AUTHOR: Trinity James
EMAIL: Maitreya1127@aol.com
ARCHIVE: Anywhere but let me know..please
CATEGORY: UST, MSR
RATING: PG-13
SPOILERS:
SUMMARY: With every beginning there comes an end.
DISCLAIMER: None of these belong to me yadda, yadda, yadda
BEGINNINGS AND ENDS BY: TRINITY JAMES
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Seven years. Seven years now and I still can not bring myself to tell him the truth. I almost did once or twice. When I thought I might die or he might. Whenever the situation got tense that thought entered my mind. I could hear it in my subconcious. 'Tell him Dana...tell him now.' But I couldn't. I still can't. And now the situations were growing tenser than I ever thought possible. I had visited my doctor earlier that month and found that the cancer which had gone into remission a couple of years ago was back. There was no way I could tell him this. So I've kept it to myself. I feel myself growing weaker everyday and I hope that he doesn't notice. So far, I don't think he has and I'm glad. Even though I'm in denial I know that I'm gonna have to tell him soon. Tell him everything. Tell him everything before it's too late..and I'm gone.
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"God, Scully, where were you? I was beginning to get worried."
Mulder stood up when Scully entered the office. She hadn't shown up the day before and she had been four hours late this morning. Unmentionable scenerios had entered his head before she had called earlier. He remembered being so happy to hear her voice over the phone that he found himself smiling though their whole conversation. But now that she was here he noticed that something was different about her. But there was a whole familiar air to this whole thing. The way she was holding herself, the look on her face. He let it go, decided that it was none of his buisness although deep inside he was dying to know what was going on with her. He always wanted to know what was going on with her and when he finally found out he wished that he hadn't. The situation always brought up mixed emotions and feelings. He finds himself almost telling her things that he secretly doesn't want her to know. She shifted in her stance and then finally sat down in the chair across from him on the other side of his desk. When she spoke, he slowly sat down in his chair.
"I, uh, my mom wanted to see me at the last moment and I couldn't tell her no..so..." Lie. He knew it. He let it go though remembering what he had told himself earlier.
"Why didn't you call, Scully?"
"Well, I didn't know that you were my keeper." Mulder sighed and looked down at the file in his hands.
"You're right, I'm sorry. It's none of my buisness."
"You're right, Mulder, it's not." Even though what she had just said was true it hit him hard. He wanted to know everything that went on with her.
"Scully?" he asked.
"Yes Mulder?" for a moment he contemplated asking her what was really wrong but instead he handed her the file he had in his possesion.
"We have a new case. Plane leaves tonight at eight. I would've told you earlier but you weren't here so.."
"I'll see you at eight then Mulder. If you don't mind I have some errands to run. I'll meet you at the airport." before he could protest she was gone and he was left alone. Again.
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She lied. She knew that he probably figured that out already too. 'I've got some errands to run'. Yeah right. She left because she couldn't stand being there in the same room with him, witholding secrets from him. If she had stayed there any longer he would've made her crack. She would've broke down and told him everything. Everything that had happened to her in the last couple of months. As horrifying as it was, she would've have. 'Oh well' she thought to herself. It was seven o'clock now. She should leave.
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They hadn't said a word to each other while they had been waiting to board the plane. Now they were on it. Scully by the window and Mulder on the aisle like they always did. Scully was reading a magazine and Mulder had been reviewing the case trying to figure out where they should start when they arrived in Phoenix. It was a typical ghost chase. Something weird happend and of course there they go. Endless circles. The plane had been in the air for awhile and it was now around ten o'clock.
Mulder closed the manilla folder and looked over at Scully. She was asleep. Her magazine quietly slipped out of her hand and landed on the floor of the plane. She had a strand of hair in her face and absent mindly Mulder reached over and brushed it out of the way. She shifted under his hand and turned to face him still asleep. She began to fall and landed on his shoulder. This was how it always happend. Mulder would touch her and somehow she'd end up using him as a pillow. Not like he was complaining. He gently laid his arm around her and rested his chin on her head. They stayed like that until they were both awakened by the sudden jolt of the wheels hitting the runway. Mulder straightened himself out and watched Scully wake. She gathered her things and followed Mulder off the plane acting like nothing had happened. Acting like she always had. It made him sad in a way but he never mentioned anything to her. He knew what happened and it was enough for him.
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They got settled in there rooms. By that time it was already one in the morning. Mulder thought about going over to Scully's room but pushed the thought out of his mind. She had been really sensitive about things these days. He felt it would be better if he didn't see her right now. Heck, he had already ruined her life. He didn't feel the need to piss her off right now. He was in bed channel-surfing when the door that adjoined his and Scully's room opened. Scully emerged with a sad look on her face. She didn't say a word, she just stood there. 'Nightmare' Mulder thought to himself. 'Must have been a nightmare'. He got up and walked to her. He put his arms out inviting her. She hesitated and then wrapped her arms around him and began to cry. He gently laid his hands on her back. She was wearing those silk pajamas he liked. The blue ones. She started to cry harder and pull Mulder closer. He had almost never see her breakdown like this. Something must be going on with her. Something big.
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Scully slowly awoken. It took her a moment to figure out where she was. She was in Mulder's room she finally concluded. His arm was around her waist and he was snuggled close. She vaguely remembered coming into his room last night. She remembered crying and Mulder asking her to stay with him that night. She remembered laying down in the bed with Mulder beside her and falling asleep. Oh how good she had slept. She felt much better. She let out a sigh and felt Mulder start to awaken. She turned around to face him, his arm still around her.
"Mulder?"
"Hmm?" he answered, half asleep, half awake.
"It's late. We should go." she gently took his arm from around her and got out of the bed.
"I'm sorry about last night." she said, "I'm sorry I put you through that. I shouldn't have. It was wrong of me."
Mulder looked as if someone had slapped him. He sat up in the bed.
"No, Scully. Don't be sorry. There's nothing to be sorry for. I just wish you would tell me what it was all about."
"Nothing Mulder. I'm fine." she said. He raised out of the bed and walked over to her. He placed his hands onto her shoulders.
"No, no you're not. You always tell me that but I know something's going on with you. I can't believe that you don't trust me enough to tell me." he said. Scully moved backwards and Mulder removed his hands from her shoulders.
"It's not that I don't trust you. Hell, I'm not sure I even trust myself anymore."
"What? What are you talking about?"
"Nothing Mulder. I'm going to get ready. I'll meet you out front in an hour. I'm sorry."
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They were in the interogation room three hours later interviewing a witness. Scully had seemed distant that whole day and it worried him. God, how much he wanted to know what was going on with her. They were going nowhere with this witness. It was stuff that they had heard from all the other ones ahead of him. He saw Scully out of the corner of his eye. She looked extremely tired. He got out of his chair and left the room. Scully, of course, followed. When they were in the hall he finally said:
"Scully, go back to the hotel and get some rest."
"What?"
"You look tired Scully. Go back to the hotel and get some rest. Please." Scully defensively crossed her arms in front of her like she always did when he told her to do something.
"No, I feel fine."
"Scully..please....." Scully interupted him.
"Mulder, you are not my mother!" she yelled, "When I want advice, I'll ask. Just...god...just leave me alone!"
When she spoke those last words she swayed forward and Mulder thought that she was going to faint. She caught herself and pushed Mulder's hands away.
"I'm fine godammit!" she stormed off and left Mulder with the looks from the other officers who had witnessed that whole scene.
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Mulder had left after he finished interrogating the last witness. He went back to the hotel but Scully wasn't there. He waited until ten and then he got in the car and began to search for her. Since she left on foot, he checked the places that were in walking distance of the local station. He finally came to a bar that wasn't far from the station. He got out of the car and walked into the place. He spotted Scully in a booth in the corner with an attractive blonde man sitting in front of her laughing. Scully was laughing too. 'She never laughs for me' Mulder thought to himself. Mulder approached the booth. When he got there Scully avoided meeting his eyes. The blonde man spoke up.
"Can I help you?" he said rudely.
"Yes, you can." Mulder flashed him his badge and that quickly got the man walking. Mulder sat in front of Scully.
"Scully, please.."
"Mulder, just leave me alone." she said this without meeting his eyes. She was playing with the straw in her drink.
"I can't Scully. I...I care about you. I want to know what's wrong."
"No you don't" Mulder reached across the table and took her hands. She finally looked at him.
"Yes..I do." Mulder noticed a tear fall from Scully's eye and onto her cheek. He let go of one of her hands and wiped the tear away. In the background Mulder heard some slow music and noticed other couples starting to dance. Without a word, he pulled Scully up and walked her towards the others. She was hesitant at first but then they were dancing close. She laid her head on his chest and he felt her body tremble as she started to silently cry. Now he knew without a doubt that something was wrong. And now he wanted more than anything to find out what that was. They stayed like that for awhile. He heard songs stop and new ones start. He wasn't gonna let go until she said so. He looked down at her but she looked the same as the last couple of times he had checked.
"Scully? Are you okay?" She looked up at him. Good, he thought. She had stopped crying.
"Oh god, Mulder." She let go of him and walked out the bar. No, not again he thought and followed her out.
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The air was cold. She felt herself wishing that she had brought a coat. She knew that Mulder wasn't very far behind her. She heard the door open and felt his eyes on her. Next she felt his hands go around her as he put his jacket around her shoulders. She turned to face him.
"I..." she started, "I don't know where to start."
"Shhhh.." he whispered as he pulled her close. "Scully, you do know that you can tell me anything, right?"
She stepped back from him so she could meet his eyes.
"Last month. Oh, god." she said and let out a little laugh trying to make the situation less tense. "I..uh..I uh, went to my doctor. He said that he...he uh, God Mulder - my cancer's back. There you happy??"
She bent her head down and he knew that she was crying now. He walked towards her.
"Scully, we're gonna get through this. We are. I'm going to help you. Be there for you. Do you understand that Scully?"
She shook her head.
"Yes, I do." He held her close while they cried. He cried for her. For them.
END
Sequel? Let me know - Maitreya1127@aol.com
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This shit right here is for you All your faces I can see You think it's about me I'm about to break, this is my fate Am I still damned to a life, of misery and hate? You will never know What I'd do for you What you are Got me through I'd do it for you I could have, never lived If it wasn't for you
- 4 U - Korn of the album 'Issues'