AN: Yes, another challenge inspired piece, this one based on NoDrogs' question "What would Kim do to scare a villain?" Obviously, I took it a LITTLE further than that… and spun off a bit from one of my own Two Liner Challenge entries as well. This one is M all the way. Legal at bottom.

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THE GREAT PUMPKIN STRIKES BACK!

A Terrible Tale of Tricks and Treats

by SHADO Commander

Part 1 (of 3)

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Kim Possible chortled evilly as she contemplated her revenge. While it might strike most people as odd that Kim Possible, the supposedly perfect little Miss Goody Two Shoes, was plotting revenge in the first place, those would be the fortunate people who had never encountered her "Kimness," the ruthless drive to come out on top that had turned a 12 year old girl in braces into one of the world's leading martial artists and superheroes. Those who HAD encountered the Kimness often regretted it, as when Kim TRULY focused on a single goal, she was more akin to a force of nature than a twenty year old girl…

And this year, in this week, on this day, she was focused as she had never been focused before.

It had taken a year of planning, with the vast majority of the time being spent on developing the holographic disguise technology that would allow the mission to go in the direction she intended. Wade had cooperated, partially for the sheer technical challenge, partly out of fear that the seldom exhibited super-genius aptitude Kim shared for science and electronics with her brothers would come to the fore and he'd suddenly no longer be needed, but mainly because his own moral compass had never been particularly directional. He was a hacker, after all, and in the time in which it took to argue about whether something was legal, he was more prone to have simply done it and then covered up his tracks than get into a verbal contest.

Ron, on the other hand, had said 'No Way!' and with Ron, so went Rufus. A shame, as the Mole rat would have been damned useful given the stealth required for some parts of the plan, but to coerce Ron would have entailed explaining a bit more, and the one thing that Kim was absolutely, never, ever, NOT in a BILLION years doing was explaining why she wanted revenge in the first place. That was something between her and the soon to be doomed invitees to her party from hell, with her own girlfriend taking the place of honor at the top of the list.

As noted, most people would be shocked to think of Kim Possible doing anything that wasn't lily white and crystal pure, but that would be because those people didn't know that for nearly two years now she'd secretly been doing something green and shady… since not long after she and a certain female villain had bonded; first while fighting off the Lowardians and later helping Kim get over the breakup of her relationship with Ron. Those same people would probably have been even more shocked to learn that a good part of Kim and Shego's relationship was based on consensual bondage and S&M… the same thing, as it happened, that had partially led to her breakup with Ron, who despite his Jewish heritage and magical monkey leanings had an obdurate and inflexible preference for straight missionary work.

But that was neither here nor there at the moment. Suffice it to say that Kim's best friend had remained her best friend, but he'd simply been unable to cope with the fact that her alpha tendencies had turned out to extend to exerting dominance in ways he'd never anticipated. With Shego, however, Kim had already had a long history of bashing the heck out of each other for fun, and with Ron out of the picture it hadn't taken much goading for that to progress to the next level. And then the level after that. And then, well… that had perhaps inevitably led to the incident that had prompted Kim's current plan.

Specifically: One year ago, the secret nature of Kim's relationship with 'reformed mercenary and professional security system evaluator Shego,' had been played brilliantly by Kim's current sexual partner when, after a particularly wild session in which Kim had duly taken her turn as the sub, instead of freeing her, Shego had instead donned an Elvira costume, then wheeled the naked, spread-eagled, black leather strapped and ball-gagged hero out into a large area where a huge party for Drakken's henchman and a number of fellow villains was taking place. She'd promised to bring a pumpkin for the centerpiece, it seemed.

Mortified but unable to do anything due to the bonds that she'd allowed Shego to put on her herself, Kim had spent the entire evening as the party centerpiece, canted at an angle so that everyone could see 'the Great Pumpkin's Crack o' Lantern,' which as the name implied, meant that Kim had had a lit candle in a place where no lit candle had ought to be. It had been the single most mortifying and humiliating experience of Kim's entire life… even if she had actually got off on it, just a wee bit… and the only reason she and Shego hadn't finally found out who would really win in a no holds battle to the death was that the green woman had had the foresight to install both EMP and Hypno cannons covering all the exits and had shielded the entire lair to prevent any cel or radio transmissions in or out. As such any phones or cameras that might have surreptitiously taken pictures of Kim as the Pumpkin had been empty or cleared of recording media before anyone left, while everyone who had been there retroactive found themselves with the memory of Shego making a rude presentation of some of Mrs. Lipsky's worst baby photos instead, so Kim's ultimate embarrassment currently lived on only in the filthy mind of Shego and her own. It had been a monstrously evil prank, but one that had been brilliantly conceived and carried out.

And as for Kim and Shego? It had taken six days of continuous tongue work and Shego's agreement to be lead around on all fours wearing nothing but a dog collar with a pink tag reading "Kimmie's Bitch" for a week, including a rather memorable tour around the grounds of the Global Justice building where they had almost been caught, before Kim had finally 'forgiven' her… but in the end both knew that they were never going to be able to find anyone else capable of satisfying their extreme mutual interests.

Which didn't mean, of course, that Kim hadn't still immediately started drafting the blueprints for the moment of her own ultimate payback. And even though the other villains might not remember NOW… and yes, she'd tested and was quite sure they didn't… that didn't mean SHE didn't remember some of the things that had been said, and Kim Possible was rather prone to carrying a grudge. So they were about to find themselves targets as well, the Kimness demanded it. Now, though, at last, the research was over, the planning was final, the seeds had been planted, the traps had been set, the mischief was afoot and so was Kim Possible as she sped on her way, delivering some very special packages filled with the finest, hand-picked retribution.

Had the world known, it would have been trembling. Instead, unsuspecting, it slept on, waiting to wake to what it thought would be just another day before Halloween… a day that, had they been wary, they might have recalled was often called Devil's Night.

And this year it would be a Devil named Kim Possible.

She had set forth as soon as the clock back in Middleton had slipped past the witching hour. As her personal mini/hyper/sub-orbital/jump/submarine/jet , which she and Wade normally abbreviated into simply the Slash Jet, sped from the breaking day on the other side of the Atlantic, Kim pulled up her schedule on one screen of the Kimmunicator and called up the first of the dozens of hidden video transmitters she'd been planting all week on the other. The one sad fact about her plan was there were only so many hours in a day and given that her targets were all over the world, she'd have to be satisfied with recorded versions of her victim's reactions. On the other hand, once they were committed to data storage, they'd be there for her repeat viewing pleasure whenever she had the whim.

The trip to England had been to pay a visit to Lord Montgomery Fiske, who had never felt the tranquilizer dart that hit him in the neck while he slept. His cadre of guard monkeys had been taken out by the simple expedient of a drifting balloon with a piece of cloth soaked in the smell of baboons in heat dangling from its string, which she had let the wind carry through his castle courtyard and out again, where it was pursued by Fiske's entire defensive force as it frantically attempted to 'get some."

As for Lord Fiske, what he 'got' was considerably more than he'd ever wanted. Waking up when the ringing phone jarred him out of a terrible sleep with what appeared to be an even worse hangover, he was shocked to find himself in a hotel room at what was obviously a VERY fancy hotel.

"GAH!" He screamed, but the only response was the continued ringing of the phone, the aural assault of which was such that he couldn't not answer it.

"YE… yes?" He whispered through his throbbing skull.

"Good morning Mister Fiske, this is room service. You asked for us to call before delivering breakfast for you and the missus?"

"I what?" Monkey Fist blinked like a goosed gibbon. "The what?"

"The Newlywed Morning After breakfa…"

Whatever else the person had to say was lost as Fiske finally heard the shower running, dropped the phone like it was made of red hot pig iron and shot out of the outrageously huge rotating bed like said pig iron had been slipped up his backside. His eyes quickly took in the empty champagne bottle on the stand next to the dresser, the… the obviously USED condoms spread across the floor and, in one notable case, hanging from a lamp, and the very, very LARGE articles of female clothing scattered along with his. The preposterously large panties with the DNA monogram… and oh dear Lord… HE RECOGNIZED THEM BY THEIR SCENT!

The city of Las Vegas marriage certificate was really rather redundant.

With a scream, Monkey Fist leaped out the nearest window, not bothering to open it, let alone put on a single stitch of clothing. It was only after he had plummeted approximately five stories that he noticed that he wasn't in Las Vegas at all, but rather a rather chic section of London where he often did business. Fortunately, there was still a large pool beneath him, but after falling twelve stories, even water was rather hard to take as he did the worst bellyflop in British Recorded History.

Cackling like a madwoman, Kim turned off the vocoder that made her voice sound like a young man's and switched off the video feed. That had been one of the trickiest pranks to set up, partially because it depended on her getting to Amy's lab with enough time to make the transatlantic hop and back. And speaking of Amy…

Kim flipped to the video feed of Amy's infamous Cuddlebuddy vault. Supposedly as impenetrable as that of her arch-rival in collection, Mr. Paisley, Kim had found it just about as challenging… which was to say: not so much. Now, summoned by the clanging klaxon alarm that Kim had just set off via remote control, a bleary eyed DNAmy staggered down the stairs to the underground bunker and entered the preposterously long entry code while performing both the fingerprint and retinal scans. Once that torturous process was done, however, it took her only a few more seconds to actually throw open the massive vault door and switch on the light.

Amy screamed like the damned.

Every single cuddlebuddy in her collection was gone. And worse than that, not only were they missing, but they'd all been replaced.

And what stared back at her, with their evil satanic eyes, were one thousand, two hundred and thirty three Major League Baseball Bobblehead figures.

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Legal stuff!: Kim Possible, Ron Stoppable, Wade Load, Rufus, Shego, Dr. Drakken,Monkey Fist, the Monkey Ninjas, Cuddlebuddies and DNAmy are all borrowed from the wonderful KP Universe, are the creations of Mark McCorkle and Bob Schooley, and are trademarks of the Disney media organizations. All use should be considered fair under current parody law, and is not for profit in any case. This story takes place at a time at which all characters shown should be considered to be over the legal age of 18. Also, it's probably not a good idea to stick a lit candle between your legs. Kim and Shego are professionals, do not attempt this stunt at home.