I woke up as he pulled his shirt on, a smirk spread across his face. I watched him leave my room and go down from the attic I lay my head down on my crisp white pillow as I recalled the events of the previous night, chuckling at how lucky and giddy he made me feel. I heard the soft click of the apartment door and sighed. I wanted nothing more than to be with him, but I knew it couldn't be. I looked at my alarm clock and groaned. I still had 10 minutes before the other two woke up and I'd rather not be the one stuck with cold water.
I rolled over and swung my legs over the edge of the queen sized bed. I thought about how sooner or later I'd have to confront them about my sexuality, but it could wait until after we got back to school. I quickly got out of bed and made my way into the attic bathroom, I was glad I had the whole floor to myself. Once in the bathroom I filled up the bath and got in, contemplating what to do today. I'd start off by just checking I had everything for tomorrow, then maybe take a nap, I'd get ready for the party and we'd go. Who knew what would happen after that. That was when I caught sight of the scars on my knuckles. Growing up in One meant that I was most likely to go to a collage like Panem college, but I'd always had it tough back home. There was nothing particularly stunning beautiful or flawless like most people in one, I was kind of average. What didn't help were the other children making fun of me for it. I often got into fights, using my height, savageness and brutality to win. But that was never enough to stop the bullying. I took it upon himself to never fall to their level and so I carved 'Be Your Own Hero' into the fingers of my left hand. I then took a more dramatic step and dyed my hair blue and put glitter into it. That made me look more like the Capitol models and stopped the bullies from teasing me. His mind shifted back to now as someone pounded at the door.
"Hurry up you shit spewing dick pimple!" Sasha screamed a constant barrage of insults until she got to her point that breakfast was ready and that she had to get to the café.
I got out of the bathtub and added more dye onto my roots. It was the only thing that got me here and I wasn't going to give up on it so soon. After that I pulled on some boxers and raced to my room, pulling on some grey lounge pants and a baggy jumper. I skipped down the spiral stairs, ignoring the cold feeling the steel left on my feet and waltzed into the kitchen. There one the marble counter top were the pancakes Sasha had mentioned. I walked over to cupboard when two training arrows pinned me to wall.
It wasn't the first time this had happened. Scanning the room I saw the vibrant purple locks sticking out from the beanie of the girl on the sofa, her crossbow aimed so her next arrow would hit me in the heart. Knowing better than to think the morning alone with Claudia would be peaceful I had brought a training knife. I lobbed it at her and she rolled out of the chair, barely dodging it.
Without a moment to spare I dislodged the arrows and went to grab the knife, sliding across the floor to avoid all arrow fire. Once there, I grabbed it and sprinted up stairs and into my room. I pulled out the case from under my bed and pulled out the two dummy katanas and leapt deftly from the room and behind a small cupboard. I heard her approach from the landing and sprang into action, twirling the blades like a propeller and deflecting all arrows. I tackled her onto the hard wooden floor only to have my force used against me as she straddled me. I was stuck with nowhere to go. She put the cross bow down and pulled out my own knife of my belt.
"Really? You're gonna be that ironic?" I was trying buck and dislodge her grip on my body but she acted too quickly, slicing the knife across my throat and gleefully cackling as the knife sent volts of electricity jolting through my body. "For fuck sake Claudia, you could have done what Sasha does and just jeers about how she's won," I wheezed, rubbing my throat.
"Nah. I'm much more," she paused as she brushed dust off her jeans. She looked me right in the eyes before whispering "cutthroat." With a groan at both the terrible pun and out of pain I got up and walked down stairs.
She was raised in district Five, meaning she was much more intelligent than me and Sasha. She had got her place in the college through hard work and not coming from one of the much better off districts like us two. She figured out people before they even knew that much about themselves. She could make a joke out of the most serious situations and would be sarcastic at all the right times. She was the perfect friend. She, dyed her hair because she was fed up of being part of some bland machine, being nothing more than a fading member of a growing crowd. She wanted to stand up for who she was and refused to let something go.
We sat down in the lounge and talked about the party tonight, it was one of the typical 'Welcome to the college' parties. None of us were really amazing at being social, but we tried. We started going into more detailed discussions about school, about what classes we were looking forwards to and other long winded topics. We didn't notice that it started raining or when my cat started wailing to be let in.
We only stopped talking when I let my cat in and heard the keys jingle behind the door of the apartment. This was our only chance. We got our weapons and aimed at the door. We waited until she had stepped into the room when Claudia let loose an arrow and missed, the arrow lodging itself in the door. Shit, great going Claud I thought. Sasha was the most brutal out of all of us. She reached into her bag and whipped out two throwing stars and launched them at us. I managed to duck behind the sofa, but Claudia wasn't quick enough this time and was hit immediately. Without warning Sasha leaped over the sofa and knocked my knife out of my hand. In retaliation I hit the hand she had the star in. She wasn't expecting it and the star slipped out of her grip and spun into her chest, hitting it with a dull thud before falling to the floor.
A breathless chuckle slipped from Claudia's lips as she got to her feet at the sight of Sasha on the floor. Her hair was in a messy bun and she wore an oversized cream jumper and black skinny jeans after her shift at the café. She was quirky in her own ways. Her eyeliner was in a style she called 'possessed'. She always wore her boots so that she was almost as tall as me and Claudia, and was prone to insulting most people. Her hair was practically black, but she refused to admit that. She'd always wanted to dye her hair blue, but growing up in Two meant that she had to grow up quickly and leave childish notions like that behind. District two had strong roots with the military and raised their children in the same way.
"So what are you two wearing to this party?" she said standing up and admitting defeat.
"Black probably," I replied quickly. Growing up in one meant I was surrounded with fashion and beauty but I found the colours all too much. Black however, was just right. It was so poetic and classy. It had always caught my eye and seemed so perfect. The only other colour that held a place in my heart was white. Almost everything I owned that wasn't clothing was white.
I slowly went up to my room as the other two discussed clothing and other stuff that didn't seem to grab my attention like it usual does, but I was so out of it all of a sudden. I went into my room and collapsed on the bed. I would get ready quickly so I didn't need to worry. With nothing to do but groom my cat, I checked my phone under my pillow. I had two missed calls and ten texts from him.
"Shit," I whispered as I checked them. They were all along the same lines. 'Hey, are you coming tonight?' slowly getting more aggressive and pissed off to 'ARE YOU COMING TO THIS FUCKING PARTY OR NOT? DON'T PLAY WITH ME FINLEY!' I thought of how to reply but I couldn't think of an acceptable response. I could always tell him the truth but it would sound like such a shit excuse. I just chucked my phone into the messed up duvet and screamed into my pillow.
I lay there for what seemed like hours, wondering if he'd ever forgive me. I heard the other two arguing about something trivia, probably like how one of them should have their hair or something. But being bored I put my ear to the floor and listened.
"You tell him if you think it's so important that he knows then,"
"I never said I thought it was important, just that he deserves to know. He does live with us after all"
"Fine, if you want me to tell him then I'll tell him"
I heard a door slam and knew I'd better act busy so I leapt up and started rummaging through my wardrobe. I heard someone coming up the stairs. Then they stopped. More bickering. And then silence. I heard footsteps again but this time they were going down the steps and I heard squeals of delight.
"Girls," I muttered shaking my head.
-xXx-
It had been a while since I was almost caught snooping so decided to get my clothes out and ready for me to get ready. I settled on a shirt that said 'Mikey Fuckin Way' in Japanese, black ripped skinny jeans and boots. I went into the bathroom and added a small amount of black eyeliner to make my eyes look so much bluer and hesitated. Should I? I stopped and though about it. I was in the capitol, there was going to be much weirder shit at this party then a boy with blue sparkly hair and eyeliner. I put it on and ran back into my room. I pulled out my katana trunk and removed the false base. There it was. My sketch book.
I had never told anyone about this. My sister got it for me before she left for Two with her fiancé Elizabeth. I dreamt that one day I would find my knight in shining armour and we would live happily and never be challenged in life, just like them. But I only now do I realise how unrealistic that idea was. Even when I found the man of my dreams I couldn't be with him, there was someone in my way.
I thought about all the nights we had spent together, how he told me he loved me and that I was the perfect guy for him. I opened the sketch book open to a half finished drawing of him sleeping. It was hard trying to draw it from memories of the nights they'd had, all the mornings after. I knew I could never do him justice but I tried. He looked so peaceful asleep I thought. It was only then that I noticed black tears falling onto the drawing. I snapped the book shut and started sobbing harder.
"Why me?" I wailed, hopping for the answer to come to me magically. "Why did I, of all people, fall for a taken guy?" I was wailing uncontrollably and launched the book across the room like one of the knives I throw regularly. It hit the wall with a crack and all of the loose work exploded across the floor. "Shit on me why don't you?" I sniffled as I scrambled across the floor gathering up all of the work. And sticking it into the bottom of my trunk.
I was sobbing now at an unhuman level and one of the others was bound to hear me. So I pulled out my waste book. Inside I wrote four simple words 'I fucking hate you' I looked at it and all of my tears stopped, but I knew I was lying so I crossed out the one word and wrote in its place 'I fucking LOVE you'. With a sigh I slipped the waste book back in between the mattress and the bed frame. I got back up and walked into the bathroom and re-did my eyeliner. I looked in the mirror and thought fuck them, be your own hero and walked down to the apartment door wanting to leave already.
-xXx-
It took ten more minutes for the others to get ready, but when they did they sprinted to the door. Sasha was wearing the same cute outfit as before, but with a plait instead of a bun, whilst Claudia wore a floral skirt.
"What was that whole episode about upstairs anyway?" Sasha asked as she grabbed the keys and closed the door.
"That? Well that was just me being all over emotional." I said it knowing that they knew I was lying. They gave each other a look and carried one walking, calling back to me that I wouldn't want to be late.
-xXx-
After walking around lost because Claudia insisted she knew the way I pulled out my phone only to see two new messages. Shit, he was really pissed at me now. But we were close, going in the completely opposite direction, but close. I grabbed their hands and led them the right way. Once on the street it was easy to tell which house it was. There were passed out students on the garden and others jumping through windows. We climbed up the steps to be met with a cacophony of noise before we even opened the door. We looked at each other, knowing there would be no use trying to talk to each other from now on.
Once inside I was amazed. This place must have cost a fortune and yet the owners were letting them do this. Madness. Then an enthusiastic girl greeted us, jumping up and down and shaking their hands. Her long mousey brown hair was done in a fish tail plait, it seemed that was all the rage in the Capitol at the moment. "Hi. My name is Charlotte Snow, and my uncle is the head of the college. I'm so glad you could make it and I hope we have loooads of classes together." By the end of her little introduction she was jumping up and down and giggling. We all looked in between us and gave her an equally sweet smile that hurt our faces.
"Me too. I hope we become great friends, and I think I speak for all of us when I say this house party is amazing," I spoke cheerily. I don't think we would be able to keep it up much longer when the door opened again and more people spilled in. she squealed in delight and rushed towards them.
We all exhaled and started laughing so hard. How could someone be that enthusiastic about a group of strangers? We looked around at the bodies writhing on each other, this party was ridiculous. Everywhere you looked there was someone passed out and people making out, there were smashed vases and empty glasses and bottles everywhere. Claudia said something but neither me nor Sasha could hear her over the deafening music. Giving each other a quizzical look we lent in and Claudia shouted once again.
"Do either of you want a drink?"
"Yeah, a vodka and coke please," I replied.
Sasha shrugged and said something that sounded like surprise me. I scanned the room looking for him so I could explain that I had not been pissed with him and that it was my fault for not replying. I couldn't see him so I dragged Sasha into the mass of bodies that were on the 'dance floor'. She wasn't much for dancing or being around crowds but she made the most of her last few days of freedom. Claudia came over with our drinks and we knew it best to drink them quick or end up with them all over ourselves.
Slowly the night wore on and each song blurred into the next. I don't remember when it happened but the party had gone out doors and into the pool. After several more stops to get drinks I could barely think straight as I walked away from the others, snickering at all of the jokes the other two were cracking. Suddenly Claudia stood up and grabbed mine and Sasha's arms before leaping into the pool and dragging us into it with her. The cold water was like tiny daggers stabbing me and shocking my senses back into action. I looked back up at the surface and all I could think was about how fucked up life was, but I still just floated there, not at the bottom or top. Eventually I rose and took a deep breath of air. At that moment everything just seemed so meaningless. I dived down again and saw the other two rising hand in hand as thought about what I had with him and what would become of us in the future. I thought long and hard before realising that I was out of breath. I once again slowly rose to the surface, ready to dive down again when I saw her. I had hoped that I would never see that face again, those golden pigtails or hear that high pitched giggle, but there she was. Glimmer Rambin, and who's arm was it around that whore waist? None other than my prince. Cato Hadley.
I could feel tears filling my eyes as I swam towards the other side of the pool. I thought I heard someone call out my name but I ignored it, I wasn't in the mood. As I walked towards the door back inside I heard someone call my name, but this time I knew exactly who it was.
"Well if it isn't Faggot Finley, all grown up." It was Glimmer. Back in One she was my main tormentor, she had everything someone living in our district would want, diamonds, the latest fashion, boys and a stunning natural beauty. However, she was one of those girls who grew up knowing they were beautiful and slowly rotted away inside. In fact, I think I would have been best friends with her if I wasn't as chubby as I used to be and she didn't verbally assault me every day for the best part of eighteen years.
"You know that never offended me Glimmer. But you never paid attention at school did you? Maybe that's why you always visited Sirs class every Friday after school," I shot it back harshly, knowing I couldn't show weakness to her.
A wicked smirk spread across her flawless face. "You know, you've shaped up pretty well now, I may just think about letting you become my best friend after all." I caught her sizing me up, I knew I had gotten more muscular and become more attractive since I left One but I never wanted to be her friend.
"That's because I starved myself because I was, and I quote you 'Fat Finley Faggot', but now that I think about it, I'd rather die than have anything to do with you. I guess the tables have turned Rambin." As I looked straight into Cato's eyes, all I saw was longing and wanting. I turned back to Glimmer. "It was nice knowing you, you narcissistic whore."
As I went to walk away I heard Glimmer huff and storm off. I slowly walked away, tears filling my eyes once more as my world crashed down around me. I felt a tug at my arm and I was pulled inside swiftly. I decided it was best to look where this person was going but I couldn't see them, I could only feel their firm grip on my arm. We went upstairs and into an empty bedroom. I sat on the bed in silence as I heard the door shut and lock. The lights then turned on and I connected with those deep green eyes again
"Cato, you know we can't meet like this anymore. I really like you but…but you've got Glimm-" I was caught off when he smashed his lips against mine and I felt what seemed like a spark crackle between our lips. I gasped and he took the chance to explore my mouth with his tongue. I pulled back for breath and I sighed, thinking about how pathetic I was being. He lifted up my chin so our eyes met once more.
"I will never let her touch you again, you hear me? And if she tries I'll snap her neck," he chuckled to me as he once again kissed me. I slowly unbuttoned his shirt and he pulled off mine. That was when it started. My eyes filled with tears and my lips trembled.
"Fuck Cato, no. You need to break up with other wise I can't believe you when you say you love me." I sobbed as I pulled my top on and he stayed frozen on the bed, not quite sure what just happened. I got up and left the room. I slumped against the wall and started sobbing as I heard Cato howl in rage and pain through the door. There was what sounded like things breaking as I walked away. "I'm such an idiot," I muttered before I left to get a taxi home.