This was inspired when I was reading the latest chapter of Adamo, by Andrio. So kudos to Andrio! And, while I was watching all the renegade moments on YouTube, I was struck by how less-hardcore/funny Shepard is when he/she is paragon. SO I figured I'd just make my paragon Shepard as such. Enjoy!
Kaidan sighed raggedly as he stumbled into his apartment. 'What a long day,' he thought, heaving out an exhausted sigh. Even though it was his shore leave, he wasn't without his troubles. First, his suspected senile landlord demanded a 60% increase in rent, the asari at the grocery store all but sexually harassed him, his transit ride was stolen by an elcor, and he was recently notified that his apartment building's water would be shut down for the next forty-eight hours starting tomorrow.
The tired soldier scrubbed his eyes before running a hand through his hair. He needed a drink. Or sleep. He couldn't decide on which to choose. Before he could, however, his phone began to ring in his pocket.
Sighing yet again, he pulled it out and pressed 'talk' before holding it up to his ear. "C'mon, c'mon, pick up, you damn-"
"Hello?" Kaidan answered, interrupting the speaker.
"Hello?"
"Who is this?" Kaidan asked, frowning lightly.
"Who is this?" the as-of-yet unnamed speaker challenged.
"This is Kaidan Alenko," the commander replied, suspicion creeping in his gut.
"Kaidan!" exclaimed the voice. "It's me, Shepard!"
Kaidan blinked spastically. "You're shitting me."
"I shit you not!" this Shepard said.
It was silent for a good ten seconds. "I don't believe you," Kaidan explained warily. There was no way this could be a prank call. Only a select few knew this number, one of those being-
"Okay, well, you have a mole on your fine right ass cheek, your favorite band is Led Zeppelin because 'they don't make music like they used too'," he thought he heard her mumble something like 'hipster'. "Your pinky toe nearly got hacked off by a deranged human three years before our Saren showdown-"
"Okay, okay," Kaidan interrupted, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"You're reaaaallly good in the sack," his former commander continued.
"Are you drunk?" he asked.
"Maybe, probably, wait. No. Perhaps. Just a little bit."
Kaidan huffed. This was most certainly not how he wanted to talk to Shepard after that whole Horizon shindig. Honestly he was expecting maybe a heart-felt dinner or somewhere quiet where the truth would finally be laid down. Not some drunk-dial.
"Look, Shepard, we can talk again when you're sober-"
"Aaggh wait, wait, wait! I'm sober! Hardly, but I need your help!" Was that desperation he heard?
"What's going on, Shepard?" he asked. Admittedly, his stomach was doing flip-flops at the very thought of her coming to him for help. Long, forgotten protective instincts stirred in his stomach.
"I uh… God, this is embarrassing. Look, can you bail me out of jail?"
Silence. Then: "What!" Kaidan barked. "What in God's name are you doing in jail?"
"Listen, it's a long stor- back off bitch! I was here first! No, I don't care if Enkindler Wrath will rain upon me, go snort your red sand you dumb squid- sorry, yeah, long story. I'll explain more in person."
"Who was that?" Kaidan asked.
"Some hanar tried to shank me for the phone. Can you hurry? The elcor over there is in heat and eyeing me in a way that is truly terrifying me. I'll pay you back when this is all done. Promise."
Kaidan, for the third time, heaved out an exasperated sigh. "Fine, I'll be there in ten minutes."
"I may not have that long," Shepard said fretfully. Kaidan merely shook his head and hung up. Of all the things that happened today, bailing his ex friend/ girlfriend/ lover/ commander/ he-didn't-know-what out of jail seemed almost like standard protocol.
It actually took seven minutes to get there, the speed mixed with Kaidan's anticipation to see Shepard again and to figure out what the hell was going on. Upon arriving at C-Sec, an officer helped him right away to find her cell.
"To think, the Savior of the Citadel being dragged into my jail, of all places!" the turian laughed. "She was pretty smashed. Kept mumbling about 'blasting collectors to China' and 'The Illusive Douche can suck it'. She's sober now, but boy, did you miss a show."
Actually, Kaidan was quite glad he missed that whole performance. In seconds they approached a cell with various aliens, all female, scattered about. A turian was shamelessly peeing in a toilet while smoking a cigarette. A quarian with various tattoo-like etchings on her suit was fiddling with her broken omni-tool, while a volus was trying in vain to sell her fictional stocks. A hanar was sitting in the corner, a spatula of all things, coiled tightly in her tentacle, while a particularly horny elcor sat in the opposite corner. And, as promised, was Shepard, looking entirely at ease on a bench playing some obscure card game with another volus. A complete opposite from what she sounded like on the phone.
It seemed like an eternity since he had last seen her, but the reality was really only several months. He wasn't sure why he expected her to look any different. Same tan skin, a few shades darker then his own. Same raven-black hair pulled haphazardly into a ponytail. And the same blue eyes. "Shepard," he muttered.
The legendary commander herself quickly looked up and grinned. "Kaidan! Thank god! You win, Tapila Don," she said, shoving her cards towards the suited-up alien. The volus only replied with her trade-mark inhale.
She stood up quickly and smirked at the turian officer at Kaidan's left. "I told you someone would come for me."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," the turian grumbled, opening the cell's door and allowing Shepard to step through. Almost reflexively she slipped to Kaidan's right, their arms practically touching.
"C'mon, let's pay your bail and get you out of here," Kaidan muttered. Shepard 'hmm'd' before following the turian to the front desk.
While their paperwork was being filed out, Shepard and Kaidan sat side by side in the uncomfortable plastic chairs in the lobby. It was probably an odd sight, seeing two galactic heroes both in civilian dress, and both extremely tired.
"So what the hell happened?" Kaidan asked.
Shepard pursed her lips, highlighting a cut that had never been there before. "Well I was at Dark Star, y'know, gettin' a drink. Then this damn girl was getting all in my face because apparently her boyfriend has a crush on me. Or some weird shit like that. Anyways, I punched her in the face."
Kaidan stared at her incredulously. "Shepard, you can seriously go to jail for doing that."
Shepard 'pffff'd. "First of all, she shoved me, so technically she had the first hit. Second, I'm a Spectre, so yeah." Kaidan rolled his eyes, hoping she wasn't about to start abusing her power. And when the hell did she get re-instated as a Spectre?
Kaidan continued to stare. "Why did you call me?"
Shepard shrugged. "Well, I knew you were on shore leave, Anderson was not so subtle in pointing that out. I didn't want to contact my crew, because they're all asleep. Plus, Miranda would give me her 'I disapprove' look, which I am in no shape to handle right now."
"So you decided to bother me," he deadpanned.
Shepard's chin raised a fraction. "Can't I use a horrible night as an excuse to see my…"
she paused. "What terms are we on, exactly?"
"I dunno," Kaidan mumbled, scrubbing his face with his hands.
"We should probably work on that," she said, sighing.
"Yeah, probably."
"Shepard, Terra!" a tired looking turian called from the desk. The commander stood up in a swift movement and retrieved the paperwork. Filling it out took an oddly short amount of time, and soon the two soldiers were outside of C-Sec and into the sleepy Citadel.
Shepard quickly activated her omni tool. "Alrighty, what's your account number? To repay you for the bail," she said, noticing his puzzled look.
"Oh, you don't need too, Shepard. Consider it payment for all that equipment you gave me during the hunt for Saren."
Something flickered in Shepard's eyes, but it was quickly gone. "Well… okay then. I uh… yeah. Thanks so much, Kaidan." She was in the process of raising her arms to give him a hug, but quickly realized that that wasn't entirely appropriate. Instead, she gave him a rather awkward pat on the shoulder. "I'll see ya…"
And with that, she turned and walked away. Kaidan's stomach twisted with unease. "Hey, wait. Wait, Shepard!" he shouted. She turned around, looking expectant.
"Seeing as you really have nothing to do," he wasn't entirely sure of that, but his confidence was spiking at the moment, "wanna get some coffee?"
She snorted. "What café is open at this hour?"
He grinned. "I know a few places."
The legendary warrior grinned back. "I'd love too."
It was six in the morning, and Miranda had absolutely no idea where the hell Shepard was. EDI reported that the woman left at nine last night and hadn't been seen since. Losing the single-most important person in the galaxy was not something on her to-do list that morning. Call her a mother-hen, she was entirely aware of just how much trouble Shepard could cause, should she feel like starting any. Just before the ex-Cerberus operative had a total biotic freak out, the Normandy's doors opened to reveal a very pleased looking Shepard. Her hair was in disarray and her clothes were extremely wrinkled.
"Where were you?" Miranda asked.
"I got into an extreme poker game with some elcor. We literally finished like ten minutes ago." She passed her without as much as a glance.
Miranda decided not to push it, as Shepard was obviously in too much of an elated mood to care about anything at the moment. Whatever had happened, Miranda was sure she'd see it on the news in a couple hours.