Suicidal Love
Disclaimer: Digimon does not belong to me, which it belongs to Toei Animation. The characters belong to Toei Animation too but some are made up.
A/N: This is in Juri's POV.
Chapter: One. "Attempt Number One."
I strolled around the streets, thinking how miserable my life is. My life's so horrible and unfair. Why can't I have someone that can hold me close, make me feel secure, protect me, and be there for me when I need them? I'm so lonely…and paranoia. I just can't do anything right. I…wish there was someone to understand me. I sighed as tears appeared in my eyes. I cannot cry. I must not cry. I won't look mature if I cry… But who cares?
I looked up at a red brick building and sighed again. It read "Matsuda Bakery." Matsuda Takato. Oh, how I wish you understood how much I care about you, Takato-kun. Why doesn't anyone understand? I hesitated at the front door about going in or not. What if he's with another girl? What if he doesn't like me? What if he's doing something else more important? After all, it's not like love is on his mind 24/7…like me. I shook my head and ran from his parents' bakery.
I ran back home and slammed my door shut. I dropped on my bed, face hiding in the white-feathered pillow and crying. I'm such a chicken. I can't even tell Takato how I really feel for him. He probably doesn't like me… He'd probably like a rat than me. He'd probably die than to return my feelings. I cried harder on the white pillow, soaking it. My mom might understand how I feel…but she's dead. She left me… My stepmother won't understand. No one does. Besides, my mom's probably mad at me in the underworld because I let my stepmother take her place and for not crying longer after she died.
I reached for a stuffed animal and cried harder on the stuffed animal. "Takato-kun, I really care about you. But I'm scared of rejection… I'm scared. I'm so sorry, Takato-kun. I really am. I wish you'll understand. Takato-kun…" I sobbed. I didn't understand why Fate was so mean and still so mean to me. "Leave me alone, Fate!" I shouted. I threw the stuffed animal at the dark brown door and sat up.
I grabbed the scissor on the table next to my bed with my right hand, held at my left wrist spot. I opened the scissor and held the sharper part over my left arm. I dropped the sharper part on my left wrist and slit my wrist. I kept cutting, ignoring the pain and my tears from agony. "Takato-kun…"
I looked around my room. My room had white wallpaper with little teddy bear pictures on it, another desk with pictures of the class; pictures of my mom, my dad, Tadashi, and me; pictures of my dad, Tadashi, my stepmother, Shizue and me; and a picture of Takato-kun. The window on the right of the desk revealed the sky blue skies with a few clouds. My eyes moved to the white wallpaper and my eyes started to close.
"Takato-kun… I really care about…you," I said before fainting.