Seiya/Usagi, slightly A/U as the storyline is not according to the original. A different story of how Seiya and Usagi might have met, and all in my favourite StarLight's POV.
„My Summer Of Love"
by Greta
It all started on that one day which brings smiles, true smiles of giddy relief, to the faces of every student: the first day of the summer. That one day that makes you forget troublesome faces of teachers and students alike, that day that lets you leave pages upon pages of endless knowledge you will never learn to keep anyway, behind you for a few treasured weeks.
Yes, it should have been a careless and thoughtless time for at least a few delicious weeks.
But no, it was not supposed to be such for me.
Clear laughter full of mirth bubbled from her, surrounding her like a golden halo of glory. She imprisoned everything that I did not feel that very day, everything I had not felt for such a long time. Happiness and mirth emanated from her, innocence and naivety. She held her head high as she walked down the crowded sidewalk, friends gathered at her side, like moths drawn to a bright light, her bright light. I had never seen anyone hold herself as she did; it was not pride or her ego that made her hold herself as she did, posture elegant, head high. It was hard to put a finger on it, hard to describe it. Unaffectedness, the very unaffectedness every single one of us is born with, still clung to her. And it made her stand out.
Maybe it was the very reason why I had noticed her in the first place. But maybe it was her appearance just as much. Her long golden tresses fell down her shoulders and back, two buns of it bound up on her head; her outfit was that of any other schoolgirl, and her blue eyes were crunched up in laughter constantly, but it did nothing to mar her. She may still have been a girl, but beneath all the still childish features, I could see her beauty. The beautiful woman she already was, who only had to unravel herself from the tangles of childhood.
And I liked beauty. It attracted me and called my name. So beauty was skin-deep? But then what wasn't these days? People shielded themselves from the world around them constantly, hiding and concealing all there was of them, so that no one would see their true self. Happiness, pride, respect, ambition, nothing was real nowadays. But her beauty was not only true, it was honest.
And so I stood there, arms crossed across my chest, as I cocked my head while watching her walk down the street until she rounded a corner, not anticipating on seeing her again.
Running, running as fast as I could, not looking back once, not once allowing it. And faster still, I felt like having to run as fast as the wind which was whipping my long hair about. On and on my mind urged me, on and on.
The tears were welling in my eyes, uncomfortably hot in the corner of my eyes. But no time – no time to wipe them away, just leave this place, this place that reeks of destruction, of suffering, of death, death so painful and slow. Just leave, turn your back to the world that was your home once not long ago, turn your face from it all, leave, just go, like a coward …
Close your eyes, don't think, don't you dare think about it! Run, run! My mind was screaming at me, screaming so urgently, so forcefully, so unlike it had ever done before. RUN!
But can you escape what is meant to be?
My loss of breath forces me to stop, forces me to slow my mad pace lest I fall, forces me to come to a halt. I gasp and chortle, but is it because of the breath my body so desperately seeks? No …
It is because she is lying in front of my feet, looking just as she had before, just as I had left her mere seconds before, my mind having forced me to run from her grisly sight. Her once lively eyes dead, her scarlet hair spread around her lithe body like a delicate curtain, just like the blood seeping from her body, staining her clothes, staining the soil beneath her body. Had I run in circles? Had I not run at all? My eyes closed and my knees gave away beneath my body.
No, you can not escape what is meant to be. All you can do is defy it all. Defy it as I do.
My head was in my hands, my eyes closed to the nightly view of Tokyo. Dreams were evil, unbelievably cruel. And they stuck to you heavily with their pitiless pictures of your soul's fears like nothing else, not letting you go, not leaving you be. Brushing a hand through my unruly dark hair, I sighed heavily. But what was I to do?
Nothing, as there was nothing to be done about it.
I would keep waking up every few nights, the picture which was my deepest horror and fear constantly pushed to the furthest corner of my mind while I was awake, instead haunting me in what was supposed to be peaceful slumber. The sweat would break out on my body and the unwanted tears would well up in my eyes even while I was asleep, left to linger on my skin once I'd awakened with a gasp.
The lights of Tokyo were alluring that night, lighting up the dark night. And anything that lit up the darkness was welcome and cherished by me. What I was doing wasn't smart. You shouldn't ignore your fears and push them away to the dark passages of the mind instead of confronting them. It wasn't good for me. I knew that much myself.
But who was to stop me? My two companions? They had been there just as I had, had witnessed the death and destruction that had left pitiful ruins in the place of what our lives had been up until then, but no weakness or sadness ever crossed their face when I saw them, just as it was with me. Who knew what their dreams presented to them? We bore the same pain, but we were all too proud to submit to it. And there was no one else in my life. So who, I ask you, who was to stop me from pushing all my unwanted thoughts far, far away when I was awake?
My blue eyes roamed the tall buildings of Tokyo as I breathed in the cool air of the night deeply, stretching my arms behind my back. The city was calling my name, speaking to me softly, promising me to help push away the pain. And who was I to ignore such a call?
I would go on defying it all, just as I always had.
It was late in the night, far too late for her. I had spotted her the moment I had stepped through the door of the little bar I liked to visit during my nightly strolls through the streets of Tokyo. Though definitely not the worst of places, the small bar seemed by far darker and more foreboding than it usually did to me, and all because of her mere presence. Her golden hair stood out even in the dim light of the room, and her light was as intriguing as it had been those few days ago when I had seen her leave her school. But she did not fit here.
The man behind the bar greeted me with a nod, accustomed to me appearing at such unearthly hours, before turning away to make me a drink. I was only seventeen, but when people recognize you to be wealthy enough for their taste they tend to make exceptions, just as the grey-haired man behind the counter was doing that very moment. I only spared him a glance as my eyes fixed on the girl sitting a few stools away from me. Why did she fascinate me so, especially when I did not even know her?
I would never know.
Sipping at the brown liquor the barman had handed me, I studied her features. Her arms were propped up on the counter, her chin resting on one hand. Her eyes were looking away far into the distance, thoughts obviously rushing through her mind. Seeming out of place made her look young, I thought, younger than I did. I had not thought of finding someone like her in a place like this.
But the reason behind her presence was easily made clear to me when a young man stepped out from behind a corner, a smile instantly replacing her slightly troubled expression upon seeing him, before she continued with the conversation they had obviously led before.
I liked her voice, for reasons I cannot name.
This fascination was puzzling me, this fascination with a person I had seen only once before for mere seconds, this person who already had someone at her side. But my eyes remained fixed on her, my chin now propped up on my arm, as the swallows of my drink became larger, the searing pain as it travelled down my throat strangely releasing. She allured to me like a song, a song I wanted to sing.
"Seiya, you lazy ass!"
I groaned upon hearing the harsh voice interrupt my sleep, before covering my head with one of the many pillows lying on my bed. The curtains had been drawn open, much against my taste, and the sun was infiltrating my room, making a red light appear behind my firmly shut eyelids.
"SEIYA!"
I had absolutely no intention at all of getting up, tiredness still heavy in my every limb. I had stayed out very late the night before, maybe even later than usual. But so had she.
And I had not let myself leave that dim tavern before her gaze had locked with mine at least for a mere second. And so I had waited, my glass being refilled the instant I had emptied it, until I drained it once more. Persistent as I was I had simply waited, strangely not once feeling stupid as I had sat there all alone.
But her gaze met mine finally, and as it did, I smiled softly at her, my eyes fixed irremovably from hers. She blinked a few times as if in slight confusion at the way I had been looking at her, the way I had been smiling at her, that somehow told her that I had been watching her for God knows how long. She had motioned to move her head and eyes from me, but never did, as instead she had chosen to smile - a small smile, a curious and timid smile - back at me. Raising my glass to her as if speaking a toast, I had cocked my head to one side, making the faintest of colour rise in her cheeks at the attention that was being bestowed upon her.
But fingers touching her delicate wrist broke the spell, her head snapping to look up at the tall young man at her side; he too had been smiling at her. Turning back to my glass, I drained it one last time, feeling that it was time for me to leave. Having placed enough bills on the counter, I had turned to leave for the door; and there I had waited for the pair, waited and held the door open for them in a gentlemanly manner as they too were leaving, and I had smiled into her smooth face once more, making her turn to look at me even as her boyfriend was leading her through the door, to return the smile.
It had been a smile that had come from her soul, and it had told me all I had wanted to know about her.
But the voice barking out my name would not give me the peace to think of that smile once more, the person that spoke so harshly to me now tugging at my blanket.
"WHAT, Yaten?" I growled out under my breath, burying my head deeper into my pillows, while hitting blindly about me in hope of pushing him away from me.
"What, you ask? It's noon, for God's sake! And we're supposed to be in the studio in half an hour!"
I grumbled once more. "Again? It seems we're there every waking hour …"
"What on Earth did you expect? Are you a popstar or not?"
What was I to say to that? "I'm tired Yaten, so just fuck off, won't you?"
The blanket was ripped from my body with force, before I felt a hand grasp my hair to pull my head to one side harshly, forcing my eyes to face not only the sun, but also a pair of enraged olive eyes. "It's not my fault that you were up and about till dawn! That was your own doing and nothing else! So deal with the fact that you'll be tired today, alright? Because you will be ready in half an hour, do you understand? You will not let our mission down like this."
Silver hair that framed his face fell into my own, tickling my cheeks, his enraged breath leaving his body in gasps. So that's what it came down to. I closed my eyes, breathing in deeply as I put my hands up to my temples. Had he thought that I'd forgotten? Just forgotten what had brought us to this planet? Then he was wrong. For how could I ever forget?
And yet I couldn't explain to him that that very thing had made me flee into the night.
Those light green eyes were still staring down into my face, still angry, and studying my eyes now. I knew that he saw that I had not forgotten our mission. I knew that he saw my pain, just as I was surveying his in that very moment. It was somehow sad, even pathetic. We three were all we had. And we three were all feeling the same pain. I could feel it in them, just as they must be feeling it in me. And yet we kept the sorrow of our souls silent, shutting it inside ourselves.
"Well, what are you waiting for?" he asked harshly, before turning around and slamming the door shut as he left my room.
How was I to speak up?
Half an hour later I was up and about, freshly showered and dressed, representing exactly what was expected of me. Handsome, boyish Seiya, cocky and flirty, ready to make any girl swoon. Image was everything in this business. And what had Yaten said earlier? I was a popstar, if only for my mission. And I would not be myself if I did not give everything I had in all I did.
Well, if it wasn't for a certain smile, a certain presence that was still hovering in my mind, clinging persistently to my thoughts.
"Seiya …" Taiki said before sighing. His eyes were slightly narrowed as he surveyed me, one eyebrow raised as if in question. His face seemed like an open book that early afternoon, as I could guess what exactly was making him question me. Where were you last night, he was asking me. And what is distracting you so?
"Hm?" I mumbled, knowing that those would not be the questions he would say out loud.
"Here. A new song." He handed me a bundle of papers, covered in notes and text passages, crossed out words and blots of ink. I smiled slightly. Taiki was such a neat person, orderly and proper. Only when he was creative did he let himself go to not care about appearances anymore. He had been more like that before evil reached our small planet, before we were forced to flee like cowards from an enemy we could not defeat, before we were left to chase after our last hope in this vast universe. Closing my eyes, I bit my lips, grasping desperately for a hold over myself. Defying it all was what always worked, I told myself. Ignore the pain. Be a man. Well, yeah, as long as I was one anyway.
Scanning the many pages of music, I mouthed the lyrics of the song. Nagareboshi He … The melody slowly formed itself inside my mind, and I smiled. How should I describe it? It was sad in a strange manner, in the manner of someone begging at your feet to stay, or in this case return. How fitting, I thought. How we three would grovel at our Princesses feet, not leaving her from our sight when she returned to us once more. For who else was there of our old life? She was the last one who, when she would mutter the words that all would be alright, we could believe in.
"I like it."
"Thank you," Taiki said, a small smile curling on his face.
"It will reach her, it will," Yaten said softly, leaning back in his chair, staring at the ceiling as thoughts conquered him. I could very well imagine what thoughts they would be. Thoughts of better times that now seemed so long ago and thoughts of a time which was yet to come. He seemed so tranquil sitting there, his eyes calm and peaceful, so very different from the way he had been earlier in my room.
"It will," Taiki agreed, as he brushed over the paper which was slightly crumpled in a corner.
Only I remained silent.
Nagareboshi He. Shooting Star. It was the song that made us famous, famous in a way we hadn't been before. People recognized us wherever we went now, intrigued with the three handsome boys that sang with all their soul and heart, that sang so sadly of love. They recognized our profiles within miles, screamed our names, begged for us to smile and pose, sing and sign the strangest things. So we had reached our goal, hadn't we? Everyone seemed to know us. But did our song reach that one fragrant soul we sought after? We waited. We hoped. And waited some more, our performance of that one song becoming better each time we sang, the lyrics thick with emotion, soaked to the last word with our soul's blood.
But did she answer?
No, she did not.
But all the stress was good for at least one thing. Now that I was up from dawn till the wee hours of the night, sleep came over me easily, covering me in a heavy blanket of dreamless unconsciousness, bringing nothing more than slumber to my exhausted bones. No more cruel tricks of my mind and soul, no more waking up to stroll around Tokyo mindlessly in hopes of drowning my sorrows.
Liking this state, I tried to work as much as I could, trying desperately to sink into it like a stone did when it hit the water. I savoured the exhaustion each day brought, the feeling of having given everything that was within me. Just like the stone was blinded by the sheer mass of the fluid body he was in, I wanted to be blind to all coherent thoughts. I wanted to be blind to myself. It was the only way that I could manage.
But why was I then slowly feeling as if I was drowning?
Do I believe in destiny? Well, I had never given much thought to the damsel that was supposed to watch my every move, changing left turns in my path of life into right ones at her whim, to guide and guard what she felt was supposed to be fate. No, I could not say that I believed in destiny.
But then why was I seeing her again? The first time I had spotted her, I had not thought of ever meeting her again, it being a mere coincidence that our van had broken down right in front of her school. The second time my gaze had fallen upon her had only been a few days later, and a coincidence just as much. Yes, I had been heavily intrigued, maybe even enchanted.
But with pushing every single coherent thought from my mind as I had been doing in the last two weeks ever since we had released the song to which our every hope clung, I had pushed her from my mind just as much. For I did not know a thing about her after all and the chance of ever seeing her again was just so unbelievably small.
But there she stood, her hands and forehead pressed against the vast ceiling-to-floor windows that overlooked the departing and arriving aeroplanes. The glass pane made her appear almost tiny as they towered so highly above her. Her eyes were clouded and narrowed as if stuck in uncomfortable and bothersome thoughts, and her right hand slowly travelled to the silver necklace that rested around her neck. She was wearing a summery dress of pale powder-blue silk that matched her stormy eyes which reflected in the glass in front of her, that mirror-image of her showing me her fingers curl into a fist around the pendant hanging around her neck.
She was as I remembered, beautiful and alluring. And her soul did not cease on calling to me today.
Lifting the dark glasses from my eyes, blinking at the sudden brightness, I turned to face my companions. What should I say to them? Just a few minutes, please, I'd like to talk to that girl over there. No, I don't know her. Well, I've only seen her twice before. No, I've never talked to her. But I would like to, yes.
It wasn't bound to work that way. They'd stare at me as if I was mad, and would start lecturing me about sticking to my mission and leave the goddamn girls of this planet alone. And wasn't I really a female deep inside this male body anyway? So I was, but who cared about things like that?
They hadn't noticed that I'd stopped walking along behind them, and kept on hurrying down the long polished corridors of the airport. They'd never notice that I was gone until they were outside the high halls of the bustling building. Oh, they'd be angry with me, mutter about carelessness and sheer stupidity to me, and lecture me all the same. But they wouldn't find out about her.
She'd still be my secret.
Turning from their retreating backs, I saw the girl I sought after still staring mutely at the aeroplanes. What was I to say to her? Hey, remember me? I'm the guy – famous popstar by the way – who smiled at you in that dim bar those few weeks ago. Yeah, nice to meet you too.
Big no no. Wasn't there a feminine side inside of me larger than in any other guy on this planet? Then shouldn't I freaking know better that to talk and flirt so crudely with her? Wait; had I just thought flirt?
Sighing very deeply, I bit into my lower lip. I really had to collect my thoughts and myself at large. Love hurt 99 percent of the time. And a deep, deep gut feeling told me, that I was heavily pushing my luck when I thought that I'd be among the lucky one percent that ended in happily ever after. But what was I thinking? I didn't even know her, did I?
Coming to rest beside her – when my feet had moved was beyond me – I opened my mouth, hoping that something fairly normal and nice would leave me.
"Oi, Odango Atama, is everything alright?"
Her head snapped up from looking out the window to look up at me, her eyes slightly narrowed. "What?"
I grinned at her in hopes of looking nice and comforting. But somehow the effect failed to do what I had wanted it to do, my grin seemingly only aggravating her.
Stepping back from the glass, her hands hovered at her hips as she scowled at me slightly while studying me. "You have no right of calling me that," she said slowly and ever so slightly threatening.
Hm.
Not exactly what I had wanted to reach.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to anger you … Odango." I grinned at her once more, as anger flashed up in her eyes. But what was I to do? My personality just liked to get in the way of my logical and rational thoughts, as it was doing that very moment. My mind was talking of respectfully asking her what was wrong, listening to her if that was what she sought after, offering a handkerchief and a cup of coffee if it was needed, while what was really talking through me right now was the tease in me.
She blinked now in confusion as she had those few days ago, recognition slowly dawning on her face. "And I thought you were a gentleman …" she muttered under her breath, her soft pink lips curling into a childish pout.
She looked so much like a child that had had its beliefs upset, that I had to laugh. Not at her, but because of her. The smile on my face was making a warmth spread through me as I had not felt in a long time. But then, when had been the last time that I had felt even slightly amused?
Cocking her head at me, she studied my laughing face, before she started smiling as well. Bowing swiftly but respectfully before me, she closed her blue eyes for a short moment.
"I'm sorry. I was rude as well," she apologized. "My name is Tsukino Usagi. May I ask who you are?"
Another laugh erupted from me. She must be the last girl in Tokyo who hadn't heard of the Three Lights yet. We had been quite well known before Nagareboshi He already, but in those last two weeks since we had released the song, all of the Japanese capital had been hot on our tails. Thinking of it, I felt surprised at not being surrounded by screaming fan-girls already.
She was honestly puzzled at my renewed laughter, making it clear to me, that she was that very last girl of Tokyo.
Mirroring her politeness, I bowed swiftly. "My name is Seiya Kou. Please excuse my rudeness."
"Nice to meet you, Seiya-san."
"Ano, I hope you won't mind me calling you Odango ."
Her forehead wrinkled, as her arms rose to her hips once more. "But … You don't even know me."
"That may be. But I can see you are a pretty odango-haired girl just by looking at you though."
I could see that she was unsure of how to react. Here she was being called nicknames by a stranger, and yet at the same time being complimented. How was a girl to react in a situation like that? "Only … few people call me that … only my friends …" she said in a low voice coated slightly with sadness.
"Then let me be your friend."
Clink. Clack. Clink.
Swirling the metal spoon in her steaming cup of tea, she was watching me intently over the rim of her cup.
In what a strange situation she must feel like being in. Sitting in an Americanized coffee-shop somewhere in Tokyo International Airport with a stranger seated across from her, unsure of what to say, unsure of what to do, unsure of what to feel.
And I could very much relate to her as I wasn't feeling much different myself. Upon my bid to be her friend, she had blushed brilliantly, and had chewed on her lips before stuttering that she already had someone, and how she wouldn't do anything like that, even if he was gone for the next few months. She had babbled on confusingly until I shook my head, laughing, and had asked her how she defined the term friend. Upon her embarrassed reaction, I took her hand in mine. Had I destroyed her belief of me wanting to be just a friend with that action? I cannot say. But I know that I destroyed that very thing in myself with that simple action. Her hand, smaller than mine, was warm and smooth to my touch, and her fingers slender and soft as I closed my own around them. Slowly her soft palm touched mine, pressed up against my own, and I felt a deep desire rise in me, a desire and urge so strong, a desire that made me want to feel that soft skin all over her lithe body.
Ha. And there I was preaching nothing but friendship to her.
So I had grasped her hand and pulled her softly along to the most comfortable-looking of all the small café's that were in the great halls of the airport. And so we now sat there across from one another, I sipping a strong coffee to drive the exhaustion from my bones, and she twirling said spoon round and round in her cup.
"Well, say something, Odango. I promise that I won't bite you," I said while grinning boyishly once more, maybe deeply inside myself hoping to make the colour rise in her cheeks once more, and break the silence between us.
"What should I say?"
I chuckled once more. She somehow managed to amuse me more than anything else had for months now. "You don't look as timid as you are acting right now, Odango. Tell me something. Tell me what brought you here to let us meet once more."
Her right hand stopped swirling the spoon in the hot liquid, her eyes failing to rise and meet mine. "He left today …"
"Who would leave someone as beautiful as you?"
This made her look up suddenly, her eyes widened slightly. It was strange seeing the different emotions pass over her face so quickly: first the slight shock upon hearing me complement her once more, the blush of startled embarrassment colouring her cheeks, and then the realization of what the words really meant, followed by the sadness and maybe even anger, I couldn't tell.
"He is going to study abroad next fall … In America … He needs to arrange things there over the summer …" she whispered, still not looking at me, her eyes narrowed ever so slightly and ever so deep in thought.
"America … Hm. That's far away," I said, deliberately keeping the conversation on neutral grounds. "Will he study there for a long time?"
Her left hand was now playing with the rich-green napkin that had come with her tea, tearing at corners of it, while her eyes still seemed fixed on a point far, far away in her mind, making her register my question only slowly.
"Several months, I guess. But he'll write to me and phone often …" The inevitable was now happening, as tears slowly welled up in the corner of her eyes. She tried blinking them away and hiding them from me, this stranger she did not wish to cry in front of.
I knew what sorrow felt like, and therefore let her be, handing her a packet of handkerchiefs. She would only pull away if I were to try and comfort her, insisting on being alright. Sniffling behind a handkerchief, she shook her head as if to rid her head of the sad thoughts it was displaying to her.
"What brought you here today?" she asked me quite suddenly, crumpling the tissue in-between her fingers, her voice now clear and strong as not to let anyone who might be listening to her hear the tears that she was still weeping inside. Everyone could force themselves to bite back the tears on the outside, but those drops of sadness would not be controlled inside the soul, from which the mind was always secluded. She was doing exactly what I so liked to do: she was defying the pain.
"Hm, you know, the usual thing. Returning from a photo-shoot and press interview in Kyoto. Keeping the fans happy is important." I was stating this matter-of-factly and if it was an everyday occurrence, while I sipped at my coffee once more.
Her eyebrows rose sceptically as she shook her head. "You are strange, Seiya," she muttered, obvious disbelief speaking from her.
Laughing, I shook my head along with her. She was cute as she sat there, a small frown on her face as she thought me to be fibbing about what I was doing here.
"You like to laugh, don't you? You've been laughing every few sentences now," she said smilingly, her chin propped up on her hand, fingers resting on her cheek.
"All thanks to your presence, Odango," I said grinning. It was true. Her very presence as she simply sat there across from me was lighting up my every thought as I was staring into her beautiful face that soothed me to no ends. I wouldn't mind sitting opposite her like this for as long as she would let me while I let her wondrous light wash over me and sink into my every pore.
"Am I that ridiculous then?" she asked slowly and deliberately, crashing the thoughts I was having of her.
I blinked in confusion. Hm. My statement had been ambiguous, yes. But what surprised me much more was the calmness she spoke with. I had to say that I had thought her to be a person whose eyes would snap open angrily if she picked up my statement as what it had not meant to be. She looked as if there was more spunk in her than that she was displaying to me in that moment. But no, no anger, no outraged stuttering, no throwing her spoon at me, nothing like that. Her face was so very calm and still, her eyes instead of flashing in anger only asking for an honest answer.
"Why should you be?" I asked softly, while placing my mug back on the smooth surface of the small table.
A sad smile spread on her face. "People tend to think like that of me. Childish, clumsy, ditzy Usagi. Lazy and always hungry, and not the brightest of the bunch."
"Whoever thinks like that of you must be blind."
"Why do you say that?"
"It's nothing but the truth. Whoever really looks at you will see nothing of the things you just said." It was so very strange talking like that with this stranger. How come I could talk so openly and honestly with her? A person of whom I could still not say that I really knew her! While at the very same time I couldn't do so anymore with the two people I had spent practically all my life with! We had all grown up together on Kinmoku, had sworn to always stay together, to always be honest to one another, and had crossed our hearts while we said never to let one another down. We had promised each other so many things; a life of happiness, a life of peace, a life which now only existed in our minds, as the bastion of our dreams had crumbled and fallen at our very feet. And with the cruel destruction of that one promise, the others had seemed to crumble along.
And so I was sitting here across this Odango Atama, who was still a stranger to me, talking like a friend, talking as if I did know her.
She did not respond to my words, instead picking up her white mug and raising it to her lips to drink from it. I could see from her troubled eyes that thoughts were still rushing through her mind without mercy. The silence she kept was thick with confusion and unspoken words, lying heavily on her shoulders. "But you don't even know me." Her eyes had finally risen to meet mine once more.
"Oh, but maybe I do."
I accompanied her home later that afternoon in the subway, as she would not hear of me hauling a cab for her to bring her home. She was strangely stubborn, repeating over and over again to me that I needn't pay a taxi for her, and that the public transportation was perfectly fine for her, so long until I yielded to her. But yet she could not convince me as she said that I shouldn't waste my time on bringing her home.
It had been a long time since I'd stepped aboard a subway, and I had very much forgotten just how crowded they tended to become, especially during midday, and especially in Tokyo, bubbling capital with millions of inhabitants. Compared to this bustling, bubbling planet, my home planet seemed so very small and quiet. I grimaced as I realized the bitter irony of my words. Oh, it was indeed quiet on Kinmoku now, its civilization dead.
Sighing as I stepped into the crowded train after her, a feeling of great stupidity hit me squarely in the face. Crowded subway train + famous popstar = definitely not good for said popstar. Wonderful, Seiya, just wonderful, my thoughts were telling me in exasperation though there was no need for them to do just so, as I was perfectly aware of the situation I had gotten myself into. Well, that was what you got for having the stupid desire of getting to know a strange girl and insist on accompanying her home. Superb. Sighing once more, I pushed the dark glasses up my nose once more, while I pulled a baseball-cap out of an inside pocket of my dark blazer. Pulling the cap down low into my face I retreated into a far corner of the subway.
Cocking her head to one side, her golden hair spread on her right shoulder, as she looked at me in wonder. "Are you trying to hide?" she asked playfully, not aware of the fact that I wasn't completely retreating out of a mere joke.
"Maybe," I mumbled under my breath as she came to rest beside me as the subway pulled out of its station. As the silver train left the dingy tunnel sunlight spread into the compartment, lighting up our faces with a warm glow.
When I had still been a child I had liked to collect beautiful things that I found. I could spend hours sitting in the grass as I gazed at the sky and sun, flowers and insects. Warm breezes made the high grass sway softly like the waves of the sea and tickle my legs playfully, whispering sweet lullabies of fantasies and stories long gone into my ear as I closed my eyes. I had always been able to find the beauty in small things; the pearly glimmer of a stone, that one bright splash of colour that stood out on a bird's wing, the alluring sparkle of a drop of rain. Beauty enchanted me, reached out for me and sang to me.
She did exactly so that very moment, the warm glow making her hair shine and eyes sparkle brightly. How I dreamt of keeping her treasured to my heart in that very moment just as I had kept those small objects I had taken home with me to collect at my side.
The subway coming to a rough halt, I suddenly found her body bumping into mine, closing the distance between us as she stumbled forward.
"Gomen …" she muttered, as she pulled back from me instantly.
"Don't be sorry, Odango," I said, moving my face closer to hers as I smiled. "Wasn't it wise of me to accompany you after all? You might have bumped into a complete stranger if I hadn't stood here."
Her brow furrowed in thought, as she chose her words. "Well …" she began while she tapped her forefingers against one another. "I wouldn't say that I know you very well."
Rising my eyebrows in mock exasperation, I waggled my forefinger in front of her face. "Haven't I already offered you my friendship?"
"Well, yes …" she said, slightly uncomfortable. "I didn't mean to be unfriendly … It, it's just …"
"Calm down, Odango. Frowns don't suit you. I wasn't in earnest."
"You haven't offered me your friendship then?" she asked very quickly, her eyes widened ever so slightly. I have to admit that that did surprise me in the slightest. I was a stranger to her after all. And here I was thinking that she might be happier left alone. She was a social person, it was easy to tell. She needed the company of others, thrived on it, lived off of it. Was that the reason why she now seemed so shocked at what she thought to be a withdrawal of my offer of friendship to her?
"Does it matter to you?" I asked slowly and honestly curious.
Taken aback, she mouthed words that never made their way. The train pulling from a station once more, she lost her balance once more, bumping into me again, more forcefully this time. Her slim body pressed up against mine, her arms rested against my chest. She was nearly a head smaller than I was, the soft fragrance of her hair now drifting up to me, a scent of delicate rose petals that had been kissed by the sunshine. Mingling with the odour of her hair was the salty scent of her body, the mixture intriguingly erotic.
Closing my eyes, I breathed in deeply. Oh Gods … Hadn't I considered believing in destiny earlier? A feeling deep inside me was telling my mind that, if I ever came to believe in the damsel, I would not think well of her. This was torture. Here I was standing in a crowded compartment of a subway, a beautiful girl so close to me that I could feel her breath, she still not pulling away from me. I couldn't allow myself to complicate my life with a girl – who already had someone at her side as it was – while I was here; I was here on a mission nothing more and nothing less, and I would be gone from this planet someday, never to return again. If I didn't mess up my relationship with my companions, I'd certainly mess up myself. An unrequited love across the galaxy was not what I could need.
Only seconds had passed since I had caught her once more, but she had still not withdrawn from me as she had done when she'd stumbled before. Her arms were still up against my chest, and I could feel her fingers curl into small fists. Ever so slowly she lifted her face to look up at me, while she brushed a stray strand of hair from her face with one hand.
Oh, destiny was cruel, I could see that much. Here she was, practically in my arms, looking up at me innocently, alluring when she didn't even intend to be.
Could I resist her? Oh no. I couldn't. She was the last person who could save me from her.
And as if sensing my jumbled thoughts, overlapping and intervening thoughts of what was supposed to be and what was not, of destiny and fate, her erotic innocence and breath that tickled my face, she pushed away from me slowly.
"I'm sorry, Seiya-san," she mumbled, as she lowered her eyes to rest upon my chest.
Sorry, huh, she was sorry. Gulping heavily I closed my eyes forcefully, crunching them up almost painfully. Here she was, seducing me when she was not even aware of it, not aware of what she was getting me into. This one meeting wouldn't affect her, would it? She was just an innocent schoolgirl with a boyfriend that had gone overseas, not aware of what power she held over me. But I, I! What would she say when she found out that I was not from this world? That I was a woman as much – and even more – as the man I appeared to be? That our songs were not that of petty popstars that sought after easily made money, but of desperateness? This wasn't allowed to happen. If it was the soldier, the fighter inside me that forbade it, or the presence of my fellow senshi that hovered about me wherever I went that did so, I cannot say. Either way, what my mind was telling me was absolutely right.
Biting into my lower lip, I lifted my dark glasses from my face to look down into her eyes. I had not tried defying positive feelings before. But defy I did once more, defy and shun the small blossom of what I was feeling away to a corner of my being. Grinning at her, I winked.
"Well, you must slowly believe that it was good for me to come along with you. After all, it's not often that a girl gets to bump into such a handsome guy like me as often as you get to," I said boyishly, while I made to brush through my dark hair.
Her eyes which had been glazed in indefinable emotion up until now cleared quickly with the batting of her lids, as a grin also made its way into her face. "Now, aren't I a lucky girl," she commented, while rolling her eyes playfully.
"Oi, Odango, what's that supposed to mean?" I asked as I crossed my arms across my chest in mock hurt.
And a laugh bubbled from her, so wonderfully full of mirth and innocent amusement that it made the people around us look curiously at her, feeling the urge deep inside them to feel the same carefreeness she was feeling, the urge to laugh as she could.
Jewel of all jewels, treasure of all treasures, wonder of all wonders, speak to thy, allure to thy, sing to thy slave of yours that has been bound and enchanted to thee beauty's cage.
No matter what my mind told me, no matter what my responsible side thought, no matter how the fighter inside me tried to reason with me, no matter how harshly logic presented itself to me, it was too late.
I had fallen in love.
Screams of outrage and anger rang in my ears as I stood on the veranda that overlooked the grand city we lived in once more. Our apartment lay up high in this tall building in the middle of the city, making the ground look like a small speck in the distance, humans and cars alike as small as insects. But I liked it this way, I did, as that only brought the velvet sky closer to me, if only by a tiny distance. The few stars that managed to shine brightly enough to be seen in the constantly lit up city of Tokyo beckoned to me in a friendly way, talking to me of the skies and galaxies, as I was one of them after all.
But even their normally soothing power could not help to drive the words that kept repeating themselves endlessly inside my mind from my head. I was starting to hate these quarrels. These absolutely useless quarrels, that only came to be from the frustration and anger that was now constantly building up between us three. It had now been another week, and nothing. No word or sign of her, no whisper, no fragrance, no mere presence. Absolutely nothing.
For what are we even singing for? For her. For HER! Then where is she? Where, I ask you? WHERE? You cannot just lose faith like that! You cannot think of doubting her! She's out there, she is! But - what if she isn't? What if we are singing our hearts out night after night for nothing? Don't you DARE – What if she is dead? Dead like our souls are?
The words rang in my whole body, reaching every fibre of my being. I hated those words so much, but they just would not leave me, would not let my mind rest and seek after the peace it pleaded for. Our quarrels were slowly getting out of hand. There was no amity between us at all anymore. Doors banged constantly, and I was sure that someone was repeatedly smashing china, as there seemed to be less in our cupboards with each new day.
Rubbing my temples, I leant over the railing of the veranda, watching the small insects down on the ground below bustle about.
What if she was … gone? I gulped, as I let my mind consciously think that one thought that had disturbed me the most from all the screaming and yelling that had ensued before. Was I even allowed to think such a horrible, such an unfaithful thought? But, what if she was never to return again? What would happen to us? Would we have to stay on this blue planet forever? Or would we bite off each other's heads before it came anywhere near that?
Closing my eyes, it suddenly appeared to me, how incapable we were of dealing with this. Breathing in deeply, I felt not only like crying in that moment, but more like weeping to my heart's content until no more tears were left in me to shed for all that had been and all that was.
Drowning, drowning was what it felt like. I had wanted to sink like a stone, hadn't I? But I was no stone, an object that wasn't only cold and hard on the surface, but right to the very core. I couldn't survive down here where I had thought that I would find my refugee, where I had thought I could shut myself away from my very being, to where I could shun all that I did not want to see. But I just couldn't let go of the hope that I might still find the peace I sought after down here after all, down where I was blind to myself. But could I hold on to this hope forever? For, did I have forever? I did not. I was past saving myself though. And who was there to rescue me, to stretch out their hand to me and pull me up from where I was drowning? Who would help me to break through the surface of where I was imprisoned in, up, up into the light and air that I so needed to breathe?
My eyes rested upon her beautiful face, lingered on her every feature as she sat across from me once more. She was studying the menu of a small ice-parlour in the blooming park where we were. Mumbling underneath her breath while trying to decide on what she would order, she never noticed me staring at her in the transfixed manner I was doing.
"Oh, I can't decide," she muttered in a slightly exasperated manner before raising her eyes from the menu to look up at me. "This is so unfair, Seiya. Everything sounds so good … It's almost like torture having to decide for one thing." Sighing, she turned back to the leafs of paper that were overtaxing her. Torture … I wasn't quite sure if I should smile or grimace. Smile because I liked to think of her having no real torture in her life, and grimace because I on the other hand could tell her enough of true torture to the mind and body.
"I guess I hit a jackpot with taking you here then, didn't I? Who ever thought you were such a sweet-toothed Odango Atama …" I mumbled while smiling at her.
Looking up at me once more, she grinned at me ever so slightly in a bad-girl manner. "I can outdo any other sweet-tooth," she said while sticking out her tongue playfully at me, before placing the menu on the table and waving cheerfully for the waitress to order a double-chocolate deluxe sundae with toppings I had never heard of before. I chose the more timid variant of a coffee. Smiling goofily at me, the waitress nodded countless times while she repeated our orders to us, before she realized that there was no need for her to stand by our table anymore.
"Nani?" Usagi asked in shock, leaning over the table towards me. "You're not going to eat any ice-cream here, Seiya?" she asked me in disbelief.
"One sweet-tooth has to be enough for one table," I said while shrugging my shoulders.
"Ts, ts," she muttered while waving her finger as if in lecture in front of me. "That doesn't matter at all. Don't tell me that you've never been here before?"
"Would that be a bad thing?"
"Why, of course! 'Aisu no Kissu' has the best ice-cream in all of Tokyo!"
Back with our orders, the young waitress took her time in placing Usagi's huge ice-construction and my steaming cup of espresso down on the round, rickety table, while I muttered my thanks to her.
"You're very welcome …" she replied eagerly, fidgeting with her now empty tray, eyeing me in a nervous manner. Somehow I had the feeling that I knew what would come next. "Seiya-sama," she started, bowing shortly in front of me. "I … aro … would you give me an autograph?"
Truth be said, I felt like sighing. Wasn't I to have peace anywhere? But upon seeing her nervous eyes staring into my own, I summoned up one of my typical boyish grins, as I accepted the pen and paper she was offering me. "Of course … Your name is?" "Momoko, Seiya-sama." "Here, Momoko-san." Smiling giddily at me, she bowed once more before rushing to answer her boss who was calling for her to not linger around.
Letting myself sigh now, I picked up the small cup of espresso to drain half of it in one swallow. The bewitching aroma made me breathe in deeply, the bitterness of the black liquid making me shudder inwardly at the same time. My thoughts were very lethargy that day, still and unmoving, heavy and limp with lifelessness, not even all the caffeine I was consuming helping me. And so I watched her savour every spoon full of the ice-cream in front of her in silence for several minutes.
"Aren't you surprised that you're being invited for ice-cream by a popstar at all?"
Her eyes looked up to meet mine, a small smile dancing in them. "Mhh … No."
That did surprise me though. She hadn't had a single clue about who I was when I told her my name when we had met in the airport, I had seen that much. "No?"
Shaking her head softly from side to side, she brought another spoon of chocolate ice-cream to her mouth. "My friends are wild about you and your band."
"Ah."
"Mhmh. They only realized last week that I had no clue who the oh-so-famous Three Lights were and are. The crash-course they bestowed upon me included a name I'd heard only a few days earlier." She said this so neutrally, stating it like the simple facts that they were while she continued eating her ice-cream, that I felt slightly cheated. What had I expected of her? For her to throw her arms around my neck once she found out who I was? But she seemed neither intimidated at me being a famous popstar at all nor had she started swooning over me like a crazed fan-girl either. Her eyes looked at me as they always had, their characteristic blue banning their way deeply into my soul.
"Ah." How very witty of me.
Letting the metal spoon sink to rest on her lower lip, she studied me for a moment. "You're sad, aren't you?"
"What makes you think so?" I asked as I raised my cup to my lips once more, feeling that this was not exactly the direction I wanted our conversation to go in.
"Your eyes are sad. And your songs are too."
"Do you think so?" I asked quietly.
"I listened to them yesterday … Who is the one you are seeking for, Seiya?" she asked in a whisper, her eyes slightly narrowed at me, heavily startling me. Here I was, trying to push these unwanted thoughts as far from me as I could, and yet she could still make them out. We must have had thousands of fans now; countless numbers of people, who listened to our songs day and night, sang along each word of the lyrics perfectly. And yet all they saw were the three handsome boys, to whom they screeched their childish crushes and obsessions with us when we passed by them. But this girl who'd heard our songs merely once before saw past everything that all the others were satisfied with, right down to the very bottom of our desperation.
What was I seeking after, I, this stranger from so far, far away, that was slowly – horribly - losing hope?
"I found you. That's all I need."
You moved like honey
In my dream last night
Yeah, some old fires were burning
You came near to me
And you endeared to me
Dreams had returned to me once more, it seemed. But the haunting pictures of before had been replaced by something else; no, actually someone. She was everywhere I went, everywhere I turned. But I did not mind, for how I could I mind her, she the one with the presence of an angel?
I was slowly losing my head, if I hadn't done so already.
"WAI! SEIYA! TAIKI! YAAATEN-KUN!" The moment we had stepped out of our studio's doors to make our way to our car, delighted screams, yearning shouts and unrecognizable yells overlapped and mingled, and hit us in the face as if we had walked straight into a glass wall. A deeply felt sigh beside me expressed just how I was feeling as well; they always found a way to corner us, surround us in all their cheerful fandom. If I were the real popstar I was trying to imitate, I would savour it all, bask in the glory of fame and wealth as I yielded to the crowd's cry after a single smile. But today was the first day where I could really relate to Yaten and Taiki who had always distanced themselves more from the crowds pursuing us than I had. I felt no grin spread on my face today, felt no urge in me to raise my hand and wave warmly at the people surrounding us. Why should I after all? They did not deserve it, they did not! I grimaced, as I suppressed a cry of anger from erupting from deep within my body, a cry so full and loud it would easily scare not only myself. WHY should I give them what they wanted? Why should I please them, yield to their pleads? Why, when they weren't doing a thing for me, for us? That one thing our hopes rested on, the one things our soul's lives depended on … They weren't helping us at all; for where was she, our treasure we so sought after?
Nowhere, exactly.
I avoided them, my companions, escaped from them and sought my refugee with the only other person that was in my life. It seemed strange to think of her being the only other person there was, the only other person I had. Strange and sad. Wasn't I a famous pop-idol, known all over a country with millions of inhabitants? Wasn't I recognized wherever I chose to go? And yet who was there to relate to?
We were deep in the bustling city of Tokyo, she clinging to my arm as not to lose me. "Seiya, why are we down-town?"
I think it might have been because that very last thought had been dancing irritatingly in my mind all day now. I was a social person – I liked people; I like the different facets one human could show, and the many alluring colours many could presented to the eye, outer and inner alike. I felt split in two as of the last days, my hunger after company just as strong as my need to be left completely and utterly alone.
"Hm, don't ask me, Odango. Are you a girl or not?"
"What is that supposed to mean, eh?"
"I thought you'd jump at the occasion to go shopping like any other woman."
A small squeal of delight left her, as she grinned up at me for a moment, before a thought seemed to cross her mind. "But Seiya, aren't you a man?"
I coughed. Now, how on Earth was I to answer such a question truthfully? Searching wildly for an answer in my head, I mumbled the first coherent sentence that formed itself. "See for yourself, Odango."
I felt like smacking my forehead. What a stupid reply. Feeling her stop to a halt beside me, I looked down into her face to see a blush crossing her cheeks. "Domo, Seiya …" she mumbled, her expression frowning. "I never thought you were an ecchi."
And I did slap my forehead at that comment. Laughing, I rolled my eyes at her. "Stupid questions attract stupid answers, dumpling."
"Nani?" Her hands at her hips, she stuck out her tongue at me. "That was not a stupid question, Seiya. Don't men normally just hate shopping?"
I grinned. "Why don't you find out?"
Several bags of strange shapes and sizes at our feet, we had come to rest in a nice restaurant, though the blonde girl sitting opposite me seemed to be by no means exhausted. Smiling naively, she was sipping at a cool glass of water, fingering her silver necklace absently.
"I don't understand why you're being so nice to me, Seiya," she muttered suddenly.
"Couldn't I ask you just as well why you're so trusting? After all, I could be an evil trickster seeking after pretty girls like you," I replied slowly, a lazy grin on my face.
Withdrawing from her glass, she looked quite startled, surprising me. Had she never thought about why she was so freely and easily going about with me? Obviously not, as I saw her cheeks colour and her eyes flicker slightly in thought, her body still but tense.
"You're right, Seiya-san, aren't you?" she started slowly. "You must think of me as if I'd follow anyone, as if I were some easy and desperate girl."
"Mh, not exactly ..."
Her back straightening, her brow furrowed as she started rummaging in her bag to pull out a purse that was a pale rose colour. Pulling out several bills she laid them on the table in-between us, before getting up, and bowing swiftly in front of me. "You have been very nice to me, Seiya-san. I'm sorry to have bothered you. I can't accept the things you bought for me," she muttered beneath her breath as she motioned to the many bags. "Goodbye," she concluded softly, sadly. And with that, she turned on her heel to leave me alone in confusion.
What had just happened? I couldn't say. Her mind could have simply conjured up a picture of her boyfriend, or could have made her realize with a sudden start how true my question had been.
I only knew one thing for certain; destiny had finally seen to it that I was now as utterly alone as I partly wished to be deep within me.
But you couldn't quite discern me
Does that … scare you?
Let you … run away?
I hadn't run after her as I maybe should have done. I had sat there until I'd finished drinking my tea, before finally getting up to pay and collect the many bags she had left me with. I did not know where she lived, as I had only accompanied her on the subway itself, nor did I know her telephone number, or anything much else of her that could help me find her. So I took the things I'd joyfully bought for her home with me.
I had already known that she had been the last person who had any power from saving me from her alluring presence, the last thing that could keep me from losing myself in the trap she was unconsciously setting.
And today she had used that power. Oh, it was much better this way. The two Lights I lived with me were already asking me countless questions on where I was all the time, accusing me with their eyes to be a traitor to our mission. I was fixated on her so strongly that it was letting my increasing loss of hope become easy for them to recognize. It was also better for myself this way, I sensed that too. I couldn't let my every desperate thought be solely of her as it was so very hopeless in the end. And it seemed ever so stupid to make me suffer myself; I'd had enough of suffering.
But I knew that logic didn't work with the heart. And so I felt sad, sadder than I maybe should have been about a girl I'd seen no more times than could be counted with one hand.
I focused on what was awaited of me once more. I sang, I hoped, I prayed, all the while searching for her. But what was it all good for when my heart was elsewhere, far, far away?
Drip .
Drip ..
Drip ...
Oh, heavy, so heavy they feel, to raise them is almost painful; so long, it takes so long to open my eyes, open those heavy eyelids; but why am I even raising them?
... Drip ...
Oh … yes … Strange, so strange; I feel cold, chilled to the bone. What a strange sound – just like the dripping of water, but yet it rings unbearably loud in my ears, loud as thunder crashing in darkened skies, loud as winds whipping about; dread, dread is making my veins freeze so horribly; too late though. Eyes open, I glance about me; and pain is all there is, all I feel.
The dripping of blood, the slow dripping of thick, scarlet liquid; from where though? Eyes strain to see, search for the cause of this deep pool of blood below.
And I see.
It's my heart that is bleeding, dripping its tears of blood to drop with a sound so horribly loud in my ears. Hands hold it, delicate fingers that look familiar, soaked in crimson. Hands so familiar, a pose so familiar, a shadow so familiar, so familiar it aches within me to reach out. But heavy is my every pore, so unbelievably heavy; I will not reach her, cannot, though my soul aches to.
" … Seiya …"
A whisper like a breeze in the wind, a whisper is all she offers me, this damsel I am sure I know but yet cannot recognize. Those limbs straining to move will only shift so slowly it seems as if they are never going to move, just like a stone, unable to move, unable to utter a word.
Hands, hands so familiar and delicate … But they dig into my heart, close upon it, before I see her turn away, turn from me, leave me alone; it is only then that I see the chains binding her, digging into her skin, soaking the wings sprouting from her back in blood, mine and hers.
And I scream.
I search for two women now. I sing for them, hope for them, pray for them.
Answer me, my every pore speaks to them, answer me, come to me, return to me.
Show mercy on me. Forgive me for what I have done that drove you away.
And strangely, one answered, as the other still did not.
But your heart will not oblige you
You'll remember me like a melody
Yeah I'll hold the world inside you
A knock sounded on my door, startling me and making me return from my distant thoughts. I had not replied to the harsh knock, but open the door did anyway. "Seiya?"
Getting up from my bed, I stretched deliciously while I reached for the shirt I had slung over a chair earlier. "Eh?"
"There's a girl here for you," Taiki told me slowly, his eyes telling me what was not leaving his mouth. Towering above me as I started to button up my shirt, he emanated what promised to be the worst he could think of me.
"What girl?" I muttered, frowning, feeling surprised at the prospect that fans had been let up to our apartment. But Taiki gave me no answer as he had already turned away from me, leaving me to find out for myself.
And there she stood in the doorway of our apartment, fidgeting nervously with her bag, showing me that she was real, and not only an image my mind was drawing up for me. I had called to her, and she had answered.
"Odango," I muttered, slightly taken aback. Was that a sign from somewhere above that was trying to tell me not to give up? That calls were answered in their due time?
Smiling at her, I indicated for her to enter, as my companions had obviously not done so yet, and would not do so anytime soon. I didn't even need to look at them to know that they were glowering at her, daring her to come any closer, wondering who the hell she was, and especially what I had to do with her. She must feel it just as much as I was, but she still bowed deeply before them, addressing them – and me - respectfully: "Taiki-sama, Yaten-sama, Seiya-sama. I am very sorry to bother you."
I was not surprised when they didn't speak up and reply, as I had not anticipated them to do so; but I would definitely not stay here with her. She'd receive nothing of the kindness her warm soul deserved here at the moment. So I rushed into my room quickly, retrieving the many bags I had left untouched in my room since I had last seen her and my wallet, before putting on my shoes by the door, the need to leave this place as soon as possible heavy in my chest. "Come," I said, and so she followed.
"I'm very sorry, Usagi-san," I said to her as soon as we'd left the building I lived in. "They don't like me to spend my time in a way that is to them useless."
"My friends aren't too fond of me meeting you either," she said quietly. Her head was bowed slightly, the sigh leaving her mouth reaching every corner of her body.
"Why did you come then? You could have left me alone forever when you went away those two weeks ago," I muttered, my mind telling me that she really should have done just that, while my heart was feeling like rejoicing upon seeing her again.
My words had made her face turn red and steps cease. Fumbling with her hands, she bit her lip. "I'm very sorry, Seiya-san, really. I was very rude that day. It's – it's just that – oh, … I –" Her eyes now made to look up at me. "I am sorry."
Her eyes were so sincere that it startled me; I had honestly not expected this much she was offering me, this honest beg for forgiveness, this sincerity. She was touching my heart so very deeply within me without her ever realizing she was doing so, and I have to say that the thought scared me. Did I know what I was doing, what I was thinking, what I was feeling at that strange moment? I doubt it.
For I leant forwards and kissed her.
My big secret
Gonna win you over
Slow like honey
Heavy with mood
Her fingers were around the necklace that clung to her neck once more, her fingers clasping what hung from it so tightly that her knuckles were showing.
"What are you hanging on to?" I asked curiously, my eyes fixed on her creamy throat. Could beauty hurt? It must, for no matter what part of her body my eyes noticed, my heart contracted with painful longing. The skin of her face had been soft, so soft and smooth, her parted lips so incredibly warm, her quick breath against my own face so inviting. I cannot say what had possessed me to do what I'd done; all I knew was that I was thankful for whatever had gotten into me. Her eyes had looked up at me in surprise and had held emotions I could not decipher even if I had tried to, had held my gaze tight to hers. Only when she had closed those alluring pools of blue had she pulled away, talking to me as if nothing at all had happened.
And now we sat here, in the very same restaurant we had two weeks ago, her fingers loosening as what I spoke sunk into her. She looked as if she wasn't sure of what she should do now; but eventually she unfastened the necklace from her neck, dropping it softly unto the table in-between us. Fastened to the delicate chain was a ring; a golden ring with a heart-shaped diamond in its center. I slowly traced that diamond with one finger, feeling very sure of who had given her that ring.
"But why don't you wear it?" I felt the interest in the question rise to strange heights even as I spoke it.
Pulling the necklace towards her, she started fumbling with the ring, her eyes fixed on it just as much as her left hand which she had stretched out before her. "I'm not sure what it means to me …"
"No?"
She shook her head. "I'm not sure what it's meant to tell me, what it's supposed to say every time I see it."
"Didn't he tell you then?"
She grimaced, before an empty smile crossed her face. "You're trying to ask if he got down on his knees and asked me to marry him, aren't you?" she was now questioning me as she looked at me. "No, he did not. He smiled at me, and only told me to wait for him."
Nodding slowly, I felt unsure of what to say, as she fastened the necklace around her neck once more.
"And so you're waiting."
"I'm still here where he expects me to be, aren't I?" she asked, sipping at her cocktail. No more water for her today, she'd said.
"What, in the company of another man?"
Her eyes sparkled angrily at me as she sat the glass back down on the table abruptly, her shoulders rigid.
"Do you love him?" That one question had been burning deep inside of me, threatening to eat me up inside lest I ask it, so that I practically flung it at her, curiously and ever so desperately, even while I was sure that her answer would only pain me deeply. But she surprised me more than I had anticipated her to.
"Destiny tells me to do so … And who am I to defy destiny?" Her voice was low, her words heavy.
And so she never really answered my question.
I'll let you sing me
Cover your regard
I'll invade your demeanour
And you'll yield to me
Like a scent in the breeze
"I don't feel like I belong here, Seiya," she whispered into my ear as she moved close to me, wary of her surroundings.
"But why not, Odango? You must be the most beautiful girl here," I said, smiling at her. I had brought her to a bar tonight, a bar very different from the one I'd met her once in a time that seemed to be endlessly long gone. Music was humming loudly around us, making pulses rise and breaths quicken as it flowed through the many bodies. The lights were low and colourful, adding to the atmosphere. Bodies crowded around us, some moving to the music, some watching those who did. I could partly see why she felt out of place; we where obviously some of the youngest people here, and her appearance, so lit up compared to the rest of them, those many women garbed darkly, their every move speaking of seduction and power, made her stand out strangely once more. Was only I noticing her standing out constantly, seemingly wherever we went? I couldn't say, and did not care.
"Don't think about them, Odango," I said into her ear so she could hear me above the loud music. Taking her hand in mine, I pulled her towards me ever so softly, along with me closer to the music, indicating for us to dance. Frowning slightly, she followed me reluctantly. I could make out her voice faintly telling me that she couldn't dance, but I shook my head softly and pulled her along with me still.
"Who cares? And what does it matter?" I asked her softly, leaning down to her ear, tickling her face with my breath, as I clasped her hands that were stiff from tension. "Am I making you uncomfortable?"
She did not answer for the longest time, standing there so unbelievably still in that pulsating crowd, her hands in mine, as her eyes seemed to stare deep into my soul. The heat was heavy in the large room with the many moving bodies, the entrancing music, the animated talk; heavy so that it clung to me, making my body feel slow, slow like honey.
She closed the distance in-between us with a step suddenly, so suddenly that it startled me, her face so close to mine now, so close I could feel her breath. "Guide me then," she muttered, a small smile on her lips, a smile that I had not seen on her before. It was not her innocent, worry free smile, nor an entrancing and alluring curl of her lips. That smile spoke to me as no other had done before, told me to come closer, to let myself be drawn in by her, to let myself fall at last.
And so I did as she told me.
Lips so warm and soft brushed against mine, breath so hot and inviting in short gasps that spoke to me like words, drawing me to her while taunting me at the same time, taunting me for my weak willed surrender to passion. Skin tingling beneath my fingertips, flawless white that shimmered in the dim light like the moon, making moans of yearning leave my mouth, yearning for her beauty, for her soul, simply for her.
My hands reached for her, reached out for her touch, reached for what she was promising.
She gave me strength, strength I had forgotten I could possess. She gave me warmth, warmth that reached every fibre of my being. And she gave me hope, hope I had almost lost forever.
She made me alive once more, this forbidden love of mine.
I'll stand there … waiting
Trying to attain the end to satisfy the story
Shall I release you?
Must I release you?
The sun was slowly sinking, making a warm glow appear on her face as she stood beside me. We were standing on an old brick bridge in the middle of the small park in which we'd been before, overlooking a calm pond of water. Lilypads were drifting lazily about in the water that was reflecting the perfect sky that hung above us clearly, making the sky's fairytale colour surround us. Closing my eyes for a moment, I breathed in the rich air of the approaching night deeply as I leant heavily against the railings of the bridge.
"Look …" she broke the silence between us, pointing to a golden leaf that had drifted to land on the water's surface. Her eyes unmoving, she stared at that one sun-kissed leaf for the longest time. "Summer is ending once more …" she whispered slowly.
She was right of course. It hadn't been until she said those words though that I noticed the changing colours of the trees and the chill that would not have crept into my bones during that time of day were it still in the middle of the summer. But the warmth of her body beside me was all I needed to feel comfortable.
"He's coming back in two days."
My eyes widened slightly.
But then, what had I been expecting? That we'd remain in this relationship that was hard to describe and define forever? No, things didn't work that way. We'd only come to know each other over the short weeks of summertime, and what I had gotten myself into I still could not say.
Pulling her close to me, I slowly embraced her with all my soul and heart, whispering words I had not uttered to anyone else before into her hair. Her arms about me, I could feel her hands that were resting on my back curling into fists. Sadness came over me slowly; a sadness that was strangely neither painful nor passionate, but rather heavy and rich with sweetness, the sweetness of her reaching for my soul and heart, heavy and rich with fragrance, powerful with all I felt.
It was sadness that reached my very core, and I found myself accepting it as it was. It even seemed to give me a strange satisfaction, a strong power that made me feel whole. For whom would I be if I didn't feel that one powerful feeling, that one striking mood? An empty shell, a sunken stone.
She had saved me. Her hand had reached out for me to save me from drowning in myself. She had been there so save me, she alone had been there to love me.
But my big secret
Gonna hover over your life
When I keep you reaching
Gone like yesterday
When I hide like heaven
When I'm strong like music
Cause I'm slow like honey
And heavy with mood
But everything has to come to an end one day, just as my summer of love did that day.
FIN.
Love,
Greta
The cursive paragraphs are extracts from Fiona Apple's song "Slow Like Honey"
