Tension. That's all there was in the air - from their fingertips to their toes, they felt an ominous tone that was the beating of their hearts... Hearts that used to beat as one, as they both recalled painfully. They tip-toed around each other; Naya stuck with Heather and Kevin most of the time, while Dianna caught up with everyone else. They danced around each other, playing musical chairs with the cast and crew and of course everyone caught on, but no one said anything. It was hard enough to be reminded of Cory's memory while doing certain numbers and being on set with everyone again; one more heart wrenching memory was not needed to be brought up between the two girls.
They had avoided each other successfully for the first couple days of shooting the 100th episode, since most of Naya's scenes were with Heather in the beginning and Dianna had scenes to shoot with Chace and Mark. It was easy, to play this charade, but it was only a matter of time before they would actually have to look at each other and talk.
Naya sat in the cart waiting for two other passengers and saw Dianna approaching with Lea and all she could think was, "Fuck."
Dianna was laughing and smiling with Lea, her care-free spirit showing as they talked about whatever they were talking about. And Naya bit her bottom lip as she remembered why she had fallen for the girl in the first place so long ago. She missed her, to say the least, but she didn't feel any right to claim what wasn't hers anymore - perhaps someone that was never hers in the first place. She sighed as they neared her and turned around before their gazes could meet.
"Hey Nay," Lea greeted, taking the seat next to Naya.
Naya smiled back in her direction and saw in her peripherals that Dianna was avoiding her gaze.
"Of course," why should she have thought any differently.
"Hey guys," she addressed both of them nonetheless.
The ride to back towards their trailers for lunch was a short one, but it felt long because of the sheer awkwardness that was present. Bless Lea for trying to make conversation between them, but only one would respond at a time, not even acknowledging the other's presence. It was as if Lea kept walking into two different rooms when she had to switch conversations.
Lunch was nice and brief for Dianna. She got to catch up with everyone possible and laughed with Lea, Jenna and Amber again. Harry and Chord kept taking non-stop selfies and pictures of everyone - the two probably the most excited that the gang was all back together. She got to talk to Heather and how it was being a mom, though her personality hadn't even changed one bit. She got to catch up with Mark who had been enjoying the simplicities of life lately and of course had been surrounding himself with birds. Becca and Kevin had a twerk-off and everyone else in between was pleasant to talk to.
Now she was in her trailer, taking time for herself because she forgot what set life was on Glee. It was busy and nonstop, and someone she had been trying to avoid for a while now seemed to show up everywhere in her face. It was exhausting putting up a front, but it was her job - she was after all an actor. So she took the rest of the time that she could to keep to herself; to recharge the only way she knew how to: alone. In the midst of trying to recollect herself for what was yet to come, Dianna heard a quiet knock on the door of her trailer and was curious of who could've it had been.
"Come in," she called out, sitting at a desk with her laptop.
The door opened briefly, letting the bright Los Angeles sun in for a moment. But no brightness could ever compete with the person who was standing in her trailer now. Naturally, Dianna stood up, not knowing what the action would do because clearly she wasn't going to run and hug the person who just walked in.
"What are you doing here?" she asked calmly, taking a step away from the desk, closer towards to her guest.
"I just," Naya started off awkwardly avoiding those green eyes, "I wanted to see how you were doing," she shrugged. What had brought her feet to lead her here, she did not know. Perhaps it was the grace of God or fate pushing her to do something, but here she was - trying. Trying to do what exactly? That she didn't quite know as well. All she knew is that she missed the blonde - she missed being in her presence without the cold shoulder. She missed seeing that gleaming smile and hearing that laugh that caused her to laugh too. She just missed her.
Dianna sat down on her sofa and eyed Freddie laying down lazily on the carpet floor and she smiled at him, "I'm okay," she managed to say. As long as she didn't look directly into her eyes, she'd be okay.
Naya stood there stiffly, unsure if she was welcome to stay or if Dianna wanted her to go. She waited for another sign or for Dianna to say something.
"Do you want to sit?"
"You've been real busy lately huh?" Naya pondered out loud while taking a seat at the edge of the couch. She had been keeping tabs on Dianna through Twitter, seeing her tweets about shooting her new film, being the star of The Killers' new music video and having multiple photo shoots. Really, Naya couldn't have been any more proud, but it hurt that she couldn't express it any longer. She didn't feel like she deserved the right to praise the new woman in front of her now.
"You have been too," Dianna replied, looking at her shoes, "All of that plus wedding planning," she sounded calm, but knew what the effects of the last part of her sentence would have to the girl on the other end of the couch.
Naya swallowed a lump that formed in her throat as she stared at Dianna being so nonchalant about everything. She wasn't like this before - so cold and walls built up around her. But it was Naya's own fault - actually everything and everyone had faults in this. Timing, fame, fear and distance.
"You don't know how hard it's been for me without you, Di," Naya said quietly, "You don't know how many times I've cried myself to sleep because worst of all, I lost my best friend."
"You don't get to play that card, Naya," Dianna replied coldly, "It was your choice, your decision - you said yes to him," it was the first time she had looked at Naya this entire time they had been in the same vicinity together and God did those steel cold green eyes hurt.
"I called you first," Naya pointed out.
"Yeah, thanks for making sure it was you who broke my heart and not the paparazzi pictures you've been in lately," Dianna replied harshly.
"I wanted you to tell me not to. I wanted you to tell me you still loved me, damn it," Naya tried not to yell, but it was difficult, all this pent up anguish built inside of the both of them. Dianna was always better at holding her temper, "And all you said was congratulations."
"What was I supposed to say, Nay?" Naya's heart melted at the nickname - it had been so long since Dianna had called her that, "You ambushed me at like 2AM. Literally barely six months since you started dating the guy and you're engaged? How was I supposed to compete with that?" her voice sounded harsh, a mixture of anger and sadness, but she still kept her composure, "How am I supposed to compete with a guy who loves flaunting you around in every possible way? I wasn't ready to be public and I don't know if I ever will be," Dianna began to shake her head and shut her eyes, willing the tears not to fall. She stood up and turned around, "You deserve more than that. You like to shine in the limelight, while I like to stay hidden as much as possible," Dianna sighed and Naya watched as her shoulders rise up and down, "We've just grown into two different people," she sighed, a tear slipping.
"Do you still love me?" the sentence came tumbling out of Naya's mouth and ripped right through the thick hot, Los Angeles 'winter' air.
Dianna shook her head, her back still towards Naya, "What does it matter now?"
Naya took a few steps closer to her, "It matters to me," Naya's voice shook, "Answer the question, Di."
Dianna stared down at Freddie who was still spread out on the carpet, still trying to find some ease from the heat. She tried to focus on everything else, but the sound of Naya's voice in the way she asked the question. She was afraid to turn around and look into those dark eyes she could get lost in forever. What good would come of her confession? Nothing. Naya would still be with Sean and Dianna would keep her comfort in Nick. It would just make shooting all the more difficult - to leer at each other without it actually be acting, for the soft brushes of skin against each other to take her breath away during a musical number. It wouldn't be fair - it was never fair: being a celebrity in consequence of being an actor. Dianna loved her work and she loved her fans, but to be in the public eye constantly was something else. She was never keen on publicly parading around relationships, and that caused many of her relationships to end - but it was this habit that caused her to lose the love of her life.
"No."
It barely came out as a whisper.
And it was as if the only sounds audible were cars crashing, glass shattering, bones breaking, the earth crumbling - that was the sound of two hearts breaking in one room.
Naya tried to blink away the tears that were brimming at her eyes, but it only made them fall as endless tears seemed to cascade down her face. Thank God, she had some sense to bring sunglasses with her. She sniffled silently and didn't wait for anything else to come out of the blonde who didn't even want to look at her. Her statement was clear; Naya was no longer needed or wanted and she nodded her head in silence as a means of understanding. She stood up from her seat and made her way to the trailer door, but before her hand turned the door knob to make her way out, she looked back at Dianna, who was still in the same position, still staring at her dog.
"I still love you, Di," Naya spoke softly, her voice coming out ragged since she was still sort of crying, "Always have and always will." And with that she opened the door and was gone.
At the sound of the door slamming shut, Dianna could finally slump her shoulders freely and breathe - more like cry actually because as soon as she could, the tears came tumbling down. She sat down on the couch and clutched onto the couch's arm as if it would help ground her from the world that was now spinning. She wanted it to be true - she longed for herself to have that simple answer in her head - no, she did not love Naya anymore. But she was just doing her job - she was improving her skills - she was acting. The truth was, she wanted to hate Naya for everything she had put her through - publicly parading around with Sean as if she was trying to rub it in her face. Doing interviews and talking about nothing, but her budding love for Sean. Wedding dress shopping after only being engaged for what - a few days? A week at the most? Funny way of showing you still loved someone and always would.
Dianna wanted to hate Naya and had every right to, but in the pit of her stomach, in the back of her mind, right down to the core of her heart and soul, she knew that she still loved her. But there was no use crying over spilt milk, Dianna thought to herself. Naya had made her choice and Dianna made hers. She wiped away her tears and walked to the nearest mirror, wiping off any trace of smudged make up. Dianna took a deep breath and looked herself in the mirror. She could do this - she'd get through it. Only a few more days of shooting and then she could go back to being busy with her life and occupying her mind from wandering to thoughts of her.
Dianna sighed and looked at her watch. Still thirty minutes left of lunch. So she laid on the couch and longed to cuddle with Freddie, a much needed for comfort. And so she padded the side of the couch, whistled and called her beloved dog.
"Freddie," she cooed.
Freddie only barely moved his head to stare blankly at his owner, but laid his head back down in disinterest. The heat seemed to be unbearable for him, or perhaps something else, Dianna didn't know. It only made her sadder. And so she laid on the couch alone, and took a picture of her waiting for Freddie.
I'm not thinking that Freddie is riveted by set life. #willnotevenliewithme #lunchbreak
Dianna looked at the picture before posting it and sighed. There was an underlying sadness in her face, but if you just looked at the surface you couldn't read it. She was satisfied with it - it just looked like she was upset with her dog and it was fairly adorable. So she clicked post. She sighed again and scrolled down through her timeline on her phone. She was tempted to look at one person's specific Twitter, but willed herself not to. She knew the Breadstix scene was coming up soon and was praying to all that was holy that she'd get through it one piece. A nervous feeling settled in her stomach - she didn't even know how she was going to get through the Unholy Trinity scenes, but she would. She's an actor.
A/N: First one shot and first attempt at Rivergron - yay for firsts! I don't own that tweet - it is not creatively mine. Contemplating on maybe making a 3-shot because I have ideas, but it depends on how many people actually like this. I'll decide in a week because I don't want to lose focus on my other stories that I'm still writing. Well I hope you guys enjoyed - the absence of authentic Rivergron is painful and this drought is making me want to cry.