Gone, but never truly gone

December was finally upon Paris, bringing with it glimmering lights, giggling and laughing children, shoppers and sellers bustling about trying to squeeze in last minute shopping.

December was Cosette's favorite time of the year, the lights, the light snow, the fires in the fire places, the shoppers, the marketers, everything seemed to add a special glow to Paris at this time of year and it kindled a great, childlike joy in Cosette as the 25th grew closer.

However, and it was most apparent to Cosette, December had brought nothing but misery to Marius.

Why just half a year ago he'd lost all of his most dearest friends at the barricades during the June rebellion that had shaken the Paris streets.

An attack that Marius alone had survived, Cosette of course couldn't be happier to have Marius with her, and she knew too that he was happy to be with her as well.

As true as that may have been though she knew that this time of year was putting a beating on her beloved Marius and she ached just seeing the gloom behind his eyes, tonight, was no different.

"Marius, aren't you even a bit hungry, I made your favorite." Cosette said from the doorway to the living room of their home.

Marius looked up at Cosette from the book he had currently been reading, that same sad gleam in his eyes.

"Yes, I will come just a moment." he replied softly.

Cosette took a seat next to him, placing a hand on his knee in an attempt to comfort her husband.

"Marius...you can't fool me, I know that you've been having a hard time this month especially with it being Christmas eve, I couldn't even begin to imagine the pain you must be going through but I'd like to help you if I can in some way." Cosette said softly, almost cautiously as if she might set him off just by mentioning it.

Marius for his part had tried all week to disguise the pain tugging at his heart the last few weeks, but truth be told Cosette was right. December had been anything but easy on him.

He had long since accepted the fact that his friends had perished in their attempts at a new world and that he had been the lone survivor.

However, the pain that had made a permanent residence in his heart had not gotten the same memo and it at times would make a memory stir, or perhaps just simply pang his heart from time to time.

This kind of pain was a different pain, the kind of pain that settles onto your heart like the cold wet rain settles onto the dried pavement after a heavy rainstorm and he was having a hard time shaking the feeling.

"Marius?" Cosette asked again.

Marius was now lost in his own thoughts though and barely heard his wife's concerned tone.

His mind now wondered to past Christmases spent with his Les Amis friends, some that had been exceptionally great, and still others that had been anything but easy when money was tight. Somehow though Marius and his friends were able to make the seasons enjoyable by just simply being in each others company.

Enjolras of course always the leader would plan what would be made for dinner the day of Christmas and where the festivities would be held, he would also make sure any schoolwork or studying had been done beforehand so as not to "disturb" the season with such things as tests, notes, homework, and last minute paper ideas.

Marius could remember him and Joly sitting at the dinner table making popcorn chains for decorating, or watching silhouettes of stockings hanging on the fireplace mantel while waiting for dinner to cook.

While his other friends would be in the living room discussing current political events. Sometimes Marius and Joly would breakaway from whatever it was they were doing to join in on the discussions, though with Enjolras present, would often turn into debates.

And Eponine, how could he forget his closest friend.

Though her family had little money, somehow Eponine always managed to come up for some sort of gift for Marius.

One year he remembered she had made him stockings, gray and bland as they were, they were the warmest stockings he'd ever had, and had meant a great deal to him as she had made them herself, to this day he still had them, they were his favorite pair to wear during the colder winter months.

There was another year when she had also scraped up the change for a rather nice journal.

"For you to write your wisest and most organized political thoughts." she had said, Eponine was one of his most frequent audience for his political debates.

As Marius got lost in his thoughts Cosette just sat, watching him, thinking of what she could say to bring some relief to the sadness she knew weighed on his heart.

"Marius, my love." she whispered again.

Finally Marius pulled himself out of his thoughts and looked at his wife.

"Marius, while I cannot imagine the pain you've had to endure these last six months, You are not the only one who lost someone you loved...I lost the only father I'd ever known."

Though Cosette regretted the words as soon as she'd said them the words didn't seem to stir Marius as she had feared they would.

"Marius, I know losing your friends has been one of the hardest things you've had to endure, and I won't say it gets any easier, it doesn't...but I have found that as long as you remember them, as they were, they are never truly gone, and you have memories of them as well...you and your friends made HISTORY together...you won't be able to erase them, they're gone, but not truly gone...They're HERE Marius." She finished, placing her hand on his heart emphasizing the word "here" as she did so.

Marius again looked up at his wife.

Not all had been lost at the barricade.

She was still with him.

She was his, and he, hers.

Besides Cosette was right, he would always have a picture of his friends in his memory.

And not even ten thousand martyrs could every take that away from him.

"Forgive me Cosette." he began.

"For being so distant this month, I know it's your favorite time of the year and I have only been half alive...I had forgotten not all was lost that day." here he paused as he took in all of Cosette, her overall beauty, her golden hair, her eyes, everything that had caught his eyes that day six months ago when he'd first caught a glimpse of her.

"I still have you." he finished as he took her hands in his.

"Merry Christmas Cosette." he said softly with a smile.

Cosette returned the smile, squeezing his hands slightly in hers as if he'd slip away again if she kept her grip too loose.

"Merry Christmas Marius." she replied.

Their eyes connected together again, each got lost in the other as their lips connected.

The dinner still sitting out waiting for them in the kitchen now forgotten.