Naruto tossed some ryo down on the counter. Somehow, ramen didn't seem that good today.
'Wonder why' He though sarcastically. His shoulders slumped and he put his hands in his pockets. The soles of his shoes made little noise as he plodded down the street, not much caring where he went. A small pebble hit his sandal and bounced ahead, the clanking of the pipe it hit disproportional to its size. The sun was down, and the streets of Kohonah were lit up only by the occasional yellow window. Naruto trekked through the main thoroughfares for a while before turning down a side street. There was a field, he knew, on the other side of the T shaped turn that ended the gravel lane. A stray- oh, no wait- there was a collar, cat mewed at him. It followed Naruto in short bursts as he continued down the ally.
The cat abandoned the boy when he went into the field 'Why shouldn't it? Everybody else abandons me.' He threw back the head on his slumped shoulders. 'No,' a snide voice said 'They didn't abandon you, you were the only one that ever got attached' Tears, large and salty, began collecting in his large blue eyes.
The field was large and bumpy, with the entire section of land being sloped down the large hill that was under this section of town. Naruto remembered the other children going sledding in it during the few occasions it had snowed. Naruto had missed out on that. He was too old for sledding now.
'Even if I was younger, nobody would want to sled with me now.' He had failed. Failed to bring Sasuke back, failed to keep his promises- to his crush, himself, and his village; he had broken his ninja way. Who would accept someone like him- an obnoxious, overconfident failure? He saw himself now as others must see him- annoying and proud.
'No wonder Sasuke left' Naruto though dismally. 'Don't kid yourself.' some derisive part of him thought in the back of his brain. 'You weren't even a blip on his radar.' Naruto trekked up the hill, feeling like a pimple on the world. Ugly, useless, and unwanted, but small, easily removed through time or force. Feeling guilty about his teammate's departure and feeling guilty about feeling cocky for feeling guilty warred inside him, confusing the blond boy and making him even more depressed than he already was. A thorny raspberry cane, long since having bared its fruit and died, tore open the sensitive skin on his ankle. HHe noticed, but didn't really mind. Naruto's guilt occupied too much of his mind for him to care.
'Self absorbed asshole' he though to himself, feeling another pang of guilt from his lower chest.
There was an opening in the deteriorated fence at the top of the hill, and Naruto treaded through the three-yard long gap. He thought it once held a gate, but what did he know? The road on this side was the same ally he crossed before. He had essentially taken a shortcut through the seeded grass.
'It's all I've ever really done,' Naruto blithely thought 'Why stop now?' He was even a ninja because of a shortcut. A shortcut that had nearly gotten someone killed. The blonde boy didn't stop to think that at least that person cared about him as he pulled off his Haiti. The tears had stopped flowing as freely when he was in the abandoned field, but they now returned with vigor. It burned at his eyes, pixilating his vision into irregular blobs of color.
"Naruto?" he heard a feminine voice call. He recognized it, but didn't hear enough to match a face to immediately. "Naruto- are you alright?" He rubbed his eyes to clear his vision. It was Sumiko, Kohonamaru's mother, and, Naruto realized, Asuma's sister by default. He didn't think it was by marriage, because she had many of Asuma's features. She was pretty, he decided, but her face could belong to a man without making him look too girly.
"Arigato Sarutobi san, I'm fine." Naruto said, rubbing his face with his sleeve. The woman had brown hair, cut in a style reminiscent of Shizunes. The main difference was the single front lock, grown to her waist and curled. Her face was in and expression that said she knew Naruto was lying, but didn't really feel like calling him out on it.
"My gutters need cleaned." She announced suddenly. "Since you're here and Kohonamaru wants to see you anyway, I'll give you D-rank mission pay if you clear them out for me." She turned on her heel and walked in the opposite direction she had been going. Naruto considered not following her for a second, but jogged ahead a little to keep up with her. Un-clogging some gutters would be worth the pay. He didn't really want to see her son, but he could easily avoid him. The entire walk to the woman's house was silent.
Naruto scrapped his fingers through the hollowed out half-circle. The gutters had already produced two paper grocery bags full of mostly dry leaves. It hadn't rained in a while, so scooping out the clumps of brown foliage wasn't as gross as it usually was. Only the bits that he was getting now were slimy, and even then, it wasn't too bad. The handful of leaves flung off his hand and into the bag, making a dark spot on the exterior. Naruto garnered one more before a shout from below stopped him.
"Hey Boss! Mom says that's good!" Naruto groaned to himself. He really didn't want to talk to the kid. "She made us sandwiches!" The brown haired boy said as his older rival jumped off the roof. Naruto sighed silently, preparing himself for the things Kohonamaru was going to say. "You're a failure… I never looked up to you… Can't believe I ever let a pathetic excuse for a ninja like you teach me anything …" His nose started to smart, and he pushed back tears again. Who was he to cry?
Inside, there were two sandwiches on a glass plate. They were made on rye bread, and probably healthy. Such is the horror of shinobi life. Once they had both settled onto two of the three barstools that lined one side of Kohanamaru's kitchen counter, he started talking.
"So Boss," He said, munching on the turkey flavored health food shinobi had to eat "How come I haven't seen you around?"
Naruto didn't answer. He was bracing himself for the next words he was sure Kohonamaru was going to say.
"I missed you." What? "C'mon Boss, where ya'' been? Moigie's worried about you." Kohanumaru said, lightly punching Naruto in the arm. Naruto steeled himself for an anger-filled punch, but all he got was a light tap. Kohanamaru noticed his flinch, however controlled it was. "What's up Boss, why you acting like this?" Naruto didn't answer. Instead, he kept his eyes pointed straight ahead. He saw, through the kitchen window, the three brown bags he had filled with leaves. One was sodden, and looked too fragile to pick up. "Boss! Answer me!" Worry laced Kohonamaru's already high-pitched tone
"I'm fine, Kohonamaru." His words were tired and forced.
"No you're not, Boss."
Pause.
"Maybe." Naruto rested his elbows on the counter, letting his head fall heavily into his hands.
"Boss, I know you're upset about Sasuke leaving, but cheer up! The village needs you." Kohanamaru put his hand on Naruto's back comfortingly. Naruto didn't dare to hope that the boy meant it. Most likely he was just tired of Naruto's unjust moping. "Boss, that man-lady with the pink hair needs you. Kohonamaru Corps needs you. Sasuke needs you. Your graduating class needs you. Ayame needs you. The entire village needs you, Naruto." Kohanamaru said, frowning at the blonde.
"He's right, you know." Sumiko spoke from the doorway. "Nobody's day is the same, weather they realize it or not, without seeing you bounce around town." Her angled bob was still, even when she walked over to lean on the counter. "You're special Naruto. Do you think it was Kakashi's fault his father died?" Naruto shook his head. "Do you think he still blamed himself?"
"…" Out of the corner of his eye, Naruto saw Kohonamaru back out of the room.
"Of course he did. It's natural for people as good as you to blame themselves for everything bad that happens, and then feel overconfident for feeling like they had they power to change it. What you're probably seeing as your horrible qualities right now are some of the things that people love about you.
You get under people's skin, Naruto, and that little bit of you that gets in spreads it goodness and changes them for the better. Sasuke probably misses you like crazy right now. You were the first person to reach him, and it wasn't just because you happened to be in the right place at the right time. You are an extraordinary person, and you best believe it.
Now get, I don't want anybody, especially me, to have to give you that talk again." Naruto took the teasing with his large toothed smile. His blue eyes looked lighter than they had in days. He wasn't all the way out of the hole yet, but he sure was fighting like hell to get out.