Of course, I don't know let alone own any jrockers. This is just for fan's entertainment. Enjoy

When you love someone, you believe they'll be there for you forever. But when they're not you just feel lost. When they leave you, they take a piece of your heart with them. And you can never take it back.

My selfish thought is this; I would have preferred it if he'd died. At least he would have left me loving me, instead of leaving with barely a friendship intact.

I was sitting on the wooden steps, my eyes glued sadly to the cobble path in front of me, I hugged my knees tighter, shuffling my feet closer together as I heard his footsteps getting louder and louder. I heard my front door open behind me and Hitsugi step out into the autumn breeze. He walked past me without a word or eye contact. I shot daggers at his back as I watched him carry a brown, open cardboard box of stuff. I didn't notice what as I was too busy looking at him. As He turned round, I ran my eyes back to the ground, hoping he had noticed. He sighed and came to sit on the same wooden step as me, but right on the other end.

"You know" he began, his voice deep and serious "This is as hard for as it for you"

Hitsugi. You're 31 and you still don't get things like this? Or are you really trying to comfort me with that cheap line? Of course you're right, leaving someone you DON'T love is just as hard as having the person you're IN LOVE with leave you. Hitsugi you cruel fool… And yet I love him so much. His brown eyes, his chubby face, his piercings, his tiny height, how his nail vanish is always chipping, how he still wears tops with cartoon characters on them, how he always wears boots with to-knee shorts, the way he called me and our dogs a 'family', the way he used to kiss me, the way he used to take full control of me… The way he used to love me.

I hadn't felt his arms round me for weeks
I hadn't felt his lips on mine for months
I wasn't not sure when I last felt 'true love',

"Don't be stupid' I finally spoke after much thought.

"Asa-"

"The only reason this hurts you is because I'm keeping Soubi!"

"It does hurt me" Hitsugi insisted, his hands clasped in front of him as he tried to remain calm towards my anguish "I've been with you for 7 years. Lived with you for 6. Of course this hurts me-"

"No. It's just tiring moving your stuff."

Hitsugi heaved another heavy sigh, before shooting to his feet with little hesitation.

"I've got everything" I heard a hint of what sounded like sadness in his voice, but passed it off as fatigue "I'm going'

"Go then"

For a minute, Hitsugi just stood there, saying nothing but watching me. I looked to the side and ignored his gaze with what pride I had left.

"Maybe not like I used to, I still love you. As a friend" his voice sounded pitiful towards me. I felt the vomit rising from my stomach in disgust.

I snorted, lightly shaking my head "You're not my friend. I don't befriend liars-"

"How am I a liar?" Hitsugi scowled in offense.

"Every time you said you loved me in the last year…" my words stuck to my throat "Was a lie"

"I didn't…"

"You didn't love me? I knew it"

"No, I didn't lie"

"Yes you did" I finally look at me, doing my absolute best to shine with confidence.

This time, Hitsugi looked away and to the side. For a moment, he looked so young. He reminded me of when I first ever met him. He was just 20 at the time with blonde, shoulder length hair, much similar to his hair style today. For a second, my heart skipped a beat as I mistook him for the boy I had fallen in love with and chased for years before catching him. Then I recognised the difference. His hair was dried after so many years of dying, the sunglasses he used to wear were replaced with thick reading frames, one stud remained in his lip after he removed the other 6. His skin was now lighter due to him never going out and always working, his lips weren't chapped like they always used to be, and his face had matured. I missed the rebellious, baby faced, blonde boy I had fallen in love with. At that moment, I didn't recognise that man in front of me. Even so, I loved him no less as the boy. He was, of course, the boy but I could no longer see it. The shy boy had become a man, and now I just didn't fit in with his life.

"I miss the old Hitsugi" I blurted out unexpectedly.

The blond man turned his hair to me, his eyes wide, confused.

"You always say you haven't changed but you have. You've grown up…"

Hitsugi's face no longer looked confused, but tired and lacking-amusement.

"You're becoming serious… You're not who you used to be"

"I'm not an 18 year old Hide-wannabe anymore. I know what I'm doing in life, I don't need to rebel."

"And you don't need me"

Hitsugi covered his eyes, chewing his lip irritably. He removed his hand and slapped it on his thigh before turning his back to me "I'm going now." He announced and head off to his car.

I watched with gritted teeth as Hitsugi stomped over to the vehicle and hurriedly got in the driver's seat. I saw the cage in the back seat with his two dogs, Kokoa and Zera, looking anxiously out the window at me. I can remember when he got those dogs. They were company for him on long road trips and while touring. They were a loving piece of home. Hitsugi always said to them 'come to daddy!' and they'd scamper over to him excitedly, love in their eyes, adoration in his. One of Hitsugi's drinking buddies came home with him one night a few years ago. He'd watched my lover greet the pups with 'hello babies! Come kiss daddy!' before giving me a drunkenly-forced make out session. His friend, whatever his name was, announced I must be the dogs' mummy then. I was uncomfortable with that at first, but it became a joke between Hitsugi and I. It actually led to us getting Soubi together. Due to most of her documents being in my name, I got to keep her… I couldn't help but think Soubi would be lonely without Kokoa and Zera to play with.

I watched him as the car started off, slowly heading towards the electric gates. He stuck his hand on the window, the remote in hand. The gates began to slow open with a squeaky click as Hitsugi threw the remote on the grass and drove off. I hadn't felt alone for a very long time. At that moment, I felt like I was looked in the king sized room of torturous solitude and no one was going to save me.

11 years ago….

I stared across the bar at this boy. He had an excited grin on his face, his eyes sparkling as one of his companions made what seemed to be a very improper joke. His giggle was almost feminine and child-like, but so warm it melted away any ice I had in my heart. I wanted to talk to him. I just needed an excuse. I looked round at my band mates, all them had practically crashed on the sofa, a cloud of smoke above our heads.
My chance came quickly but I hesitated. His friends moved away, leaving him standing at the bar on his own. He drove his band into his pocket and pulled out a mobile before lifting his hood up over his head. I kept my eye on the baggy skull jumper as I slowly headed towards him, not even notifying my band mates. I went to stand about two feet away from his left and quickly caught the eye of the barmaid.

"What'll it be?"

"Vodka please"

"Straight?"

"Straight, thank you"

She nodded with a smile and hurried off. I moved my eye to the boy. The first thing I saw was a large amount of gleaming metal protruding from his bottom lip, causing it to overhang in a strange fashion. It certainly wasn't a turn off, but made him more intriguing for my eyes. He didn't seem to have even noticed me as he taped away a text. I swallowed and said the first compliment I thought of.

"Excuse me-" I said to him as bravely as I could, bending my head round a little to make eye contact.

The boy jumped a little, his eye-liner smeared eyes looking at me in almost alarm. His look was off putting, giving me the desperate urge to run away repeating the word 'sorry' over and over until I was out the building.

"Your jumper is awesome"

He blinked and then smiled his fantastic smile.

"Thanks man. It's old now though" he giggled

"Old clothes are always the comfiest." I beamed back "Everything I'm wearing right now I've had a couple of years"

"I hope it's been washed…" he winked, another giggled sneaking through his teeth as he lifted his pint of lager. "You're in a band I'm guessing"

"Yes. How'd you guess?"

"Two of your friends back there have guitars. That and one of them has red hair. You don't see than kind of thing much unless they are performers."

So he must have noticed me before now. I quickly became excited but did my best to hide it. Nothing screams creepy person like a clown grin and flapping arms…

"Well, I'm guessing that makes you one too with hair that blonde!"

"You would be right" he took his hood off and lifted up a piece of hair, revealing less than an inch of pink at the bottom "It's was all red originally. I've tried stripping it but that's what left of what wouldn't go"

"Why don't you just cut off?"

"I like my hair long" He sipped the lager "To tell you the honest truth, I have a massive head, right?"

I couldn't help but laugh at him as he turned his body to me, his hands either side of his head.

"And frankly I don't want everyone realising it. The more hair I have, the less people notice my big head!"

"So you're quite full of yourself?" he laughed half-heartedly before accepting my drink from the barmaid.

The blonde laughed "No no! Really no! Well, I hope not. I'll admit I'm an attention seeker. You see the piercings" He pulled at the single lip ring with his teeth.

"It makes you different. Who wants to be normal?"

"I'm a normal boy really…" he paused "Well, I'm almost 21 and apparently that makes me a man. But I can't see myself as a man"

"I'm in my mid twenties and even I'm not sure of being called a man. But I wouldn't want to call myself a boy either. My name is Asagi by the way"

"Everyone calls me Hitsugi-"

"Coffin?!"

"No no! It's a combination of two names and 'guitar'"

"Oh, you're certainly the creative sort"

"I guess I am" Hitsugi smiled, shrugging his shoulders "Can I ask you a strange question?"

"Go for it. Nothing is strange to me"

"What's it like being in your mid 20s? Do you feel have to get married and stuff?"

I wasn't sure what to say. He was right, it was a peculiar question.

"I'm not sure what to say… I guess the thought of settling down comes to mind more when you get older"

"And that's where I don't want to be normal. I don't want to get married and I don't what to be a dad. The kind of thing scares me."

"How does it scare you?"

"I don't know. I don't what to be tied down… That and… I know this sounds strange but kids kind of make me panic. Or at least if they are my responsibility... Say I was baby sitting. I'm fine with animals! I have a dog called Goron at home and two cats called Ichi and Ruru, and I look after them fine, but babies are too helpless… I can't even keep my house clean, what kind of dad would I be?"

I learnt so much about him in that speech. He was child-like, but at the same time mature. He was creative but down to earth. He didn't live in a dream world and saw all the realities of life. He was loving and caring but could hardly look after himself. He said he was normal really, but he was anything but. He was enigmatic and I wanted to solve that puzzle. But first I'd have to catch it…

Hope you enjoyed the first chapter! Please comment to say what you think and for encouragement to carry on! Thank you!