Fox Mulder sat on the carpeted floor of his apartment surrounded by broken cell phones. Every day he would get them out and the memories would come rushing to him. Just as he was getting to the one he stepped on when he finally learned what happened to Samantha, his tears stared flowing. He then heard a knock on the door, and a soft "It's me". He couldn't get up from all the grief he was feeling, so he told her to just come in. "Scully", he said as he stared at his crushed phone, "I shouldn't have let her go." Scully figured that he was talking about Samantha and said, "I know you loved her very much, but there was nothing you could do." "I could have been more careful. I could have saved her. But it had been too long." Scully could see that he was in great pain. Losing Samantha was a very hard thing for him to cope with, she thought. There was an awkward silence, but Mulder finally said, "It was my favorite phone, too." Scully of course, had no idea why he was talking about a phone. "What?" "That phone, I loved it. I shouldn't have let it go. I could have saved her. She was a beautiful phone." "I thought you were talking about Samantha" "Samantha, I don't care one bit about Samantha!" Scully was very confused. Very. She figured he must have some LSD put in his water again. Or she just never realized how much of a loser he was. She just couldn't decide. As she was comparing scientific possibilities, she would have never guessed what she would hear Mulder say next. "Scully, the real reason I am in the FBI is because of the phones we get. I love phones. All that stuff about Samantha, I made up. I wanted to be involved with the X-files because you have a bunch more excuses of how your phone broke. I get a whole lot more that way." Scully was speechless. She never knew Mulder was in the FBI for the same reason as her. Phones. Phones motivated her. She lived for them. And so did Mulder. How wonderful. "Oh, one more thing", he said, "I'm gay." Ouch. Scully couldn't believe it. Major Ouch. "Doesn't Skinner have the nicest butt?", he said. All he heard from her was a small sound from the back of her throat. She had a horrified expression on her face. Mulder didn't know what was wrong. He thought she already knew. "Scully, what's wrong? Didn't you know?" "Uh, Mulder, I've got to go, bye" She got up and ran from the room as fast as she could, got in her car, and as she backed out, she squashed a can of spam. She screamed at the top of her lungs and desperately tried to bring it back to life. As a person was passing by, she told them to call an ambulance. Yeah, they got the ambulance, but it went straight to the local wakko bin. Shock does some pretty weird things. Spam is a pretty weird thing. Well, anyways, let's go back to Mulder. Mulder was trying to figure out what just happened when he got the urge to call Skinner. The Great Bald One With The Nice Butt, in Mulder's eyes. He dialed the number and asked Skinner if he wanted to come over. Now Mulder it's Mulder's turn to be shocked. "Uh, sorry Mulder, but I have a date with Krycek." That sent Mulder over the edge. He decided he was an alien, and went on a mad shooting spree. Great way to earn a one way ticket to the loony house! When he got to the nice place with the fluffy walls, he met up with Scully. "Scully! Good to see you here! I decided I'm not gay anymore! Great, huh?" "Yes, just fine", she said in her little kill mode voice. "Scully, we're not in the Bureau anymore, so we can finally be together, now that I'm not gay! No more strict regulations. Let's live happily ever after, OK?"
And so they did.
Padded walls and all.
This is my first fanfic and I know it sucks! I laugh at flames!