I may have not got where I intended to go, but I think I ended up where I needed to be – Douglas Adams.

Mike Newton was dreaming. Well, part of him was pretty sure he was. Some people he knew would probably take it as evidence that he was about to have a complete nervous breakdown. After everything that had happened in Forks, he was pretty certain he was borderline certifiable anyway.

For some reason, he was sitting in a glasshouse drinking wheatgrass with Tom Cruise.

"But I don't even like Tom Cruise." He exclaimed in surprise.

"Don't give a blind man a sharpened stick." Advised the smoking elephant, taking another drag from his cigarette.

"Beware an idle March!" The monkey shrieked. "Reality is frequently inaccurate! No one cares if you can't cope!"

He clapped his hands over his ears.

"But I don't even like Tom Cruise!"

With a snap, he woke up. For a moment he just lay in bed, watching the lazy spinning of the ceiling fan. In his sleep-addled state, part of him expected that evil monkey to jump out of his wardrobe and start throwing shoes at him. He rolled over.

"Ow!"

Okay, the floor is hard. File that away for future reference. After a moment, Mike managed to pull his legs from the sheets that had somehow tangled around him in his sleep, and clawed his way out of the bedroom.

What he beheld could be summed up in two words.

"Holy shit."

Mike had known that Eric was determined to hold an end-of-semester party, but the house looked like a catering van had exploded in it. He raked a hand through his hair exasperatedly, suddenly fully awake. Did he want the landlord to kick them out? Mike took another tentative step forward.

And his bare foot squished into a half-eaten pizza.

Cheese and tomato sauce everywhere. Stains on the carpet. "I'm going to kill him!" He aimed a frustrated kick at a pile of laundry in the corner.

The laundry moaned. And after a moment sat up.

Eric stared at him with bleary eyes. "Hey, Mikey."

He was bare-chested and a giant novelty tie hung around his neck. Somewhere at the end of their teenage years, Eric Yorkie had tapped into a previously undiscovered well of testosterone, suddenly shooting upwards and filling out. And he apparently saw the onset of good looks as an excuse to be an ass.

"Are you high?" Mike demanded. "What the hell do you think you're doing? I pay the rent. I buy the food. I was the one that managed to talk the landlord into taking a couple of college kids. Can't you at least be a bit responsible?"

"Chill." Eric stumbled drunkenly to his feet. "You sound like my mom. Dude, 's all good."

Mike seethed into silence, knowing it would be like talking to a brick. It hadn't been 'all good' for a while now.

Responsibilities, bills, and Eric. If this was what growing up was, he'd like it to stop, please.

They were at the coffee shop that all the college students seemed to frequent at one time or another. All young people deserved their very own coffee shop to hang out in, Mike decided.

"Was it the dream with the hobbit and the sheep?" Eric asked innocently. "Or the one with the monkey?"

"I'm not discussing this with you. I never should have mentioned anything."

"I'm a psyche graduate. I'm qualified to say 'hmm' and charge you a fee for asking questions your mother asks for free."

Angela Weber gave a faint smile. "You know, what we could have here is your subconsciousness trying to work through the problem."

"Yeah? What the hell does the monkey symbolise?"

She shrugged. "It could be how you feel everyone takes you for granted and you're being emasculated by society."

Eric laughed.

"Excuse me?" Mike stared at her, now absolutely certain that it was a bad idea to bring any of this up. "What does that even mean?"

Angela took a bite from her muffin. "It means whatever you want it to mean." She said evasively, and Mike frowned.

"Isn't that a little open-ended?" His brow furrowed. There was nothing more annoying than philosophy students. "Do you automatically pass your exams when you turn up on the day because you feel like you should?"

"That's not quite far off." Angela swirled the last of her coffee around her Styrofoam cup. "Through the principles of what I've been taught, I can theoretically prove that my professors don't exist." She sounded inordinately proud of the fact.

"And all this is some great delusion of Hell I'm having." Mike said dryly.

Her head bobbed to the side, considering. "It's a viable theory as anything."

"Hold up. New girl on campus." Eric stood up, staring over the heads of the people sipping their drinks, shielding his eyes from the glare of the artificial light. Mike rubbed his forehead exasperatedly.

"Dude, put that libido on a leash. It's embarrassing."

She was kind of cute, Mike supposed, with black hair cut in a slightly ragged crop and a sprinkling of freckles across her nose.

"Just off the bus from a cornfield in Kansas, you think?"

"Shut up, Eric." Mike and Angela said at the same time. Mike looked up in time to see Dan Hill, self-styled Campus God, crossing toward the new girl with his typical strut and self-assured smirk firmly in place. He cringed as he watched Dan approach her, suddenly thinking of a oily man in a loud suit going up to a schoolgirl fresh off the bus from Iowa.

Though he doubted Hill would have the business acumen to become a pimp.

A decision was reached in a split second. "Be back in a minute." He muttered to his friends. Jamming his hands in his pockets, he casually tailed Dan across the room. He was there in time to hear the opening line.

"I know I don't have a chance, but I just wanted to hear an angel talk."

Mike wrinkled his nose. He was optimistic, but he wasn't that optimistic. Dude, Edward Cullen you ain't.

The girl's expression went from neutral to amused to shocked as she realised that he was deadly serious.

"So you're new in town? I'm the go to guy for beautiful women around here. Any service you need I will be happy to oblige."

Something told Mike he wasn't talking about window washing and changing tyres.

Her brow twitched. "Swell."

"Hi there." Mike chose that moment to elbow his way past Hill. "I see the Welcome Wagon is already hard at work. Poor old Danny. He's enthusiastic, but you know..." He rotated his finger around his ear in the universal sign for crazy.

Hill was staring at him like he was a creature from another world. Behind Hill at Mike's table, Eric was standing up again. He caught Mike's gaze. You're going to die, he mouthed. Mike ignored them both and turned back to the new girl.

"I'm Mike. Mike Newton."

"I'm Audrey Reed."

Mike's lips twitched in a grin. Now completely elbowing Hill out of the conversation, Mike inclined his head to her. "Well, Audrey, let me be the first moderately-sane member of the student body to welcome you to our fine institution. Sometimes 'institution' in the purest sense of the word. Perhaps you would like to join me with a celebratory fry?"

Audrey looked down at her watch. She tried to disguise it, but Mike had experience in girls trying to shake him off. "That's really nice of you to offer." His heart plunged. It was girl code to let someone down gently by starting with a complement. He wasn't that obtuse. "But I've got some things I really need to do." You're both weirding me out. "I'll see you around, okay, Mike?" I'm using your name to make me seem friendly, but in reality I'm memorising it so I can avoid you.

Audrey Reed smiled politely, before grabbing her coffee and making a beeline for the door, continuing on her merry way, wherever that was.

Mike's shoulders slumped slightly.

Dan Hill snorted. "Real smooth." His voice dripped with disdain.

"I didn't exactly hear you composing sonnets." Mike snapped back. "What's the deal, Danny? Working on expanding your harem?"

"You are so heading for a bitch-slap."

"I might like that." It really wasn't fun to match wits with an unarmed opponent. With a small shake of his head, Mike headed back to his table.

"What up?" Eric asked. "Not dead yet? No blood? No exposed organs?"

Mike shrugged. "This is Dan Hill. He probably hasn't realised I've left yet." He drained his coffee cup before checking his phone.

"Going home for Christmas?" Angela asked. Mike nodded.

"Mom..." He said, and she gave him a sympathetic look.

After giving Angela a quick hug and Eric an affectionate slap over the back of the head, Mike headed out to his car, ready to begin the journey home.

The rain increased as he drew closer to Forks. There was probably a reason for the crazy weather, but whatever. He was close to the turnoff for Forks when he spotted it. A splash of colour against the grey backdrop.

A small, bright blue hatchback was pulled over on the side of the road, hazards on. As Mike watched, a small female figure with dark hair dragged a spare tyre out of the back compartment. After a moment's thought, he pulled over behind her and stepped out into the rain.

"Hi."

Audrey Reed looked up. He jammed his hands in the pockets of his coat.

"You want a hand?"

She pushed back her damp hair and gave a cautious smile. He mustn't have looked quite like a serial killer, because some of the tension in her brow lifted and she surrendered the spare to him.

"Dude, knock yourself out."Audrey invited, handing him her wheel spanner. Mike swallowed before taking off his jacket and rolling up his sleeves. Heavy machinery, hand tools, DIY and a pretty girl. All the ingredients to either impress or make a complete boob of himself. For a moment Mike hesitated, and sliced open his thumb trying to jack up the car.

He swore, and heard a quickly stifled giggle behind him. Boob it is then.

After grunting and cursing his way through several frustrating minutes, Mike finally had the wheel off. Now to heft the spare in place and do all the nuts up, tight enough that Audrey didn't have to worry about the wheel coming off. The rain had soaked through his shirt and jeans, and the occasional cold breeze caused his hand to tremor involuntarily and bang against the wheel arch. Needless to say, he was now in a foul mood.

On the other hand, Audrey looked perfectly happy that she didn't have to change a tyre in the rain, if a little guilty for exploiting the kindness of a stranger.

Finally the damn thing was on. With an exalted feeling, Mike leaned back to admire his handiwork. He smoothed his wet hair back from his forehead and slipped back into his jacket, which turned out to be not a very good idea as his wet shirt immediately soaked into the lining.

"There we go." He tried for nonchalant and missed.

"My hero." Her tone was light, teasing, and her smile genuine. Audrey's eyes were bright grass green, something he had somehow missed before. Mike felt his face grow hot and he rubbed the back of his neck, averting his gaze.

"So, you have family in Forks?"

"Not really. Sometimes I just... drive. Forks seemed as good a place as any."

Mike didn't quite buy that. Surely she could have picked a better destination, oh, like anywhere else in the state.

"I'm sure I'll see you around." She smiled. And Mike knew she meant it. Immediately he decided he liked her. She was the only girl he'd ever really encountered that spoke to him like he was as an equal. He was never going to be good enough for Bella Swan. To Jessica he was a wallet on legs, and even Angela had a too-smart-for-you vibe going on.

Audrey Reed beeped her horn at him in farewell and Mike lifted his hand to wave. Her taillights were red smudges on the horizon when he realised that, like the idiot he was, he had completely forgotten to ask for her number.