Chapter 1. It could have been worse

It had been stressful for everyone in Camelot, especially for Merlin. The skinny, black-haired boy had been put through his paces over the last few months and it had gradually been taking its toll. Though he certainly had not had time to let the events catch up with him. Only now, when he finally had the chance to relax a bit, did everything settle.

A year had passed where Camelot had been relatively peaceful. Apart from the odd assassin or druid in the wrong place at the wrong time, Merlin had not had to deal with that many problems. People whom he had become friends with had been knighted under Arthur who was acting as regent while his father, King Uther, had taken ill. With the king nearly out of the picture, executions were scarce. Morgana had hidden herself after she had been revealed a traitor and had been quiet for the most part. They occasionally had a sighting reported to them but there was never any evidence behind each claim.

It was the night of Samhain when everything began to spiral out of control. Morgana had finally made her move. The Veil between worlds was opened, and dark spirits of death threatened them every night. In closing the veil, Merlin had lost one of his closest friends and secret keeper, Lancelot. The warlock blamed himself for everything that had happened. He had become complacent. Death weighed him. He was spared no moment to mourn him. Arthur still needed him.

Preparations for the prince's birthday started immediately. Camelot needed a distraction from all the grief and fear. The celebration was the excuse they needed. Arthur was almost back to his cheery, ignorant self. The king had recovered a great deal from the mental illness that played him since Morgana's betrayal and attended the feast. In hindsight, Merlin should have seen it coming. There had been an attempt at Arthur's life. Unfortunately, it had been partially successful. The King protected his son, and as a result lay on his deathbed. Merlin's endeavour to heal him backfired, snuffing out any positive view from Arthur on magic.

Then there was the coronation, the dragon egg, the threat from Queen Annis, the fomorroh that had forced him to try to kill Arthur, Gaius's torture at the hands of Morgana and Alator which had almost revealed his identity as Emrys, and most recently the Lamia girl creature that had controlled the knights.

What the Knights had said to him whilst under the Lamia's influence had hurt him but had reminded Merlin of his position. He was just a servant. If his magic was to be found out by the king, it would be no skin off his back to execute him immediately. No one would defend him. Apart from Gaius, he was alone. And he had almost lost the fond old man the same way he had lost Lancelot, and his father, and Freya, and Will.

With all that in mind, it was no wonder that he woke up the last few nights screaming.

His magic had been reacting to Merlin's emotions more than what Gaius had deemed normal due to all of the stress that it had been under, particularly from his time with Morgana and the fomorroh. It would settle if it was given the chance to. Until then, Merlin had to be extra careful.

Trying to reign in his magic, though, was easier said than done. Merlin was suffering from spurts of accidental magic that absolutely refused to be tamed. It was becoming more than an inconvenience, and Merlin was getting concerned with how active it was. Gaius had agreed. He had prescribed undisturbed bed rest and sleeping tonics.

Arthur hadn't been happy about Merlin getting time off so suddenly, but relented as everyone eventually did under the court physician's all-knowing stare. Actually, diagnosing him with something, this time being mild inanition and acute exhaustion, had helped somewhat. At least the excuse this time was believable.

Unfortunately, leaving Merlin alone to his thoughts didn't help his mental state at all. In fact, it was wearing him down even more. Without his regular, routine chores and endless chatter to use as a constant distraction, the servant could only dwell on things that he had otherwise put aside. All of the built-up emotions began pouring out, resulting in his magic going haywire. What little control he did have was now completely gone.

He gave in to it and let it do what it wanted. It wouldn't matter so long as he was alone, and Gaius was in on his secret so it wouldn't matter if he saw. So long as he kept to his room, at the far end of the physician's chamber, no one would see.

The nightmares that persisted every night were always accompanied by strange feats of instinctual magic. He had started a fire in the wardrobe, made the walls light up, changed his hair colour, and made everything near him float or be tossed about the room. Merlin had to wonder if this was what his mother had to deal with when he was young.

On waking up on one night, in particular, crying out Arthur's name, what he hadn't expected was Arthur to come barging through the doors, sword in hand and ready for battle. He must have been in the corridor. Arthur, half in shock and half in fear, stopped suddenly after a couple of steps into the chamber. Merlin realised in horror that he was staring at something that hovered above his nose.

Immediately, objects fell with a loud clatter. Merlin had become so used to having his magic react in this way over the past few days, that he had unconsciously dismissed the flying goblet, thankfully empty chamber pot, and half dirty clothes until now. Arthur gaped at him, fighting the urge to step backwards. His sword shook in his right hand.

Merlin froze stiffly, back firmly pressed to the small headboard. Arthur had seen. He clamped his eyes tightly, not wanting to see the look of disgust that was undoubtedly etched into his King's face.

He heard the King pace towards him.

"Merlin, look at me", he spoke quickly with authority. Merlin hesitantly opened his eyes and let them settle on his face, still panicked but obedient. "I know you didn't mean it. You won't become like Morgana. We can fix this."

Merlin choked down a lump that had formed in his throat, confused. "Morgana?"

"Shh", Arthur hushed him. Merlin hadn't realised he was crying. "Don't worry. I won't let magic corrupt you." Arthur was on the bed now, holding his servant's shoulders. "Gaius overcame this. I know he was a sorcerer before the Great Purge. He'll help. I know he will."

"Gaius?" Merlin was barely able to get a word out. The physician was out on his rounds.

Arthur nodded and attempted to calm his friend. "Gaius needs to know, Merlin, or he can't help you. I know you're scared. I'd be surprised if you weren't. We both know you are terrified of magic."

Merlin really didn't know what was going on. He was sure that Arthur knew of his magic. That was a given. And he wasn't exactly not accepting it. There was no sword pointed at his throat, or guards called in to arrest him. Arthur wasn't yelling at him about betrayal and execution.

"I…I'm a sorcerer, Arthur. I have magic."

"You are not a sorcerer, Merlin. You've been unwell for a while. Your illness. You must have caught it off someone."

That wasn't quite how it worked. "Catch magic?"

"Don't worry, Merlin", he repeated. "I won't allow magic to corrupt you. I refuse to lose another person close to me."

Merlin couldn't help but smile at that. Not a big one. It was slight and gentle, hardly noticeable.

"Are you saying we're friends?" Merlin jibed.

"Don't be stupid, Merlin", Arthur replied half-heartedly. He playfully smacked his servant over the head.

The atmosphere in the room calmed. Merlin let out a breath he was holding, only to see Arthur do the same. The pair sat on the bed in silence. Arthur was thinking and Merlin daren't interrupt. He decided not to correct Arthur. It was probably better to leave him thinking that he hadn't been using magic until then.

"I'm grateful to you for trusting me enough to call me. I know that must have been hard for you."

Merlin barely recalled shouting 'Arthur' when he woke up. He felt his stomach flip at his words. That had been an accident. A cry for someone after yet another nightmare.

"Wait here for a moment. I'll send for some food". Arthur patted his leg, stood up and walked to the other room. Merlin listened to Arthur as he moved about next door. The king talked briefly to someone outside, a servant or knight maybe, and made his way back to Merlin.

"Gaius said you need to eat when you can to regain your strength. I was coming here anyway to make sure you did as you're told, for once."

Merlin tilted his head. The familiar banter was comforting. "Were you worried about me?"

Arthur snatched a pillow from under the skinny servant and threw it at his head.

"Hey! What happened to caring for the sick?"

"You aren't that sick." Arthur's face became solemn once again. "Merlin. About the…" He lifted his hand and wiggled his fingers.

"We need to sort this out quickly. The sooner you tell Gaius, the sooner he can fix you."

Merlin swallowed.

"You're too much of an idiot be a sorcerer anyway." The very thought visibly calmed Arthur, whereas it made Merlin flinch as his guilt slowly built up again. "Get some rest. I'll break it to him. If you do it, his heart will probably give out."

Merlin wanted to protest. He'd rather explain the situation to his guardian himself.

"No, Merlin. I'll do it. You're not exactly subtle."