AUTHOR'S NOTE: Since the strikethrough doesn't work, anything in /this format/ is supposed to have a strikethrough.
AN #2: This one-shot refers to a few other one-shots, particularly the first part about the certain prank regarding a certain person, which refers to the one-shot titled Baby Names II. The other one-shot that's referred to regards a forced marriage between Sirius Black and Remus Lupin by Lauren/Ms. Tyra. I just haven't posted it up here yet.
Messrs. Moony, Padfoot, Prongs,
and
Mses. Breen and Tyra
proudly present
the
MARAUDER'S MAP
Ms. Breen would like to let the records show that she never said anything concerning any of the following:
Mr. Moony
Babies
Marriage
Making out
and/or anything even remotely concerning the above (at least not out loud).
Unless, of course, it had anything to do with a certain prank regarding a certain person and a certain thing that never really happened.
/Mrs. Padfoot/ Ms. Tyra thinks that Ms. Breen is lying through her teeth.
Mr. Prongs agrees with Ms. Tyra, at least for laughs.
Mr. Moony has no comments regarding the above statements.
Mr. Padfoot would like to know what's going on.
Ms. Tyra will inform Mr. Padfoot later-- when they are both quite alone.
Ms. Breen registers her comment that perhaps that comment needed not be said.
Ms. Tyra thinks that Ms. Breen needs to suck it up and go make out with someone-- Ms. Tyra thinks Ms. Breen knows who that someone is.
Mr. Moony has decided to back slowly away from this conversation.
Mr. Prongs has three words to say: HA HA HA.
Mr. Padfoot would still like to know what's going on.
Mr. Prongs thinks we've been over this before.
Mr. Padfoot wonders whether this has anything to do with The-Marriage-That-Must-Not-Be-Mentioned.
Ms. Tyra will now attempt to forge Mr. Moony's handwriting and say that Mr. Moony has not forgotten his vows and is madly in love with Mr. Padfoot.
Mr. Padfoot would like to say that Mr. Moony is a (the following statement is scribbled out in heavy black ink).
Mr. Moony regretfully re-enters the conversation to register that he greatly resents that remark, Mr. Padfoot, and has just marked the aforementioned remark out.
Ms. Tyra thinks Mr. Moony RESEMBLES that remark, and would also like to remind Mr. Padfoot about his aforementioned vows and how that probably wasn't the kindest thing to say to his husband.
Ms. Breen would like to say how glad she is that the subject has shifted so.
Mr. Prongs reminds Ms. Tyra that Ms. Breen is still present, and thinks she's off the hook, though Mr. Prongs begs to differ.
Ms. Tyra would like to thank Mr. Prongs, but is regretfully having too much fun bothering Mr. Padfoot with his vows to bother Ms. Breen with hers.
Ms. Breen has decided that both Mr. Prongs and Ms. Tyra deserve to be head-slapped, and states that the only vows she'll be taking anytime soon are that she WILL HAVE HER REVENGE.
Mr. Moony reminds Ms. Breen that her plans for revenge never quite work out, and would like to prevent any future pranks from occurring regarding a certain person and a certain thing that never really happened.
Mr. Prongs thinks he might actually understand what Mr. Moony is getting at.
Mr. Padfoot is still waiting to find out what's going on, but thinks it might have something to do with the M word.
Ms. Tyra would once again like to remind Mr. Padfoot about his vows.
Mr. Prongs has three more words for Mr. Padfoot: HA HA HA.
Mr. Padfoot has decided that perhaps being oblivious is best, and doesn't really want to know what is going on in the first place.
Ms. Tyra has a song for Mr. Padfoot.
Mr. Padfoot would like to let it be known that he doesn't particularly want to hear the song that Ms. Tyra has for him.
Mr. Moony has a feeling that Mr. Padfoot is going to hear the song anyway.
Ms. Tyra has decided that since the Map can't hear her singing, she'll write the words to the song here: Moony and Padfoot sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s---(the following lyrics are unreadable, as though someone has been fighting over the quill while Ms. Tyra was attempting to write it down.)
Mr. Moony is hereby horrified.
Mr. Padfoot is equally horrified, and perhaps three times as disgusted.
Scratch that-- he IS three times as disgusted.
Mr. Prongs is starting to wonder whether Ms. Tyra is on to something here...
Ms. Breen is silently plotting her revenge, and would like to state that she doesn't really care if Mr. Moony gets into trouble for it as long as she gets Ms. Tyra back.
Ms. Tyra corrects Ms. Breen to say that she really does care.
Ms. Breen sticks her tongue out at Ms. Tyra and asks that she prove it.
Ms. Tyra is quite prepared to prove it, and thinks that this might be fun.
Ms. Breen retracts her previous statement.
Ms. Tyra un-retracts the statement, and lets it be known that she WILL prove it because she never backs down from a dare.
Ms. Breen has decided that she's an idiot and is probably henceforth doomed.
Mr. Moony has a feeling that he's equally doomed despite the fact that he didn't say anything.
Ms. Breen humbly asks Mr. Moony if he wouldn't mind partaking in a devious and wonderful revenge prank against Ms. Tyra.
Mr. Moony would be glad to partake in such a devious and wonderful revenge prank.
He also can't believe he just said such a thing.
Ms. Tyra thinks that Mr. Moony should probably back out of this one if he wishes to keep every part of himself intact.
Mr. Moony is second guessing whether he ought to sacrifice a limb for revenge.
Mr. Prongs thinks Mr. Moony is being a big baby and would quite like to see the least capable pranksters take on the most capable in a pranking showdown.
Mr. Padfoot finally thinks he understands what's going on, and agrees with Mr. Prongs.
Ms. Tyra thinks Mr. Padfoot has decided to be on her side by entering the conversation again.
Mr. Padfoot thinks Ms. Tyra has decided for him and that he doesn't really have a choice-- not that he's complaining.
Ms. Breen is thoroughly disgusted with Mr. Padfoot at the moment.
Ms. Tyra would like to point out that Ms. Breen has nothing to offer Mr. Padfoot to make him choose her side-- or at least she'd better not.
Mr. Prongs has decided that he'd like to be a mediator so as not to throw off the delicate balance of numbers.
Ms. Tyra would like to remind Mr. Prongs that Ms. Breen and Mr. Moony have next to no pranking skills and would most likely need him on their side to have half a chance, and thus forfeits Mr. Prongs to the other side.
Mr. Moony resents the above remarks and acknowledges that Ms. Tyra thinks he resembles them.
Ms. Tyra would like to say that Mr. Moony is most certainly correct.
Mr. Prongs gladly takes the side of Mr. Moony and Ms. Breen, though he thinks that this dissension can't possibly be healthy for Mr. Moony and Mr. Padfoot's marriage.
Ms. Tyra agrees with Mr. Prongs.
Mr. Prongs wonders whether Mr. Padfoot has been faithful or not, and notes that he's taking Ms. Tyra's side.
Mr. Padfoot remarks that Mr. Prongs can go make out with Evans.
Mr. Prongs is now thinking that that's not such a bad idea.
Ms. Tyra wonders how Mr. Prongs was supposed to take that offensively.
Mr. Padfoot notes that at least it would get him to shut up.
Mr. Prongs commends Mr. Padfoot on such brilliant thinking and is now departing to /make out with Evans/ shut up.
Ms. Breen would like to insert a sigh here, and wonders what in the world we're going to do with Mr. Prongs.
Ms. Tyra would like to insert a maniacal laugh and wonders whether /Ms. Breen/ Mrs. Moony is ready to meet her doom.
Ms. Breen is now past the point of good sense and, ignoring /Ms. Tyra/ Mrs. Padfoot's previous name for her, asks if Mrs. Padfoot is ready to lose.
Ms. Tyra doubts she'll lose.
Ms. Breen requests that Ms. Tyra put her money where her mouth is.
Ms. Tyra is now leaving to /completely ruin Ms. Breen's life/ plan her prank, and drags Mr. Padfoot with her.
Mr. Padfoot reluctantly leaves as well.
Ms. Breen would like to register that she bets it'll take ten seconds for Ms. Tyra and Mr. Padfoot's "planning" to turn into making out.
Mr. Moony bets Ms. Breen a chocolate frog that it'll only take five.
Ms. Breen will shake on that bet (promptly done), and leaves to begin planning her own prank, as well as win that bet by spying.
Mr. Moony wonders to himself whether it was smart to agree to helping in said prank… And finishes writing so he can leave as well.