Aurora Note: Hey there! ^_^ It seems so long since I last uploaded a story on here! =O But here it is as promised! My mystery fic~ I was planning to return to this fandom anyway so I thought it was an ideal opportunity to do it as a special~ I was torn between making it an Easter special or April Fool's Day one but in the end I went for April Fool's Day because it's much more fun XD

All references to reindeer and bunny suits and anything else that doesn't make sense relates to my first Haruhi fic : When Haruhi Became Obsessed With A Reindeer. The story should make sense if you haven't read the first fic, the references are just for additional humour. =D

Disclaimer: I do not own Haruhi Suzumiya~

Warning: Contains swearing and mild violence (probably through out most of the fic)

Chapter One

Queen of Contemplation, Fool of Incompetence

Kyon stared open mouthed at the furious girl before him. Her face was flushed with anger, bitter tears leaking from her eyes. Never before had Kyon seen Haruhi so enraged, and it was all his fault.

"Look, Haruhi I-" Kyon started only to be cut off when a book slammed into his face.

"No! You've gone too far this time Kyon! Nothing you say can make it better!" the president of the SOS Brigade, yelled back.

"I didn't do it on purpose!"

"You still did it! First you hate my reindeer-" she paused to throw another book at Kyon. This time he ducked. "And now you must hate me!" Haruhi picked up a pair of scissors from her desk and would have thrown them too if it hadn't been for Yuki grabbing her wrist.

"I can't allow you to grievously harm Kyon-kun, Suzumiya-san," Yuki stated monotonously.

"Thank you, Nagato-san!" Kyon cried in relief, rubbing the dent on his head the book had made.

"What about books?" Haruhi asked with a sniffle as she tried to contain her tears. "They won't kill him will they?"

"Aim below the neck," Yuki concluded after giving Kyon a calculating glance.

"Gladly!"

"Gahhh!"

A volley of books rained down on Kyon as he tried to escape the scorned woman's attack. Mikuru cowered in the corner of the clubroom, her big eyes wide as saucers, her bottom lip trembling slightly. No! Please don't cry Asahina-san! Kyon thought as he caught sight of her. A shoe suddenly collided with Kyon's face, hard enough to make his nose bleed, and the force was so great he flew backwards tripping over a chair in the process. Mikuru screamed as he landed in a heap at her feet.

"Tha' wa' thnot a boothk!" Kyon cried, glaring up at Haruhi.

She was just about to grab her other shoe when Itsuki grabbed her arms and pinned them to her sides.

"Hey!" she cried, all tears gone, a slight smirk on her face at the sight of Kyon lying bleeding on the floor.

"I think we should try to be civilised about this," Itsuki said, narrowly avoiding Haruhi's teeth as she tried to bite the hand that was holding her still.

"Me too!" Mikuru squeaked.

"Yuki grab some scarves from the costume pile," Itsuki ordered.

Yuki complied and minutes later Haruhi and Kyon were tied to chairs facing each other. Haruhi glared and Kyon tilted his head back in a vain attempt to stop the blood trickling from his nose onto his shirt.

"Now, Suzumiya-san, tell Kyon how you feel about...uh what happened earlier," Itsuki said playing therapist, tactfully avoiding mentioning the earlier incident that was the cause of this latest war between the two club members.

"He embarrassed me in front of EVERYONE IN OUR YEAR! In the WORST POSSIBLE WAY! I think it's pretty obvious how I'm feeling right now!" Haruhi yelled, aiming a kick at Kyon's knee.

"Hey-ow! Haruhi- ow- stop it! Ow!"

Itsuki quickly dragged Haruhi further away from Kyon.

"I'm sorry, Haruhi! I really am! It was an accident! I'm sure everyone will forget about it-"

"No! They won't! This is the kind of thing people remember FOREVER!"

"Just calm down!"

"No! You've woken the anger in me, Kyon, and I swear on the graves of my ancestors I will have revenge!"

Oh hell, she must be serious if she's swearing on the graves of her ancestors. The only thing she usually swears by is the power of chocolate...and bunny suits, and damn are they powerful.

"This is war, Kyon!"

This can not be good...

~#~#~#~#~

The Day Before

Kyon stared at the simple clock mounted on the wall. It seemed the more he stared at it the slower the seconds passed. He was vaguely aware of Haruhi sitting beside him rambling on about something, but naturally he wasn't listening. Eighty percent of everything she said was pure garbage, ten per cent was insults aimed at him, five per cent was designs for outfits even an exotic dancer would blush at, and that last five per cent was entirely devoted to skimpy bunny girl suits, a rare similarity between them, as a quarter of Kyon's daily thoughts consisted of Mikuru in her little outfit.

Over the last few months Kyon had truly learnt the full horror of detention. Due to a certain 'Reindeer Incident', as it had became widely known across the school, and a little 'accident' with a snowball, Kyon and Haruhi had been forced to endure three whole months of detention after school. That meant three whole months sitting together in a small room for an endless hour. Three whole months of no SOS Brigade. Three whole months of having to keep Haruhi entertained (God forbid the consequences of her boredom) with his only resources being a few rubber bands, a box of chalk and a packet of sporks.

Mikuru, Yuki and Itsuki had managed to get their jail time down to a month because of 'good behaviour' and Kyon would have too if it had not been for Haruhi calling him 'Bunny Boy', a nickname that haunted him where ever he went, the misfortunate outcome of a distraction gone wrong. Kyon had fired a rubber band at her which lead to a full on war, which promptly ended when the teacher in charge of detention walked in to find Haruhi sitting on Kyon's chest, rubber band aimed at his face yelling 'How do you like me now, Bunny Boy!'. Ever since then, the usually lenient teacher had sat at the front of the classroom constantly staring at them like a hawk.

This particular hour was the end of their sentence. The teacher had fallen asleep approximately thirty seconds after she sat down at her desk and Kyon had been staring at the clock for almost the entire hour, his eyelids beginning to droop, a puddle of drool steadily growing on his desk. He perked up slightly as he saw that there was only three minutes left.

"Kyon. Kyon? Kyon!" Haruhi whined tugging at his sleeve.

"Eh?" he replied turning to her, hastily wiping away the drool.

"Should have known you weren't listening...," grumbled Haruhi.

Kyon sighed, glanced at the clock again- two minutes to go. "For the next two minutes you have my undivided attention," he said sarcastically.

"Good!" she smiled, ignoring the sarcasm. "As I was saying before your snoring interrupted-"

Oops was I actually snoring? Kyon thought Oh right, undivided attention...

"...don't you think?" Haruhi finished.

"Um..yeah brilliant, absolutely brilliant?" Kyon tried. Damn, what have I agreed to now?

"So you think shaving squirrels while wearing a tutu, singing Talk Dirty To Me is absolutely brilliant?"

"You have a twisted imagination, you know?"

Of course. Now list-"

Haruhi was interrupted once again as the little egg timer on the teacher's desk started chirping signalling the hour was up. Scowling the teacher opened her eyes, blinked a few times, then realised what the beeping was.

"FREEDOM!" she cried in unison with Kyon.

Kyon jumped to his feet and grabbed his bag, looking at the teacher expectantly.

"Scat, Bunny Boy!" she called as she hurriedly exited the room.

Kyon scowled at his nickname and was about to leave when Haruhi grabbed his collar and shoved him back into his chair.

"You are not leaving until you have listened to me!" she cried, eyes flashing dangerously.

"Meep,"

"April first-"

"Is a date?"

"Yes, but-"

"Is two days away?"

"Yes, now shut up!"

Kyon remained silent, he wanted to leave alive after all.

"April first is April Fool's Day," Haruhi beamed happily. "It's this day where you go around pranking people and making them look like fools! It sounds sooooo fun, so I propose in the second SOS Brigade meeting we'll have had in months to participate in this tradition!"

"Ok, who let you near the internet?"

"You say that like it's a bad thing,".

"Did you forget the last time you-"

"Yeah, yeah but this time nothing bad will happen,".

"Just keep telling yourself that...Can we go already?"

~#~#~#~#~

Next Day

"Hehehehe...," Haruhi muttered under her breath.

"You do realise you're laughing maniacally out loud, right?" Kyon asked her.

Haruhi had had several of these random outbursts of laughter all the way to school. She's plotting something...Kyon thought to himself. Please, please, please don't say she's doing something that will result in my untimely death.

"I'm not laughing," she smiled coyly.

"And I don't have an obsession with bunny suits...," Kyon murmured with a roll of his eyes.

~#~#~#~#~

Students neatly filed into the auditorium for the morning assembly. Kyon took his seat and almost immediately zoned out. The principal began droning on about something, his weary eyes lingering on where the SOS Brigade sat, for he didn't want a repeat of previous incidents.

Before he knew it, the assembly was over and Haruhi was pushing past him after he failed to move when she kicked him.

"Ah Kyon- kun we need to go to class now," Mikuru mumbled as she waited for Kyon to move.

Stifling a yawn, Kyon began to shuffle out of the auditorium. And that's when it happened. The event that would lead to a full on war.

"Gah!" Kyon cried as his foot caught on the leg of a chair.

They say when bad things happen, time slows down. At that moment Kyon saw that this statement was true. It was like he was observing the scene as a spectator. He saw himself falling forwards, slowly, like he was falling through custard. Then he saw himself reach out- for anything- to save himself from face planting the floor. And before he knew it he'd grabbed hold of Haruhi's skirt.

A shocked gasp flooded the room as Haruhi's skirt landed around her ankles, Kyon clinging to the material.

Oh crap...please say I didn't just...please, please, please no! Kyon thought, too afraid of Haruhi's wrath to look up.

Snickers and giggles floated down to where Kyon lay, then it turned into full out laughter. Now, Kyon had to look up.

He was met with Haruhi staring down at him, tears filling her eyes, and then he saw them. Her underwear. Bright pink frilly things. With little pictures of cartoon hamsters on. Oh. My. God.

"Kyon!" Haruhi screamed, and he realised he was staring.

With a cry, Haruhi grabbed her skirt, yanked it up and fled the room, laughter chasing her as she went.

"This isn't going to end well...," Itsuki sighed.

"H-hamsters?" Kyon stuttered.

Aurora Note: So that was chapter one! =D I apologise for any mistakes etc it has been a looonng time since I watched the series and I haven't watched the second series yet~ Also I apologise for any Out Of Character ness. Like I said, haven't watched it for a while and sometimes OOC ness is necessary for humour purposes. XD

This story will most likely be five chapters and I intend to update every two days. It's Easter break so I should be able to do this as there's no school! XD So yeah, hope it's ok!

Please review~! And feel free to check out my profile for more fics ^_^