It was his first time flying out of the practice range and it was going to be his first time attacking something aside from a simple target. Something alive. He didn't even know what this 'thing' was, his superior's orders had been vague. Just kill it. That's all he had been told. The reason that this was Cranky's first real job was because he was a monkey. A monkey who worked among carnivorous humans. They said he smelled, but despite this,
every time Cranky passed by any of them, he could swear they were drooling and they way they looked at him during those passings was anything but nice. Kind of creepy, actually. Because of their dislike of other species, it was very tough for him to advance, but today was an emergency and there was a serious lack of men, so he was put on the job. Despite the fact that he was treated horribly, he had never dreamed of quitting. His new found love for flying was too strong to be broken by a few scary glances and puddles of drool. Cranky was going through something of a mid-life crisis, and had decided on a whim that he was going to fly, and joining the airforce was the simplest and most useful way he could think of. Cranky looked directly ahead of him and couldn't believe his eyes. It was a gorilla. A giant one, at that.
And it was standing on top of the Empire State Building. 'Holy bananas, that is one beautiful primate...', Cranky thought as he became closer and closer to the gorilla. Then it occurred to him what he was expected to do. They wanted him to kill this magnificent creature. Suddenly, his 'comrades' were mercilessly shooting at the innocent gorilla. Cranky jumped out of his jet in the general direction of the gorilla, and with the aid of a convenient gust of wind was sent flying directly towards the gorilla. He could tell he wasn't going to make it all the way and looked up. The gorilla looked at him and their eyes met. They both knew it at the same time - this was love at first sight. The gorilla reached out and pulled Cranky to him just in the nick of time. "I am King Kong," the gorilla, now known as King Kong said.
"My name is Cranky, it's a pleasure to meet you," Cranky replied, with a blush the shade of Diddy Kong's hat. "So, um, whaddya say we blow this joint and have some lunch together..?" King Kong scratched his head awkwardly as he said this.
"You bet your baby blue eyes I do!" Cranky said with glee, as he invited himself onto King Kong's furry back.
"Hold on tight!"
King Kong jumped off the building, with his arms and legs outstretched and a smile on his face. He appeared to
be waiting for something as he floated in the air for a moment, before he and Cranky began to fall at an alarming rate, towards the pointy
tree tops in central park below them.
"Is this supposed to be happening?!" Cranky shouted.
"Uh...not exactly..ooog...the birds were supposed to grab me by my fur and carry us to paradise"
"What the hell are you talking about?! BIRDS? Carry? YOU"
"Hey.. it happens all the time! Like in Cinderella! They totally carried her dress that way"
"A dress. A DRESS. You're... what? Only over a million times bigger than that. NITWIT"
"Shut up, you old geezer! I thought you loved me! and I wasn't talking about sparrows here, I meant OSTRICHES! So there"
"Ostriches can't fly! Do you even HAVE a brain in that oversized head of yours? Now we're gonna die! And to think I ever loved you.. disgusting"
"...well, you smell! and I never loved you! For one, you're older than King Tut! and as dusty as him, too"
"You really feel that way about me? Fine then, take this!"
As he said that, Cranky bit King Kong as hard as was possible with his dentures. As a result, King Kong screamed in fury, wrenched Cranky off his back and threw him under his armpit and pulled his arm down. There was a small CRUNCH and a little SPLAT and maybe a tiny SQUISH. King Kong raised his arm and threw his head back in disgust. "Oh, great. He didn't tell me he wore diapers! Ew... that is gonna leave a stain, damn him and his non-potty trained-ness! Anyone got a wet one? Maybe a little so-- AHHHHHHH!"
Those were King Kong's last words as his plummeled through the trees of the park and so far deep into the ground that he ended up in China, where he had to shave his entire body to get rid of the smell and stain of Cranky's diaper. Afterwards, he just looked like a giant and was hired to play the part of Hagrid's brother in the next Harry Potter movies. He became famous and forgot all about Cranky and lived happily ever after.