DISCLAIMER: I own neither Naruto nor Snow White

WARNINGS: Slight OOCness and mild Yaoi /Slash /Shonen ai

S n o w W h i t e S a s u k e A n d T h e S e v e n D w a r v e n N a r u t o s

Once upon a time in a far away land, there lived a beautiful princess by the name of Uchiha Sasuke. His skin was as white as snow, his hair as black as ebony and - after having indulged in his favourite snack of tomatoes - his lips were as red as blood.

But Snow White Sasuke wasn't happy for his evil brother Itachi kept him as a slave. He spent all day long scrubbing and cleaning for his evil witch-queen of an older brother, with never any chance of escape.

But one day all this changed . . .

Itachi's Tower

"Mirror mirror on the wall who's the fairest of us all?" Itachi cooed to his precious oval of magical glass.

"Queen thou art fairest here I hold, but Sasuke is fairer a thousand fold" This, not being the answer Itachi was expecting, caused him to turn his pretty face back to the mirror

"What?" he asked the mirror in a dangerously quiet voice "That's impossible! I'm the pretty one. Me. Uchiha Itachi . . . ME!!!"

The mirror held it's tongue, wisely, it turned out as Itachi chose that moment for a rage induced killing spree.

Sasuke's Room

Sasuke ignored the screams coming from the rest of the castle, simply admiring his new hairdo in his own, cracked mirror.

Damn I bet I look better than Itachi right now he thought to himself, and pouted quickly before anyone could see him.

How little he knew . . .

Itachi's Tower

"Huntsman!" Itachi called in a monotone - not betraying the rage he felt inside - and a spandex clad young man bounded into the room.

"Yes your youthful highness?" he asked energetically, wilting somewhat under Itachi's cold stare.

"I want you to take Snow White Sasuke into the woods. I want you to kill him and I want you to bring me back his lungs and liver as proof he is dead.

"As you wish your youthful highness!" Huntsman Lee replied and fled the room at top speed.

In the Forest

"Where are you taking me?" demanded Sasuke as the huntsman led him deeper and deeper into the woods.

The huntsman stopped and turned to Sasuke, knife in hand. However as he advanced upon Sasuke with his new and beautiful haircut, he faltered and fell to the ground in overdramatic tears.

"I cannot do it!" he cried "you still have such youth and beauty. Run Sasuke, as far as you can from your brother, and take this youthful squirrel as your guide!"

Sasuke, taking this perfect opportunity to escape from the strange green huntsman, tuned and sprinted as fast as he could away from him, the squirrel clinging for dear life onto his skirts.

The huntsman, on his way home, took a visit to the Sabaku no Abattoir and picked up the lungs and liver of a recent woolly victim of Gaara's to take home to Itachi.

As Sasuke wandered through the forest, cursing occasionally as his dress was caught on a tree, and wondering where he was actually going (the squirrel had deserted him a while ago now) he wondered whether if he looked pretty enough someone would come and rescue him.

"Well hello gorgeous". From out of the forest came a slim and very vocal pig.

"Did you just . . ?"

"Sure did. So what brings you here then?"

"Ugh. Troublesome." A deer appeared from across the clearing and Sasuke tried very hard not to stare.

"Shut it Shikamaru" the pig snapped at him

"Troublesome Ino" muttered the deer rolling his eyes.

But before the two of them could start bickering, two Wolves jumped out at Sasuke from behind. Their reward was a swift and painful kick in the face.

"Say hello to Kiba and Akamaru" the deer muttered again, nursing a large bruise on his head.

"Hn" was the raven's only reply, and after a few minutes of ignoring Ino the pig, three new woodland beasties appeared. One fluffy bunny was introduced by Kiba and Akamaru as Hinata, a large bug was Shino and finally there was Chouji the giant butterfly.

A long while later, the very un-sweet, un-cute and un-cuddly (bar Hinata the bunny) woodland animals had un-helpfully led Snow White Sasuke to a little wooden house in a small valley on the outskirts of the forest and told him to wait there for . . .

Something.

Never having been one to follow other people's instructions, Sasuke headed straight inside and immediately fell face-first across seven tiny beds.

Unable to move his weary bones from the tiny but cushy beds, Sasuke fell so deeply asleep that he did not hear the multiple calls of "Dattebayo!" that echoed around the valley. Nor did he notice the severe prodding and poking he was receiving from seven small, identical blondes dressed all in orange, with little pointed hats in the same terrifying hue, who seemed utterly bewildered by the strange - but undeniably gorgeous – male princess sleeping on their beds in their house.

However when one of the dwarven Narutos hit him particularly hard over the head, he did awake, and was faced with explaining his situation to the seven stubborn blonde dwarves. Once the dwarves had listened to Snow White Sasuke's tragic and melodramatic story, unsuccessfully attempting to cover up their tears, they agreed to let the raven stay, so long as he promised to look after the house and to cook and clean for them. Sasuke grudgingly agreed.

Itachi's Tower

Having happily devoured the lungs and liver of what Itachi believed to be his foolish little brother, Itachi returned to the mirror asking:

"Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of us all?"

"The fairest in the land can be found over the hills and far away, he is your little brother Sasuke." The mirror replied

The insane shrieking that echoed throughout the castle lasted rather longer than the previous time and so when Itachi called for his servant Orochimaru, the pale man ran straight to his side without question – the pretty queen did not need angering any further.

"You called master?" Orochimaru's silky voice inquired

"I want Sasuke dead"

"Such a waste" he murmured "But I shall do as my liege commands!" he added hurriedly, not even Orochimaru could last long under Itachi's cold glare.

"You many keep what is left of him" Itachi conceded with a malicious glint in his eye.

Orochimaru took the time to back out of the room very slowly, never taking his eye off the seething madman, before turning and running off to find his favourite disguise and capture his Sasuke-kun.

The Dwarves Cottage

Sasuke was happy, though he would never let the dwarves know it, and he was content to spend the rest of his life with the seven blonde dobes.

One day, however, a few weeks after his escape from the strange green huntsman, Sasuke awoke to a knock on the door. He had been told by the seven Narutos never to answer the door to a stranger, but this particular stranger was wielding a basket of the most delicious-looking tomatoes he had ever seen.

And so, ignoring the stranger's somewhat creepy appearance, he let the man in.

"So then child, how would you like to taste the . . . TOMATO OF ULTIMATE POWER? Guaranteed to make you the prettiest in all of Konoha"

Prettier than Itachi? Sasuke thought to himself, wide eyed inside

His fingers twitched desperately, attempting to get hold of this incredible TOMATO OF ULTIMTE POWER. His fingers were under control. Unfortunately the rest of his body was caught in a "mysterious" spasm, and so Sasuke lunged forwards, taking a bite out of the delicious looking tomato.

As he chewed on the delightful object, his heart began to feel tight and he heard cackling from the corner of the room

"Oh my beautiful Sasukekins" Orochimaru crowed "Only the kiss of your most loved can save you now." He bent over the fallen princess, eyeing him hungrily.

"Dattebayo!"

"Tebayo!"

"Dattebayo!" The chorus of Naruto voices were close within range and echoing once more around the valley.

"Drat! They're home" cursed Orochimaru, dropping Sasuke's limp body and fleeing back to Itachi as fast as he could.

Itachi's Tower

"Mirror mirror on the wall" Itachi asked for the final time before he broke the precious object. "Who is the fairest of us all?"

"Oh queen" the mirror replied "Snow White Sasuke lays dead and cold, now you are the fairest in the world."

Something vaguely resembling a smile flickered over Itachi's face, and the spirit trapped within the mirror shuddered.

The Dwarves Cottage

"Teme!" cried the dwarves as they saw their beloved princess lying cold on the floor.

No amount of prodding and poking could wake him up this time. Not even a sharp bash across the head from the most violent of the Narutos, followed by a sharp tap from the rest of them did any good.

Even after the thorough beating awarded by his seven blonde companions, Sasuke was still too beautiful to be buried, and so the dwarves created a sparkling glass casket to place him in.

They filled it with fresh flowers every day, and invited the woodland creatures to join them in their mourning for the beautiful Sasuke. The dwarves would mutter something along the lines of

"Bakka teme"

And:

"I really hated you" every now and then, but otherwise they remained in a state of silence.

Soon enough however a handsome grey haired prince from another land came by and spied the beautiful Sasuke.

"Well, well" he murmured "what do we have here? This looks like it's way out of your league" Prince Kakashi informed the dwarves, reaching into the casket for his prize.

Before the seven Narutos had a chance to even protest however, the pink haired Prince Sakura cam riding into view on her magically sparkling pony.

"I will claim Sasuke's first kiss!" she declared boldly, attempting to seize Sasuke from prince Kakashi, as the seven little Narutos ran around their feet yelling.

During all the commotion, the still unconscious Sasuke was dropped. He fell almost in slow motion, coming closer and closer to making contact with the ground until . . .

He landed on something soft.

Sasuke's eyes flickered open to see that he had fallen right on top of one of the seven Narutos and . . . their lips had met! Sasuke turned as red as the poisoned tomato.

"You!" he yelled, grabbing the offending dwarf by the collar of his hideously coloured jacket and thinking back to what Orochimaru had said, "do you love me the most?"

"W-what!? No way Sasuke teme! It was an accident!" the miniature Naruto yelled back.

Sakura sat crying in the background – sobbing over not having been the one to take Sasuke's first kiss – and being comforted by a particularly over-friendly Kakashi.

"Accident hn?" asked Sasuke "Fine! Then I'm leaving for Orochimaru!"

Orochimaru's Layer

"ACHOO!" the offending sneeze resounded around the dank halls of a certain someone's layer.

"Bless you Orochimaru-sama"

"Thank you Kabuto"

The Dwarves Cottage

"Wait teme!" cried one Naruto and Sasuke stopped, dropping his skirts "you . . . uh . . . you're always welcome at our . . . uhm . . . our house" he muttered holding his hat in his hands self-consciously "cuz . . . uh . . . you do a really good job cleaning, and, and – "

"Hn" Sasuke replied and hitched up his skirts again

"And we love you!" yelled another Naruto, eyes closed as he blushed furiously

"What?" Sasuke demanded

"C'mon Sasuke, don't make us say it again" yet another muttered and Sasuke's heart (leastways, what was left of it) melted enough for him to ditch his pride.

"I'll stay" he whispered, turning slightly.

Seconds later he was engulfed in a pile of tiny Narutos, who were delivering lots of tiny kisses as Kakashi and Sakura rose off into the sunset on Prince Sakura's sparkling steed.

Epilogue

So Sasuke stayed with the Narutos.

He had seven kisses good morning,

And seven kisses good night.

Seven sets of dinnerware to put out,

Seven sets of clothes to wash,

And seven meals to prepare.

It was too much, even for the stoic Sasuke.

"Can't you all just meld into one person!" he yelled as they got under his feet again

"well of course we can teme!" said one Naruto and in a puff of smoke there was but one tall, blonde, orange-clad youth and six of the seven hats fell to the ground. "What's up Sasuke?" the single Naruto asked, and Sasuke noiselessly motioned the fact that Naruto now stood a head taller than him "Yeah, well" he muttered rubbing the back of his head self-conciously, "It makes me shorter, but it's worth it if I'm not lonely by myself, right?" he laughed to himself "right Sasuke? Oi! Sasuke!?"

There was no answer, for Snow White Sasuke had collapsed.

And Itachi? Well Itachi got so mad when he found out his little brother was alive and still better looking than him, that he shrieked louder and longer than he ever had before. Unfortunately for him the shriek was so highly pitched that iot shattered his precious mirror.

As it broke into a thousand shards, one such sliver flew right out at Itachi and pierced him through the heart, killing him instantly.

And so, to end with the cliché of all clichés: They Lived Happily Ever After!

T h e E n d.

I personally think Itachi's the hot one, but oh well. It worked better for this story. I actually based the story on a doujinshi I saw, which was similar. But obviously I twisted and changed the story a fair amount, switching characters and stuff. Anyways, I lost the link, so I can't give it to you . . . but it USED to be on youtube . . .