'Now that Petra's dead, Levi can be mine.'
That was it. That was the thought. The wicked, terrible thought she had entertained when she had heard the news. Not a thought of despair as she had when she had heard of the others, her heart hadn't gone out to Petra's family or to the grieving warrior; the first thing Hanji had thought of when Eren told her in his rough, ragged whisper was 'now that Petra's dead, Levi can be mine'.
It was shameful and Hanji knew it. Back when Levi and Petra had first started growing close she had felt a thrum of wicked envy but she had suppressed it. She had told herself that it was normal, but that she could move past it if she didn't let it show. Besides, she liked Petra well enough before any romance had started to bloom and Hanji told herself that if she kept her bad feelings bottled up eventually they would fade away like evaporating water – still present but essentially gone. What she hadn't counted on was how all that water would come together and form a thunderstorm that ripped her apart with a simple thought.
The envy that she had long considered gone had really just poisoned her heart and she could feel the killing thoughts swirling around in her blood now. And the fact that she was more distraught about that than the actual death of Petra just fueled Hanji's self-loathing. What sort of unique monster was she? One that thought only of herself with disregard to others. And even worse was the part that said 'so what? It's only natural to desire such a beautiful person and why should he not be hers? She was smart, smarter than Petra had been and just as skilled to boot. Hanji had desired him long before Petra had come into the picture, to take Levi now would just be to take back what had been stolen from her to begin with.'
It was those thoughts that Hanji wrestled with in the dark. It was those thoughts that she wanted to destroy and rinse from herself until she was pure. As pure as Petra had been. After all that was what Levi saw in her, wasn't it? That was what Petra had that Hanji didn't . . . no, no she couldn't think that way. That would take her into a trap that would lead to her trying to justify these wicked feelings and Hanji would not allow herself that.
Instead she pulled her knees up closer and pushed her hands harder against her face, her fingers rubbing tears from her eyelashes under her glasses and the palms of her hands against her mouth to silence any cry. She had locked herself in her room almost as soon as the first wicked thought had come to her and no one had disturbed her yet. They must have thought she was in mourning and that thought almost made Hanji want to laugh. Oh, if only they knew what she really was like. What sort of evil fantasies she entertained. Then they would leave her alone out of disgust instead of pity. Hanji would have certainly done that in their position.
Hanji curled further into herself and hunched her shoulders against the cold that felt like it was trying to take her away. She could move, get up and get into bed but the idea of any sort of comfort made Hanji feel physically sick. So she sat alone in the dark corner of her room, staring blankly at the door on the opposite wall as she strained to hear the sound of human footfalls coming to get her. She didn't hear it – even if someone was outside her door she wouldn't have been able to hear them over the moans and sighs of the trapped titans drifting through her open window from the courtyard below. Hanji's only companions it seemed. That though brought a smile to her face and Hanji raised her head so her chin was above her drawn up knees. An evil woman accompanied by two entities of mindless gluttony. That was what she deserved. Levi wasn't to be won and certainly not by her. She was already where she belonged, with only the titans as company.
AN
That came a bit out of the blue, didn't it? I saw the first like of text on tumblr saying it was the worst quote from a fanfiction that person had ever seen so of course I wanted to make a fic around it. Anyway, this is probably going to be my only attack on titan fanfic and I just wanted to toss it out as a contribution to the fandom.