'As you walk to the podium your hands begin to sweat and you have trouble breathing.'
"It's your turn pube-head." Zapp poked fun at me, nudging me with an oddly light amount of force. I let out a small awkward cough as the other Libra members starred directly at me, holy hell, I was nervous. I was somehow put into the position of having to represent Libra in a blood breed custody case. The police wanted a good reason to hand the man over to us, and I was pushed out of my comfort zone and forced to speak in front of an entire task force.
When I told Klaus I really didn't want to do it, the look of disappointment on his face almost made me piss myself. I'd never seen him like that and it was actually scary. After a little hassling from the others, I decided to do it, but I'd never been good at public speaking. I was already an emotional wreck. When I was younger I'd always stumble over my words and get bullied for it, which was what caused most of my social anxiety. And the panic attacks. Oh, the panic attacks. Just thinking about it made my stomach churn. I can't do this.
Zapp practically pushed me up out of my seat when I hesitated in thought. I bit down too hard on my lip, the metallic taste of blood filling my mouth as I walked. I kept my head low, they were all starring, weren't they? I can't do this. My hands began to shake, a cool sweat dripping down my face. I can't do this. I shut my lids even tighter then before, my whole body beginning to lightly shake. I can't do this. As I took a step up, my breath hitched as I let out a shaky exhale. I can't do this. My chest felt like it was being held down by a boulder. I... can't do... this. I began feeling light-headed, my breathing becoming more labored as I turned to 'look' at the large room full of people. My heart skipped a beat, hell, my heart stopped altogether.
I felt sonic gently tugging on my leg, almost urging me to get off the podium. I couldn't breathe. Even with the 'All Seeing Eyes of God' my vision through my eyelids went hazy. The last thing I could see was the worried face of Libra as I collapsed and Zapp let out a loud curse. I'm not sure who ran to my side first, but I wasn't unconscious. "Leo!" I could hear Zapp yell relatively close to me. "Leo get up!"
"Is he breathing?" It was Chain, I think. Her voice wasn't as collected as normal. If anything, it almost sounded panicked. I couldn't see, I could barely hear, and I defiantly couldn't breathe. I can't believe it. I just had a panic attack in front of everyone, hyperventilated, and collapsed. This was going to give the police the worst impression. They would think we were unfit to take care of any blood breed for that matter, what the hell had I done? These thoughts just made me wheeze harder, gasping for air as I could hear muffled talking around me.
I could make out K.K. saying, "Leo you need to breathe..!" In a frenzied way. I couldn't focus on anything, I was just trying not to die at the moment. I could just make myself faint, right? That sounded horrifying... I started coughing, completely cutting off my breathing.
"Should I call an ambulance?!" I heard a male voice scream. I was pathetic, wasn't I? I wonder how Michella would feel if she saw me like this. I know I'll wake up in a hospital bed the next morning and question why I even try to be brave anymore, but then I'll remember Michella, right? That's how It's always happened. Everything was going to be alright, just like the times before. Trying to say that with the agonizing pain in your chest is definitely a difficult task. I was going to pass out, any second now the pain would stop. Just like before. Right? Nothing changed. In the past year, nothing changed. I didn't change. Yes, I was pathetic. I could answer that for myself.
Finally, everything went black and my mind began to wander without the nagging exhaustion and pain. What if Michella died? What would I do then? She's all I have, I'd have no reason to be in Hellsalem's lot, would I? If our theories were right, I'd also lose the All Seeing Eyes. Then what? I'd be useless to Libra, no one would care. Yeah, that's right, I'd be all alone, wouldn't I? I just wanted to cry, but that's a little difficult to do when your unconscious. I wanted to know that the Libra members cared about me. I wanted to believe that everything they said about Zapp caring was true. I wanted to believe that I wasn't just a tool. I just... didn't know how to. Nothing they told me ever felt right, I never felt right. Maybe I was going crazy. Maybe I have some disorder that makes me contradict everything I say. Maybe something was wrong with me. Yeah, a disorder. OCD? Anxiety? Depression? Or maybe... maybe I just overthink things.
Everyone has their off-days. Everyone overreacts at some point. Maybe I just overact more than others. Maybe I have more off-days then other people. Nothing is wrong with me, I'm just being human. I'm satisfied with that. And to be honest, when I saw all the members of Libra by my bedside when I awoke, I couldn't be happier.