You and the Night and the Music

A/N: The beginning of this story takes place third season, just before The English Visitor. End of story takes place season six, during The Boat. Beta'd by Kelmin.

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There is really something special about him. I'm not quite sure what it is.

I know he's married… happily married, and a father. Never any problem there. He talks to me about her all the time, and not just the good stuff. It's funny coming from me, but I really do think he's the perfect husband. Sounds crazy. But as long as Joanne doesn't know…. That really sounds horrible.

Maybe it has something to do with it being so taboo… maybe it's the fireman/nurse thing. Maybe it's the keeping it a secret from everyone thing. No one would ever suspect, at least certainly not with him. We have to keep it that way.

He's also a bit younger than me. That was a big switch. It was pretty flattering to have such a handsome, rugged young man show interest in me like that. Really surprised me. It felt positively wicked! What am I doing to this young man? But he's not THAT much younger. Not really robbing the cradle. Is it? Well, maybe.

He was so cute that night. Just adorable. When he blushes and smiles that shy smile with the dimples, it just kills me. So sweet. His eyes are so blue, and they sparkle like crystal.

I felt like I had a little angel on one shoulder, and a little devil on the other. The angel was screaming at me to stop. The devil was saying, "Do it! Just let it happen."

I did let it happen. It was like a runaway train. He just swept me into those strong arms of his, and I melted. I think it was the longest kiss in history. At least MY history!

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She is just about the sexiest woman I've ever known. There is really something special about her. Can't quite put my finger on it.

I love Joanne. Always have, always will. It's like my life with her is completely set aside when I'm around Dixie. I should feel guilty for having strayed, but I don't. I love Joanne. Never stopped loving her, or feeling desire for her. I've never thought of myself as being selfish or greedy, but I can't help wanting Dixie too. Never thought I would act on those feelings. But just like some people say, it "just happened." Didn't plan it.

Something made me stay that night after the others left. I knew I should have left earlier. In fact, I shouldn't have stayed at all. I guess I was just curious. I thought that I was "safe," since I was married. It's not like I came on to her or her to me. It all seemed very natural. Maybe that's why I don't feel guilty about it. Sure, I'm keeping it a secret, but not really because I feel guilty, but because it would hurt so many people if it got out about us.

One thing that Dixie and I share, that Joanne and I don't, is our love for jazz music. Dixie has a great singing voice. When she sang a song just for me, it was so special… I can't even describe how it made me feel.

She had some old jazz record albums playing, and she was pretending to be doing a club act. As she finished the song, she sat on my lap. We were laughing. There was kind of an awkward pause while the record played the scratchy pops in between songs. The next song started… it was a slow song, a romantic song. She was still sitting on my lap, and we were looking into each other's eyes. I was going to stand up, but then our faces were so close, I just kissed her instead. It really surprised us both. It ended up being a very long kiss. After a while, I did stand up, and she was still with me. I didn't want to let her go, and I didn't want to stop kissing her.

"We're getting into some really dangerous territory here." I told her after several minutes.

"Yes we are." She agreed, still with her arms around my neck.

"I'm gonna go now."

"Okay."

That was it. I let her go, picked up my jacket, and left.

That kiss was our secret for several years. We had a special bond all that time. I never told Johnny or anyone about it. Dixie and I never spoke about it to each other, not even when we were alone together at the hospital sometimes. But it was always in our eyes and in our minds when we'd look at each other.

Then when the hospital had the basement explosion and Dixie was hurt… something changed in me again. The idea of losing her was too scary of a thought for me. She wasn't hurt badly at all, but it was just the thought of how much worse it could have been. It really bothered me.

When Johnny or one of the guys gets hurt on the job, it can be pretty scary. As firemen, we're putting ourselves in the line of danger all the time, but we're sort of prepared for a certain number of injuries as a given.

It's different with Dixie. She's not supposed to get hurt. As a nurse, she's usually on the other end of it, helping the people who get hurt. I guess it's the whole male-protectiveness nature in me.

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The night of the blast was just crazy. It just seemed to go on and on. The firemen stayed for hours cleaning up, and the staff stayed on for hours treating the injured. Kel told me to go home, but he wasn't able to drive me himself and didn't want me driving myself home. I protested of course, but I had to admit that I was pretty tired and sore. Johnny and Roy were just about to leave when Kel asked the boys if they'd see me home.

"Well, we have to finish out our shift, but I could swing by here afterwards. Be a couple of hours." Roy offered.

"That would be great. Thanks Roy." Kel touched Roy's shoulder and then walked away. I looked at Roy, and he smiled at me.

"See you in a bit." He said.

I was sitting in the lounge when Roy showed up a couple of hours later. He almost looked like a completely different person. When he left earlier, he was in uniform, with his helmet, and his face was smudged with smoke and sweat. Now he was showered, wearing jeans and a t-shirt, and his strawberry hair was combed back. He smelled wonderful.

"Ready to go?"

"You bet." He helped me up, and we walked out to his car.

The sun was just coming up, and it was peeking through the trees and buildings to the East. We were getting pretty close to my place, when I just had to ask him, since we never talk about it.

"Hey Roy. Do you ever think about that night?" He smiled and knew exactly what I meant.

"More than you know."

I smiled. He really is so damned cute. "Me too."

We got to my place, he helped me out of the car, and up to my door. We stood there for a moment and I took his hands in mine.

"It would be a really bad idea for you to come in right now." I smiled. He smiled too.

"I wouldn't trust myself for a second."

"Thanks for the ride home."

"My pleasure. Any time." This time he kissed me on the cheek, and then he left.

Joanne's a lucky woman to have him. But I'm always going to cherish the little bit of him that's all mine.

End