2nd note: It would be impossible to summarise the Aeneid here, but basically Aeneas was founder of the Roman race. He was involved in the Trojan War, and his first wife, Creusa, was killed in the battle there. The goddess is the Great mother, and all of those names are different epithets for her. Her pregnancy comes from Greek mythology, where Uranus shoved Gaia's children back in her womb because they frightened him. As well they might, for they were hundred handed giants. :)
I can remember it...the pain and the fire. The soldiers, the way they ripped Cassandra from the altar...I saw it. I was there. I *was* there, I know I was.
The flames flicker across my eyes whenever I close them, and I can hear the shouting, the screaming. The soft whisper of his "I love you, Creusa." Sometimes, I can't make it stop.
I remember falling. I landed hard on the dirt, and my ankle snapped. I watched as the three of them strode away, my cries for help swallowed by the terror of the city. They walked away...they never looked back, like they wanted to lose me.
I don't know how long I was there. But I do remember the angry face of the soldier, and the terror..the fear that he would rape me...defile me...enslave me. But no, he just raised his spear and I closed my eyes. I could feel the heat of the fire on my face and hear the sharp whistle of the spear as it flashed downwards.
Then...oh, the feeling that first time...the pureness, the calm...
She's screaming again.
I run from the room into her chamber, not sure what I'll see this time. She's stretched out on the bench, her belly stretched to obscene proportions with pregnancy. Below the taut skin, unidentifiable shapes move, pressing against the skin and distorting it.
Her head tosses back and forth as she screams, her face red and sweaty as she pushes down, trying to expel her burden. I put one hand on her face and murmur soothingly to her.
"It hurts," she sobs. "It hurts so much. I can feel them in there, Creusa, all hundred of their hands...," she breaks off and screams again, a harsh wrenching scream that burns through my mind.
This is nothing like the first time. The first time, she wrapped her strong arms around me and brushed my tears away, one soft, soothing hand stroking my hair.
She'd chosen me, she said, I was special...
"But Aeneas..," I whispered. Closing my eyes, I pictured him in my mind, the handsome face, the laughing eyes...his strong legs as he walked away from me...
I closed my eyes as she continued to stroke my hair. Her voice was hypnotic and soothing. "You're my mother now, Creusa." She sighed. "I saw you in Troy...you were so beautiful, so caring.." She caught my chin in her hand. Her voice changed, growing harsh. "You can be my mother, my all things...I never had anyone. _He_ never let me."
"Who?" I whispered.
"He who is the sky...they scared them, my little babies. He shoved them away deep inside me." Her eyes held mine as she took my hand, placing it on her stomach. "Can you feel them?"
At first I felt nothing. Then a slow deep pounding beat steadily against my hand. She smiled oddly at me. "Can you hear them?"
The sound of a thousand voices assaulted my ears, their guttural, primitive voices all calling out for one thing-freedom. I wavered under the assault.
"That's why I took you, Creusa, to take away the pain."
She's calmer now. I shake off the memories and push her damp hair off her face.
"Is the pain gone?"
She nods. "They were restless tonight. They're trapped inside me. I'd let them go if I could." She stifles a sob and closes her eyes. In the next second, she's restored her herself to her perfect appearance. Her hair is combed and styled beautifully, her dress immaculate, her body returned to its former slenderness.
I stand as she does, my head slightly bent in respect. She smiles at me, her hand reaching out to touch my face. I can feel the contours of my face changing as she strokes my cheek. She's always perfecting me in small ways, changing my appearance gradually. I can't...I've forgotten what I used to look like, feel of my old face. But I still remember...those eyes, that face...Aeneas.
I can hear her quiet sigh. "You know you can never be with him again. He has a farther fate..."
"I know." I bow my head lower, my eyes clenching closed in anguish.
"I can give you anything you want, Creusa...immortality, eternal youth..." Her hand creeps down to settle on my stomach. "Another child. _My_ child."
I shake my head frantically. "I don't understand."
"I can't give him back to you." She paused. "All things. You promised me all things, Creusa, I heard you say it." Leaning closer, she presses her lips against mine. I stand quietly as she kisses me, the softest, lightest kiss I've ever received. How different from the rough texture of his cheek her soft skin is. A few moments later she pulls back. Her eyes search my face sadly. Turning on her heel, she begins to walk away.
"Magna Mater," I falter.
Her steps falter for a moment, but she keeps walking.
"Rhea."
Again she hesitates, her pace slowing down to a crawl.
"Idaea."
She stops entirely and turns around, her expression unreadable. I take a deep breath and let it all go: those laughing eyes, that handsome face, the sweet voice of my son when he woke me in the mornings. I can feel the hot stream of tears running down my altered face as I open my mouth to speak again. All things. I promised her. All things.
"Cybele." The whisper of her true name echoes softly around the room. Without a sound, she closes the distance between us, wrapping her arms tightly around me. This times she kisses me with much more force and I close my eyes, letting my arms slip around her waist.
She is my farther fate.
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