On the speed of red suited old men
Daria groaned, she couldn't believe Quinn had actually talked her into babysitting the Tad and Tricia Gupty again. At least this time the younger Morgandorffer sister actual had a prior obligation before the The Guptys had called to ask for her services. It also helped ease Daria's annoyance that the prior engagement in question was a class project and other study. It was just a pity Jane couldn't come this time. She was either scrounge the cash for Daria's Christmas present or creating it. When asked she had been deliberatly vague on the subject. Daria decided to cease her groaning realising that babysitting tonight meant she could give Jane enough art supplies to last her until the start of summer vacation. After making polite conversation with Mr. and Mrs. Gupty for a few moments she was handed the schedule and waved them good bye. Daria then immediately went to the Gupty's living room, where Tad and Tricia were waiting. After Tricia handed her a pen she immediately crossed out every thing except study time, dinner and snack time. She crossed out the kids oral hygiene routine as well. She had never know either child to avoid it when they weren't reminded She then hit the commands on the remote so that the television would show more than the weather channel.
"Santa's helpers have had a bit to much Christmas cheer, elves in the eggnog next on sick sad world," the television blared loudly.
"Now you remember the deal," Daria told the children.
"No telling our parents we watched this," Tricia said. "And I get to do your hair later."
"And I get extra carrot sticks," Tad supplied. "And you don't complain when we want you to tell us a story later."
The story, damn that was going to be hard to do without Jane, but Daria figured her creativity could be without a muse for a night and still come up with something passable.
"Daria how can Santa deliver all the presents to all the world's children in just one night?" Tad asked as the credits for sick sad world.
"Ummm," Daria said unsure of how to proceeded. While the Gupty's had a tastefully understated Christmas tree (compared to their other ornaments and garden decorations) she was unsure of the particular way they celebrated the holiday. She realised though that Tad had left an avenue of explanation open.
"Well for a start," Daria said. "He doesn't have to visit all the worlds children."
"That doesn't sound right Daria," Tad replied.
"Well think about it," Daria elaborated. "He can probably skip over most of India, the middle east, north Africa because Christianity isn't the major religion."
The children mulled this over for a short time and it was Tricia who spoke first.
"Oh and in countries were Christmas was introduced in its modern more secular form," she said. "He only has to visit people who actively chose to celebrate."
"That's right," Daria said. "Also in some countries gift giving is the responsibility of other magical persons and then in others Santa comes on a different day."
"But he still has to visit a lot of good and bad children," Tad insisted. "How can he do it in one night?"
"Well I know for a fact Santa doesn't give out coal to bad children any more," Daria explained. "He merely skips them over and saves a bit of time. What he does instead is wire some money to grandparents' bank accounts so they can buy itchy sweaters for their naughty grand children or the wool to knit one if they've been particularly horrible. Of course he gets the elves in the technology division to transfer the funds or another guy I actually meet once."
"But one night?" Tad said accepting all except that the time frame still seemed to short.
"But you are forgetting to take time zones into account," Daria smiled.
The realisation dawned on Tricia.
"Of course right now in Australia its already tomorrow!" she squealed. "That means Santa has already been and gone there by the time we're getting ready for bed on Christmas eve."
"That's right," Daria said with a slight more enthusiasm then her usual monotone. "Santa Claus must chase the midnight hours as it passes across the globe of the earth."
Daria was proud of that, she'd have to use chasing the midnight hour in a story sometime soon.
"But..." Tad began again.
"Nope time for study," Daria said. "Then snack time as we have we have already covered the current events portion of your study with this discussion."
Later Daria was putting the two children to bed, reluctantly leaving in the three ponytails Tricia had made in her hair as she did so.
"Did you ask Santa for anything this year Daria?" Tad asked.
"Well I'm a little old for the big guy to leave me anything any more," Daria said. "But if I've got any back presents owing he knows to just send at least one of Jane's parents home for a few days, for one because I know he let her down a few times, and two seeing Jane embarrassed by her folk will be a great present and payback for me. What did you guys ask for?"
"Educational books," Todd mumbled.
"A donation in my name to a charity that will help other people have a good holiday," Tricia said a little smugly. "Now you promised us a story!"
"Okay Okay," Daria groaned. "Ummm I call this one Jane and Daria are forced to save Xmas featuring Guy Fawkes Day. Now have you ever wondered were holidays go when they aren't been celebrated. Well they live on holiday island which is disturbingly close to Lawndale if you like Chinese food and there they all go to school to learn about the changing world and their role in it. The most popular holiday was Christmas, although lately he started to insist on being called Xmas because he thought it was edge. Now New Years Day he was jealous of Xmas, in fact the only holiday he disliked more was his twin sister New Years Eve. So …
While Daria had thought that was the end of explaining things about Christmas and Santa to the Gupty children she was proven wrong the very next year. When Quinn had called her in distress after Tricia had approached her and said simply "I know the truth." But that is another story entirely.