The light snow, so cold, so unfeeling, and yet to get harsher. I could feel it getting worse. The sharp, aching, terrible pain. This was so strange to me. I could, feel it?
Spreading, splotting on me, the frost bite... It was so painful. Without you near me, I felt more sanity for the first time in so very long. I ran far far away from you. So far I got lost in my own woods. My very own land. This is we're I was born, and this is we're I would live forever bounded in cold weather. Trapped in the harsh winter I plunged myself into forever.
I guess you could say, "I actually do feel pain."
Chapter 1. Now That Your Gone...
One of my every day reasons is you. My reason for living, and keeping sane just a little bit more, oh, it was all for you my little one.
Nothing has been the same since you've gone away. My heart has changed. I've become broken and more a lone then I could ever imagine.
My little cup cake, you we're there to make the room light up with your deep red clothes. MY LITTLE darling, you made me smile for a real reason. My,... Latvia... My, love... My every day life and happiness... You've left me,... All a lone? Nothing, has been the same sense you've gone away...
It was, November 18. Oh my sweetest Latvia's birthday. You had a very big birthday wish in mind. And I knew it, you wanted to leave. You wanted to be with Lithuania, Estonia and Poland. My dear Latvia, how in the world did you win this time?
America stole you from me. I knew you would try, but he joined you? I wish to have you back, but I couldn't have you?...
You, My little cupcake, are my one and only Latvia. The one thing keeping my heart pumping. This couldn't change the way you feel no matter how many times you read this, or thought over it. By then, it'd be to late.
I feel, the love for your sweetness. How you would shake when I got near you. Your innocence as you slept fearing tomorrow... It was doomed from the start. I could have told you how I felt, perhaps the day before. But you wouldn't change your mind. It was the last chance you would have ever gotten to leave me. But, I also didn't see your freedom calling.
I was so blind, and didn't watch out for you trying to ask him to help you escape.
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I understand how badly you wanted to leave, but it hurts... IT Hurts, so... So, badly.
Latvia, I love you, I love you for so long. You healed me down to earth whenever I would hurt you, and you would scream, I would stop for you... ONLY, you. And I don't know what I could do without you. I would begin to lose my mind. I would drop everything and run away. I would try to get you back. I would crawl to you with tears in my eyes begging... Would I?
If I could, just hold onto you, for one last day, no surprises like that. Thats all I could want from you in this life time. I don't know much about keeping people around me. And I know I'm crazy, but if I could have you for one last day...
~ s~ n~o~w~
So, I ran away. I did. I didn't take a second glance. I just ran. I remember the tree I ran past. The cricked one that I always sat next to. It felt like it was begging me not to go with wide open arms.
You and I,... I would bring you to that tree, and we would "fight."
I never saw it again, that tree... I ran through the woods. Hoping to wake up, with you calling me to eat breakfast. But I would never hear that call again.
As I'm running I think back to the time you we're first mine... You dropped the vase I held so dearly. And I beaten you for it, you we're crying that night, and I remember Estonia and Lithuania trying to make you be quite and sleep. You weren't used to being hurt yet. I begin to remember a light cry in the middle of every night from sweet Latvia. My dear Latvia hated me, every day and every night. My dearest Latvia hated everything about me... Didn't you Latvia?...
Did you never ever love me, as much as I love you? I began to cry, my tears stung my dry eyes with the cold wet moister. I began to hate myself... I'm the every reason for everyone hating me. They tried, but I'm unbearable?...
At the thought I stopped myself and stared at a tree in the middle of the woods, and began to think to myself.
"Russia," I thought, "Where are you? What are you doing?"
"I'm running away"
"But there is nothing to run from. Maybe you should stop running away, and run to Latvia."
"Latvia doesn't want me. Latvia wouldn't ever want to be near me again."
"Why do you think that?"
"Why else would he have ran away from me? Why else would he be with America right now? Why else would he threaten to even go into war against me? Why else would he be relying on America?"
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My mind began to rush with thoughts of times, and I could feel the cold seeping in my clothes for I had left with no gloves, a hat, or shoes.
I looked down at my feet that we're now turning a bright red, and then brung my hands up to see them: they we're turning red now. I looked up to see my sweet Latvia in the distance far away by a tree.
"Latv-" I had almost shouted to him, but I stopped myself.
'Is that Latvia?' I wondered, 'Or is my mind just playing tricks on me?' I began to go closer to him: slowly, then faster, and then running.
"Latvia!" I yelled, and collapsed right in front of him. I looked up to a lie... Just a tree with a red bag on it... No Latvia, just this old bag.
My shaking hands grabbed the bag that could have been what I wanted, the bag that had the deep red that represents my dear Latvia. I sat back on the tree looking up to the sky.
I thought about when Latvia was mine again: the way he would make me food, and the sweet tastes he would make for me. Did he know that I favored sweet foods?
I thought back to the times I would beat him with no mercy. I thought about how I would dance with him. I was so happy, swinging my dearest little cupcake around, and around with a dip. He wouldn't smile at it though... He would truly make a small squeaking noise with his voice, asking me to stop.
I thought about how many times I forced his FAKE love onto myself and how badly he didn't want to give it. I never realized how pathetic that was of me until now.
"Latvia..." my voice began to fade from myself as more tear streamed down my cold face, "I know... W-Why you left me... Just give me one last chance to be with you," My hands covered my face as I shook under crying shock, " I would make us so good this time. I swear I-I can, but if you would only come for m-me,..." I looked up as if you where standing there, " I love you," my voice began to fade into a whisper, " so so much..."
My wobbling legs stood me up, and began to walk on my feet that where now beginning to swell up. I hardly had the energy and right eye vision at the moment to run. Honestly I had no clue we're in the world witch detection I came from, but I knew I could make it if my will to leave was strong enough.
~s~n~o~w~
It was probable three hours or more when I got closer and closer to the house for sure. By then my feet we're the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. I could hardly walk anymore. I was dehydrated and freezing.
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Chapter 2: Latvia?
I smiled as I approached the gloomy streets with my people covering it. I walked past everyone as if I was just walking down an empty hall way. I walk stumbling each time closer and closer to the boats. And I began to wounder if Belarus even noticed I was gone.
Sometimes she would come running after me, as if she truly did love me. The thought of this made me laugh in my head a little over the cold harsh feelings.
As I set a boat and took off I looked forward to you, my dearest Latvia.
~s~n~o~w~
It had been the middle of the night when I wolk up from the horrible stinging pain in my feet I believe.
My feet where beginning to defrost, and I could feel it like someone was doing it to me on purpose. I looked forward at the large mass of water.
"Latvia..." I frozen then began to sing:
"Bless Latvia, O God
Bless Latvia, O God,
Our verdant native land sod,
Where Baltic hero's trod,
Keep him from harm..."
Then skipped to the next verse,
"Bless Latvia, O God
Bless Latvia, O God,
Our verdant native land sod,
Where Baltic hero's trod,
Keep him from harm!
Our lovely daughters near,
Our singing sons appear,
May Fortune smiling here,
Grace Latvia..."
It had been a couple hours after that, that I then reached America.
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Forcing my swollen feet onto the, "Land of the Free," walking ever so lightly made it feel like I was stomping on glass and thorns.
It was dawn, and it was such a beautiful one... By the looks of it there was a rain storm heading for America's house. Maybe it would be in the noon, possible at 9:30 am.
I walked down the side walks, limping, to your house. I was the one who almost crawled to you. I was forcing each step every time getting to there.
~s~n~o~w~
It was noon when it started raining, thats when I got to America's house. As I walked up the property side walk, I began to feel numb, crazy and hopeless. 'Latvia wont want to come home with me," I thought, "well," I stopped walking then continued, "Thats not what I;m here for anyway,... Right? I just came to confess." I thought back at myself, "No, you came here to "beg" him to come back to you."
And just like that, I thought that I could now just start walking home.
But I was much to upset with myself to do that.
Being around my precise house was comforting and homey sometimes, but now: it's cold and unwelcoming.
I had just gotten to the end of the rode when it dawned on me.
"Russia! You want him, go and try to get him back, and if he doesn't after you tell him your feelings. Thats that, and you still want him,... start a war..."
I walked up to America's door, once again.
Next I knocked, once,... twice,... then rapidly going to 5 times. I heard America yell at the door, I could hardly hear him say, "Just a minute!" As literately a minute passes he opened the door. He looks at me with not an meditate reaction, but a very fast one.
"Oh, heh, Russia!" He began, "It's you... Look dude... Why did you come?" He knew I was here for Latvia but he asked anyway.
"I need to speak to Latvia," my voice cracked through my silent stare.
"Uh, yeah... One sec dude." he replied, "Latvia!" he called.
It had reminded me of the way I would always call to him to hear the sweet reply, "Yes, Russia?"
And thats what he did, except for one change, "Yes, America?"
It was his voice, the voice I had been dying to hear again... I felt as if I could die suddenly becoming flustered and very much more uncomfortable. I wanted to call for him, but I didn't. I just stood silent waiting for him.
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America watched my face be simply plane for the first time seeing it I could tell his knowing of my bad feelings, and even perhaps he got the feeling I had been, angry, with him. It was funny to think so, because: I wasn't mad at him, for some reason not at all.
"Uh, dude, there's some one at the door for you..."
"For me?" I could hear Latvia say to himself. "Okay, I-I'm coming!" He called.
The tears silently filled my eyes, I didn't intend this, to show him how weak I thought this made me look. Latvia came down stares and we all stood in silence as he approached the door. It seemed like he got over there in one second, but we were now with each other, in harsh silence.
"M-Mr. Russia?" Latvia said silently. I hadn't excepted him to say anything yet.
"Lat-...via..." My voice feel to a silent low, "I wanted to tell you, not to try to get you back, but..." tears that were forced back spilled out my eyes, " I wanted to tell you, that," I fell on my knees not being able to hold my self up anymore, " I need you Latvia! I can't be anything more than this moment with out you. I if you'll come back to me," I was now sobbing? "Then I would be everything for you, I could make you happy, I could make us be right this time. Latvia, p-p-please."
I couldn't tell anymore emotion than my own at this moment, I couldn't see the concert that I was once standing on, but now I'm meeting face to floor with it.
There was only silence and the sound of me sobbing, "Latvia, I know you don't want me, and you never did. I'm sorry for e-every thing I've done, even if you still deny me," It's almost like a force made me look up at him, he had that shocked face but I could hardly see it, " Latvia... Latvia... I, I love you so much... My heart is yours, even if you want it or not."
Latvia watched me, "Russia," He said, "I'm not coming back with you... I cant stand you anymore, and I've b-been trying hard to get away from you, and I'm nit giving up this chance to be free from you..."
My heart stopped, it truly did. I looked down at my self, time stopped, but you and America didn't, "Goodbye Russia..." Latvia said as America closed the door silently.
Chapter 3: No sign of life...
I went back to Russia, My mind couldn't get off of you saying, no. The word that now echo's through my mind with out feeling, just the coldness of it.
I honestly, felt I couldn't go on with out you.
The dark creeping in, stealing my every breath,
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stealing my very being, my everything.
I looked to my side, cold snowing darkness. I look up, the unforgiving snow falling on my face, the deep dark cloudy sky thats never ending. I wished to float up in it, and never come back down to this horrible place, maybe it would set me free, of myself.
I closed my eyes and ran back through my every thought of Latvia, if I could forget you, I would feel normal, I would feel better. I looked to the frozen soled lake. I walked to it, I could never get him out of my memory, he was the part of my mind that will come back to haunt me, in my dreams, in my random thoughts during the day. The beautiful curls in his pure blond hair, those wonderful blue eyes, that signal tear that would never fall. His deep red crimson clothes, that color that mark my mind. Latvia, my little cupcake, my vanilla cupcake with red velvet frosting. I love you so, I could never let go. You have every piece of my heart. My whole attention is for you.
I began to walk to the store. I went in and bought a kitchen knife. It wasn't for you, or America. I bought rope and duck tape. I headed for the ice once again. Once I got there I pulled out the knife and slipped out of my coat and shirt, then thew it to my side in the snow.
The knife shined in the most darkest beautiful way. I smiled and and broke the ice slightly cutting my hands, then I pressed the knife to my stomic carefully breathing heavily out and lightly in. I silently cut in, deeper then deeper... I slowly slide across my stomic as if I was going to preform surgery on myself.
This didn't feel good, it would never feel good. But I couldn't stop myself from doing this. I moved the bloody knife to the snow wiping it off there. I then took the duck tape and used the whole thing tying my legs together. I took the rope and tied my
arms together, but I was still holding the knife. I took it and sliced my wrist, deep, very deep. Then the other. I looked up at the sky, I began to feel every bit of pain.
I cant go on without my Latvia. Did he know this would happen to me? That I would do this to myself?
I began to cry, I scooted over to the broken icy lake. I looked at the snow that was now drenched in my blood, I knew I would stop feeling anything any second now, so in that time being I put myself into the water, purposely gulping it down.
The last thing of earth I see it the ice closing in on each other, sifting for no way out. My blood filling the area with deep red, and I close my eyes. Latvia crying because of me hurting him. Goodbye, Latvia. I love you so much.
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