FYI: This story is not in chronological order, thank you.

Johnny and Edgar

Ring . . . Ring . . . Riing—

"Think of it this way! I'm eliminating you from the superficial equation of society. It's all really very- uh . . ." Johnny paused, his hand poised on the lever labeled:Danger High Voltage; about to end the delicate human life attached to it. But, he turned his head toward the nearby staircase instead.

Ring . . . Ring

Edgar. He sighed.

"Would you please excuse me? If I don't pick up the phone, he'll just keep calling and the ringing is irritating."

His captive nodded wildly, the electrodes jammed into his gums swinging back and forth. Johnny hadn't waited for a reply though. He walked up the stairs following the sound of the phone; the hallway led him to a room with a single couch, a simple black phone balanced on the arm. He couldn't remember ever visiting this room before, but that didn't exactly surprise him. The phone continued ringing as he stood over it, and he knew it would keep ringing until he answered it. Edgar, he knew, was in a persistent mood.

"Edgar," he sat down on the arm of the couch.

"Someone left the cake out in the rain/I don't think that I can take it/Cause it took so long to bake it" Edgar sang soulfully out of key.

He crossed his legs trying to get comfortable. This would take awhile and Edgar was a horrible singer. Johnny hoped he wouldn't hold the last note.

"And I'll never have that recipe again/Oh no!" His voice cracked.

Johnny winced. "Are you done?" There was a heavy silence on the other line.

And then a barely audible, "Hi, Nny. I-I wanted to speak to you."

Johnny could envision Edgar sitting in his living room, pupils dilated, his normally poor vision worsened by the absence of his glasses and plagued by vivid open eye hallucinations.

"Saw them again . . ."

The kids, he always saw those kids.

"They ate ice cream on some steps and I thought of Barney."

Johnny could hear Edgar mumbling quietly to himself, "Oh, forgive me sir, Earthlings tend to be clumsy. It's just that aardvark keeps stepping on my foot, and, yes, yes, i-it keeps freezing over. . . wait . . . don't . . ."

Acid, Johnny concluded.

"Took a lot, maybe even too much . . . No, no, yes I'm sure I took a lot. Mmhmm . . ." Edgar's voice went from normal to high pitched as he spoke, Johnny smirked.

"Yeah, yes I saw them. I see everything but, I also saw them. I saw them before I see everything. Since everything and them are two difffffferent things. Umm, if I'm talking to much just tell me to shhh . . ."

"Okay. How much did you take Edgar?"

"A lot, coulda been too much. Mighta been too much."

Johnny's eyes shifted around the room. He wasn't worried or anything but if Edgar said he took a lot that meant that a normal person would probably have either killed themselves already or would be high for the rest of their life. For as long as he'd known Edgar and for all the drugs he had seen him ingest, never once had he overdosed. It didn't seem to matter how much he took, of course he would get cramps and headaches, insomnia and withdrawal. But, never a seizure, never a trip to the hospital, never a fatal leap out a window.

"Nny, I took too much, too much. I want to be done now, I'm tired. How long have I been going, mmm . . . the clock says, half past forever and a quarter till four seconds. I'm not having fun anymore, I took too much. I think I'm gonna die, I am gonna die, oh no, I'm gonna die."

"Edgar, you never die, so stop freaking out." There wasn't a lot he could say to talk Edgar down. Besides, when he got to this point he would normally start coming down.

"No, this time it's different. Thi-this time I'm gonna die. Nny, Nny I am going to die!"

Johnny laughed derisively. "I've tried killing you Edgar. You don't die." That probably wasn't the best thing to say, but oh well. "You took the acid for those kids right. You took it cause you wanted to see them. I know you already did but, try thinking about them again."

Silenced stretched like an elastic waistband.

"Edgar?"

"Shh. They're sitting."

Johnny always got a little jealous when Edgar would talk about those kids; he couldn't help it. It sounded cool to be able to control something in your life. Yes, they were figments of Edgar's imagination but, Johnny had those too and he couldn't control them. Shit, he couldn't even control himself.

"Watching T.V. in the dark, how boring. Hey, hey, Johnny did I tell you that, haha wh-when the horned one gets ice cream i-it melts before he can even get it to his mouth. D-Did I tell you that?" Edgar was giggling to himself quietly like he was trying not to be heard. Johnny couldn't help but laugh with him. "Bleh, just like that. J-just turns to ice creamy soup. Souup!"

"Really, everytime?"

"They should play video games or something. Aren't they bored, they look tense. Its do dark in that room is it night time already? What are they watching anyway, it can't be that interesting? The one with the horns isn't even paying attention to it. He's just staring at the little one. How can he not notice that, when someone is staring at you that hard you notice? I'll make him notice." Edgar rambled on.

Johnny listened trying to picture the situation in his head.

"Hee hee, he looked all bashful when he saw him. Wow, that's kinda gay. I'm getting tired and itchy. Johnny! Look, look, watch this!"

Quiet, and then Edgar burst out laughing.

"Did you see that, did you see that? Haha!"

"What? What, happened?" He had gotten a little excited.

"I made the little one get up and run out the door screaming. He thinks he's bein' chased by rabid dogs but, there's no dogs . . . I'm funny."

"Ooh! What's the other one doing?"

"He disappeeeeeeeeeeeeared! Where did he go? Where did the room go? Oh, oh crap, where did my high go?"

"Hmm?"

"No, no. Nooooo! No, no, no. Aguhh! The pain!"

There was a startling, clatter as the phone was most likely dropped. Cramps, Johnny assumed. That was the one thing Edgar couldn't manage to avoid, horrible, painful, muscle tearing, cramps. And the more he took the worse they were.

"Ouch! Oh . . . mmmhgh . . ." Edgar diwindled off.

Johnny could hear him still faintly groaning and shifting around on the floor next to the phone. He briefly and as covertly as possible, considered the idea of visiting Edgar. Just to make sure he hadn't fallen weird on his arm or something, he wasn't worried or anything.

"You should go make sure he's okay."

Surprised, Nny looked around for the source of the voice. "Nailbunny?"

"You should go see." The tiny rabbit head floated out from behind Nny.

Nny, looked at the phone that was still in his hand. "He's usually, okay though."

"Usually." Nailbunny, emphasized.

"Don't listen to the bunny carrion, Johnny. Remember that guy is still hooked up down stairs. You know the one that called you bulimic." Mr. Eff's voice drifted out from a darkened corner of the room.

"It doesn't matter anyway. The druggie is wretched, he will only cause you pain. You can't have anyone else hurting you, it's better just to end it." Psycho Doughboy's voice followed.

"You know not to listen to them, Nny."

Nny turned his attention back to the floating rabbit head. The sound of Edgar's pain filled cries reaching his ears again.

"Shut up, you dead verminy thing."

"Listen I'm your friend, Nny. Ignore the acid head."

"I'm leaving." Johnny didn't bother hanging up the phone. He left the room ignoring reproachful comments from the doughboys. Johnny wasn't worried as he headed to Edgar's house; he was just going to check.

Author's Note: Ok, I know this makes no sense. BUT! Blah blah blah blah crazy blah Johnny OOC blah response to flame blah blah explanation blah blah void promise to make it make sense blah blah blah.

This note was full of my crazy, I have censored the crazy. The crazy was pointless and therefore not worth your time. Hopefully you enjoyed this crack enough to venture onward. Let me know if you liked it.