Superman (It's Not Easy)

"You can't just make me different and then leave. You can't. You can't change me and make my whole life centered around you, then leave."

— John Green

"You're leaving."

Derek flinched. It wasn't a question. Stiles knew. God, how he had hoped he could slip away before anyone realized he was planning on leaving, but of course, Stiles had managed to figure it out. He wasn't ready for this conversation. Not to say that he ever would be, but the agonizing ache in his chest and uncomfortable lump in his throat made him feel as though he might just drop dead if he tried to speak now. He just wanted to disappear into the floorboards beneath him or maybe run and hide somewhere no one would ever find him.

"Dammit, Derek! Turn around!" Stiles ground out.

Though he didn't want to, he turned to face the brown-haired teen with those soft brown eyes that made his heart flutter in his chest. It didn't matter how he had figured it out; Stiles was here now, and he deserved a chance to say whatever he wanted to Derek's face.

"Why are you leaving?" Stiles asked bluntly.

Derek couldn't give him an answer, couldn't explain all the emotions he was feeling, so he simply stared.

"Are you going to say anything or is scowling all you know how to do anymore?" Stiles spat angrily.

"I don't know what you want me to say," Derek managed weakly pleading with his eyes for Stiles to understand.

"I want you to tell me why you're bailing on us! On me! I-I thought we were…something. I thought I mattered to you! You can't just change my entire life, and then leave!"

He could see the tears brimming in Stiles' amber eyes.

"You do matter," Derek said softly.

He didn't know how to say any of what needed to be said. This is why he hadn't wanted to say goodbye. Stiles wasn't going to let him just leave. And part of him wanted to go to Stiles and wrap his arms around him and feel that familiar comfort that came from being close to him, but he couldn't. If he did, he might not be able to let go, and he had to leave. He had to get out of Beacon Hills.

"Stiles," Derek breathed. "I-I can't stay here. After Erica and Boyd and Jennifer and the Alphas. All of it was my fault. So many people got hurt because of me, and I just can't be here right now."

"None of that was your fault!" Stiles insisted.

"Look, I just need to get away for a while. After my family…I had to leave…I have to go again."

"Then I'll come with you," Stiles said moving forward in an attempt to wrap his own arms around Derek.

"No," Derek responded holding up a hand to keep Stiles firmly at arm's length. "I have to figure this out on my own. I need to know I can be okay on my own first. Besides you'll be safer here with the pack."

"But…" Stiles trailed off looking desperately around the room as if a valid argument would present itself if he looked hard enough. "I need you."

Derek sighed. Why was this so hard? Scratch that, he already knew; it was because he loved Stiles, and he knew this was hurting him. But this was what he had to do. He didn't know if it was a wolf thing or a personal thing, but he had to know that he could put himself back together on his own before returning to Beacon Hills and to Stiles because Stiles could be taken away at any moment, and what if he couldn't survive without him? He had to know that he would be okay on his own if that's what it came to.

He turned towards Stiles once more only just realizing that tears had begun to make their way down his own cheeks. He impatiently wiped them away as he noticed Stiles' thoughtful gaze. Of course Stiles would pick up on all the things his brain was unable to form into words. Stiles always had a way of knowing what he was thinking, and for once, Derek was happy he did. He didn't have any words left to make him understand.

But that was okay because Stiles did understand. He made that clear as he took that final step closing the remaining space between them and wrapped his arms around Derek's shoulders and leaned their foreheads together. They stayed like that for several moments just breathing in each other's scents and taking comfort in the familiar feelings. Finally, Stiles broke the silence.

"Just promise me one thing," he said his voice barely more than a whisper.

"Anything," Derek replied tightening his grip on Stiles waist.

"Promise me you'll come back."

"Always."

"It's painful to say goodbye to someone you don't want to let go, but it's more painful to ask someone to stay when you know they want to leave."

— Unknown