes. His kouhai's eyes were back.
Ruby red-like jewels stared up at him, half-lidded and teary. He was beautiful... Just like how he always was. Perfect and his. And the way it sparkled as the harsh light above them hit it... breathtaking.
"You're back..."
"What?" Seijuuro felt too dizzy and weak to care about what the person in front of him was saying, he wouldn't be able to comprehend anything if he did try to care.
He didn't get it... He was back? That's certainly peculiar, he was there the whole time. Unless...
"What do you see, senpai?"He slurred out, clutching on the fabric of Nijimura's clothes in anticipation.
"You. My kouhai... The other one's gone... All I can see is red."
Red. It felt nice to hear it again... He didn't want to hear the word heterochromatic ever again. Relief flooded him, so much that a weak but sincere smile appeared on his lips.
"He's gone... Finally."
"Yeah, what do you say I bring you back to your hotel for the night? You must be tired."
"From all the internal battle I've fought I highly doubt I would be able to keep myself upright."
Nijimura let go of him, flashing a grin. He nearly protested at the loss of warmth. "Let's go then,"
Arms went around the red head's shoulders and knees, hoisting him up.
"Wha- what are you doing?"
"What does it look like I'm doing, idiot? I'm carrying you to the hotel. I don't want you to walk in that state." The raven replied.
"You don't need to do that, now put me down!"Seijuuro protested squirming around.
"If you don't stop, I'm gonna let you fall."Nijimura threatened, but Seijuuro could hear the faint amusement in his voice. He started to maneuver forward to the exit of the courts.
"I bet this gives you amusement..."He grumbled like a child.
"Now, now... Don't sulk, you should be happy."
The red head gazed up at him.
"Why?"He asked curiously.
"Because I love you. Always have. I just didn't have the time to tell." The former captain of Teiko's expression serious but nonetheless, Seijuuro can see the happiness lingering in those golden eyes. He blushed red as his hair. He ducked down to bury his face on his senpai's chest.
'Warm. He smells nice too...'He thought, the warmth of his cheeks increasing. 'Certainly he wouldn't leave like the others do, right?'
"You wouldn't leave me right?"He asked hesitantly, afraid of the answer he might receive.
"Not if you want me to."
'He wouldn't...' The thought made Seijuuro smile wide. Nijimura saw this and grinned. The smile of his kouhai's very euphoric to see.
Two sky blue orbs stared at a red-head and a raven. A sad smile on his lips. 'I was too late. But as long as he's happy, I would be too...'
"Yo, Kuroko! Let's go."
"I'm coming!"
He wasn't destined to be the one who would be able to bring Akashi Seijuuro back anyway. He wanted to be the one who fixes him but from the start, it has always been the fate of Generation of Miracles' senpai and former captain.