A/N: More crack stories. I got bored. Lol. Oh, and let's pretend that the Degrassi uniforms don't exist for this one-shot to work out. KTHNXBYE.

Disclaimer: Not mine. Shocker.

Chapter 1: Pink

Clare was having a good day.

"Clare! CLARE!"

She turns to see who was calling her name. It was Adam. He seemed paler than usual and looked extremely distressed. That can't be good.

"Adam, what's wrong? Is it Vince? What happened?" Clare asks, looking around for anything unusual or out of place.

"No, no… It's ELI!" Adam barely repressed a shudder.

Now that REALLY worried Clare. "I…Is he alright?"

Adam looks away. "He's…he's…I think you just have to look at him yourse…"

"Ohh, Adam honey!" A voice interrupts from the distance. It was familiar and yet unfamiliar at the same time. It sounded kind of like…

"Oh crap, hide me!" Adam hides behind Clare, cowering in fear. Clare raises an eyebrow. Okay, now everything was just getting weird…

"Adam, what has gotten into yo…"

"Oh my gosh, it's Clarey!" That same voice interrupted.

"Who's…" Clare looks up. She immediately regrets it because the horrible vision is now burned into her memory.

It was Eli walking side by side with Fiona. But Eli… oh god… that wasn't Eli. That couldn't be Eli. It just wasn't possible.

This Eli…This Eli had the biggest smile on his face. No, it wasn't one of those sexy smirks he usually gave Clare. It was a legit smile that, in all seriousness, looked like it split his face in half. It could only be described as a Rachel Berry-esque smile. Yes, Clare Edwards watched Glee but that was besides the point right now.

Right now, Clare was staring at Eli's attire. She was absolutely speechless. Instead of his usual Goth attire, Eli was wearing a boa scarf, shutter shades, a net shirt, jacket, sandals and shorts. They weren't even shorts that guys wore; they were shorts that girls wore. Eli did NOT look good in short-shorts. The thing that made Eli's attire just that much more terrifying, however, was the color.

It was pink.

And not just any pink.

Eli's whole attire was neon pink.

Clare didn't know whether to die laughing or cry blood because of the gratuitous amounts of neon pink on Eli. It really did hurt her eyes, though…

However, the thing that made Clare stay rooted to her spot and will forever make her speechless was Eli's hair. Gone were those perfect dark locks that completed Eli's former Goth image. Now… now, his hair was replaced with bleached blonde strands. Eli Goldsworthy was NOT meant to be blonde. It was just too horrible for words.

"Baby girl, I missed you over the summer!" Eli brings Clare close and kisses both her cheeks.

Clare could barely hide her shudder. She needed to get out of here NOW.

Eli removes his shutter shades. Clare goes wide eyed. Eli was wearing pink eyeliner. God help us.

"Now have you seen… there you are, Adam!" Adam flinches. Oh right, he was still hiding behind Clare.

Eli grabs the collar of Adam's shirt, preventing him from running away... again. Poor guy. "Come now, Adam. It's time for us to give you a makeover!"

Eli winks at Adam. He turns away from Eli to look at Clare with pure unadulterated fear in his eyes, begging her to come save him. Clare decides to do a rendition of a tree, ignoring the desperate mental message Adam was trying to give her. Sorry, Adam.

Adam tries not to cry as Eli hands him to Fiona and proceeds to drag him away from the only person that could have possibly saved him from his cruel and unusual fate.

Eli smiles to himself and even gives himself a mental pat on the back. He then turns to Clare, as if remembering something. "OMG Clarey, we should TOTES hang after school together! It'll just be like the good old days!"

Eli then gives Clare a bear hug and proceeds to skip away from a still stunned Clare. Wait a minute… Eli skipping?

Finally, Clare regains the use of her muscles and voices everyone's thoughts.

"What the fuck?"

Suddenly, Clare Edwards wasn't having such a good day.

To be continued...