It was a question many a trainee had wondered, why did the majestic all-powerful Arima Cashew spar his pupils with a letter opener? Though many a person wondered it, not a one was brave enough to question the holy bespectacled man about his choice of sparring equipment, except for one.
"Hey Daddy?" A certain half-ghoul servant of the impressive organization known as the CCG questioned one fateful afternoon.
"I told you to only call me Daddy in front of Akira," The old man replied. "It makes her jealous." He had a dramatic flashback to their dating days in that moment.
"Oh Arima, your hair is so white. My hair is white-blond, if we had kids would their hair color be white or blond?" The hot young Mado purred seductively into his ear. "Shut the fuck up bitch, I'm trying to watch reruns of School House Rock™." Arima rudely picked up the rude cat and dumped her out the window of his lonely one-bedroom apartment. The pussy started hissing and used her deceptively long claws to cling onto the wall of the building.
It was brick.
"Damn it!" The green pixelated brick block disseminated into thin air and the cat was once again left falling to the ground at an alarming rate. Luckily, she was a cat and landed on all fours. Arima peered out the window sadly and went back to his lonely one-person folding chair to continue watching the School House Rock™ reruns.
"Conjunction Junction, what's your function? Hooking up two boxcars and making 'em run right. Milk and honey, bread and butter, peas and rice. Hey that's nice! Dirty but happy, digging and scratching, Losing your shoe and a button or two. He's poor but honest, sad but true."
The swagaliscious investigator starting breaking out some sweet hip-hop moves and doing the sprinkler while High Five watched in awe. His teacher really was one hot dogg™.
"To answer your question my young pure child that I hold the birthrights to," Arima stopped his ferocious washing machining much to High Five's disappointment. "I have no need for a letter opener because I can just do this." The hot ferocious beast of a man with the biggest ass this world's ever seen besides like Kan Kardazian cartwheeled off the glass table situated in the center of his office, double piked, and landed perfectly before readjusting his glasses. Arima walked over to a pile of reports he was supposed to look over but would most likely get Take to take care of, (that desperate son of a bitch) and selected a vanilla envelope from the top of the pile. With careful precision he angled the opening slip of the envelope perpendicular to his pointed chin, and with one swift movement the envelope was open. The contents of said envelope spilled all over the waxed floor of his office but Arima didn't give a shit.
"Wow." High Five uttered in amazement and pure shock. This man was a god, his razor-sharp chin could pop balloons or maybe even, if he tried really hard, those tiny little slit things in Capri-Suns™ you can't ever get the straw to go through because China obviously doesn't realize that those flimsy little yellow straws are circularand the stupid factory made cuts are not even bIG ENOUGH FOR THE STRAW TO GO INTO. GET IT TOGETHER CAPRI-SUN. CHILDREN ARE SUFFERING.
/bows and drops mic/
AN: I'm not sorry at all.