A.N. This is a two parts story, it's an alternative end of the Red John's episode, I know this could sound a little oc but I've always thought about the possibility of Lisbon stopping Jane so this is it.
"Take my car."
The second those words had left her mouth, she had immediately regretted them.
People in the past had told her more than once that the constant need to defend her team, her family, had always been her greatest weakness, her biggest flaw.
For once she would have wanted to be selfish, to think about her, about her destroyed but fireproof heart.
She couldn't forget his eyes, that sense of strong gratitude and proud that she was sure he had felt the second she had given him her precious permission, the moment the whole team had sacrificed everything, a moral, a personal ethics, a career maybe, for him; she hoped at least that he had realized to have never been alone in those years, that people cared about him, maybe too much.
The glint in his eyes though, had told her that he had finally understood.
Now, locked in that cold car, handcuffs around her wrists, she kept torturing herself about what she had done.
What if she had acted like this only to impress him? To make him look at her with that admiration, so strong and overwhelming that had made her almost look away, not able to face it.
She dealt with disappointment better than with admiration.
Another thought kept rebounding in her mind, what if she had never had the chance to see him again? To scream at him her frustrations, her fears, her feelings that kept growing inside her the more she was trying to hide them behind friendly affection and concern.
He had told her to trust him and once again she had fallen in his trap, charmed by that restlessness painted in his eyes.
She looked outside the car window, she could hear childish voices in the distance and discern some trees, orange trees scattered in the park. A memory invaded her thoughts; the day Jane had saved her killing the only man able to give him informations about his mortal enemy.
He had chosen her, contradicting in a sense his brutal will of be ready to sacrifice even himself for his revenge.
She had found him, after have brought Maya to her family, lying on the grass, an orange in his hand; she had tried to thank him, he had answered giving the fruit to her and telling her to smell it because it was one of the sweetest smells he had ever sensed.
She smiled sweetly at the memory.
Maybe it wasn't late, maybe she could stop him, maybe she could be selfish for once.
"I need to speak with Abbott." She told to the agent breaking the silence of the car.
When she asked Abbott to make her reach Jane and try to stop him, she was surprised by his permission. Maybe her pain and the desperation she was feeling was better than any other motive.
Ten minutes later she arrived at the cemetery, still handcuffed, still hopeless.
She walked fast, almost ran, with Abbott and some agents until she could see his frame knelt near a body.
She silently prayed it wasn't too late.
"Jane.." She tried almost shy, overwhelmed by emotions.
He looked at her, confusion painted in his face, her lent gun tightened in his hand.
What are you doing here, Lisbon?" He almost whispered.
She felt a small tear on her cheek; she didn't reply at first, she just looked at him, in his eyes, to try to tell him everything without words.
He noticed her wrists handcuffed and her eyes full of tears that perfectly mirrored his own.
"Don't do it." She said weakly.
Jane seemed almost incredulous, a bitter smile reached his mouth,
"why?" He asked her.
"Because it's not over."
"What is not over?"
She tried to find the right words even if she knew nothing would have stopped him.
"Your life, your hope to believe again, to start to live again."
"Lisbon.."
"Jane, listen to me, there's still something that's waiting for you, a lot of things.. you just need to give them a chance."
"What if I'm not interested? What if there's nothing that makes me want to believe again, Lisbon?"
She felt the pain invading her body like electricity, she raised her handcuffed wrist to try to wipe the tears on her face. The cold metal against her skin made his words even more bitter.
Then she knew, she knew there was only a possibility left.
"Do it for me." She said.
Suddenly a train of memories mixed with feelings overwhelmed him;
The first time he realized the impossible pain hidden behind her eyes, her pretty face after his days of blindness, her pouting expression when she had thought that he had forgotten about her birthday.. and that dancing that even then had caused strange things in his stomach.
He also remembered all those times he had almost lost her, he could still feel that lack of oxygen that invided him.
And then there was one of the best memories of his whole life, the day he had seen her again after Las Vegas; that day he had been weak, that day he had left those dangerous feelings win over him.
"Good luck, Teresa, I love you."
He should have found the courage to tell her the same words now.
"You can't ask me this." He answered instead, shaking his head.
Lisbon found the strenght to keep talking.
"You.. you told me once, you were always going to save me, remember?" She asked.
He nodded almost imperceptibly.
"Save me now." She whispered.
He looked at her with an intensity that almost scared her, then he looked around him and found the situation almost exhilarating. Ten agents had their guns pointed at him but strangely he could sense only her presence; he almost forgot about the wounded man under him, he could see only her, like she had made some invisible spell that make him addicted.
And then he undertstood there was only a choice possible to make.
"I'm always going to save you, Lisbon." He said, "You knew it." He get up, leaving the body of Red John to some agents that probably either knew his story.
She tried to reach him but both of them were blocked by the arms of unknown agents.
"Jane!" She called him wriggling to be free, "let me go." She told the agents,
Jane at the other side was calm, never leaving her eyes though.
The scene seemed almost in slow motion, she was restless, he was imperturbable.
She knew in that moment that she was losing him.
Three days passed after that moment, three long days that both of them spent separated, without reaching for each other and busy to clean their respective positions in front of the justice. Lisbon was waiting for him, for a word, a message, something but she realized nothing would have happened. The fourth day, she touched the cross around her neck and kissed it, she left her apartament then with only one place in mind.
She entered in the CBI building finding it empty like she had left it. She knew she couldn't be there but there was nothing that could have stopped her that night.
His brown couch was gone but she knew the attic was still untouched.
She arrived in front of the door and immediately opened it without thinking, then she stayed stuck on the door, not daring to overstep it. The second he saw her, he walked toward her with a wild craziness in his eyes.
" Forgive me." She said, almost retreating.
He stopped in front of her, took her wrist and pulled her in the room. slamming the door behind them.
What do you think? Another chapter?