Ridiculous

When Liz finally left the writers' room to get her healthy lunch of hot dogs and diet Snapple ("I'm trying to be healthier," she justified as Jenna shook her head), it was Tracy who was finally bold enough (or perhaps crazy enough) to broach the topic that had been plaguing nearly everyone's minds since Jack returned to work from the hospital. "Yo, so is it just me or are Jack Donaghy and Liz Lemon together?"

Pete, who had been too busy trying to not accidentally slip into his Elmo voice for the past week after taking care of his kids last weekend, was the first to respond. "Tray, don't be ridiculous. Liz and Donaghy? That's crazy. Liz just broke up with Floyd, and I'm still staying in Liz's apartment so I'd notice if anything was going on."

"Lazy eruf Peru!" Tracy yelled out incoherently as Kenneth started brushing his teeth.

"What? And Kenneth, as a NBC page, you're not obliged to brush other people's teeth." Pete cringed as he watched the blue-jacketed page hold out a shinning bling encrusted silver bucket and ask Tracy to spit in it ("Now remember Mr. Jordan, aim for the bucket this time."). "And Tracy you wonder why you're running low on funds."

"It was only 5 cents on ebay." Grizz justified.

"Yea, ebay's really great. I got an original Aldous Huxley draft of Brave New World for only one grand." Twofer sighed longingly at the memory.

Frank was quick to snap Twofer back into reality as he adjusted his "Nerds Rule" cap. "So are all the authors you like geeks too?"

"Brave New World is a classic! It's-"

"No it's just that I can't imagine a guy named Aldous being anything but a geek."

"Well you've declared yourself a nerd, so that pretty much makes you a geek too. God, I can't believe I'm even having this conversation. At Harvard, we had intelligent discussions about the health care system and existentialism." Twofer straightened out his papers and prepared to revise Lutz's sketch.

"For the record, Twofer, only geeks think that."

"Think what?"

"Oh that nerds and geeks are the same."

"Yea, that's totally true. My sister is a total nerd, and Liz's brother is a complete geek. Nerds and geeks just don't mesh." Jenna gasped suddenly. "Wait, that doesn't mean that I'm a nerd does it?"

"No, you're most definitely a dork Jenna. Ah, time for my show." Frank stood up and headed towards his office.

"Wait, there's no way you're letting me do all the revisions on Lutz's sketch! What could possibly be on right now? It's way too early in the day for the networks to be showing porn." Twofer yelled at his office mate.

"Uh…the news is on right now. I like to know what's going on in the world so we can have material for the show."

"Oh."

Jenna was eager to get back to Tracy's original question. "Well guys, what about Liz and Jack. I knew it was so going to happen after that Hapsburg Prince's birthday party. Come on, think about it: they both dump their significant others and in Jack's case, his fiancé. Jack's mom apparently loves Liz, and she's his freakin' emergency contact! Oh I think it's so romantic! "

"Jenna, you thought that the whole prince thing you had going on was romantic." Josh, who'd just finished "helping" Cerie unload new office supplies for the writers, finally had a free moment (from ogling Cerie) to join in on the conversation. "The two of them hooking up is sorta gross though. Isn't he like twenty years older than her?"

"More like twelve, but come on, I'm staying at Liz's apartment. I'd notice if something was up." Pete, however, was still unconvinced.

"It's crazy enough to be true!" Tracy managed to utter before Kenneth made him rinse his mouth again. "And nah, they're not stupid enough to be all public about it. It'd be a secret relationship like Gregory Peck and Oprah Winfery!"

"Isn't Peck sorta uh…dead?"

"That's what they want you to think, Mr. 'I love my wife so much that I won't cheat on her with a barely legal hooker.'"

Twofer sighed as he put down his papers for a quick break. "I really hate to admit this, but Tracy's got a point. I've hardly seen the two of them apart since Jack got back."

"Yea, like the other day, I went into Liz's office…

"Hey Liz, you wanted to see my Gollum impression? Oh and uh, hi Mr..Donaghy."

"Yea, but sh…keep it down. Jack's on a conference call with his boss. He's just in here for a few days until his office gets renovated."

What was weird was that Jack had this makeshift whole office desk thing set up in there, and it's still there right now even after his office's been fixed for like a week."

"Well, that really doesn't prove-wait come to think of it…I've been in Jack's office five times these last two weeks and…Liz hadn't been there uh…this one time." Pete paused and droned on. "Wait, no Liz came in right when we'd finished meeting."

"There's only one way to find out for sure: we gotta go straight up to Jack Donaghy's office and ask him." Tracy's suggestion was quickly shot down by a chorus of loud "No's."

"Let's try asking Liz instead."

Pete, who was busily looking over Twofer's sketch, was initially baffled when he saw that everyone around him suddenly had their fingers placed on their noses, but rapidly, subconsciously yelled out "Blurg!" in a high pitched Elmo voice when realization hit him.

"Well, Mr. Liz Lemon expert, it's up to you to find out 'bout Jack."

"Stop imitating me, Josh."

"Oh yea, sorry, Tracy."

Pete had planned to spring the awkward question on Liz in the most innocent and unsuspecting manner possible by slowly and subtly transitioning from jigsaws to Jedi to Jack Donaghy. It was during their biweekly re-viewings of the Star Wars saga when all attempts at trying to prod Liz into conversation about Donaghy failed that Pete realized that he was pretty bad at transition or maybe it was both transitions and subtlety. So finally, he bluntly asked her. "So yea, the writers and I were all wondering…are you and Jack seeing each other?"

"Yea, of course it's meant to be!" Pete goggled Liz for a moment but then realized that there'd just been a tender scene between Han and Leia. He wondered if he should dare ask Liz again (he, after all, had a wife and four lovely kids (wait no, it was three because Kyle was scary) to live for) when she shifted her focus from the movie to his question. "Wait did you just ask me if I'm seeing Jack Donaghy?"

"Uh…"

"Cuz I'm not…that would just be, ugh, weird, wrong, and gross on so many different levels."

"Yea Liz. Sorry I asked."

"Why would people even think that about me-about us?" Liz shot Pete a menacing, frustrated look and before he realized that he should probably just drop the topic completely, he continued speaking.

"Uh well, it's just that people always see the two of you together-"

"That is so not true! I didn't come in contact with Jack at all today during lunch hour."

"And then there's that whole speaking in unison thing…"

"Jack and I don't…" Liz began to refute Pete when she started recalling all the instances when that did indeed happen. "Well, we don't talk in unison all of the time…"

"You know what forget that I brought anything up at all."

"Wait, Pete, do you think that I'm spending too much time with Jack? We've just been trying to boost ratings for the show and-"

"Oh would you look at the time? Wow, I can't believe it's so late…man Liz, I'd really love to talk, but I need to get to bed. We've got rehearsals all day tomorrow."

"Pete, it's eight o'clock." But Pete had already scurried off into the bathroom and shut the door. And suddenly, even the final showdown between Vader and the Sith Lord couldn't keep Liz's preoccupied from dealing with reality.

Jack was eager to show off his new ideas for pitches the next morning. "Lemon, listen to this: TGS is the new TGIF." And after a long string of equally befuddling pitches, Liz didn't have the heart to comment when Jack asked her if he was getting better at this.

"No, I didn't think they were any good either. I wrote them when I was sleepworking last night."

"Sleepworking? Don't you mean sleepwalking?"

"No, Dr. Spaceman produced this new type of drug that allows you to vigorously exercise and do all sorts of work all in your sleep. I started trying it last week. It's great; I'd wake up and find myself on the treadmill so no more wasting time on exercising while I'm awake, at the computer with a 70-page draft of my autobiography nicely spell-checked (though it wasn't all that coherent)."

"Um, Jack doesn't that sound sort of unsafe? And shouldn't you be taking it easy after the hospital?"

"Spaceman's studies show that the drug is perfectly safe for puppies."

"Puppies? He tests his drugs on puppies? Aren't there animal rights activists who'd be going crazy over this."

"Hm, maybe the study was on roaches, but that isn't the point. The point is that Jack Donaghy is back working and more efficient than ever." He checked his watch quickly. "I have a conference call in fifteen minutes. Are we still on for later? I'll stop by your office, and we'll look over both our pitch ideas in about an hour." When Liz looked hesitant, Jack nonchalantly suggested another time. "Or you could stop by my office before we go over guest star schedules in an hour and a half?"

"Um…yea, about that…" And Liz, as usual, blurted out what was on her mind, bluntly and awkwardly. "Um Jack, do you think that we've been around each other too much…erm, recently?"

"What?" He prepared himself for another crazy Liz Lemon moment. What was it going to be this time-Lemon was starting to get urges to braid his hair?

"I was talking to Pete last night, and he basically told me that a lot of the writers-everyone-thinks that we're uh, well, together." Liz bit her lip as she finished and noticed how lovely Jack's window looked as a means to escape. He was probably going to laugh at her again for bringing to topic up and at the writers for believing that they were together.

"That's ridiculous!" Yup, she was right. Most of her was relieved, because that was what the Jack Donaghy she knew would definitely do, but a small part of her was also mildly disappointed because deep inside, she wanted to be surprised for once, but she'd play along because that's what she did.

"Just plain weird."

"Preposterous."

"Gross."

"Unprofessional."

"Awkward."

"Impossible." They both found themselves talking in unison. Again.

And suddenly, a rare, amused smile crept up on Jack's face. "Lemon…Liz, how about Saturday night?"

She nodded to show that she understood, because that was as normal as it was going to get for the two of them. "Saturday night sounds great." And then Jack went on talking about how great those sleepworking pills were.

AN: So this is my first 30 rock fan fic and I haven't written fan fiction for a while so I'm a bit rusty. Yea, so I guess structurally, this is sort of a weird story b/c it shifts from everyone but Jack and Liz from the beginning to only the two of them at the end. Originally, I'd planned to somehow have Pete overhear the exchange of words b/n Jack and Liz at the very end and misinterpret that for a fight or something that proves that they aren't together so he goes back to the writers at the end and says that he had been right all along, there wasn't any 'Jiz' going on. But that didn't really work out b/c well, it's hard to write an exchange of words that proves that two people aren't together. Hm…what else, I hope the characterizations are okay. Jack is immensely hard to characterize.

Thanks for taking the time to read this and comments and critiques are always welcome.