She started at the box sitting besides her desk. She didn't have to have x-ray vision to know what was inside, to know each and every content innocently lying in their own space. The past 12 years, she spent most of her days living around the contents, breathing in the space around them. And at the end of the story, she was the one that had packed them up from their original space.
Squeezing her eyes shut, Olivia took a deep long breath. Holding it in, she could feel the oxygen slowing running out, her heart pumping faster and her biological need for fresh air kicking in. But in all that chaos, she could still feel that hole in her chest. She took a deep breath while shaking her head to clear her mind. She had to move on. The Captain was right, he was gone.
Fin looked up from his file and instinctively glanced towards Olivia's desk. He watched her shake her head before picking up her pencil and going back to the forms waiting to be filled out. He saw the pain in the woman's eyes, he saw the way that she would look at her partner's empty desk and even though he never saw her break down after his departure, he did see the way that she was about to loose it every time Elliot's name came up.
He never said anything to her. He was more of an action person and when it came to emotions, he didn't know what to do. Especially when it was a bond as strong as Elliot and Olivia's.
There were rumors during their decade saying that the partners were involved romantically and sexually. But Fin never believed it. Not that he wasn't rooting for the pair to get together when Elliot's divorce was finalized, he did, he even placed money on it, but he knew, especially now, that their bond was something stronger. Elliot and Olivia were each others' rock, their relationship was what kept them both functioning.
Fin looked up when he heard Munch approach. He saw the older man look at Olivia before turning back. They locked eyes, both knew that something had to be done. Fin nodded and stood up while grabbing his jacket and keys.
"Find him."
Munch's two words captioned what hadn't been said in the precinct since Elliot's departure and now it was Fin's time to action.
Fin pulled up in front of a hotel. According to Kathy, this was where Elliot was staying after he moved out again. She said that Elliot changed after the shooting, there was something inside that was lost and when he finally decided to hand in his papers, he also moved out. It's really over this time, Kathy had told him. Fin had wondered if it was referring to the marriage or to the job. He supposed it was both.
After asking the lady behind the counter for Elliot's room number, Fin headed towards room 719, only then realizing that he wasn't sure what he was going to do. But he was already here and he couldn't stand to watch his friend crumbling down little by little in front of his eyes, he had to do something.
Fin knocked on the door once. Twice. Then started pounding on it when there still wasn't an answer. Only when he heard footsteps along with what sounded like vulgars coming from the other side of the door did he stop. The door flung open.
"What the fu-" Elliot stopped in midsentence when he realized who was standing outside his door. "What are you doing here?"
Fin ignored his question and pushed his way into the room, also ignoring Elliot's loud protest.
He looked around the room, it was a mess. If Fin didn't know better, he'd say that the room looked like one of a person that just encountered a psychotic breakdown. But then again, that was probably the case here.
"Now do you want to tell me why you're here?" Elliot said roughly.
Fin turned around to face him.
"Nice thing you've done with the place, Stabler," he said, deciding that he could skip the polite part, "Definitely better than the way you left your desk at the precinct."
Elliot opened his mouth to protest but Fin cut him off, "Look, Stabler, I know we don't get along and I'm not particularly sad that you left. But the way you did it was just crap."
"You're a coward, Stabler. Never once showing your face after the shooting and then turning in your papers like that? It would've been more civilized if you tried and said goodbye."
"Don't you judge me, Fin!" Elliot growled, his voice raising with every word, "I shot a little girl!" Elliot's face was twisted with anger and he was clenching his fists so hard he could feel the nails eating into his palm.
"Did you shoot a girl? Yes. Can you change that? No. But does that justify the way you handled things?"
"Damnit Fin! You don't know what it feels like to live every second of your life knowing that you killed a young life!" Elliot slammed his fist into the wall.
Fin could see the scratches on Elliot's knuckles, "You're right," he said, softer this time, "I don't know what it feels like but I do know what it's doing to your partner."
Elliot looked up at the word. His face softened.
"How is she?" he practically whispered.
Fin shook his head, "Not good, man. She's breaking down."
Fin saw the guilt and pain on Elliot's face.
He continued.
"She says she's doing fine but everyone can see it. She's not sleeping, she's not eating. She's not who she was before, El. We're all scared that she's heading for the worst."
Elliot slumped down on the couch in the middle of the room and buried his head in his hands. "I didn't know. I thought...that it would be easier this way."
"You remember the time Liv left?"
Elliot nodded, knowing Fin was referring to the time Olivia went undercover for the feds in Oregon.
"What you went through that time is nothing to what Olivia is going through right now. She's always had a wall around herself and you were the only one that managed to pass that and get close. And after twelve fucking years, you just leave. Without a goodbye, without an explanation. She had to clean out your desk for you because you were too much of a coward to come in and do it yourself. She was on the verge of breaking down when she was looked at the picture of you and the baby she help deliver."
Fin looked at the man that was slumped on the couch, almost curling up at the guilt and pain that was eating him away.
"Liv deserves better than this, El," Fin said, "I don't care how you do it, but fix it. Call her, tell her goodbye, give her an explanation. Hell! Do something! Don't just disappear from her life, thinking that this is the best way because it's not."
Fin pulled out a picture from his pocket. It was taken in jest just before Elliot and Olivia went undercover as a married couple for the baby trafficking case. The two had their arms around each other, showing off their fake engagement rings with bright smiles on their faces. He placed the photo on the table in front of the couch without saying a word and left.
He had done all he could.
It was up to Elliot to fix things now.
A/N I can't even...the departure, the season opening, Olivia's breakdown in the interrogation room and then how she cleaned up his desk?
But I'd be lying if I said that I'd stop watching the series, I'm really intrigued to see how they handle things and the two episodes that have showed so far are better than expected. So that's the silver lining of not being able to see E/O weekly, I guess.