RPOV

Finally being with Dimitri is like a dream come true. Yes, it's depressing not being with my friends and the kids, and I'm even more depressed that I wasn't able to see Bener and Eloise's baby, though Dimitri was quick to tell me they had a girl and named her after me, but that didn't stop the guilt. And then finding out that Francine and Veli were pregnant with twins, a boy and a girl, made me feel even worse. I could see how hard everyone was taking me and Dimitri's death, but, like I said, it's like a dream come true.

~Secret Admirers, The Heavenly version~

Dimitri and I are in our own personal paradise. Just us. No disturbances. And because of this amazing paradise, we got our younger years back. We're both seventeen again. The age we were when we were in love. I had to admit I loved being young again, being old kinda sucked. But it had its perks.

"I love you, Roza," Dimitri mumbled, his head was nuzzled in my neck, muffling his words a little. We were laying in a field, the sun was setting, and the only sounds around us were birds chirping and crickets singing. Dimitri kissed my neck, going down to my shoulder, then back up.

"I love you, too," I said, sighing happily. I frowned. "I miss the kids."

Dimitri froze. He pulled back, his eyes sad. "I miss them, too, love, but we can't see them anymore." I knew he was right. After I died, and came to this weird paradise, I wasn't allowed to go to the living world. Forbidden, I guessed. Occasionally we'd get the opprotunity to see glimpses of the kids and our friends and family, but only glimpses, and for a certain amount of time.

I sighed. "I know, comrade, I'm the one who left first, remember?"

Dimitri's eyes saddened even more. "It's something I don't like being reminded of."

I flinched a little. It was because of my death that Dimitri died; a broken heart and a terrible depression. Though I wish I hadn't died of that stupid tumor, there wasn't anything I could've done to stop it.

I rested my cheek on Dimitri's muscled chest, breathing in his scent. "I wish I could've seen Bener and Eloise's baby," I muttered. "I would've been so happy. I'm a grandmother who can't even see her grandchildren." Tears filled my eyes.

Dimitri wiped them away, whispering words to me in Russian.

I gave a strained laugh, sniffling. "I shouldn't be complaining," I said shakily. "I just hope we're able to see watch them again."

Dimitri gave a half-shrug. "I don't know, Roza." The only way to see those glimpses of our family is through a special pond. A pond that's so clear you'd think it's a mirror in the ground. It's almost like a television screen - when it's someone's turn to look at their glimpses, it switches around until it finds the right place, and that someone's able to see their loved ones. Kind of a cool little trick.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, looking at the sun set even more, the sky darkening. "I ruined the mood."

"It's quite alright," Dimitri said softly, stroking my hair. "I don't mind."

~Secret Admirers, The Heavenly version~

Once it got dark, Dimitri and I were able to take a moonlit stroll through a very attractive looking park. In this other life, no one sleeps. Since we're all dead, it's kind of impossible.

"I kinda miss sleeping," I said. "It was my favorite thing to do."

Dimitri chuckled. "I know, Roza. After being married to you for so many years I know how much you favor your sleep."

I gave Dimitri a playful nudge. "Only 'cause I had you to sleep with me." I giggled. Dimitri blushed a little, but shook his head. We continued our walk in silence, holding each other's hand, enjoying our surroundings. Because we're in paradise, Dimitri and I are able to imagine whatever we want. Any little thought we'd like to be real can be real here. So I imagined our moonlit stroll having fireflies in it, fluttering around, being little decorations in the silvery glow of the moon.

I leaned my head on Dimitri's shoulder.

"Fireflies?" Dimitri said, a smile on his face.

"What? You don't like it?" I said, a big smile on my face.

"I love it, but not as much as I love you." Dimitri kissed me. My knees felt like jelly. I swear to God, this man knows how to make me feel so crazy.

"Have you ever wondered what life would've been like if we hadn't met?" I asked. "If we weren't in love."

Dimitri didn't say anything for a few minutes, and I thought I'd hurt his feelings. But when he spoke, his voice was slow.

"I don't exactly know how to answer that question," Dimitri said. "But I could guess that we'd have very different lives." I nodded. I always wondered how different we'd be if we hadn't fallen in love. I know it's something not that many people'd think about, but it crossed my mind every once in a while. But I know think I'd ever be able to think of my life without Dimitri in it.

~Secret Admirers, The Heavenly version~

The nighttime had faded away, and daylight surrounded us. Dimitri decided he wanted to imagine us on a beautiful beach. Him wearing nothing but swimming trunks, and me in a two-piece bikini. Dimitri and I enjoyed splashing each other and playing. We laughed all day. Afterwards, Dimitri and I dried off (I thought up some towels) and just sat on the sand, looking at the water. Neither of us said anything - we didn't need to. The silence spoke for us. How we were feeling, every little thing we loved about each other. It must be a soul-mate thing. That's what Dimitri calls us (and I agree completely). Our silence doesn't need to be broken. The only sound we can focus on is the sound of the waves in the ocean.

DPOV

Paradise with Roza is beyond magical. I can't find the words to describe how beautiful it is to finally be reunited with my Roza. I do miss the kids and our friends and family, but I was so miserable without Roza. Through our times in paradise, Roza and I have gotten our glory years back. Seventeen-years old. Though being seventeen wasn't my favorite age (I did get bullied a lot) it was also a little bit of my favorite age. Roza and I started dating and gave birth to our glorious twin boys - Veli and Bener.

Though paradise is wonderful, it's saddening to know that Roza and I aren't able to go to the living world to watch over our loved ones. Roza said something about it being forbidden. I don't know why, it just is. But occasionally Roza and I are able to look at glimpses of our loved ones, to see how they're adjusting to their new lives. Our last glimpse was two weeks after I died - Claudia was living with Sonya and her husband, and helping take care of Sonya's new baby. Bener and Eloise are wonderful parents, their daughter, Rose, is a very healthy baby girl. Francine and Veli are excited about their twins, and they've already thought of names - Alexander Dimitri and Lily Mae. Arianna and Jr. seem to be adjusting well, too. Though they're still sad at the loss of us, I can tell they're beginning to move on. Same with our friends and family - Lissa's gotten over the depression and so has Mia and Jill. Mason, Eddie, Adrian, and Christian seem to have gotten over the sadness, too. Mama's still very heartbroken over me and Roza's death, and she's steadily getting better.

I'll miss our family very much.

~Secret Admirers, The Heavenly version~

It was after sundown, and Roza and I were on a playset that she imagined. Roze was sitting on a swing, me gently pushing her.

Roza gave a long sigh.

"Care to tell me your thoughts?" I asked. Since Roza and I are in paradise, sleep is impossible. Apparently after death, there's no need for sleep.

"What did you think of me when you first saw me?" Roza asked.

"Hmmmmmmmm. . . ." I closed my eyes, trying to remember. "The first time I saw you, I was actually intimidated by you at first."

Roza turned a little. "You were? I thought it was, like, love-at-first-sight?"

"It was, but you frightened me, too," I said. "You were so fearless and so straightforward with everything and everyone, I was scared to tell you I loved you."

"I'm sorry," Roza said softly. She gave another long sigh. "I'm such a jerk."

"You're not a jerk, love," I said. "You're my special girl. I'll always love you, no matter what."

I didn't have to see Roza's face to know she was smiling. We went into a silence, me still pushing Roza on the swing. Crickets chirped, fireflies buzzed, stars twinkled. I gave a silent sigh. Everything felt perfect. Everything felt wonderful. I get to spend eterinty with my one true love.

~Secret Admirers, The Heavenly version~

"Today's the day." Roza looked at me, her beautiful eyes dancing with excitement. Today is when we get to see the glimpses through that pond. The pond is a unique little thing. It allows others in their paradise to look at their loved ones for a moment or two. Roza has been waiting for this day for a very long time.

"Calm down, Roza," I said, kissing her forehead. We were walking the usual way to the pond, hand in hand. The sun was up high, and a gentle breeze would hit us every now and then.

"How can I? I'm so freakin' excited, Dimitri, it's unbelievable!" Roza exclaimed.

"Yes, I can tell you're excited. But you could calm down just a little." Roza gave me a glower, and I chuckled. When we arrived at the pond, we sat down and leaned forward a little. The pond began rippling (to be honest, the pond is so clead, it's almost like looking into a mirror), and images of different families appeared until me and Roza's family settled in. Bener and Eloise were in baby Rose's room, she's gotten so big. It switched to Veli and Francine, who were visiting Mama. Then Claudia and Sonya, Claudia was playing with her newborn cousin, James. Arianna was with some boy, who I assume is her boyfriend, and Jr. was at the graveyard, paying respects to our gravesites. Lissa and Christian were just relaxing; Eddie and Mia were in the kitchen, baking something; Mason and his second wife (his marriage with his first wife ended horribly, I guess) were shopping (Mason's second wife got pregnant); Adrian and wife were getting ready a nursery. Adrian's wife found out she was pregnant. Then there was Ivan and his wife, preparing for the birth of their fourth child. The last one was of Mama, who looked frail and hurt. She was trying so hard to get better, but no mother could ever heal from the death of their child.

Once the images faded, I looked at Roza. Her eyes were filled with tears. I wrapped my arms around her, whispering comforting words to her in Russian.

"I miss them so much," Roza sobbed. "I love them too much! I hate being dead, Dimitri! Why did I have to die?!"

"I don't know." I honestly didn't. I couldn't answer Roza's question, no matter how many times she asked or rephrased it. But I knew that we had to adjust, too. We couldn't keep holding on to our pains. Yes, I miss everyone dearly, but deep down, I knew I had let go of all my pain and heartache.

"Roza, I know you're hurting, but I think you should let go," I murmured.

Roza looked up at me, wide-eyed. "Let go? You think I should let my children go? Let go of my family and friends?"

"Not like that," I said, cupping her cheek. "Let go of all the pain and guilt you feel for them. It's not your fault you passed. I don't think we'll ever move on unless you completely let go of all these feelings."

"I can't," she said softly.

"Why not?"

"It's too hard." She looked down, her shoulders slumping.

I lifted her chin up. "No, it's not 'too hard,' Roza. Just try. Release all the built up guilt and pain. I was able to. You can, too." Roza looked at me, a frightened look on her face, then she clossed her eyes and took a deep breath. After a moment or two, the air around us felt lighter. It felt cheerier. Roza opened her eyes and looked at me. We looked at each other for a minute, then she gave a small smile.

I smiled at her, pulling her into an embrace. No more pain or guilt holding us back.

RPOV

After I had released all the pain I was feeling, I felt so much lighter. Lighter than air, almost. It was such an amazing feeling. Dimitri and I seemed to have gotten so much closer after that. We spent every moment together, laughing and playing and having the most amazing time in our paradise.

Honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way.

QUICKY A/N: HOW WAS IT? I'M SO SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG TO GET THIS O/S UP. I'LL TRY TO GET "THE BREAKFAST CLUB [VA EDITION]" UP AND RUNNING SOON. HOPEFULLY IN THE NEXT COUPLE DAYS.

WELL, REVIEW, PLEASE. I'D LIKE TO KNOW WHAT YOU THINK OF THIS. :)

YOURS TRULY,

~SMITHY