Author: Ceindreadh
Title: Feeling the heat
Rating: PG-13
Genre: humour, smut
Warnings: none
Summary: Ianto Jones is feeling the heat

Prompt: Heatwave

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Ianto discreetly tapped his comlink and whispered, "Tosh? Is it going to take much longer?"

Through his earpiece he could hear her impatient reply, "I'm going as fast as I can, Ianto. I'll be at least another ten minutes."

"Yes, well I just thought you might like to know that there's somebody on the way to your location. Can you hide until they're gone?"

"What? No, Ianto, this can't be interrupted. Can you distract them? If I stop now I'll lose everything and have to start from scratch!"

Ianto could clearly visualize Tosh's expression. He sighed heavily, "I guess it's time to do my little boy lost impression."

"And you're so good at that." Jack's voice broke into the conversation.

Ianto rolled his eyes as he broke the connection. He moved from his vantage point and headed down the corridor putting on his most innocent looking expression. In the background he could hear the sounds of music from the nightclub and he wondered for not the first time, why they couldn't get a trace of alien activity in a library or somewhere less likely to cause migraines. On the plus side though, anybody walking through the building at this hour of the night was likely to have enough drink taken that it shouldn't be *too* difficult to distract them.

Rounding the corner he almost bumped into the life sign he had seen on his scanner. Or to be more accurate a very pretty young woman almost cannoned straight into him.

"Hello there," said Ianto, a smile on his face. He saw the woman's face light up as she looked at him, and inwardly he cursed himself for letting Jack pick out his outfit for this assignment. And then he cursed Jack. Tight leather trousers and a crisp white shirt might work wonders when out on the pull, but they were hardly appropriate wear if you wanted to avoid attracting attention. With a regretful sigh, Ianto discarded his original plan of asking for directions and instead decided to channel Jack Harkness. "Well hello there," he said again, his tone a little less formal and a lot more seductive. "I'm Jones, Ianto Jones, and you are?"

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Tosh set her scanner on the ground and wiped a bead of sweat from her brow. The upload was complete, and from here on in, anybody who consulted this database would find only Earth based data and statistics, as opposed to the 51st Century encyclopaedia it had been when it fell through the Rift. How it had ended up in the offices of the nightclub she didn't know, that was a job for another day. Packing away her equipment, Tosh tapped her comlink. "Ianto," she said softly. "I'm finished here. Am I clear to leave?"

The sound of breathless moaning came through her earpiece. "Ianto? Is everything all right?" When there was no response, she tapped again, opening a communication with the Hub. "Jack, something's wrong with Ianto, he's not responding." Even as she spoke, Tosh had her gun pulled and was ready to leave the room.

"Uh Tosh," Jack's voice echoed in her ear. "I've been...uh, listening to Ianto. He's fine, don't worry about him, just get out of there."

"Jack?" But the connection was broken.

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'Fine' was not exactly the word that Ianto would have used to describe his current predicament. He had expected a brief flirting session with the young woman, maybe a little conversation, possibly even a quick snog. Anything that would keep her in the corridor and not wandering randomly towards the office where Tosh was working away. He had even considered the possibility of deliberately coming on too strong and earning a slapped face, but then he had a much greater knowledge of Jack's flirting techniques than Owen's. Either way, he had assumed that the encounter would start and end in that corridor. He certainly hadn't anticipated that the woman would drag him into a broom closet in order to instigate a hot and heavy make out session.

Not that he was complaining about that. The woman was certainly attractive enough, and from the available evidence, a most experienced kisser. And as for her hands, oh my, Ianto was wondering if he was going to get out of there with his virtue intact...assuming of course he had any left after being with Jack for so long.

But Ianto really could have done without Jack's running commentary in his ear as he tried to keep the woman occupied. When sliding a tongue into someone's mouth, the last thing anybody needed was their boss/partner/extremely sexy lover, telling you that you're doing it wrong. Ianto would have snorted in disbelief if it hadn't been for the fact that his mouth was rather busy. After all, it wasn't like Jack had had any complaints the last time!

"Wow!" said the woman finally, pulling away from Ianto's mouth. "You are amazing!" She wiped the sweat from her face. "Is it just me or did Cardiff suddenly experience a heat wave in February?" Her face suddenly fell and she backed away from Ianto, "I have to go...I'm sorry, goodbye..." She stumbled against the door, almost falling in her eagerness to leave.

Ianto ran a hand over his face, brushing away the beads of sweat. "Okay," he said to himself. "Job done!"

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"So," said Jack, much later. "Sounded like you were having fun on tonight's mission." He wrapped his arms around Ianto as he steered him towards the bed.

"I always try to enjoy my work," said Ianto. "It may be a dirty job, but somebody's got to do it." With a swift movement, he shoved Jack onto the bed before jumping on top of him.

-
Jack lay sprawled on the bed, thoroughly exhausted. He couldn't remember the last time that Ianto had taken control so completely. Not that Ianto was ever lacking in passion when it came to their sexual encounters, but Jack occasionally had the feeling that when Ianto was on top, he was mentally running down a checklist of points to cover. "Apply tongue to right nipple, check. Squeeze left testicle, check. Reduce Captain Harkness to a quivering mass of desire, check and check and check."

But tonight had been different. Ianto had thrown himself into the coupling with more fervour than Jack had ever seen from him. And as for the end result...well, the expression 'fucked through the mattress' came to mind. Jack forced himself to roll over, grimacing as he landed on a patch of sweat soaked sheets. Ianto had disappeared into the bathroom a few minutes earlier, possibly to have a shower. It was testament to Jack's exhaustion that he considered getting up to join him like too much of an effort.

He didn't move until he heard Ianto scream

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Ianto had staggered towards the bathroom a few minutes earlier, feeling the need to cool down a bit. He leaned over the hand basin and splashed some water on his face before looking in the mirror. Everything seemed normal enough, with only a blush to colour his cheeks as he remember how...wanton he'd been with Jack. "Harkness, you're a bad influence on me," he muttered under his breath. Grabbing for a towel, he dried himself off and then reached for his toothbrush. Everything was going fine until he saw the tail pick it up first.

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"Ianto, what's wrong?" Jack ran naked into the bathroom. "I heard you...oh!"

"Oh? Is that all you have to say?" Ianto seemed on the verge of hysterics. "I have a sodding tail!"

Ianto's assumption that 'oh' was all Jack had to say, was somewhat inaccurate. In point of fact, Jack had several thoughts running through his mind all at once. Unfortunately, the first five of them verged on the mildly pornographic. They were closely followed by deep concern for Ianto's well being, tempered somewhat by the fact that Ianto didn't appear to be suffering any obvious ill effects. Then he saw that Ianto had managed to pick up a toothbrush with the tail, and his thoughts were no longer bordering on pornographic but had moved in, put their feet up and ordered a cup of tea.

"You have a tail...where did you get a tail? *When* did you get a tail?" Jack managed to blurt out.

"Well it wasn't on a three for two special at Asda," snapped Ianto.

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Several hours later, the team were sitting around the boardroom table. Ianto was fidgeting slightly, his newly acquired appendage making it rather difficult to sit normally. He'd also been forced to cut a hole in one of his suit trousers in order to accommodate the tail. Worst of all, both Tosh and Gwen seemed unable to keep their hands off it.

"It's so soft," said Gwen, absently stroking the end of the tail. "Just like a kitten."

"It reminds me of a stuffed cat I used to have as a child," said Tosh, equally distracted.

"If you've quite finished," said Ianto. The two women guiltily let go of the tail and turned their attention to Jack.

"Okay people," said Jack, "As you've noticed, Ianto is now in possession of a tail. And useful and all as that may be, it's just a little bit conspicuous. Have any of you got any ideas?"

"You know, you could wrap it around your neck when it gets cold," said Gwen. "It'd look just like a scarf."

Owen snorted, "I think Jack was looking for a *useful* idea!"

"Well I don't see you coming up with anything," snapped Gwen. "Oh wait, you did say to hack it off with a chainsaw!"

"So? No tail, no problem!"

"Children, please," said Jack. "Nobody is hacking anything off Ianto without my sayso"

"That really fills me to the brim with confidence," muttered Ianto.

"Owen," continued Jack. "Those blood and hair samples you took from Ianto. Did you find anything unusual?"

"Ran it through the Torchwood database," said Owen. "No luck. But I got Tosh to hack into UNIT and check out their records."

All eyes turned to Tosh who consulted her PDA. "There wasn't an exact match. The closest I found was a sample from an alien called a Guylaw Tuup. But according to UNIT they were practically extinct."

Jack frowned as he tried to remember the name. Finally he flipped open his wrist strap and pressed a few buttons. "Ah," he said, finally. "You're not going to like this."

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"So let me get this straight," said Ianto. "The Guylaw Tuup are a race that had themselves genetically engineered in order to avoid extinction."

"Yes," said Jack. "Their numbers were dwindling, so they figured the best way to survive was to cross breed with other species. The only problem was that in a lot of cases there's too many variations between the species to successfully reproduce, so their scientists came up with a way to make it work."

"By making them grow tails?"

"Well with the Guylaw Tuup, the tail is part of their genitalia."

There was a shocked silence for a few seconds before Gwen hurriedly pulled her hands away from the tail. Tosh followed suit a few seconds later, but not until she'd had one final unobtrusive fondle.

"And the hot flushes?" asked Ianto.

"That's a sign that they're entering their fertile period," said Jack. "The woman you, uh, distracted. She must have been one of them. Your session in the broom cupboard probably triggered the genetic transfer. We need to find her and make sure that she's controlling it properly otherwise this 'heat wave' of hers could spread through the whole city."

"So basically, I've snogged an alien in heat and now I've got the equivalent of an STD?"

"Sucks to be you, teaboy," snickered Owen.

"No," said Ianto, calmly. "If we don't get this fixed, it will suck to be Jack!"

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