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... Byakudan ... Kagome ...
At that moment, I knew nothing of love.
At that moment, I knew nothing of poison, of daggers, of sacrifice or swords or duels. At that moment, my world was as free of care as the spirit of my onee-sama. Until that moment, all that I knew was the comfort of her lap, the gentle rise and fall of her chest, her joyful day dreams and tender night wishes. Yet, there was also the mask behind which she hid, the curious whispers, the silent tears...
And then, I knew her name.
Days filled with rain had clouded her thoughts. As those around her ran and splashed, she had stood and watched, thinking not of herself, but first of me, and then of the kindness of another.
Always I was with her for she would go nowhere without me. Always, she would ask me, for herself alone she would do nothing. So selfless was my onee-sama that always she thought of me, and in terms of me. Companionship was all that she wanted, and all that I was able to give.
For two days, she searched in vain. Even her friends searched with her and for her... until that moment in the library, when even more than my onee-sama's wishes would come true.
Out of the dark, an instant of purest magic lit our souls.
... Kensho ...
Bright, white light filled me.
For a long while, I could not see. For a shorter while, there were murmurs in the dark, a hushed voice to which I listened intently, but which I could not understand. Yet, all the while, there was the strength of her determination, the courage of her conviction, and the warmth of her heart.
A silhouette stood before her, thanking her, accepting the umbrella from my onee-sama. Just as fragile, my onee-sama bowed. This moment, this spark of happiness lifted both of them and, more, it lifted me.
In that instant, I was born, carried aloft by desire. I sat as still as I always did, but now I was surrounded by an emotion that held all those who watched and saw. The gasp of surprise was not for me, but it breathed life into me.
I was only a made thing: a play thing of cloth filled with stuffing and straw. I was only a quiet thing: I had a mouth, but I could not talk. I had ears and eyes, but no brain to remember what I heard and what I saw. I was only a small thing: to fill the arms of a child, to guard against fear of the dark and the unknown.
But then when my onee-sama next took me to her heart, I was a living thing. She held me and saw me, and I saw her. She whispered my name, and I whispered hers... so quietly, that only she could hear, but so filled with love that the smile on her face brought joyful rain of its own that no umbrella could keep from my head.
... Arigatou gozaimashita ...
As young and as new as we both were, our lives could not have been more fulfilled.
The rain stopped, and beautiful sunshine took us beyond our most vivid imaginations. Together, we walked over the greenest grass, and held each other beneath trees full of cherry blossom. Together, we laughed, intoxicated by the scent of beautiful flowers. And closer than others, together we danced in the moonlight beneath the brightest stars.
Together, we built castles in the sand. All the while we lived joyously shunning castles in the air for the truth of the gift of life which we had been granted.
Though neither of us asked for it, nor even mentioned it, for each other, we gave our very best. It was something we simply did. To think of doing less would have been something we could not have contemplated.
We prayed — not for each other, but for those around us, those who helped us, those who looked out for us, and especially those who shared with us. We gave thanks — for all that we had by caring for each other, listening to each other, living for each other.
We lived and we watched and we learned. We were very happy, just the two of us together, but we were still alone.
... Janken ...
Our trust in each other was built on foundations of youthful innocence and ignorance. All around us we could see not just the happiness of others, but also their sadness and loneliness. While we had each other, not everyone was so fortunate.
We had accepted what we were to each other without understanding what we truly meant to each other. We were acting out our lives together with no other thought than our prayers for those who lived with us.
Only by pretending to be someone else could we learn what it meant to be ourselves. But, more than that, by acting out the love for another, by listening to their voices, by experiencing their emotions, and by sharing them not just between the two of us, but with everyone else, only that way could we learn and show what love truly meant.
So, we learned of destiny, of love and rivalry, of poison and daggers, of tragedy and death.
... Kamen ...
Yet, even as more of the truth was revealed, still, we hid.
Beneath the costumes, behind the roles, all those who set foot upon the stage expose their inner-most desires. All around us, relationships showed themselves, twisted themselves. Hopes were raised and dashed, and each of us played a part.
Everyone on that stage that day was in love.
Yet, the sacrifices we make to find love... and the sacrifices we make so that others might find theirs — are the rewards enough?
The truth of Carmen was there... in the masks each of us wore.
Why do we dare to look at the pain of others? Is it because it so much more difficult to look at the ache in our own hearts?
... Saa eikou iu you no yami no ue ni ...
Every one of us has a special place where our secrets and desires live. Every one of us longs for the special person without whom we would not be complete. Every one of us, in our own way, will search — until the veil of darkness is lifted.
I have more than lived beside my onee-sama, with my onee-sama. I have lived and loved as only my onee-sama could and would. We are, and always have been, as one.
This is my Satori.
Once, through my own eyes, the world flashing past was a strange and soul-less place, and racing at such a pace that I could not begin to comprehend it. Once, the faces of strangers and friends were all alike. Once, so long ago, there was as little meaning to those faces as my onee-sama's love for me.
Yet the generosity of Nagisa-sama, the friendship of Chikaru-sama, Kizuna and Remon, and their own special devotion brought light to my life.
My eyes were opened to the beauty in all our hearts.
Just as the raindrops still fall, and tears are still shed, now they are tears of love, sparkling like stars in the sky. Just as Shizuma-sama shines over us, leading us, filling us with love and joy, now we fill each other beyond our own hopes and wishes.
For as long as my onee-sama will carry me, for as long as she will hold me in her arms, for as long as we shall sleep together and dream together at night, for as long as the blissful union we share carries us into the light of the new day, I will forever be her wonderful angel, and Kagome my own guiding Etoile-sama.